"Can I uh, come in?" Helga asked hesitantly, completely at Phoebe's mercy.
The petite brunette's eyebrows stitched together as she looked to the floor and stepped back. "Yes, of course," She said in a small voice as Helga stepped inside.
"Look, I um…" Helga began, her back to Phoebe as she stared at the wall in front of her. She wasn't sure she could get through this if she looked at her. "I uh… I'm really sorry Pheebs," She said, looking down at the floor and turning to lean her side against the wall. "I was a total bitch and I-I understand why you didn't tell me before…"
"Helga…" Phoebe stepped closer to her friend and put a hand on her shoulder. "I was… I could have handled the situation better myself," She said carefully. "I suppose I was afraid of your reaction…"
Helga shrugged, finally turning around to face her. "But you were right," She said emphatically. "I lost my shit and -" She hesitated, feeling a well of emotions bubbling up inside her. "I um… I wasn't ready… I didn't want to hear… I um…" She shook her head, looking down as tears brimmed in her eyes and she fought them back. "If you uh… God, if you've been doing treatment that long and now you're saying it's not working anymore…" Her chest felt like it was on fire and at this point, there was no chance of her holding anything else back no matter how tough she tried to be. "That means -" She choked and tears finally broke free, sliding down her cheeks before she could wipe them away. "I can't lose you, Pheebs," She said, her voice wavering as she looked up to the ceiling to try and subdue her tears and sniffles without making eye contact.
Phoebe pursed her lips. There wasn't much she could say to that and even if there was, she didn't know the words. Despite her own fears about the situation, she'd more or less had the chance to make peace with her fate. This was all fresh and raw for Helga and it was heart-breaking to see this girl who had a terribly difficult time being vulnerable all but fall apart in front of her.
"I-I… you're my best friend, Pheebs," Helga managed, her voice punctuated by her struggling sobs as she tried to keep herself steady. "I mean," She said, feigning a more light-hearted tone. "What am I gonna do without you? I can't… I can't…" She trailed off, the geyser of emotion in her chest erupting once more and Phoebe watched as Helga's eyes flooded faster than she could paw the tears away. "God dammit…"
Wordlessly, Phoebe put her arm around her, pulling her in for a hug that Helga greedily accepted. Helga rested her head over Phoebe's shoulder as her torso shook with her sobs and tears slid from Phoebe's eyes as well.
"Anything you need," Helga said after a moment, sniffling as she pulled away. "I will be there for you through all of this, okay? You can count on me," She lightly gripped Phoebe's shoulders for emphasis as Phoebe's eyes watered behind her glasses. "I won't let you down again, Pheebs," She said solemnly and Phoebe exhaled sharply, embracing Helga once more.
. . . . . . . .
Helga left Phoebe's house feeling somewhat better, albeit emotionally drained. She wouldn't have minded hanging out longer but Phoebe had made plans to spend some quality time with her mom and Helga was quick to encourage that. She was adamant about not making things more difficult for Phoebe and keeping her promise to be as supportive as she could possibly be. It was the dawning of a new era, the turning over of a new leaf, and she was determined to avoid screwing things up again. Even if she felt like she was falling apart on the inside.
She trudged up Arnold's stoop, pounding on the door and observing the peeling green paint. It had never been the most updated building but it had certainly seen its fair share of weathering over the years.
"Yeah?" Arnold's grandpa answered the door, giving Helga a curiously suspicious look. "We don't want any,"
"I'm here to see Arnold," Helga said with a slight deadpan, though she didn't have much energy to be as snarky as she normally would be. "We have a project to do,"
"I've got it, Grandpa," Arnold said as he approached from the kitchen. "It's just Helga; we're working on a science project,"
"Hmm," The wily old man raised an eyebrow at Helga and stepped aside as Arnold came up beside him. "Remember your instincts, Arnold," He whispered to his grandson, cupping a hand partially over his mouth.
Arnold stared, giving him a puzzled look. "Um, sure," He looked to Helga. "Come on in," He said, ushering her inside and toward the staircase. "We'll be in my room,"
Grandpa's eyes widened and he gestured wildly with his arms, "Not those instincts!"
"GRANDPA!" Arnold exclaimed through gritted teeth, his face flushing as he immediately caught on to his grandfather's innuendo.
"Hehehehe," Grandpa snickered as he walked into the living room muttering something to himself about being a wily old coot.
"Sorry about that," Arnold mumbled as he continued to lead Helga upstairs, afraid to look at her face and see her reaction to his grandfather's comment. "He's got this sense of humor and -"
"He sure as hell doesn't hold back," Helga added with a smirk, thankful that Arnold hadn't seen the way she had blushed as well. "I can respect that," She chuckled to hide her mild discomfort.
"Yeah…" Arnold said as he exhaled, happy to move on from the topic as they ascended the fold-out stairs to his bedroom. "So uh," He said as he closed the door behind her, a strange nervousness coming over him all of a sudden. "How is everything?"
Helga shrugged, "It's okay," She said, waiting a beat before deciding to elaborate. "I actually did talk to Phoebe…"
"That's great!" Arnold said brightly. "It went okay, right?"
"Yeah," Helga nodded but her face was somber. "Yeah, we're okay now, I guess,"
Arnold let his gaze fall. He didn't expect her to be in the best of spirits. She wasn't typically a cheery person to begin with. The added factor of dealing with her friend's mortality was only going to bring her down more.
"Did you want to talk about it?" He offered gently.
She shook her head, "No," He'd expected that.
"Okay," Arnold said, exhaling as he decided to move things along. "So um, I started working on our report," He said, leading her over to the laptop on his desk. "It's just the description of our assignment and the steps we've taken so far. It's not completely done but I figured you'd wanna put your thoughts into it, too," He said as she sat down, her shoulder barely grazing his fingers where he held the back of the chair. "We could probably run our tests tomorrow in the lab after school, if you're free," He stared down at the back of her head, his words running on auto-pilot as he marveled at how soft her hair looked and the way the light from his skylight bounced off the strands, making them appear incredibly shiny.
"Works for me," She shrugged, looking up at him and catching him off-guard.
"Uh, okay," He said, recovering from his startle. "Great,"
They'd spent much of the late morning working on the different components of their report that could be done without the test results. They'd need to record their findings and write a summary description after the fact but getting everything else done seemed like a good use of the time. They were just finishing up the rationale for their location choices when a knock on the door interrupted their progress.
"It's open!" Arnold called out and Ernie peered around the door frame.
"Sorry," He grinned, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Your grandpa said you had a girl up here so I didn't want to… intrude,"
Arnold deadpanned, slapping a hand to his face and sliding it down in an exaggerated gesture. "We're working on a school project. It's fine," He said plainly, doing a better job at concealing his mild embarrassment this time around. "What did you need?"
"It's lunch time," Ernie replied simply. "Apparently your grandparents think I'm some sort of messenger boy - talkin' about how they're too old to be climbin' up and down these attic steps. As if it's a piece of cake for me! I don't know if you've noticed, Arnold, but I don't exactly have the longest legs and those steps of yours are two steps away from the wrecking ball," He grinned at Helga. "Pun intended,"
"Sorry, Ernie," Arnold said with a sigh. He was so used to hearing the tenants' complaints that they rolled off his back like raindrops on a leaf at this point. "We'll be down in a second,"
"Sorry about that," Arnold apologized once Ernie left. "I don't know why everyone's being so weird about you being here,"
Helga shrugged, though she couldn't say she hadn't noticed. "So what, are you some sort of womanizing player like Gerald in your free time?" She said sarcastically, cleverly digging for information about his personal life. "Leading a double life, huh?"
Arnold's response was a mixture of a scoff and a laugh. "Not exactly," He shook his head, reaching past her to close the laptop and keeping his face from her view to give him the chance to regain his composure. "They just like to joke around… even if it's awkward,"
"Hmm," Helga hummed thoughtfully, following Arnold downstairs.
"Ahh, Eleanor!" Arnold's grandma beamed when Arnold and Helga stepped into the dining room. There was a tray of lunch meats and cheeses in the center of the table along with a large pot of soup with a serving ladle leaning against the edge. Most of the boarders were already seated and impatiently waiting to eat. Ernie tapped his fingers along the tabletop, Grandpa was doing most of the work in terms of bringing items from the kitchen to the dining room, and the Kokoshkas were bickering as usual. "What a pleasure it is to see you again,"
Helga quirked an eyebrow, trying to suppress a laugh. "Yeah, uh," She nodded, following Arnold to the table. "You too?"
"Grandma," Arnold said in an infinitely patient voice. "This is Helga, not Eleanor,"
"Arnold," His grandma scolded softly. "You should mind your manners in front of our First Lady and address her with respect,"
"Oh brother…" Arnold rolled his eyes, giving up as he and Helga sat at the table with the rest of the boarders. "Just ignore them," He muttered to Helga who immediately disregarded his guidance.
"So, Gertie, right?" Helga said, leaning an elbow on the table nonchalantly. "What do you think about the U.S. joining the United Nations?"
Arnold's eyes widened incredulously as he watched Helga actually engage his grandmother in her eccentricities.
"We're behind you, 100%, my liege!" Gertie replied emphatically, saluting Helga who only grinned in amusement.
"I appreciate the support," She replied as Ernie snickered beside her.
"She catches on quick," The shorter man leaned back in his seat and muttered to Arnold who was still caught between disbelief and amusement.
"So I hear you and your mom are plannin' to move in here," Grandpa said, sitting down at the table and putting a sandwich together for himself. The other boarders quickly followed his lead.
"Uh, we are?" Helga's expression quickly morphed from relaxed amusement to mildly anxious surprise.
"Yeah, she called up here earlier," Grandpa nodded. "Said you needed a place to stay and we've got plenty of room, don't we Pookie?"
"Only the best accommodations for you, Madam President," Gertie agreed solemnly.
"I don't think that's how you would address Eleanor Roosevelt," Helga quipped to Arnold under her breath. "But I could get used to that title,"
Arnold chuckled. "So I guess you guys are moving out of that motel,"
Helga shrugged, noticing she had yet to finish putting her sandwich together. "I guess so…"
. . . . . . . .
After lunch, Arnold and Helga headed back up to his room to continue working on their report. While he'd more or less decided to hold off on making any sort of move or telling her about his newfound feelings, he couldn't help but feel in awe of her ability to so seamlessly integrate herself in a meal with his eccentric family. The way she could so easily exchange jokes and witty banter with any of the boarders, and his grandparents impressed him, to say the least.
As they were nearing the end of the parts the report they could work on today, Arnold ran through a million different ways he could encourage her to continue to hang out today. It was barely mid-afternoon and he couldn't explain it but he just wanted to spend more time with her.
"I don't think we can do much more until we get those lab results," Helga said, sitting back in his desk chair.
"Yeah, you're probably right," Arnold said slowly, buying time as he put an idea together in his head. "Hey, I had an idea,"
"Oh wow!" Helga feigned a child-like sense of wonder. "That's amazing!"
Arnold deadpanned but he couldn't help but chuckle at her sense of humor. "Hear me out," He said, crossing the room to grab his guitars.
"Oh criminy," Helga rolled her eyes, realizing what he was aiming at even before he said anything. "This again?"
"C'mon, it'd be fun," He smiled warmly and she felt like a current of electricity had shot through her.
"I told you I only know a few things, Football-head," Helga retorted even as he laid the guitar she'd played before in her lap. "Or do you wanna just sit here and play the same dumb-ass chords over and over?"
"I know a few songs," Arnold replied, undeterred. "I could teach you,"
"And what makes you think I want you to?" Helga countered, one eyebrow raised defiantly.
Arnold shrugged. "I dunno, but it was fun before," He pursed his lips as he began to wonder if this idea was falling flat already. "I guess if you don't want to -"
He reached to take the guitar but she swiveled in the chair out of his grasp. "I didn't say that," She said. "I just said 'what makes you think I want to?'," Helga positioned the guitar and dug through the drawer in his desk where she remembered he kept his picks. Arnold smiled as he watched her dig out the plastic baggie, take one for herself, and toss it to him.
"Cool," He said, pulling out a pick and tossing the bag up on the desk.
They spent the next couple hours working through various chords and songs with Arnold patiently helping her along the way. She was a quick study, that was for sure, and he marveled at how easy it was to spend time with her. Something was definitely different about her and it didn't take him long to realize that it was simply that she wasn't acting mean or putting up any of her usual defenses. She was still crass and sarcastic but in a less hostile way. Maybe it was because of everything going on lately but he couldn't help but admit that he was enjoying this side of Helga. Of course, the underlying reason for her subdued nature was nothing to be happy about, but in this moment, it was just the two of them - playing guitar, laughing and talking like friends. And maybe, a glimmer of something more.
. . . . . . . .
Miriam called Helga in the early evening, asking her to come back to the motel so they could pack up and talk about their next steps so Arnold offered to give her a ride.
"That was fun," Arnold said pleasantly as they drove through the relatively quiet city streets. Sundays didn't see nearly as much traffic as other days of the week.
"Yeah," Helga murmured, suddenly feeling shy. They'd spent hours hanging out together and it'd passed by in the blink of an eye. Helga was now acutely aware of just how much she'd let her guard down today and briefly wondered if he'd arranged some sort of voodoo mind control while she was over.
"We should definitely keep jamming like that," He said, shooting her a smile before returning his gaze to the road. "If you want to,"
Helga pursed her lips, unsure of how to respond. How was this even happening? Arnold wanting to hang out with her? The whole day felt more like a dream or fantasy of hers than a typical Sunday afternoon. Somehow she'd even managed to forget about the trouble at home and everything going on with Phoebe, if only for a few hours. However, as they drew closer to the motel, reality began to wash over her like a cold rain and she sobered with each passing minute.
"That could be cool, I guess," Helga replied, careful to avoid sounding at all enthusiastic despite the bubbling nerves of excitement that danced under her skin.
"Awesome," Arnold said, then turned his attention to the rearview mirror where he could see a car behind him that had sped up and was now riding his bumper. "Ugh,"
Helga followed his gaze and turned around to scowl at the aggressive driver behind them. Within seconds, the driver swerved into the next lane and zoomed past them, barely giving himself enough room as he cut back into Arnold's lane and caused Arnold to hit the brakes quickly.
"Son of a bitch!" Helga exclaimed angrily.
"Sorry," Arnold said regretfully. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," She said dismissively, glaring at the car ahead of them. "Speed up, Arnold,"
"What? No!" He replied automatically. "We should just let him go, Helga. If they're gonna act like that, it's better if we avoid them,"
"My ass," Helga scoffed, rolling down her window and sticking her arm out to flip the driver off.
"Helga!" Arnold scolded. "Stop it!"
"Man up, Football-head," Helga retorted, pulling her arm back in and settling back against her seat. "You gotta put people in their place sometimes,"
"No, not really," He countered, turning off the main road and down a side street that would take them to the motel.
"Oh Arnold, Arnold, Arnold," Helga shook her head sympathetically. "You have so much to learn,"
He rolled his eyes good-naturedly, unable to hide his smirk. "Whatever you say, Helga,"
. . . . . . . .
After dinner, Miriam and Helga separated for a bit so that Miriam could continue working on job applications. They'd spent a good hour discussing their next steps with Miriam leaving Bob as they filled themselves up with Chinese takeout. Miriam would check them out of the motel tomorrow while Helga was at school and Helga would meet her at the boarding house later that afternoon. They didn't have many belongings with them at the motel so Miriam was confident she wouldn't need any help getting everything there.
"What about my stuff that's still at the house?" Helga questioned as she slurped a lo mein noodle into her mouth.
"I'm trying to coordinate with your father," Miriam responded tightly, pushing her rice around in its carton with her chopsticks. "Someday this week we'll go over while he's still at work and get everything we need,"
Helga groaned, irritated. "Why can't I just go over?" She gestured emphatically, flinging a tiny bit of food off of her chopstick and across the room. "It's not a big deal! You're the one that doesn't wanna run into him, which, okay, that's fine. But why do I have to be inconvenienced because of what's going on with you two?"
"I'm trying to make this transition as smooth as possible, Helga," Miriam said.
"Okay…" The fiery blonde frowned, stabbing her chopsticks into her noodles and setting the carton on the bedside table. "But it's not smooth - it's annoying. I just wanna get my stuff. I mean, criminy, it's not like he beat us up or something! He's just an ass,"
Miriam gave Helga a warning look but said nothing.
"I told you before, I don't care what you guys do with your lives but don't stick me in the middle of it," Helga leaned back against the pillows on the bed, crossing her arms over her chest.
Miriam sighed. "We'll get your stuff, Helga," She said in a reassuring, albeit tired voice. "I'll make sure of it, okay?" She waited for her daughter to respond but all she got was an unimpressed lift of her eyebrows before she watched her daughter climb off the bed and walk outside.
A brief drizzle had come through, leaving the pavement outside wet and shimmering in the light from the streetlights that had just come on an hour ago. Spring buds had fallen from the strategically placed young trees that lined the sidewalk, covering the nearby cars with little reddish-brown symbols of renewal and the impending seasons to come.
Helga walked along the curb of the sidewalk, step by step like a gymnast on a balance beam, allowing herself the space to process the day. This would have been a perfect time to write, if she had her poetry notebooks with her, but everything was at the house and she didn't want to pour her soul into the science notebook she was using for her project with Arnold.
A buzzing in her pocket stirred her from her thoughts and she pulled her phone out, groaning and considering ignoring the call as she read the name 'Olga' on the screen. Against her better judgment, she accepted the call.
"Yes, Olga?" Helga said, faking a pleasant tone as she continued her balancing act.
"Helga!" Her sister's sickeningly sweet voice made her regret her momentary lapse in judgment. "Baby sister! I've been wanting to talk to you for days and days now! Mummy said you've been busy and I -"
"Get to the point, Olga," Helga interrupted bluntly.
"Ah- right, okay," Olga said, recovering swiftly from the brief disappointment of being cut off. "Oh Helga, I just don't know what to do. Mummy and Daddy are… are…" Helga could hear the way her sister's voice was starting to break and she rolled her eyes impatiently.
"They're getting a divorce," Helga finished for her. "You can't tell me you didn't see this coming?"
"I just don't understand!" Olga exclaimed dramatically and Helga could tell through the phone that the waterworks had already commenced. "Daddy is so upset,"
"You've talked to him?" Helga raised an eyebrow.
"Of course I have, Helga," Olga said, sniffling. "Haven't you?"
"Nope," Helga said, circling around back in the direction of the motel door after reaching the end of the lot. "I just want to get my stuff from the house but I don't really care one way or the other about what they do," She said curtly. "But he has been a grade-A jackass and Mom's actually getting her shit together,"
"Daddy means well," Olga defended gently. "I know he has a temper but…"
"Ha!" Helga scoffed. "He's a self-involved blowhard and he always has been. You just don't see it because he worships the ground you walk on," She said bitterly.
Olga paused and Helga wondered if this conversation would be ending soon. She certainly hoped so. "I don't think it's that simple, Helga,"
"Whatever," Helga said apathetically.
"I know they died before you were born," Olga said, taking a different route in the conversation that momentarily caught Helga off-guard. "But do you know anything about Grand-mom and Grand-dad? Daddy's parents?"
"No?" Helga said, unsure why this should matter.
Olga sighed. "You shouldn't be so hard on Daddy. I think there are some things that would surprise you,"
"Fat chance," Helga said dismissively. "Look, I've gotta go, alright? If you wanna kiss Bob's ass, by all means, be my guest, but leave me out of it,"
Olga paused. "Okay, Helga," She said dejectedly.
