Shadows and Bones

One hundred Skulduggery Pleasant drabbles.

Nothing is owned by me.

IMPORTANT! Araxi Wish is Crystal, and Jarona Hammercloud is Carol. For future reference, until I am corrected, those are their taken names.

Eleven-Test

...

This was clearly some sort of test.

Not for Jarona or Skulduggery, but for everyone who sat in the other room and listened to them scream at each other. Granted, Skulduggery wasn't screaming, per se, but he was still loud enough to hear from anywhere in the house. Jarona was just the same. Neither Valkyrie, Fletcher, Araxi nor China would be here if they had anything even marginally better to do.

Araxi was, by far, the least ruffled of the four. She almost always waited outside of Jarona's lessons and vice versa, so she was used to the yelling. Araxi looked perfectly calm, sitting on the floor and reading a book.

For the other three, listening to Jarona and Skulduggery hurl insults (and possibly furniture) at each other was not such a common pastime.

China had her eyes closed, and was putting her best effort into looking serene as ever. She hated shouting. Even raising one's voice was not allowed in her library, so she saw no reason why it should be allowed anywhere else.

The only reason she and Valkyrie were here at all was they needed Skulduggery. Valkyrie had seen fit to drag China out of her apartment and to Skulduggery's house, insisting that they needed her help for this. 'This' happened to be a vampire cult that wanted to bring the end of the universe via the Vanishing Artefact, an ancient magical item that was in a state of constant flux due to containing the souls of over ten thousand sorcerers of different disciplines.

China couldn't care less. She frankly had better things to do than worry about the end of the universe, but Valkyrie hadn't wanted to hear her opinion on the matter.

So here she was, listening to Jarona and Skulduggery bicker and throw things at each other. China took some satisfaction in Valkyrie's expression, but as her eyes were closed most of the time, she wasn't nearly as amused as she ordinarily would have been.

Valkyrie's face was pale and bloodless, but to the relief of everyone involved she looked only vaguely murderous, not full-on wrathful. One of her eyes twitched every time she heard Jarona's voice. Fletcher would have been concerned if all of his attention wasn't in blocking out the voices from the other room. The only reason he was here and not Teleported somewhere very, very far away was Valkyrie had demanded he stay here.

Fletcher winced as Skulduggery raised his voice to berate Jerona, and actually flinched when she retaliated with both a shout and something that sounded like a toaster being thrown across a room. Fletcher wasn't sure why listening to Skulduggery and Jarona shout at each other was so grating. Perhaps it was because Skulduggery was downright terrifying when he yelled, and Jarona sounded like some sort of huge, noisy, annoying bird. Annoying and terrifying. The only way the combination could be worse is if Valkyrie was yelling, too. She was not only loud, but she was nearly as scary as Skulduggery when she started shouting.

There was a crash and another shriek from Jarona. Both Araxi and Fletcher jumped at the crash, but Araxi settled back into reading her book. China's eyelids flickered slightly. Valkyrie clenched her fists.

Fletcher considered asking Valkyrie if they could just leave until Jarona finished, but one look at her face told him it probably wasn't a great idea to start asking her things. Valkyrie was in fact contemplating asking Fletcher to Teleport them away, but some sort of stubborn pride kept her in her seat.

Araxi looked at her cell phone for the time. The lesson was taking a bit longer than it should, but it didn't worry her too much. After all, she'd taken at least four hours yesterday with both Valkyrie and Solomon Wreath, and Jarona had waited all that time. It seemed only fair that Araxi be forced to wait outside one of Jarona's lessons for an inordinate amount of time.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, the screaming stopped. China opened her eyes in relief, but Valkyrie still looked murderous as ever. The door opened and Jarona walked out, looking tired but none the worse for wear, aside from a few tears in her clothes. Skulduggery followed her, his clothes in a much better state.

"The pair of you are unpleasantly loud," said China casually. "Perhaps you should soundproof that room, Skulduggery."

Skulduggery shrugged. "I've never had a student who was so keen on insulting me with every instruction I give her."

"I've never had a teacher whose methods involve throwing things at me," retorted Jarona.

"If the two of you start screaming again, I'm leaving, vampire cult be damned." said Valkyrie, grabbing onto Fletcher's arm. Apparently she wouldn't be able to handle another round of yelling.

"Vampire cult?" asked Jarona. She and Araxi, like China, were not often involved very deeply in Skulduggery and Valkyrie's investigations.

"Some half-coherent nonsense about the end of the universe," scoffed China.

"Oh. So in other words, things you see most every day, then?"

"Not every day. Just once in a few weeks." said Skulduggery.

"Why did you need me, then?" asked China.

"Actually, yeah, why do we need her?" asked Fletcher. "You never really explained."

"This particular cult is far more well-versed in symbols than I am." said Skulduggery.

China gave an elegant sigh. "Of course."

"Well, I'm sure we'd love to help," said Araxi, putting a bony hand on Jarona's shoulder. "But we should really be leaving."

Jarona nodded in agreement, shrugging on her coat. "Yeah. Nice seeing you, Skulduggery." she said as the pair of them walked towards the door

"Likewise, Jarona." said Skulduggery in reply.

Fletcher and Valkyrie stared at him. Skulduggery ignored them.

"I'm still waiting for you to give me a proper explanation for this cult business." said China, looking expectant.

"Of course." said Skulduggery. "It's really fairly simple..."

...

The idea here is that Jarona (Carol) is an Elemental mage. Skulduggery is an excellent Elemental that Jarona has access to. Unfortunately for everyone but Skulduggery, Jarona and Araxi (Crystal), Jarona learns best when she's yelling at people. So Skulduggery and Jarona's relationship is a bit like Valkyrie and Skulduggery's, except noisier and with even more insults.

If you didn't pick up on it, Araxi is a Necromancer. A pretty decent one, not as good as Val, but okay.

I also figure that Skulduggery has some sort of room in his house that he uses to practice magic. I have no idea what one would put in a magical practice room. Presumably really, really disposable furniture.

Carol and Crystal have never really developed much of a personality besides 'annoying' and a 'a bit on the dull side,' so I made up a good deal of their character. I tried to keep basic elements (like Crystal reads some, Carol is supremely irritating, they're never seen apart), but most of what's in here is completely invented. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately.

The vampire cult thing was just a reason to have Fletcher, Valkyrie and China all there. I have no plans for following that up.