Emily gently kneaded JJ's shoulders as she hunched over the toilet bowl, heaving.
This had become something of a daily routine for them, JJ vomiting and Emily holding her hair back while Henry wailed for attention from his playpen, having recently decided that if someone wasn't paying attention to him all hours of the day, the world must be coming to an end.
With a pathetic whimper, JJ leaned back against the wall, head lolling to the side, eyes tightly shut. Emily dabbed at her forehead with a wet washcloth and she leaned into the cool, soothing touch.
"We should go on a date," Emily blurted out suddenly, apropos of nothing.
JJ's eyes flew open. "What?" she squeaked.
"I just thought..." Emily stammered, "Since, you know, we already slept together that I should take you out to dinner or something."
"You're asking me out?"
"Well, yeah... I mean, only if you want to," Emily said with a shrug.
JJ laughed a little. "You're asking me out in the middle of the bathroom after I've been throwing up?"
"I guess not the most romantic moment," she admitted, "But I like you, really, and..."
"And you're feeling guilty," JJ supplied, brow raised.
Emily sighed. "Okay, maybe a little. But you said it was my fault that you slept with him."
"It wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for this, Em. I was the one that overreacted, I was the one that let my imagination run away from me, I was the one that let my hurt feelings dictate my actions – that's not on you."
"I still want to take you on a date," Emily insisted. "You're beautiful, smart, talented – you're amazing and I really like you."
"Isn't it a conflict of interest for you to date your apprentice?" JJ asked, even though she'd already mentally given in.
"Perhaps." Emily shrugged. "But it's probably also a conflict of interest to let her live with me and help raise her son and also sleep with her..."
"Touche." JJ tried to hide her blossoming smile, but failed. Eventually, she nodded. Emily leaned in to kiss her, but JJ clapped a hand over her mouth. "Vomit breath," she mumbled from behind her hand.
Emily laughed and kissed her on the cheek.
"Do you ever sleep?" JJ asked, padding into the living room. She'd just put Henry back to sleep and was getting a glass of water when she found Emily wide awake, even though it was after midnight.
"Chronic insomnia," Emily said with a shrug. The light of her laptop cast a ghostly glow to her already pale face. As JJ approached, she shut the lid of her laptop, almost secretively.
JJ sat down next to her with her water and elbowed her lightly.
Emily dug a spoon into the jar of peanut butter in her lap and offered it to JJ.
"Do you eat this every night?" she asked, taking the spoon and sucking it off.
"It's my weakness." Emily took the spoon back and dug out another large spoonful, eating it with a distant thoughtful expression. "But to be fair, it's my only weakness," she joked.
JJ rolled her eyes. "What are you working on?" she asked, nodding towards the laptop. She knew better by now than to ask it – Emily was nothing if not secretive – but she couldn't help prying just a little.
Emily glanced furtively at her laptop, then shrugged. "Just some business for the shop. I figured since I was up anyway..."
JJ pursed her lips, something about Emily's affect seemed untruthful, but she couldn't have said what.
Then, before she could voice her objections, Emily changed the subject, "I've been thinking... What if we raise the baby together – you and me?" She swung the spoon around, punctuating the question.
JJ looked at her for a long time, in silence, as if waiting for her to say 'just kidding'. Thus far, they'd been considering adoption as their best option, even going so far as talking to an adoption agent and looking at prospective families.
Emily paused with the spoon halfway to her mouth when she realized JJ was staring at her, mouth gaping open a little. "What?" she said, confused, when the silence continued.
"A) We've just started 'dating'. B) We have a toddler already. And C) You have a flourishing business to run taking up all your free time. What part of that doesn't deter you?" she listed, counting them off on her fingers.
"You raised Henry yourself, together it should be twice as easy..."
"None of it was easy, Em," JJ said, feeling a little hysterical at the prospect alone. "Especially the baby part." She scooted closer to her on the couch and rested a consoling hand on her knee to lighten the blow of rejection.
"But..." Emily said, glancing down at JJ's hand on her leg and biting her lip. "This could be my only chance to raise a baby," she whispered.
"I'm sure you'll get to have a baby, Em." JJ leaned in to kiss her shoulder. "Just because what happened before...happened, doesn't mean you won't have another chance."
"I won't, Jayje," she insisted, eyes filling with tears. This wasn't how she'd planned this conversation going in her head. "I've always wanted a child, but..."
JJ gently tipped Emily's chin up with one finger to look in her eyes. "I want that for you, Em, I do. I just don't know. Let me think about it?"
"Right, I'm sorry," she mumbled, feeling bad for guilting her with her tears.
JJ kissed her firmly. "Don't be sorry. Never be sorry."
Emily gave a wobbly smile that JJ pecked the corner of repeatedly until she gave a real smile.
JJ stood, taking the peanut butter out of Emily's hands. "Sleep, babe. We've got a doctor appointment tomorrow." Tomorrow, when they saw that first sonogram, everything would be that much more real...and she worried Emily would be that much more attached to something she wasn't sure she could give her.
