I was somehow pulled into my own head. A part of me recognized that to be the truth behind what happened, the same part that knew that I was actually still walking up the side of the mountain with my brother clutched to my chest, and the same part that knew that everything that happened after wasn't actually real. But by god, if it didn't feel real…
This is the part where it all gets a bit strange, but I swear this is what I saw. I do not exaggerate to any degree. And to be honest, I wish I was. Much of it is hard to remember. Even now, I don't like thinking about it. But, I've made it this far, I might as well finish this story.
I can already tell you're not going to believe me, so I'll say this: you humans have such a very loose grasp of magic and what it can do. Its very nature defies the logic you cling so tightly to. And the nature of souls is stranger still. You really shouldn't even be surprised that something like this could happen… Even if I find myself doubting it sometimes.
But, wish as I might that it was real or not real, wishes don't change the truth. They don't change memories…
I'm stalling, I realize that. I've never gone this far when reliving this tale to myself. I always stop somewhere in the middle, when I could still hold in my head that things were alright, that things could get better. Why am I saying all of this now, I wonder. Why am I even bothering? Why force myself to relive this pain on top of all the others?
No, this needs to be remembered. I'm the only one left who was there, and someone needs to hold on to the truth. Let's get this over with.
It's not that hard, really. Hide the pain, put on a smile, and start the show. Just like Chara taught me.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is how I died.
.
The first place I found myself was the castle. I took in the familiar stone walls with confusion. I was somewhere on the middle levels, in a part where Chara and I would often come to play because it was often empty and far away enough from mom and dad that they wouldn't catch us doing thing we shouldn't have been. I remember it looking so real that I believed I was actually there. Then, I began to notice that something wasn't right. The stone, the tile, the light coming in from the windows, it all looked… muted. Every part of my surroundings looked like they had been wrung of their color before being placed back exactly where they had been. I became wary, expecting something to happen at any second.
The paintings on the wall were blurry, like the artist had tried to recreate their masterpiece after almost going blind, or like my own eyes just refused to focus on them. They looked more wrong that that though. I felt like they weren't even the paintings that should have been there. For some reason, that unsettled me more than anything else, and I felt I had to figure out why. The answer seemed within my reach, if I could only focus on them… But just looking at them made my head hurt for some reason. I turned away and focused instead on my purpose for being there.
"Chara!" I called out. It was my old voice, not the voice of my new body. I looked down and found that I was indeed back to my old self. My voice echoed unnaturally down the hallway, pulling me away from the changes to myself. My fur stands on end, unnerving me. I can't shake the feeling that I'm suddenly being watched. "Chara?" I called out again, not as loud as the first time. I was afraid to raise my voice again; afraid it would give signal to whatever horror I felt was hiding in the shadows. I shook my head, trying to convince myself that that wasn't true, that there was nothing there. It was not as easy as it should have been.
As I called out again, I began to feel something, a now almost familiar pressure at the back of my mind, and I knew immediately that it was my brother. He was not back in my head, though, he was out there. The pressure seemed to be pulling me towards him. I looked around, and was able to pinpoint that he was somewhere below me. I wasted no time. I raced through the halls, more often than not running to the wall as I rounded corners. All thought of unseen watchers was forgotten. I took steps two at a time as I reached them and sometimes skipped whole flights altogether; anything to move faster and get to my brother quicker. Down and down I went, one floor than five then ten, and yet Chara seemed to get no closer. I kept descending, but nothing changed. I was still in the middle floors of the castle. How could that be? I knew I must have been near the ground floor by that point.
I paused and looked out a nearby window, trying to get my bearings. I thought that maybe in my rush I had simply miscounted floors, but it did not take me long to realize that something more than that was wrong. As I looked out, I saw that everything beyond the window was not as it should have been. New Home was gone; the view that sat beyond the window was little more than a gray mist, thick and unrevealing. The mist clung to the wall of the castle, obscuring anything that was more than just a few feet away. As I looked down, the wall looked like it could still go on forever. I had no idea how far away from the bottom I was, but that did not stop me.
I spared it no more thought than that. Shaking my head, I turned away from the window and continued searching for my brother. My confidence did not last long, however. More floors down and it was still the same. Was Chara running away from me? No, he hadn't moved, somehow I knew that. So I kept on, trying to focus on that feeling of him and continuing to ignore the unnaturalness of my surroundings. And then things began to get worse.
I started to hit dead ends where they should not have been. Hallways I had run through hundreds of times were no longer meeting up as I remembered. This became more frequent until I was getting turned around more often than not. The light in the hallways seemed to dim each time I was turned around, and where the light made everything muted, the darkness seemed to cling far too strongly to everything. The shadows cast began to dance unnaturally in the corner of my eye. I pushed it out of my mind; all that mattered was finding Chara, yet still he felt no closer to me than he had when I started. I ground my teeth in frustration. What was even going on?
I started hearing whispers. Unintelligible words pricked at my concentration, drawing my eye back to the unnaturalness of my surroundings and eating away at my resolve as they did. Panic began to build as I ran until I was running more so to get away from the voices then I was to get to my brother, but the moment I realized what was happening, I quelled it and pushed on.
Then, I heard a noise: a deep throated growl that seemed to shake the very stone beneath my feet. I stopped at a cross between two hallways that should not have been there in the first place. The whispers had gone silent, and somehow that was more alarming than when they had come in the first place. I strained to listen for the source of the noise.
There was something about it, familiar and foreign at the same time. It shocked me to stillness; cut right through any rational thought right to the part of the mind fueled only by instinct. Do not move! That part seemed to scream at me. To move means death.
The growl did not come again, but there was a new noise. It was a voice, far enough off that I couldn't hear the words but knew that was what it was. I turned in the direction I heard it, but I didn't take a step. I didn't even dare draw breath as I stood, waiting for it to come closer.
That's what I was doing: waiting for it. Why? I should have been trying to get as far away as possible.
I was afraid, I realized. I had never been more afraid in my life. There is not much in the lives of monsters that one need be afraid of, so I was almost unaccustomed to it. The sound of that voice though… it was… Unnatural doesn't do it justice.
You know what I've found people to think is scarier than anything else? More so than monsters and pain and whatever irrational phobias they develop for inexplicable reasons? It's when something is just slightly off from the norm. A little detail they can't pinpoint, yet they know something is wrong. So they search for it, becoming more and more panicked as they continue to be unable to find it so that by the time they do, that little detail has become the most frightening thing in existence.
It's unfortunate really, because it works on monsters a lot less than it does on humans. Humans love to find patterns and connections were there aren't any. They're almost too easy. It can be as simple as a word said one too many times, or a shadow out of place or a smile just a little wider than it should be. They could be reading something and find words that they believe are meant only for them, even though that would be impossible… There's nothing behind you, by the way.
The scariest things in the world are the things we conjure up in our heads; the things that are so much worse than they are in reality. The things that begin to make us distrust in that reality.
And the only things scarier than that are the things where the reality turns out to be so much worse than you could even imagine. And let me tell you, things like that exist.
I knew I should run; hide, before whatever owned that voice managed to find me. I no longer felt like those halls were part of my home. Wherever I was, this domain was theirs, and I was the intruder. I feared hearing that voice again. I knew the next time I did, if I wasn't ready, I wouldn't be able to hold back my fear. I would scream, and it would find me.
Move! The part of my mind that was still rational screamed. It almost seemed like it was far off. Chara. I tried to focus on my brother. I have to find Chara! My hands clenched into fists, the effort that alone took was momentous, but it was a start. I shut my eyes trying to fix on Chara's image and push away thoughts of whatever had made that noise. But another noise robbed me of my concentration: a wet squish from down the hall. My eyes shot open against my will and I saw, gathered in the distance, this… disfigured shadow.
I was running before I knew it. I had no idea what it was – I had never seen its like before – but I had no intention of finding out. I sprinted through the halls faster than I had before. I no longer had a thought for the fading light or the unfamiliarity of the passages or finding my brother. The only thing that burned itself into my thoughts was getting away from that shadow.
It had seen me. I knew for a fact that at the last moment I saw a pair of eyes in the middle of that shadow, and they had locked with mine, radiating this sinister hunger. I knew it was following me. I couldn't hear any trace of it, but I knew. And so I ran.
The hallway ran straight for a long time. Eventually, I hit another dead end. There was very little light left at that point. I began to feel panic return to me. Had I passed any other paths? I didn't remember seeing any, but maybe I missed one. Did I risk going back to look? The feeling that that creature was still following me did not waiver. I decided I needed to hide.
The walls were lined with wooden cupboards. In the castle, they were meant to hold different tapestries while they were not in use, as well as candles for the sconces and means to light them. Here, the same one repeated over and over. It was like every aspect of the same ten foot span of wall had been replicated and placed in an endless line. That should have unnerved me more that it had at that moment, but the only thing that mattered was hiding. I chose one at random and opened it. It was empty. I crawled inside, and tried to be silent.
I don't know how long I was hiding in there. Long enough that I began to doubt what I felt. Perhaps the creature had not seen me, and that feeling of pursuit had just been my imagination, but it didn't matter. Panic had me rooted where I sat, my legs curled up to my chest, my eyes staring at the sliver of half-light that came between the doors. No matter how many times I tried to tell myself I was fine, it didn't work. In fact, it made me feel worse. Focusing on it didn't help, but I couldn't think about anything else. It stretched moments out to an eternity. And with every passing second, it became harder not to start shaking. I could feel tears falling down my cheeks.
On and on I waited, frozen in that terror. I began to wish it would find me already so I could be done with this fear. I didn't care if it killed me anymore, I couldn't take being in that box anymore. I could still feel Chara, far away. Where was he? Where had he gone? I had to find him. Creature or no creature, I have to move!
The moment I convinced myself that creature was not coming and I reached to push the door open, I heard it. Squish… squish. I stiffened, had I just been hearing things? I waited. There was silence. I tried to see out of the narrow slit between the doors, and as I leaned closer, a shadow fell across the light. I pressed myself as far back into the cupboard as I could, cursing myself for possibly making noise. I couldn't help it.
The shadow remained still, and I forced myself not to move as well. I wondered what it was doing. Had it heard me? Did it know I was here? Was it waiting for me to come out? Why?
Then it spoke. And in that voice that I knew if I heard again I would lose any control over myself, it said, "Come out, come out, wherever you are." I threw my hands over my mouth to stop myself from screaming, somehow managing to hold on to some semblance of my sanity. The air seemed to go rancid as it spoke, as if its very breath brought decay.
The shadow retreated. Light returned as I heard it slowly step away from my hiding place. Squish… squish. Then it stopped again, I could still hear it breathing. I had no idea what was going to happen. I wished I still had that ability to send myself away, but it didn't work, not in that place. I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to take any of it any longer.
There was a crash, the sound of wood splintering. It was sudden enough to make me jump. Thankfully, one sound covered the other. The creature must have destroyed one of the other cupboards. It was searching for me. The crash came again, this time from the other side of the one I hid in. How had it gotten there so fast? I didn't even see a shadow cross me. Could there be more than one? Somehow, that idea seemed impossible even in this place. Such an aspect of horror could not be replicated. At least, that was what I thought then.
Another crash, then another, and then another; all around me. I kept thinking it must be mine turn next. Would it hurt? Would it kill me? Would I even have long enough to see it coming, to know it was happening?
Then it was gone. I didn't know how I knew that, but I was sure. I opened my eyes. The crack of light was still there, as was I. I reached out to the doors and then hesitated, fearing some trick or that it would simply come back. Finally, I worked up the courage to push forward, though I'm not quite sure where it came from.
I peeked out; the hallway was empty. There was no sign of any of the destruction I had heard, or that the creature had even been there. Something else was different: the dead end was gone. I could feel my brother down the now open hall. Not wanting to stay in that place any longer, I started to run again.
I must have descended the castle's height three times over and still I felt no closer to my brother. As I went on, the changes began to grow once more. Halls no longer met at right angles or were no longer level but sloped up or down. The gray mist outside had retreated. I did not dare stop to look, but I could see buildings as tall as the ones in the city on the surface as I passed by windows, backlit by a red sky.
Something was very wrong, I knew that, but I continued to ignore the changes. All that mattered was finding Chara, getting him back. Then, space began to warp further. The walls split, bending and meeting at impossible angles. The ceiling becomes a mirror of the floor. Hallways met one another from above and below.
Like broken glass, reality itself seemed shattered. I could no longer tell which way was up or which way was forward. I simply tried to keep myself on a singular path, one that took me in the direction I could sense Chara from. He became the only sense of orientation I had left, a guiding light in a sea of chaos.
Suddenly, all of the hallways converged at a singular end point, and I could go no further. I could still feel Chara beyond the wall, was he closer? I couldn't tell. But there was no way forward. I couldn't stop, not after everything. I turned back down another hall, and then another, certain I was going in the right direction again, but I was simply looped back to the dead end. I tried a different way, but it was the same. There were plenty of options to try, and I was not going to give up until I found him. I began to pass by doors, but none of them felt like they would lead me closer to him, so I passed them by.
Time and time again, my path looped me back to the same end. I began to grow frustrated, but I continued on. My impatience kept me moving forward, but it would also almost get me killed.
I heard the creature again before I saw it. The sound of its footsteps was unforgettable. I skidded to a halt and looked around. There was nowhere to hide this time, but there was another door to my side. I knew it would take me further from my purpose, but I had no choice. I could not meet that creature. If I saw it, that would be the end.
I stepped through the door…
.
…and found myself on a bridge. I glanced around. I was back on the surface. It was night again; the sky above my head held no stars, the city in the distance was dark as. There was only the moon. It seemed to glow red as it stared down at me. The bridge I was on, a giant structure that looked to be woven from metal, was suspended over a river, wider than I would have ever thought possible before coming to the surface. It stretched almost to the horizon on either side of me, seeming to float over the world. I stood at its edge, toes dangling over the dark water far below. The air was chilled and made colder by the wind which seemed to want to push me over the edge. Jump, it seemed to say. Jump and it will all be over. I thought the idea ridiculous. "No," I told it. "Not until I find Chara."
Why? It whispered back. All you've ever done is fail him. If you found him again, what makes you think it will be different this time?
The words stunned me. "I…"
You're just being selfish. You don't have a single thought about him, what you're doing to him; the pain you cause him. You simply kept pressing him and pressing him until he finally broke, and then you screamed at him like it was all his fault when you only have yourself to blame. Now, how is that fair? How is that deserving of another chance?
I didn't have a response. It was right. What good had I done for my brother? Every time I thought I was helping him, it only made his life worse. Why did I keep trying?
Let all of this pain end. The wind said. Let him rest. Jump.
I watched myself creep closer to the edge. I stared down at the water. It almost seemed inviting. Was it warm? I wondered. Maybe this should be the end. What could possibly still be made from all of our mistakes? Perhaps everyone would be better off.
Everyone…
"No!" I shouted, turning away from the ledge. I couldn't leave them alone. My mom and my dad, all monsters. I was the only one who could change life for them now. I had made my decision and I would see it through to the end. "There's always the chance to try again." I told the wind, and it went silent, retreating back to wherever it had come. In one of the metal beams, I saw a door like the one I used to get there. I stepped up to it, confidence restored, and went through…
.
… I was in a living room. A laurel pattern couch sat before a large glass screen. The floor was covered in a gray carpet and the walls were painted a pale peach. Light came from a single lamp sitting on small table next to the couch. The room was empty but for that furniture; there was nothing on the walls and there were no widows. There was only a singular door on the other side of the room, closed.
It was also silent. Now, I don't mean it was quiet. It. was. Silent. The room seemed to reject the very existence of sound. I blinked, and the sound seemed to tear at my ears, grind at my sanity. I couldn't breathe; I couldn't move. I dared not do either. I wasn't like before when I was being stalked by the creature and had to stay quiet to not be discovered. This room felt as if silence was the only thing keeping it together, and to shatter that would shatter everything within, myself along with it.
My gaze shifted to the door at the other end of the room. Even just my eyes moving seemed to crack louder than a whip. Chara was somewhere on the other side of that door. I knew it. I don't know how I had missed getting this close, but that hardly seemed to matter. I was trapped. The door was barely a dozen feet from me, but it might as well have been on the other side of the Underground.
No, I would not be stopped now. And definitely not by something like this. I took a step. The sound it made was so loud it to my ears I had to bite back a scream of pain. It seemed to echo through the room, the walls shifting and groaning as the sound passed through them. They pulsed with the sound, or rather away from it, denying it. I stayed still again and everything thing seemed to settle. I took another step, much slower this time, stretching my movements out to minimize the noise. The sound wasn't loud enough to hurt this time, but it was still almost deafening. The walls still seemed to throb, but far less than with my first step. I tried speeding up, but it only made things worse. I went as fast as I could without feeling like something would go wrong.
It took me more than a minute to finish that single step. I was still a long way from the door. I tried to work out how long it would take for me to get to it. I would have to go around the couch which stood in my path. Too long, I decided. I didn't have time for this. What if Chara disappeared on me? I still didn't know how he had gotten so close. No, I would not let impatience risk everything now.
I made my way across the room, slowly, trying my best to ignore the shifting while still keeping enough of an eye on it to see if anything changed. I don't know how long it took in the end. It felt like hours. There was a time when I thought the room was growing as I tried to get closer, but I dismissed it as fantasy and moved on. Finally, I made it to the door. I laid my hand on the handle and turned it slowly, compared to everything else, the sound of the handle's mechanisms moving seemed dull and muffled. The door opened, and the silence on the room broke. My ears rung as a bubble seemed to pop around me. I spared one last look into the room, it didn't seem so unnatural now. I smiled, and let out a breath I had been holding since I got in the room.
As I did, the walls opened. Dozens of bloodshot, red eyes scanned the room before locking on to me. They were the same eyes as the ones on the creature. I slammed the door closed, shutting that room away forever. That was when the screaming started.
That was all there was where I found myself then: screaming. Screams of pain, screams of anger, of terror; they were so strong they became physical. Streaks of blood red and bruise purple smoke danced in echo to their wails. They seemed to cast shadows on my eyes. The shadows took the shape of faces, moaning against their existence. Shutting my eyes did nothing to rid me of them.
The screams felt like they were beating against me. Their agony became my own. I fell to my knees as my legs gave out. I felt like I was being crushed and burned and beaten all at the same time. But Chara was close, I could feel him. I stood against the agony, trying to withstand its tidal force. I nearly blacked out just from trying to get to my feet, but I held on. So close I told myself, just a little more.
The screams battered at me and I kept my eyes fixed forward. I felt that if I looked down, I would find there was nothing left of me, just a mass of light that would quickly turn to dust. I took another step and almost stumbled. My strength was giving out. It hurt so much I want to give up.
No! I refuse to give up now!
"Chara!" I called out, and the screams silenced.
A light came, popping into existence as if it had always been there and I had simply missed it. A figure was crouched within it. My face split into a grin and I stood, pain forgotten. "Chara!" I cried again. He was there, huddled in the center of the light.
I ran to him, but I hesitated. He was in one of his hushes. Should I wait? No, we needed to get out of there before anything else happened. And there was still that creature. I reached out to my brother, but before I could lay a hand on him, his head rose. Blood-filled eyes stared back at me. As they took me in, red tears started to run down them. It smiled. I flinched back. The figure stood, smile widening; blood dripped from its mouth as well.
"I'm surprised you made it this far," it said. Then its smile was gone. "You should have stayed away." Its voice was low and raspy; much like Chara's was moments before his death. But this… thing, this wasn't my brother. I knew that as surely as I knew where to find him just moments before.
"Who are you?" I demanded. "Where is Chara?" I tried to hide the fear from my voice, but was likely unsuccessful.
The figure laughed. "What's wrong, Asriel? Don't recognize me?" The figure that claimed to be Chara took a step forward and I took another back.
"No," I denied. "You're not him."
"No, I am not," the figure agreed. The admission seemed to shock even it. It drew back and started to circle around me. "I am what kept him going until his death." It said.
"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to keep my eye on it.
The figured laughed again. "We've both had the same lessons, don't you remember? In order for a soul to persist after death, it must be… unnatural, it must be unaccepted. A delicate balance we had to overcome, considering we did this willingly. The flowers were the first part, but we didn't know how long it would take… the pain it would cause. He started to give up, you see, accept death to escape the pain since you were so unwilling to end it for us." Those last words dripped with accusation. For a moment I thought the figure might attack me, but it seemed surprised by its own actions. Regaining itself, it went on. "But he realized that wouldn't work, he needed to hold on. Do you know what kept him going? It was his anger, his hate for humanity, and the thought that he would finally have the power to see an end to their horrible ways. I allowed him to forge his will in the fires of that agony, to hold on to his determination."
As I listened, suddenly the pieces were beginning to come together. I wanted to deny what this figure had to say, but it made sense. Chara's changes once we were on the surface… "Was that why he was like that?" I asked myself.
"Indeed. When you came together, he thought that you would understand immediately. He thought that you hated them just as much as him, after what he had told you of his past. But, now we're here. And now you, the one person he thought he could trust in this world, has proven once again to have betrayed him."
I shook my head in denial of the figures words. "How could you possibly think I could agree to killing all of humanity?"
"Why do you still refuse to see?" The figure was beginning to sound frustrated. "I've shown you the atrocities they've committed; you've even witnessed a few of them yourself. There is no hope of saving them. Even if there were, they would not deserve it."
"Where are you hiding Chara?" I demanded, refusing to listen to this any longer.
"Did you really think I would let you have him now, after everything?" it roared. "No! All you've ever done is hurt him! I won't let you have him again."
"None of that was my fault! I didn't mean to hurt him."
"It changes nothing." It said. "Leave. Go do whatever it is you think will save monsters, and when you realize you're wrong and come crawling back to him on hands and knees, maybe then I'll let him forgive you."
"I'm not going anywhere without Chara." I told it.
"I said stay away!" The figure roared once again. An image flashed through my mind. One of Chara looking like a cornered animal. I remember it from the first day I met him. Back then, I knew it was not anger behind those eyes, but fear. Just as it was now.
But why? Why was this thing, this supposed embodiment of Chara's anger, frightened?
I smirked. "You're afraid of me." I told it. "You know that if I get to him, I'll make him realize he doesn't need you anymore."
The figures expression did not change. "You're fooling yourself if you think that's the truth." It said.
"Oh, I know it's the truth." I took a step forward and it backed away, becoming defensive. Suddenly that feeling that Chara was nearby returned. My smirk turned into a smile. "Why else would you be keeping him from me?" I added. I took another step forward. This time the figure tried to block me, looking like it might strike at any moment. "I'm not afraid of you," I told it. "You're not even close to the worst thing I've seen all day."
"Why do you keep going like this?" The figure whispered. "Why can't you see when you're wrong?"
"I'm not wrong." I told it. "And neither is Chara. I do understand his anger, but that doesn't justify killing. If nothing else, it would make us no better than them. Worse, it would prove that they were right to seal us away a thousand years ago. They just need to be shown that there are other ways to live. Just like Chara does, so I'll start with him."
I stepped past the figure. It tried to stop me, but I walked through it as if it were smoke in the direction I could feel my brother. "Do you honestly think humans will give you a chance to try to change them?" The figure argued, trailing after me in its continued attempts to dissuade. "You have no idea how quickly they are capable of destroying you, even without magic."
"Then I will protect monsters, as is my duty."
"And what if you can't?"
"I can." I could see him now, huddled on the ground like I had found him that first day. As I stepped into the light that surrounded him, the figure roared one last time and then vanished.
I knelt down next to my brother, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "Chara?" I said softly. "It's okay now. I'm here. We can go back." His shoulders started to shake. He was crying. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't mean any of that." I pulled him up so he was sitting on his knees. "Come on. Let's get out of here." I didn't think that creature would come back or any of the other horrors in this place, but I didn't want to test that either.
"Why?" Chara whispered before I could pull him to his feet. "Why are you doing this to me?"
I blinked, and suddenly we were both standing in a field of golden flowers. Mountains rose around us in the distance. I did not recognize this place, but Chara seemed to regard it reverently. That was when I first realized could not feel my brother's emotions anymore. The pocket at the back of my head that I had quickly grown to distinguish as him was gone. I felt as empty as I did standing atop the mountain.
I was not longer standing next to him. Chara stood a few paces from me, eyes turning to meet me. I didn't need to feel his emotions to recognize the sorrow he felt. "Why won't you just leave me alone and let this end?" he asked me.
"Chara…" I began, reaching out to him. He turned away and I lowered my arm. "I would never leave you like this. I'm going to bring you back."
"Why?" He asked again without looking up at me. "So you can just cause me more pain?"
I stared at my brother's back. I wanted to run over and hug him, to tell him everything would be okay. But unfortunately, most matters in life aren't so easy to solve, no matter what some monsters may tell you. "I would never mean to do that…" I told my brother.
"It doesn't matter what you 'mean' to do," he said, "you always end up doing it anyway."
A small part of me was hurt by his words, even though they were not ones I hadn't heard before, even if the last time I had heard them was when Chara had not been in his right mind. But, even if I now knew that those words were not just the agonized ravings of my brother, more than anything I was growing frustrated. Why did everything feel the need to remind me constantly of my mistakes? "I know," I told him. "I know I keep messing up, and I know that saying I'm sorry doesn't make up for it. I came here to say that anyway, to bring you back and try again. I want to help you, Chara, but you need to tell me what I'm doing wrong, otherwise I'm just going to keep messing up. But I do want to help you. You're my brother and I love you. I want you to be happy. I want to make it so you never need to hide behind that… thing ever again."
For some reason, my brother laughed. "That 'thing'?" he mocked. "There is no 'thing.' Don't you get it? That was just supposed to scare you off. All of it was just to try to get you to leave. But you always were tenacious, weren't you?"
I stared at my brother in disbelief. He turned back to me and I saw that he wasn't lying. "I don't understand." I said, voice shaking slightly.
"No, you never did." Chara said. "I'm done, Asriel. I'm so tired… I'm so sick of everything I do going wrong, and everything I want being torn away from me. But I can't rest. Not while the power to achieve what I'd always really wished for is within my reach. I was hoping you would understand, just this once, so I could do what needed to be done. But now even that has been all but taken from me. Go and do what you think is right. I don't care anymore."
"Chara…" To hear my brother say these things was tearing me to pieces. To think that he had fallen so far. "You can't just give up now!" I argued. "Why can't things just go back to normal?"
"Normal?" he said, suddenly angry. "What the hell is 'normal' to you? To me it's looking over my shoulder every minute. It's waking up in the middle of the night screaming because you dreamt you were back in that hell you thought you finally escaped. It's living with people who you know hate you. It's holding yourself back constantly because nobody wants to see the real you. Even down there I still spent more time in fear than not, don't you understand that? There were even times when I thought that being with my family was easier than life with you. At least up there I knew that everyone was just trying to hurt me. But with monsters I always had to worry. It wasn't the happy dream you seem to think it was, Asriel. What makes you think I just want to go back to that?"
I had no response. My brother's words made me want to drown in my guilt. Had I really been so blind to my brother's pain? I must have been, after all, here we were.
"You still don't understand why I did this, do you?" Chara went on. "Why I killed myself just to try to undo humanity. Then let me explain.
"I loved you, Asriel. You were the first person I met who was nice to me, who I actually believed was good. And, for a while, I tried to believe as you did, that there was hope for me, hope for humans. But I was wrong about them, and you were wrong about me; there's too much of my father in me to ever be good. I know that now, even though I hate it. That's why I gave myself up. It was the only way I knew I could stop myself from hurting those I cared about, and still get everything I ever wanted: to see the world as you do, and to see humans get what they deserve. And at the same time, I would be able to help you fulfill your dream of setting monsters free. It didn't seem like that bad of a deal, really…"
I shook my head. "That's not what I wanted. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy."
Chara smiled. "Stop lying to yourself, Asriel. Even if that were true, that's no way someone should live…" He looked away, staring down at the flowers at his feet. "There's no hope for humans, and I'm no exception. Even after I thought all of my expectations for them had been crushed, still they managed to disappoint and infuriate me. I tried to tell you that you were wasting your time, but you didn't listen. At first it made me happy, but now it just makes me angry that you refuse to see the truth. If that barrier falls, either they must be destroyed or monsters will be. You should be able to see that by now, and yet you deny it. Why?"
"Because it isn't right! No one should have the power to decide that. Especially not us!"
My brother chuckled. "There's that word again… Asriel, your morals are useless in the real world. Do you think that killing somehow makes someone evil? Do you think that Asgore has not killed anyone? That mom did not before they were sealed away, if the world were truly like what the old stories describe? There is no good and evil, there is only desire and power. The desire for a different world, and the power to see it made a reality. It is those with power that decide what is good or bad, and we are now the most power being that exists. Why should we not cast judgment?"
"Mom and dad would never…" I started to argue. But Chara cut me off.
"Why do you think they were so determined to try to stop you from coming here?" he posed. "It's because they know it too. They agree with me. Humans and monsters cannot coexist, they've seen it firsthand. They know the truth better than anyone else alive."
"Then we won't destroy the barrier!" I yelled. "We'll stay underground."
Chara shook his head. "No, Asriel. I won't let you do that to yourself. There is only one way that this can end. And if you won't let me do it. You'll have to do it yourself."
My thoughts were in shambles. This was all too much, too fast. "No… I-I can't… I…" I stumbled.
Chara let out a breath. "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this." He was before me in an instant, crouched low. Instinct took over immediately; I recognized that stance. I spun out of the way just as Chara's hand cut through the air where I was. He held a knife in his hand. When he saw that his attack had failed, he stood up and locked me with a cold glare.
"Chara, what are you…?" I began.
"I was going to wait until you let your guard down; stay hidden in the corner of your mind. Then, I would take control and kill them whether you agreed or not. But, since you're here, I may as well do it now. Maybe, I could still even convince you that I'm right." He cut at me again. This time I grabbed his wrist as the knife came at my face from the side. I knocked the knife away with my other hand. Chara broke free from my grip. A new knife appeared to take the place of the old one "I will not give up," he maintained. "Not until every last one of them is dead. If you won't help me, then stay out of my way!"
He came at me again, and I readied myself, seeing no way to avoid it. We were both well out of practice, but it all came back to me quickly enough. Chara charged with his knife's point poised for my chest, just as I knew he would. I waited until the last second then turned to the side again. I kept my foot in his path and he tripped over it. I turned to restrain him as he fell, but he was gone. A rustle from behind alerted me. I rolled to the side and sprung up, tackling Chara before he could recover. But, when I hit the ground, he wasn't under me.
"I forgot how good you were at this." Chara said, standing before me as I got up. A smug smile split his features. He seemed to be genuinely enjoying this.
"Always better than you." I said mirthlessly.
"That's because I was holding back. I was always afraid I would hurt you accidentally. But I don't care about that anymore." He came at me again. For all his words, he didn't seem to be doing anything differently. He sliced for my neck and I quickly blocked his wrist with my own, but this time I was knocked away. I was sent reeling to the ground as a result of my block. Dazed, I tried to stand, but Chara was already standing over me. Instead, I flipped back and sprung to my feet. My brother looked amused. "I hated it when we used to spar." He said. "I had convinced myself it was because I didn't want to fight with you, but the more I thought about it I realized that I hated it because of how smug you looked. So overconfident… It's time you learned you're not invincible!"
Chara disappeared before my eyes. I scanned the field for him, but there was no one else there but me. Then he was before me. His knife once again struck for my chest and I dodged; there was no way I was going to be blown back by blocking again. As I spun, I brought my leg up to kick Chara in the side, but once more he was not where he should have been and my kick made me over balanced. I fell right into Chara's attack. I managed to jump out of the way at the last second, but his blade tore through my sleeve and sent pain shooting up and down my arm.
I reset, hand over my injured arm and staring my brother down. How was he moving like that? I asked myself. Was it this place? I had no time to puzzle it out. Chara charged at me again. I had had quite enough by that point. Did not move to dodge or block that time, I simply raised my hand.
Chara's knife disintegrated before it reached me and I caught his hand in my own. He looked up at me, surprised, but more amused than anything. "You used that against me?" he asked. "How could you?"
"It's over." I told him, ignoring his goading.
My brother laughed. "No, Asriel, this is just the beginning." I was so focused on Chara's face that I didn't notice the knife until it slid into my side. I looked down slowly as pain overtook my anger. Chara's other hand was buried in my shirt. He pulled it free as I saw it, white light streamed from the wound. My legs went numb and I fell to my knees. Chara knelt down and lifted my head. "I will win this." I heard him say as my vision faded and thought fled. "I will make you see."
.
I thought I was dead; surely I must have been. But I couldn't remember why. Slowly, feeling returned to me and I was confused. Then came pain. The back of my head was aflame. For some reason, that seemed wrong. My vision returned, fuzzy at first, followed by my hearing.
There was a roar. No, there were many roars; a chorus of voices coming from behind me. The wordless shouts seemed as wrong as the pain. I could see nothing but gray. I tried to blink away the blurriness, and the gray became stone. I was looking at the ground, I realized. I was on my hands and knees. Why?
I looked up, and what I saw horrified me. Above, on a platform, my mom and dad were bound by chains, their eyes downcast. Two humans were pointing things at their heads. I looked behind me to the source of the roars. There was a vast crowd to my back, below me; I was on a platform as well. The crowd was made up of both humans and monsters but they were separated, cut off from one another. We were in a city on the surface. Tall buildings surrounded the courtyard where this madness was taking place. It didn't make sense, but why?
As I looked back at my parents, a man stepped into my view. He looked aged, gray peppered his dark hair and those eyes looked strangely familiar to me. "The law is very clear, Prince Asriel." The man said down to me as if continuing a conversation that we had already started. His voice carried over the crowd, amplified by some unknown means. "A monster used magic to harm a human. The punishment is death." The man spoke like he was lecturing an unruly child. The crowd grew louder at his words. "Now, both the king and queen have volunteered to be taken in the monster's place. But, only one need die. Since you seem so eager, my young prince, we'll have you choose."
I looked at the man in shock. What was he talking about?
Then, memories came flooding into me. The barrier had fallen, and monsters had met with humans for the first time in a thousand years. At first, peace had seemed possible. We had been allowed homes, rights, and a place for ourselves amongst their world. But, in the years that followed, those rights had been stripped from us so slowly that we had hardly noticed until a monster could barely leave their homes without being accused of violating some law supposedly meant to protect humans. I remember thinking how unfair it was, every day. I remember thinking that we should do something, but my brother was always quick to remind me that we could do nothing. They were too strong; we stood no chance.
And now it had come to this. It was a farce, I knew it. They were trying to make an example of monsters, scare us into never defying them again. When my parents said they would take the poor monster's place, they had eaten it up. I was outraged. I had attacked the stage, but they brought me down with almost no effort at all.
"Choose, Asriel." The man said again. "Which will live, the king or the queen? Justice must be served."
What could I do? There had to be some way out of this. This was not justice, it was madness! This was not how the world was supposed to work. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right…
"Fine, if you will not choose," the man went on. He turned from me and gestured to the humans above. "Kill them both."
"No, wait!" I cried out. The man held up a hand to forestall his order. He turned back to me. Tears were streaming down my face now. "Please… please don't kill my mom."
"Asriel, no!" My mom shouted down to me. I looked up at her. She looked panicked. She was crying as well. My dad said nothing; he seemed resigned. He was even smiling.
The man nodded. "So be it," he said emotionlessly. He waved to the human standing over my father. There was a loud bang and my father was gone in cloud of dust. A small light hung where he had been. The human drew a sword and split it in two. Then the light faded into nothing.
I looked on in horror, unable to turn away. My mother screamed that they take her instead, but they did not listen as they pulled her off of the stage. What had I done?
I killed my father.
"Get him out of my sight." The man said before pain reignited in the back of my head and the world went black once more.
.
I awoke to the sound of glass shattering. My eyes snapped open and took in a room that I did not recognize. I was in a bed. This was my room, I somehow knew. Posters covered the walls and there was a desk pressed into the corner. I stood up as another crash came and a yell that sounded like my mom. What was happening?
I ran out of the room and down stairs, following the noise.
"This is all your fault!" My mother screamed. It was coming from the kitchen. I wasn't sure how I knew that considering I had never seen the house before, and yet I found myself turning the corner at the bottom of the stairs, walking through a disheveled looking living room and coming face to face with my mother and…
Chara was in the kitchen as well. For some reason that felt wrong. I almost didn't recognize him at first. He looked older, taller. Then I realized that I was eye level with him still. What was going on?
My brother had his back pressed to the wall. He didn't notice me as I came into the room. Fire burst around him as I was trying to out what I was seeing. I reacted quickly, sending the fire away with magic then looked to the source.
It had been my mother; she had attacked him. My mom looked frantic. She held her hand up, poised at my brother, and was breathing heavily. "What is going on?" I demanded.
"Asriel, go back upstairs." My mom said without looking at me.
"Asriel help me, please. I don't-" Chara began to plead.
"Shut up!" My mother roared. "Do not dare say anything. I have had enough of your lies. You were supposed to help us make peace, but all you have done is give them control over us!" And just like that, the memories came to me. Leaving the Underground, meeting humans for the first time, the slow decay of our rights and that horrible day where I killed my father. It had only gotten worse after that. Mom was trying her hardest on her own to resist, but it wasn't enough. Now, monsters were practically under martial law. Mom had no authority anymore. Magic was essentially outlawed. The only amount of freedom for monsters left came from being brought into a human household. We were little more than pets to humans at that point. Mom and I had been granted special permission to live alone because of our status, but our lives were little better. "It is just like it was before we were sealed away… No, it is even worse." My mother went on. "You should have just stayed away from us. You should have never come back!"
Chara tried to take a step forward. "Mom, I-"
"Do not dare call me that!" she screamed. Flames sprung up around her again. "You are no child of mine."
I stepped in before anything else could happen, cutting her off from Chara. She looked up at me in disbelief. "Asriel? Why… How could you?"
"I don't know what's going on here," I said, "but it's gone far enough."
"How can you defend him? He killed your father!"
I shook my head. "No, I did that…"
"Because of the world he created for us." She argued. "I should have seen it a long time ago. Now it is time to put an end to it."
With a thought, the flames were gone. My destruction magic worked on more than just solid objects. A tied off bubble of it would prevent her from summoning any more. After, I bound her in air. She didn't resist, she simply looked remorseful. "All my life, this is the end for us I feared more than any other: the rot of our very existence; the loss of everything that makes us who we are." She looked up at me. "I see know that your father was one of the lucky ones. He did not have to live to see this day."
A crash came from the other side of the house. People flooded the room moments later, wearing all black with reflective masks over their faces. Guns were pointed at me and my mother. "Put your hands up!" One of them demanded. I did so, releasing my mother from her bonds as I did. She did not raise her hands. She didn't move. They demanded the same again.
"Do your worst." She told them. "It cannot be anything compared to what I have already suffered." Fire shot out at the intruders. They did not even reach them before cracks rang through the kitchen. My mother fell and the intruders lowered smoking guns before moving to grab me, forcing me to my knees.
"No!" Chara shouted. "He was just trying to help me. He's fine." Strangely, his words made them let me go. I didn't care. I didn't even look up from the floor. Tears fell to the tile. Another hand came to rest on my shoulder. I knew it was my brother. "I'm sorry," he said. "I had to do this. I had found evidence that she was planning to revolt. I came to try to put a stop to it before it got out of hand. I didn't want it to end like this."
The pieces of what Chara said came together slowly. I turned my head to look up at him, eyes wide with horror. "You did this?" I whispered.
"I didn't want to," he said flatly, almost regretfully, "but when she attacked me I had no choice. The laws are clear. She did this to herself."
Anger swelled up within me. I let out a growl and leapt to my feet. I was on the ground again before I realized I had even been struck. I was left looking at my mother. She fell to dust as I watched. One of the men came over and ground her soul into the floor, mumbling a curse about boss monsters.
As my vision faded, I watched my brother depart with the others. He did not even look back.
.
When I awoke next, I was standing at a table, surrounded by other monsters. This time, I knew everything from the beginning. I was king; I had been for a long time now. I had inherited a kingdom that was all but extinct. I looked around the tiny room we were all squeezed into. There were no windows in the concrete walls that surrounded us. This was our last place of refuge, buried deep underground, away from the prying eyes of humans. How ironic that was.
"We must do something about this madness!" Demanded one of the monsters. I was only half paying attention. None of this mattered. Never mind that everyone in that room was risking their lives just by being there, anything they said would change nothing.
"We have had this argument countless times before," another responded. "There is nothing we can do. This meeting is not about that. This is about leaving, finding a way to escape."
"They'll never let us go. You all realize that, right?" A third voice added. "They would be lost without their… pets."
"Nevertheless, we must try something," the second voice went on. "If only to leave our children to a better fate."
Children. Once more I am reminded that I am the last of my kind; the last boss monster; the last hope of being able to stand up to the human's power even the slightest bit. What would monsters do when I was gone? No, we were already well past the point of resistance. My death would change nothing. My leadership was merely a thing of morale, and it barely worked as that anymore.
"So we're just going to let the humans win?" The first voice raged.
"They have already won!" The third of them shouted. "Can't you see that?"
"Even if we do manage to escape," the first voice went on as if they hadn't been interrupted, "they would simply hunt us down again." The room remained silent as the monster paused. "We are only delaying the inevitable! We need to fight back! Show the humans that there is only so far that they can push us."
"Can't you see you are merely pushing us to our deaths?" The second voice argued.
"Better to be dead than to remain like this." The first voice said coldly. "The queen had known that."
I slammed my hand down on the table. Every eye snapped up to me immediately. "We do nothing." I told them.
"But, your highness, with this last vote that has passed, they could kill us without punishment if they could prove probable cause, and the conditions for it are so loose that-"
"It doesn't matter. We do nothing."
"But, sire, we must do something! We-"
"There is nothing to do!" I shouted. "Running gets us nothing. Fighting back now gets us nothing. We would be killed before we could accomplish anything."
"So, what then? We let them step all over us until there is nothing of us left?"
I breathed out, feeling like it was somehow the last time I would ever be able to do that. "That is the best fate we can hope for now."
They said nothing more. I walked out of the room without dismissing the meeting. I didn't care anymore.
They didn't listen to me. Even monsters will not remain docile if pushed hard enough. All around the world uprisings sprung up. Each of them was snuffed out before they could accomplish anything, just as I knew they would. But that did not dissuade others. Slowly monsters were killed to the point of extinction. Those few that remained were killed for fear that they would inevitably do the same as their brothers if left alone long enough.
Eventually, I was the only one left. I had returned to the Underground, trying to immerse myself in memories of happier days and ignore the hell that existed above. One day, my brother found me. I didn't even recognize him it had been so long. I didn't blame him for what happened. I blamed only myself. If I had been a better king, a better prince, a better brother, perhaps things would have been different.
Or, perhaps not. Perhaps my decisions made no difference in the grand scheme of things, and I was arrogant to think that they did. I remember spending a great deal of time wondering about that.
When Chara found me, sitting in the courtyard at the base of the castle all those years later, trying to recall the days long gone when I used to run through them with my biggest worry being whether I had practiced sword forms to Durga's standard, he smiled down at me. "Do you see now?" he said to me, softly. "Do you see what your morals amount to?" He leaned in close. I was frozen by that smile. It held a madness I did not remember in my brother. "Nothing." He whispered in my ear. And then everything faded away.
.
It felt like I had lived a thousand of those lives. All of them vastly different, and yet at their heart the same. Every time I tried to make a decision, it was meant to cause the least amount of strife, the least death, but every time I was wrong. They were choices I had to make where there were no right answers. I killed my parents, my brother, and every monster I had ever known, over and over. Some lives I lived through more than once, and I remembered how they had gone the previous times. I tried to make different choices, but in the end it was always the same.
There are times when I think that this is merely another one of those lives. That I am still stuck in that cycle, living another part of that endless struggle to find the right answers. But eventually, I came back. My hands hit dirt, crushing flowers and scattering petals around me. The present came back to me. My hand went to my side. There was no wound, but there was pain, so much pain.
Tears came next. I wailed at what I had done; the amount of death I had caused. It had all felt so real. Was that really all that waited for me? Was that truly fate?
Chara stepped before me. I looked up at him. His blank expression revealed nothing, and yet he seemed to understand what I had seen. He offered a way out of that hell, I saw. Maybe… maybe I should let him have it.
But then, the rest of my memories came back to me, memories of what I had gone through to get here, all to bring my brother back, returned. Their horror seemed almost insignificant to what I had just gone through, and because of that I was able to see them for what they truly were. They had been Chara's memories; his entire life compressed into those few moments. Chara had wanted to scare me off, so he used the scariest thing he could think of: his own suffering. With that realization came the decompression of it all, and then I understood.
I rose to my feet and looked my brother in the eye. He smiled. "Do you realize it now? Do you see that I'm right?"
"No," I told him flatly. His smile slipped. "The only thing I've realized is how strongly you've held on to your hate all this time." It all made sense to me at last. Chara's life had been full of so much misery, it was no wonder they saw the world the way that they did. But that did not mean there wasn't another way; that was only the way he saw it. Well, I refused to. I had walked through the same life and come out the other side. I was living proof that there was another way to respond to that suffering. I had walked through countless other lives as well – many I would have called worse – but those lives were not some vision of the possible future, they were merely conjures of my brother's mind. And I would not let them stop me either. "There is hope for something different," I told him. "You just refuse to see it."
My brother growled and then attacked. His strike was blocked by a sword that appeared in the air between us. Chara looked at it in shock.
I smirked. I had remembered that none of this was real, it was all in my head. I was still climbing the mountain. I could almost see the truth of it, like it was in the corner of my eye. I realized it had always been there. And if Chara could control this place, then so could I.
Chara disappeared and reappeared at my side, attacking again. I sent myself somewhere else as well. "I'm sorry, Chara." I told him. "You were right about one thing. This was all my fault. I tried to show you that you could let go of your past. At times I thought you had, but I see now that you didn't. I didn't try hard enough to get you to see. Humans are not as bad as you think. I have all of the evidence I need to that fact standing in front of me.
"You told me once that you wanted to be a better person. You have the ability to be who you want to be, you just have to let go of your hate first."
Chara stared at me, confused, and then he started to laugh. "Is that some kind of a joke? How is it, after everything, you can still be so stupid? I am the perfect example of what humans do to each other, what they make each other into!"
I shook my head. "No, Chara, you're different than that. You're different than him. I still believe that."
"No!" Chara's fist clenched at his side. "This world has shown me nothing but pain! And now that it all that I have left to give."
"It's not the world's fault you're like this Chara. It is only you. It's your choice to move forward, no one else's. I have seen your life, lived through it myself. I understand now what you went through for so long. But you need to choose to not let that past rule you."
Chara attacked again. His blow hit nothing but the air between us. "You are dooming monsters if you keep down this path. I tried to show you that."
"That's not what this is about." I told him. "It's not about a choice between humans and monsters. It's about the life you choose to live. It's about how you choose to view the world. Humans aren't the enemy. Not monsters'. Not yours. This fight isn't about which of our races is doomed. If you keep going like this… you're only dooming yourself."
"No!" Chara roared. He tried to push through my shield, but he could not. "They deserve to die for what they did to me. They all do." I pushed my brother back with the air and he slid across the flowers, but he remained standing. "I will not give up," he said. "Not after coming so close."
"Neither will I," I told him. "I won't give up on you for as long as I live."
The world around us changed again. The field of golden flowers melted away and in its place was a large plateau. The rock fell away around us and the sun sat high in the sky. Below, I could hear the sound of vast armies clashing: the ring of metal on metal mixed with a swarm of battle cries. It was the scene I had imagined in my mind every time Chara and I battled when we played pretend.
Chara shock lasted only a moment as he looked around himself, and then he smirked. "Fine," he said. "Perhaps beating you on your own terms will show you how useless this is." I watched my brother change much as the world had. He became taller, older. His hair grew long and became tied behind his back. The old striped shirt he had stolen from me changed into armor made of red-dyed leather. A black cloak appeared across his shoulders. The delta rune became embossed on his chest. A second knife appeared in his hand.
I changed myself as well, returning to the body I had gained in absorbing Chara's soul. Instead of robes this time, I wore armor modeled after my fathers. The overlapping plates of metal clinked as the came to rest over me. They seemed to weigh nothing. A sword came to my hand, a shield to the other.
"That's not your usual way of fighting." Chara said. His new voice sounded odd.
"I have no usual way of fighting. I do it only because I must."
"In spite of everything, I still envy you, Asriel. I still wish, more than anything, that I could see the world the way you do. But that doesn't change the fact that your compassion is wasted on humanity. You've seen them now, looked into their hearts, seen what their world is like. You hate them, I can see it. And yet you choose to carry on like this."
"The only humans I hate are the ones who turned you into this. The rest do not matter to me. Yes, I am frustrated by what I saw in them – the fact that they could let things get that bad… But we can fix that. We will."
"Why are you so ready to try to redeem them?" my brother screamed at me. "After everything they did to me, why are you so willing to help them?"
"In the city, when we were watching the man, I had said that the reason for his actions were his past. But you said that wasn't right, that he still had a choice. How is what you're doing now any different than him?" Chara flinched at my words and he had none in return. I smiled at him. "Let go, Chara. Let go so we can go home and figure out a way to do this right."
My brother lunged, rage in his eyes. I blocked with my sword so I could stare into his gaze, drink it in. I was not afraid of it anymore. "There is only one way that I can let go." He said.
"Fighting won't help anything," I told him, "it never does. But if that is what it has come to," The air lit up as lightning descended on my brother. He vanished just before it could hit him. His ability to see magic had not failed him yet. "Then so be it."
This time, I did not wait for him to recover. I followed after, sword changed into spear in my hand. Its length became wreathed in fire as I threw it. The flames grew and consumed the spear in the air, becoming a twisting torrent of destruction. It hit Chara head on, but he held his ground. His cloak whipped out behind him but it was the only thing that even seemed effected.
I didn't spare a thought for how he had done it – I had already done enough that day that I could not explain. Another sword sprung into being in my hand as I came to stand before my brother once more. I cleaved it down at him without hesitation. Chara brought up his knife to block and I destroyed it with a thought. All that remained to block my strike was his hand which proved to not be enough. The blade took three of his fingers before stopping an inch from his face. Then it refused to move.
I tried to destroy the weapon, thinking it bound in air, but it didn't work. Chara smirked and lifted his other hand up, still holding its own knife. As it rose, so too did the sword. I let it go and sprang back. As I did, an arsenal of weapons appeared around me. No two were alike; there were swords and lances and spears and anything else I could think to make in that moment. Chara's bonding magic was not to be trifled with. I needed to overwhelm him before he could really have a chance to use it.
I sent all of the weapons down on my brother with as much force as I could put behind it. I had never known such magic before – I had only ever seen Undyne do it – but I did not question, it was a tool to be used and I would take every advantage I could get. Now that this had begun, I would see it done properly.
A number of the weapons struck the ground around my brother, kicking up clouds of dust that obscured him from sight. Below me, it sounded like one of the armies had let out a cheer. I could not tell whose. As the dust settled, Chara still stood exactly where he had. A number of the weapons still hung in the air around him. They vibrated frantically at their speed being so unnaturally stopped. He still smirked. "You're going to have to do better than that." He said, flexing his injured hand, which was no longer missing any fingers.
One of the weapons, a halberd, spun towards me. It shot out and struck the ground at my feet. The world seemed to split where it landed. The plateau fell away like it were wax someone had held a flame to. I sent myself to the side before I started to fall. As I looked back, a whole third of the plateau was gone, a wedge beginning nearly at my brother's feet.
"Why?" he questioned as he shoved the remaining weapons into the ground at his feet before they disappeared. "After everything, why do you continue to fight me?"
"I refuse to believe that killing humans is the right answer, or killing anyone for that matter. Let alone believing it is the only answer." I sent myself at him as I finished. I was done talking, and I knew he was only trying to distract me. A new weapon, my father's trident, came to my hand and I thrust it at my brother. It fell away to nothing before it reached him, the shield and my armor as well.
I looked down at my now empty hands in shock. That was my resonance. How had he done that?
"You and I are one now, Asriel." Chara said as if he were still reading my mind. "And now I truly know everything about you."
The world shifted once more, until we were standing across from each other in a city street. Buildings stretched up to touch the sky in near perfect lines on either side of us. The street itself was empty.
"I will admit," Chara said as he turned to walk around me. Smug satisfaction filled his every word and movement. "There may be one other answer; a way to keep humans in line. The only thing they respond to: fear. But nothing short of our power would keep them cooed. For it to work, every monster would need to become what we have. That way, not every human has to die, only some. Is that a better solution for you?"
I quickly buried my shock at the last few moments. "No, but that does not matter."
"Why?"
Chara thought he was winning. I would show him that I would not be cooed so easily either. "Because I know we can do better than that."
My brother turned back to me. "You really think you know everything… What if you were to try and fail? What if, after trying everything to be nice and helpful to them, humans still attacked and hated monsters, what then?"
"If all else failed, then you would have your wish." I had realized that somewhere along the way. If things really did turn out the way that Chara said, I would not put the lives of any monsters in any more danger than I could help. But that wasn't admitting he was right, that was simply acting like the king I would one day become. You had to prepare for the worst, and hope it never came to it. "You'll have your wish in that case," I told him, "but I refuse to act preemptively. Thinking like that is what caused much of the problems humans faced in the past. They were too quick to lose hope."
"And how would you know when there's no hope left."
"I'd just know."
"Not good enough." Chara said. "Too many monsters would die that way, don't you see? Do you really think that's right? Would you really risk monsters just to save a few humans you don't even know?"
I redid my defenses, and set a few things up to counter whatever my brother had been readying while he tried to distract me. "You said it yourself, Chara. There is no right or wrong, only strength. And I will use every bit of mine to ensure peace."
"As will I." Chara said, taking up stance once more. "Let us see whose peace is stronger."
We fought, like we had envisioned in our minds countless time before, with the earth shattering beneath our feet and the heavens crying out above as reality itself shattered at the strength of our blows. The sounds of our imaginary armies had followed us to the city, and were drowned out by our own battle. I imagined them looking to us from all around. Their own battle halted as they took in the fight of their kings.
We moved faster than the lightning we summoned to strike each other down. I was caught up in the chaos of it. There was no time for thought behind action. I struck out with magic and blade on instinct alone. I remember the landscape around us changing several times; I remember cities and mountains falling to a single swipe of my sword. On and on we fought and neither of us slowed. Any blow we landed on one another was there one instant and gone the next, barely long enough to even feel the pain of it. Neither of us waivered. We kept fighting, to prove not only which of us was stronger, but to prove which of the forces that drove us were stronger: my love, or his hate.
After an eternity, we broke away. I took in my surroundings for the first time in a long time. We were on the roof of the assembly hall in Home, but there was no dome above our heads; the sky shone almost like a jewel above us. The sun was setting, only half still remained over the horizon. The ground stretched out flat as a plate beyond the ancient city.
"This is pointless, don't you realize?" My brother said, drawing me back to him. "We feed off of the same power now. This fight will drag on forever with neither of us tiring as long as our will remains."
I nodded in understanding. What we were doing should have been enough to exhaust us at least a hundred times over by then. Yet, despite his words, I could feel that I was becoming tired, little by little. Was Chara feeling the same and was simply better at hiding it? Did that really change anything?
"This will not end until one of us submits." He went on. "Otherwise this will continue, meanwhile monsters will continue to rot underground and humanity will continue to destroy the world around them. So, Asriel, which do you chose?"
I knew my brother's words to be true, just as I knew that I would never submit to him. We were stuck at an impasse, an impossible battle with no possible winner. And yet, all the same, this needed to end. Even if it were not the true face of this battle, the fate of monsters and humans both hung in the balance. But what other way was there?
My brother still refused to let go of his hate. Even though he had said he wanted to be a better person, his actions had proven that to be a lie time and time again.
Perhaps, it was simply impossible…
I hated admitting it to myself, especially since I had felt so close time after time, but if having people around him who genuinely loved him, who wanted to help show him another way, was not enough to make him let go, then nothing would.
That is what I realized in the end. My brother's hate was stronger. And whether that had been true since the beginning, or only after what we had become, I knew what needed to be done.
I looked down at the sword in my hand, and suddenly the answer became clear. "Neither of us should have this power." I said to myself.
"What?" Chara said, overhearing me.
I held his gaze once more. "We hold the fate of the world on our shoulders." I said. "No one should have that power. And if we can't come to an agreement on how to use it, then no one wins."
I brought my sword up, point poised at my own chest. "What are you doing?" Chara cried.
"If what you say is true, then I won't try to stop you anymore. But that's not a world that I want to live in. You said we both draw from the same power now. I wonder… if one of us were to die, what would happen to the other? Would they be able to control this power on their own, or would it tear them apart?" I thrust the sword towards my body.
"No!" Chara shouted. He ran to me, trying to make me stop. As he drew close, I turned the sword away from myself and ran my brother through.
I caught him as he practically fell on me in shock. I could feel blood running down my hand. Somehow, I knew that meant it had worked. Slowly Chara looked up at me. "You… you…" he stammered.
"I'm sorry Chara." I did not cry, not that time. "I see now that you weren't lying before, that hate really was the only thing keeping you going. But it's over. Now you can rest."
Chara coughed. Blood trickled down his chin as he looked up at me again. "That's twice you've killed me now." He said.
"No, Chara. You did all of this to yourself. I gave you every chance for this to end differently, and each time you refused. But it's okay now. We're almost home." I could see it, in the corner of my eye. We were back in the cave that held the barrier. It would not be long now.
I let the sword disappear and Chara fell to his knees, clutching his chest. For a moment he was still, and then his shoulders started to shake. I thought he was coughing again, but then it became louder and I realized it was something else. My brother threw back his head and roared with laughter. "You really are an idiot." He said once he stopped. "You thought that would work?"
He slowly got to his feet. "Our souls are one now. Killing me won't simply cut me away. If one of us dies, we both die." A wash of exhaustion suddenly came over me, and I had to fight just to stay on my feet. "That's right," Chara continued. "You've killed us both this time. Well, no… not exactly. Unfortunately there is another factor that neither of us anticipated."
He spread his hands out, smile growing wider as he did. The wound in his chest was gone. "There's more that connects us than just our souls."
My eyes went wide, and my brother laughed once more at my reaction. "Confused? Do you remember that first day we went to this city? When I saved you from falling into that hole? It was the first time I used my power; a thread connecting you to me. I left that tie, once we were pulled back up. I left it so that I could always know you were there. And now, now it will make sure we stay together, forever.
"You would have killed us both, if not for that connection. Now it's the only thing keeping us both alive, and it is not something you can get rid of so easily. Do you see now, Asriel? I will never stop. Not until I have what I want. I won't let either of us die until that happens."
My legs finally gave out. I looked up at my brother's triumphant smile. Was that really the end of it? I asked myself. Had I failed once again because of an invisible thread of magic?
In my anger, I lashed out with my own power, hoping by chance that it would catch it. But it was no use; my resonance did not work on spells I could not see. My brother laughed once more at my futile efforts, and I wished more than ever that I had my brother's ability to see magic.
We feed off of the same power now. Those words rang in my head. We were connected, he had said; our souls were one. My brother had been able to use my resonance against me before. If he could use my powers, then I should be able to use his.
And just like that, the world… shifted. Our place did not change that time, but my perception of it did. It was as if a new layer had been superimposed over it. Lines of color swirled around me. They wove between each other and connected to everything. I instantly began to understand how this strange imaginary world was working. I couldn't explain it though, not unless you saw it yourself.
It was overwhelming. There was so much that I couldn't see before. I tried to sift through it, push some of it aside and regain a measure of clarity. I focused on me and my brother. Then, I saw it: a thin red line drawn between us. It was almost too thin to see, with its end sticking out of my chest, and yet I could tell it held us together stronger than any force in the universe. I waved my hand through it, and it passed through as if it were not really there at all. I looked up at Chara. The other end of the thread ended in his own chest. His expression darkened as he watched me. "What are you…?" he began. Then, he knew.
Before he could react, I struck out with my resonance once more, dissolving the thread. As it fell away, I felt something snap within me, and that imaginary world around us began to melt. I suddenly felt as if all of the pain and exhaustion that should have built up during our fight suddenly crashed down on me, and I fought just to stay conscious.
"What have you done?" Chara screamed, looking as if he were in just as much pain.
"End this." I said, biting back the fire that threatened to consume me. I had to hold on just a little longer, to make sure it was done.
"No!" He roared. "This is not over! This will never be over." Despite his words, I could see my brother's panic. He knew this was it. He looked around frantically as if his surroundings would offer him some way out, but I knew there was no hope now.
Then, his panic melted. He smirked, "I'm afraid you've failed again, Asriel." He said softly. "We'll see each other again. Someday." And then, he was gone.
I felt something happen when he left, I'm not sure what. I don't think I even know it now, but I knew he was gone, not dead, but gone. And there are times when I swear I can still feel him out there, somewhere.
As Chara fled, that fantasy world shattered and I was pulled out of my head. I immediately fell to my knees. I felt more exhausted that I could ever remember. Chara's vacant face stared up at me once more from the bundle that had fallen from my arms. Around me, the world pulsed with white light. I was back on the other side of the barrier, I realized. I had been able to at least make it that far, but it was not far enough.
As I looked down at my brother once more, I fought back against my exhaustion. A part of me knew I was dying. So be it. It was what I deserved after everything I had done, but not yet. "I'm sorry…" I whispered to my brother, struggling to my feet. "There's still one more thing we have to do." Chara's vacant eyes stared back at me. I knew I should have felt something in that moment, but there was nothing left for me to feel. "I can't leave them with nothing," I explained. "Otherwise they'll make the same mistakes we did. I have to tell them what I saw." I looked to the doorway that led beyond the barrier. "Then we can both rest."
