I have three nephews and two nieces with another nephew on the way. I am tired and so lost right now that I could not muster up the energy to write this chapter. So if it's not to your satisfaction, please, blame the nephews and nieces. I'll forever love you if you do. You could also send me a box of chocolates, too, you know. But not chocolate frogs. Never liked frogs. Would be too weird to eat the most sensual thing ever invented (chocolate) covering the most disgusting thing in the world.
Note: I've received a lot of reviews. I have over a hundred thousand hits and visitors (each) and I could not be more grateful to all of you who followed this story since the beginning. When I wrote this, I never had anything concrete for it. I just write what comes to mind and the words just flows on to paper and there, the magic enfolds to embrace you all. And I thank you all for acknowledging this simple magic. And oh yeah, I own nothing. Meyers and Rowling have possession of these wonderful characters. I should duel them to gain rights to them, huh? Hmm…
Beta award goes to my personal favorite (I'm biased, so sue me), Yuku!
P.S: Since apparently all my break lines have mysteriously disappeared when I post a chapter, I thought up this ingenious idea of using quotes to act as breaks.
Reflections of the Dead
A Muggle named Gandhi once said, "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." I never understood that saying when I was a young child. It was only when I met them that I finally understood the long-forgotten words of wisdom. But it was when I was with him that I finally felt the true word of living.
I was an only child. But I would be lying if I said it wasn't lonely. Every other kid would have relished being an only child but I wasn't like every other child. I may have had my parents all to myself but there were times when I would be in desperate need of someone of my own age. I wanted someone to play with me; someone to talk to about magic; just someone that weren't my parents.
I loved my parents, I still do. It was somewhat of a life goal for me to make them proud. As I was their only child, it was all I could do for them. Even though my father's work demanded too much of his time, he still found the time to teach me a man's work. He taught me a lot of things about life and the world outside our own and even of our own world. My father taught me about life; I learned about honor, integrity, loyalty, trust. My dear father…he was always proud of me. Always bragging to those near and far of how I would bring honor and glory to the family name. How I would establish my name and self out in the world. How I would earn the respect and recognition of our kind. It broke my heart leaving him and his dreams behind.
While my father taught me how to be a man, my mother taught me to be me. She taught me to embrace my person; to understand nothing but my own feelings, ambitions, and dreams. While my father aspired for me to be the son of his wants, my mother inspired me to be my own person. Leaving them behind was about the worst thing I could have ever done.
But it was nothing compared to what I had done to him. The one I gave my heart, soul, and body to; the one who will always be in my heart.
I never meant to hurt him. I never meant any of the things that happened. I never meant to fall in love with him—but I did. And that is one thing I will never regret. I never anticipated falling in love with this scrawny fourteen year old kid whom everyone pegged as an 'attention-seeking troll.'
I didn't want to, at first. Fall in love with him, that is. The thought of my parents wanting grandchildren had always been my number one reason of not taking this young man as my own. But as time went on, I saw the true Harry Potter and it was this Harry that I fell in love with. The kind, big hearted, loving, trusting, and loyal boy—no—man, that I had fallen for, 'hook, line, and sinker,' as the muggles would say. I never stood a chance.
The short time I had with Harry, I found the true meaning of Gandhi's words. "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger—affectionately dubbed as the 'Golden Trio.' I had never believed the rampaging rumors around Hogwarts about these magnificent three. I mean, who would believe that two eleven year olds took down a fully grown mountain troll to save a girl they barely knew; or save Nicholas Flamel's infamous Sorcerer's Stone from Professor Quirrell? Whom I was told had been host to a wispy Dark Lord.
Who would have believed that Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger bested Professors Snape and McGonagall's obstacles? Who would have believed that two twelve year olds found the mythical Chamber of Secrets and not only did they rescue their friend and sister, but also battled Lockhart and a fifty foot basilisk? Who would have believed that the Golden Trio had once again defied all odds and survived a werewolf on the full moon and went back in time to save Harry's godfather and Hagrid's hippogriff? Who would have believed any of these things?
I didn't. But if you ever spend time in the company of the saviors of Hogwarts, you'll find all your doubts melt away with one glance at their haunted eyes and heavy-laden souls. You'll find that what you believed to be legends had been borne from facts…facts that three fourteen year olds lived through every single year of their seven years at what they deemed to be the safest place in the wizarding world. They truly personified the wise saying of Gandhi.
But Harry, Harry took it to heart. What everyone sees as stardom, Harry sees saving the wizarding world as his duty, his responsibility. While Voldemort used his power for evil, Harry used his to save the same people who ostracized him at every turn. I remember what he said when I brought it up, "I watched this movie once. It was about a teenager; he was pretty much a loner. But something happened that granted him powers and instead of using it to exact revenge on the kind of people who were like the bullies at his school, he used it for the good of the people. His motto was, 'With great power comes a great responsibility.' I have the power, Cedric, and I want to use it to save the people of this world. What good is having the power when I don't use it to save a life? They can belittle me all they want but words mean nothing while a life counts for much more than a word of degradation."
That was my Harry, always looking beyond the ugly to save the good.
As I now looked upon him and his future, I felt a burden lift from my shoulders. My love was finally willing to let himself heal. For too long he had locked himself within, pushing away any who wanted to heal him. For too long he had longed for what has gone and my heart would break whenever he sheds a tear. For too long he had let himself die, little by little, until there seemed to be nothing but a hollow piece of what used to be Harry Potter was left. And while I was saddened at the deaths of Harry's last link to his parents and godfather, I knew that the presence of Teddy in his life would be his one redemption at attempting to live again. But now, with the entrance of one Edward Cullen, my Harry would finally be able to open his heart again and love with all his heart and soul. He would finally live again.
My life changed the day I met Harry Potter and for all my kicking and screaming, I never will forget the moment I fell in love with him. He often said that I saved him. And even though I seemingly had everything you could ever want, they all meant nothing until Harry, my very own angel, saved me. My life had meaning because he was in it. I was happiest when I was with him. He completed me.
While I am heartbroken over the fact of not being able to have a family with Harry and Teddy, I am content to watch over them both live a fulfilling life. He earned it.
COURAGE IS RESISTANCE TO FEAR, MASTERY OF FEAR, NOT ABSENCE OF FEAR.-MARK TWAIN
We fought hard that night. We honestly did but it wasn't enough. Our current residence is testament to that. Even though we are united with our true friends, there is one that we left behind. And for all that I am thankful that he isn't with us, I couldn't help but wonder what life would have been like for him—for all of us—if he hadn't been born in the prophesied month. Would we be freed from looking over our shoulder to see if anyone would snatch my son? Would we be freed from trusting the wrong person? Would we be freed of ourselves? We don't know and we never will.
We were living in the rising of the war. Left and right, we were attacked. No place was safe; no one was trustworthy. Everyone was a suspect, even our own friends. But I shouldn't have doubt one of them. He considered us his pack, his family, and if I had just remembered all that I learned in school and what the prejudices of people taught me, I would have realized that a wolf never hurts his own, and we would have been alive and living with our son. But fate sealed our destiny, however much I despised it.
We never truly left our son. Lily had erected a shield of protection around him before she joined me on what that old coot always deemed as "our next great adventure." But what strengthened the shield was her love, her sacrifice for her son. That was always Voldemort's downfall: his inability to love.
I had rejoiced at the thought that my son had not joined us on our new adventure. But when the years went by and I saw the treatment of my son at the hands of my sister-in-law and her husband, I believe it was the one time I truly felt that my little boy was better off in the afterlife with us than with the living.
We could only watch his life unfold; we could only watch the war steadily rising as if it had been waiting for the growth of my son. We could only watch as he lost his godfather, his only chance of getting away from his so-called relatives. We could only watch as he found love and lost it within the same year. We could only watch as he endured pain and criticism at the hands of the people who claims to worship the ground he walks on. We could only watch and pray that Harry would learn to live for himself and not for others. Lily had always prayed for Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Albus Dumbledore, Remus Lupin and my school nemesis, Severus Snape, for always being there for Harry; for staying true to him and to themselves. Sure Ron had a lapse of judgment once but I could see the loyalty and trust he has for Harry and that was enough for me.
I watch now as he is being held by a man whom I deem worthy of my boy. I am glad that he is starting on the path to healing as for so long, he had barricaded himself from the kind of love that I have for Lily. My heart had literally broke when Cedric Diggory left him for us. But with Edward Cullen now at his side, I knew that Harry will once again feel. There would be hurtles they will face but Harry isn't a Potter for nothing. He will prevail.
Harry James Potter, my son, may be hailed as a hero, an icon of legend, but to us and to those he hold close to his heart, he will always be Just Harry.
THE SWEETEST JOY, THE WILDEST WOE IS LOVE.-PEARL BAILEY
I had fought a dark lord once, one who was once my best friend. We had shared the same dreams, goals, for the wizarding world but when his desires bordered on genocide to create another, I retreated gracefully. He didn't like that. A duel started that ended with the death of my beloved sister and the estrangement of my only brother. My family had been torn asunder because of my foolish ambitions and that was something that I could never forgive myself for.
I had then lived as a mentor and friend to those I taught and those who had accepted me in to their lives. I didn't have children; Hogwarts children were mine and that was more than enough. But when I saw Lily, Remus, and Severus, I knew I found the children of my heart. I never treated them any differently at the beginning and I didn't neglect all my other children but there was just something about them that screamed for me to make it better.
I had of course known about Remus' lycanthropy but it wasn't when I actually set eyes on him that I brought him in to my heart. His eyes were lifeless and there was an air about him that screamed defeat. I wouldn't have it.
The years went by and slowly, my Remus grew to be a fine young man. Brilliant and powerful, he was a wizard to be reckoned with. And there was Lily, my 'daughter.' However much she defied prejudices and cruelty towards Severus Snape, I could see that everything was weighing her down. Not only was she battling wizarding ways but she was also trying to rectify her relationship with her sister. Like any Gryffindor, however, she fought against them all with bravery and courage and her greatest weapon, her love. She was a magnificent, brilliant witch of her age.
Then there was Severus, my dear Severus. He was the bane of my existence, always defying me, lying to me to protect his no good father; but I've loved him, the son of my heart. He was different from Remus and Lily but it also made him unique. He had always tried to resist Lily's affections and Remus' protection but I knew that he craved them, lived for them.
There was a saying that you never experienced hurt until you have children. I never knew it could be true. My heart broke thrice over when Severus joined the Death Eaters, Lily died, and Remus hid from the world. When I saw the Dark Mark over Godric's Hollow and the bodies of my daughter and James, I knew that I would never again hear her laughter or see her beautiful face. I would have like nothing better than to break down and cry but I had a grandson to seek.
In all honesty, I never thought he would survive. How could he when his own parents, two fully grown certified wizard and witch, couldn't hold against Tom Riddle? But when I saw his green eyes looking up at me with all the knowledge of a one year old, I knew then that the prophecy would bind my grandson on a path of his own. I knew without a doubt that no matter how hard he try, he would never be normal.
If I had thought carefully that night, I wouldn't have subjected him to the cruelty of his aunt and uncle. I wouldn't have let my only grandchild in to the hands of such hateful people. But the damage had been done and I only realized it ten years later when he entered Hogwarts.
I had made mistakes concerning myself, my family, my students, and my children, and I paid for them dearly. But when I made so many wrongs against Harry, I knew that there is nothing in the world that could ever repay my mistakes. My only grandchild…and I never once took him away. He knew how I felt; he knew so well. How couldn't he when I referred to him as my grandson so many times? I knew he loved me and he knew why I made the choices I did and he had always forgiven me. He always did but I couldn't forgive myself.
Harry lost his lover, the boy he confessed he loved with all his heart. A year later and he lost his godfather. Remus was there for him, he always was. As for me…I couldn't bring myself to witness the pain Harry was going through. I just couldn't. And it was this damning decision that broke his trust and faith in me.
For seven years, I had watched him grow in to a powerful young wizard that could only be contested by James, Lily, Severus, Remus, and Sirius. I watched him develop in to his own person and not that which of his parents. I watched him navigate his way through obstacles with the guidance and company of his two best friends with his Gryffindor bravery and courage and his and his mother's greatest weapon, love. I watched him love and lose and I watched him embrace his sealed destiny. I watched him be risen and lowered by the same people each and every time and I watched him triumph each and every time. I watched him try to protect me while at the same time, he was trying to forgive me for my sins. I watched him love me, a senile old man, all the way to my death.
I now watch as he is being comforted by a man who will glue his heart back together and lead him on the path he was always meant to take. I now watch as he is starting to accept a love so like his first but a different world of its own. And as I do, I realized that while the children of Hogwarts and the children of my heart had always made me proud, it was this young man that had given me a reason to fight for what is right. It was this man that had given me a reason to live.
Harry James Potter—my grandson, my heart—will always be my memory of eternity.
*If you hadn't already guessed, this is written from Cedric's, James', and Albus' point of view, in that order. And if you're wondering just why I deviated from the story, this is part of the story. Maybe you'll find out why, maybe not. I'll have to see if I'm in the mood.
*Ok, something about a reviewers review made me contemplate a few things for this chapter. She was talking about Cedric as a ghost, looking over Harry and his choices in life. Then I started writing this and after Cedric's view, I couldn't stop. So I wrote James' and Albus' views and this is what resulted from my contemplation. I hope you like this.
If you have any questions about why James didn't know about Remus (if you had read carefully in his reflection, you would have find that Lily had never once told James about Remus and Severus), it was because I made it so.
It was the time of war and everyone was under suspicion. James and Sirius already disliked Severus and Remus was already pegged as a follower of Voldemort simply because he's a werewolf and Lily, knowing full well how the news of her relationship with Severus and Remus would affect her husband and friend, didn't speak up about them both. Speaking up about them would put her 'brothers' in even more danger.
She had already talked to Remus about being secret keeper for Godric's Hollow but the werewolf had refused. Knowing he was already hunted by both the Ministry and the werewolves on Voldemort's side, it was a matter of time before he was caught and be forced to reveal everything. Lily conceded and she never spoke a word about their conversation to James.
Severus had been the one to tell Voldemort about the prophecy, yes, but he didn't know who would be born on the prophesized day. It was on the night of the attack that he found out and by then, it was too late to save his sister and nephew. He had been estranged from Albus, Lily, and Remus since he made the fateful decision of joining Voldemort and had never known about their lives.
Again, I hope you like this chapter. I had a fun time writing it, I honestly swear. I just hope that you have fun reading it as well. I do believe that out of all the chapters I wrote for this story, this is, by far, my favorite. I don't know why.
Reviews would be lovely. J
