JOSH
the rumors started to become unbearable.
every day someone would have something to say to me or tyler. i've heard them all, and they're really starting to get to me. i've tried to keep myself from showing any emotion over it, but it's like they feed off of it. i've been trying to stay strong for tyler, i really have, but i don't know if i'll be able to stay strong for myself.
"fag." i heard someone call out in the sea of students as i walked through the crowded hallway, interrupting my thoughts.
"disgusting." another one.
"just fucking die." that one hurt the most.
i put my head down, feeling tears prickle at my eyes. hearing shit like this every day was really tiring me out. and not the go-to-sleep kind of way. i haven't seen tyler today, and my only wish was that he was okay.
i stopped at my locker, leaning my head against the rusting, blue-paint chipped metal door.
wow, i probably should've stayed inside my house.
i waited for the bell to ring, so the hallway would clear out and i could just skip homeroom or something. when the halls were empty of the murmurs and whispers, i turned and leaned against my locker, sighing and slumping against them. i laid my head in my hands, my head beginning to hurt.
"joshy poo?"
i'd recognize that voice anywhere.
i looked up to see my beautiful boyfriend, his features soft and calm even through all of this mess. it's strange how in just a few days, the whole school could hate you. will, rob, and maxine stopped talking to us because of this, and even brendon and sarah who we were just starting to be friends with got caught up in the rumors. we only had gina, and even then there was only so much she could do to help.
"hi." i smiled slightly, putting my head in my hands again.
"so, i found out who started the rumors." tyler said, sitting down crisscross-applesauce next to me.
"who?" i asked.
"will."
i sighed loudly, of course it was will. he seemed shady to me from the get go, but i just never thought he would do that to tyler.
"i'm sorry, babe." i said, shooting him a look and looking down at the floor.
"nah, don't be. will's always been a snake, i'm not surprised." he shrugged.
'it feels like we're in our own personal nightmare. i hate being bullied and teased about who i am and what i like."
"it's like middle school all over again." tyler said solemly, his eyes puffy and red.
"tyler?"
"yeah?"
"i want to leave."
"let's go. i'll take you for a ride." he got up and held his hand out to me, helping me up. i grabbed my backpack and gave him his before we made our way to the exit.
"i'm so over school. this is bullshit." he said, clutching my hand tightly as we left the school.
"maybe we could, you know...talk to will. i just want to talk..." he knew i didn't want to talk. i hated will for making us go through this.
"will hasn't been in school for the past two days. and i think he got a schedule change or something, he has no classes with me anymore."
"well, good, at least you don't have to see him everyday."
"yeah, i guess that's a plus. and-"
tyler stopped walking with me and looked straight ahead at the parking lot. his mouth was open and his eyes were wide. i looked to where his eyes were, and my heart started thumping loudly in my chest. there was graffiti written all over his black bmw, the words "die, fag" in big, white letters. there were also drawings of...you know.
tyler then dropped to his butt, sitting down and covering his eyes with his hands.
"i can't believe this." he muttered under his breath, his hands now covering his mouth as he looked at his car.
i went over to the paint and streaked my finger in it, it was still wet.
"tyler! do you have a water bottle?"
"yeah."
i gestured for him to give it to me while i got tissues from my bag. it was ratchet, but the best we could do for now. he gave me a full, cold water bottle and i got to work with pouring a little bit on his car and wiping away the messages. there were more, but i really don't want to think about them. soon, his entire car was clean enough, just discolored water from the paint spotting the black paint, but it should come off in a car wash or something.
i was thankful that they were idiots and used water-based spray paint.
tyler and i then drove to his house after i texted gina that she could drive the car home, as i was going with tyler. we eventually reached my house after him saying his mom was going to be home and he didn't want to see her.
we were now on the couch, sitting down and doing our stupid biology homework, even though i wasn't sure if i wanted to go back to school tomorrow. tyler groaned, throwing his binder across the room, his papers flying out. he rolled off of the couch and was face down on the floor, his arms at his sides.
"joooooosh, i don't wanna do thiiiis."
"okay, let's take a break."
"can we shred?" he asked.
"can we what?"
"shred."
i thought about that time we went to the beach.
"oh. yeah, the drums are downstairs."
he pulled out a small, shiny brown instrument from his backpack, it looked like a ukulele.
i led him into the basement, pulling the chain to turn on the lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. it lit up the room to reveal a couch, working television, game console, and my shiny drums, as well as other instruments i thought i would like but never played.
tyler gasped. "you have a piano!"
"i do."
"i want to play a song." tyler said, sitting down on the piano seat.
"okay." i sat down in the little chair in front of my drums.
tyler began playing a tune, pressing his fingers lightly on the piano keys.
i ponder of something great.
my lungs will fill and then deflate.
they fill with fire, exhale desire,
i know it's dire my time today.
i have these thoughts so often i ought
to replace that slot with what i once bought
'cause somebody stole
my car radio
and now i just sit in silence.
sometimes quiet is violent.
i find it hard to hide it,
my pride is no longer inside.
it's on my sleeve,
my skin will scream,
reminding me
of who i killed inside my dream,
i hate this car that i'm driving.
there's no hiding for me.
i'm forced to deal with what i feel,
there is no distraction to mask what is real.
i could pull the steering wheel.
i have these thoughts
so often i ought
to replace that slot
with what i once bought,
'cause somebody stole
my car radio
and now i just sit in silence.
i decided his music should have a friend, so i started playing a simple beat on my drums, but it was complex enough to keep the music flowing.
by now, tyler and i were just listening to each other play. occasionally i would see him smile while he was playing. this is one of the reasons why i love him, he got so passionate when it came to the things he loved. he finished the song with another rap after that, raising his voice for a few ending verses.
we looked at each other, and smiled.
"that sounded amazing." he said, coming over to me.
"it did. we should totally do it again sometime. maybe we could write a song together!" i got excited.
"you write?" his eyes got bigger.
"sometimes i'll just write down my thoughts and make them rhyme, add a little this, add a little that, and then boom. song."
"you know what we should do right now?" he asked.
"eat food?"
"well, yes, but we should also go on an adventure for inspiration."
"let's go."
|-/
tyler and i just drove into nowhere.
we had no set destination or strand of idea of where we could go, but we just knew the possibilities were endless. i loved being free, escpecially with tyler. he made me feel safe, like i was not alone.
"josh?" tyler's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"yeah?" i looked over to him for a split second, but turned my attention back to the road.
"look, it's a forest. you wanna explore it?"
i smirked, pulling over in the grass right in front of the forest. i just hoped we wouldn't get lost.
we got out, connecting our hands together for, you know, safety. we continued to walk into the ocean of green trees, their trunks stretching all the way up to the orange sky and were silhouettes against the setting sun. i observed the butterflies that flew through the bushes of flowers and the insects that buzzed around me.
the only thing that could be heard aside from that were me and ty's feet crunching twigs and leaves on the ground. it smelled like pine out here, and i could faintly hear water running in the distance. we walked towards it, and soon we were closing in on a creek decorated with fallen branches and flowers.
i looked back, i could barely see the car through the trees. we were in pretty far. tyler let go of my hand and picked up a small, flat rock. he started singing a song as he skipped the rock on the stream.
"a-tisket, a-tasket, a green and yellow basket. i wrote a letter to my love but on the way i dropped it."
why he was singing this particular tune, i don't know. all i know is that it was one of my favorites as a kid, so i sang along with him.
"i dropped it, i dropped it, and, on the way i dropped it, a little boy picked it up and put it in his pocket."
we soon started singing nursery rhymes and swinging our hands back and forth between us, swinging them higher and higher every time as we skipped through the forest. we are literally five year olds.
"josh?"
"huh?"
"tag, you're it."
"oh, you're on, bunny boy."
he ran away from me, deeper into the forest. i could only see his shadow run through the silhouettes of the trees, the leaves crunching loudly underneath his feet.
i chased after him, catching up to him until i saw him hide behind a wide tree. i took a different route to make sure he couldn't see me, and while he was looking for me from behind the tree, i surprised him when he turned around. i held onto his waist as he gasped loudly.
"tag, you're it." i whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek and running in the opposite direction.
we decided that two rounds was enough exercise, so we sat in a pile of dead leaves, watching the sun set. i was leaning up against a tree while tyler was between my legs, leaning back against me. i was comfortable, being here with him.
"i could do this all day." i said, more to myself, but i'm pretty sure tyler heard me anyways.
"same. we should have adventures every day. i love being out here with you."
"i love you." that one kind of slipped.
he relaxed into my chest, resting his head on my shoulder.
"i love you, too."
