Sorry for a bit of a wait, this chapter was a bit of a nightmare to write and I rewrote it twice :) Quite a big chapter as you will see, though it is not as simple as it seems (when is it ever!)
Enjoy the chapter, thanks to all reviewers so far and I really welcome your opinions!
Chapter 11
The night was endless. It seemed as though time had stopped, everything resting still and silent in respect as Constance's life began to shatter into uncountable pieces around her. The wind dared to rustle the few leaves left hanging desperately onto the winter trees, a whisper in the night which lasted a thousand days.
Holding her head in her hands Constance felt the warm tears stroking her cheek in goodbye as they fell silently to the ground below. It had been so long since she had felt such impossible emotion; rage coursed through her veins at the injustice of it all, whilst confusion enveloped her thoughts in a haze of smoke. Everything she felt, however, was dulled by the sadness which seemed to take control of her body. It was something she never thought that she would have to face, and despite hating her mind for doing so, she pitied herself. Fallen from grace, she could feel the stony depths of rock bottom as a darkness from within her soul began to drown her, pulling her down to a place she hadn't been since she was a young girl alone and crying in her room.
Constance lifted her heavy head slowly and looked at the mess spreading slowly across the laboratory floor. Walking over to the puddle of liquid speckled with glistening shards of broken glass, she wiped her eyes furiously, as though angry with herself for such a betrayal of emotion. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment; even alone, she never felt comfortable letting down her constant guard and now was no exception.
She bent down, picking up the larger fragments of glass and collecting them in her open palm. The distraction was a relief, an escape even from such a menial task to a place in her mind where she did not need to worry about anything more than laborious and superficial duties; for a moment she even managed to forget, before the memories hit like a wave crashing violently against a rock face and realisation took its hold once more.
Relenting, Constance used her magic to clean the mess and conjured a plain white handkerchief to wrap around her hand. She returned to her chair, sitting calmly at the table with her elbows against the desk and her hands locked solidly together. She refused to cry anymore; strength and power were her strongest assets and she intended to use them.
The thought of being pitied made her feel ashamed, the idea of sympathy a poison to her nature. She never asked for help, she never appeared anything but composed and she would not relent until she reached a point where there was nothing left for her to protect, when all hope was lost.
Her head began to pound and she had to rest it against her knuckles, which had turned white from the vigour with which her hands were clasped in each other. She knew at that moment that nothing would ever be the same again, and a whisper in the back of her mind, masked even to her by the rustling of the wind against the last flora of autumn, tried to tell her something else: she was in danger.
Xxx
Mildred sat up abruptly in her bed. She knew at once that a noise had woken her, something brief yet loud which had cut her dreamless slumber short. She stepped gingerly out of bed, tying her wayward hair into two quick plaits which hung lazily at either side of her head. Mildred listened carefully, trying to hear anything else to arouse suspicion, though the whole castle was silent.
Although afraid of the dark, Mildred was mesmerised by the excitement of the castle at night. It was the way in which every move she made seemed to echo for the world to hear and the risk of being caught by Miss Hardbroom was a thrill she had not yet managed to duplicate. After many indecisive moments, Mildred decided to risk discovery and ventured quietly outside her bedroom.
Walking slowly through the darkness, Mildred bumped into another pupil daring to wander the corridors after hours. She gasped but bit her tongue to suppress a cry which she knew would bring the intimidating deputy headmistress to her, sending her straight back to bed with severe punishment.
'Mil?' Enid walked into the eerie light cast by the moon through one of the open windows to reveal herself to her friend.
'You almost scared me to death!' hissed Mildred, 'what are you doing?'
'The same thing that you are: looking for whatever caused that noise.'
'You heard it too?' Mildred asked.
'Yes,' admitted Enid, 'but I couldn't tell what it was.'
'Shall we wake the others?' whispered Mildred.
'No, there isn't time. It sounded like it came from the potions lab,' Mildred shuffled uncomfortably, avoiding the urge to look shamefully down at her cold, bare feet.
'If HB catches us...'
'Oh come on Mil,' scolded Enid, 'it's hardly like we've never been caught before.'
'But you know how she's been recently,' Mildred pointed out.
'It's worth the risk, come on!' Enid grabbed Mildred's arm and pulled her towards the stairs leading down to the rest of the castle. Mildred could not help the grin which spread across her face, lighting her eyes like beacons flashing in the darkness.
They crept down the winding stairs, resisting even the urge to whisper. Mildred followed Enid, checking compulsively over her shoulder every few minutes as though asking to be caught. She could feel a lingering sense of dread which wandered with them to the potions lab, the feeling that they were only biding time before Miss Hardbroom appeared and scolded them for being out of bed at an ungainly hour.
By the time they reached the main corridor, Mildred was beginning to think that their luck was too good to be true. They came close to the door which led to the laboratory and Mildred turned to Enid.
'Are you sure that we should be doing this?' she whispered uncertainly.
'Yes,' said Enid bluntly. She had expected Mildred's questioning indecision, but after three years she knew that she could get her way and that her friend secretly loved the adrenalin rush of adventure.
'We're here now, we might as well look.'
'Shall we look through the window first? I mean, we don't want to barge in,' pondered Mildred. Agreeing, the girls peeked tentatively around the doorframe to peer through the glass panel on the door to the laboratory.
Mildred could see Miss Hardbroom sitting at her desk. Checking the watch on her wrist, she saw that the time was after three in the morning and wondered why the deputy headmistress was sitting alone in the potions lab at such an hour. Looking closer, Mildred could see that she was deep in thought. Her head was resting on her knuckles as though she was in prayer and she did not move a muscle as time ticked slowly on.
'Is she alright?' whispered Mildred to Enid, who was craning her neck to get a better look.
'I don't know,' Enid confessed, 'but she doesn't really look it, does she?' Mildred nodded in agreement. She had noticed the changes over the past few weeks and even through the darkness she could see that something was wrong.
Constance did not notice the presences hovering outside the door; she had greater concerns plaguing her mind. Her hands twitched involuntarily and she could feel the pulse in her veins thumping hard against her skull.
Without warning, she began to feel suddenly worse, the pain in her head reaching a peak as it fogged her thoughts and spiked like needles in her temples. She made to stand up, but felt a pain in her abdomen so fierce that she had to stop, doubling over with a hand across her stomach as she fought to stay conscious. Her vision was blurred, the darkness which had once been confined to the shadows branching out and swallowing the room as her head became light.
'Wh-what's happening?' Mildred abandoned the quiet tone of voice as panic set in. She had seen her teacher rise and begin to struggle, hunched over in pain though she was still silent and reaching out to grasp the desk in front of her to keep her upright.
'I don't know,' confessed Enid, at a loss at what to do. She looked desperately at Mildred, someone who despite their insecurities always seemed to know what to do when danger reared its ugly head. Mildred knew what was being asked of her and wracked her brains to find a suitable solution.
'Right, you go and wake Miss Cackle; she won't mind, it's an emergency. I will go and see if Miss Hardbroom is alright.' There was not time for questions and Enid ran off, disappearing into the shadows.
Mildred took the doorknob in her hand, reluctant to enter at such an hour when Miss Hardbroom obviously thought that she was alone; but she knew that it would be immoral to leave her teacher there. It had become obvious over the past month, at least to her, that something had been wrong and it had culminated in this moment. With a surge of courage, she opened the door.
Constance could feel her presence in the room without opening her eyes, the uncertainty and fear the likes of which she knew all too well. Despite the agony radiating throughout her body, she forced herself to snap into her usual facade and opened her eyes as she straightened up, though her hand lingered subconsciously close to her abdomen.
'Mildred, what on Earth are you doing out of bed at this hour?' The sharpness of her tone was direct; she did not need a prolonged question and answer session with the most infuriating of pupils.
'I...I...I heard a noise Miss,' admitted Mildred, feeling as though she had recently drunk a powerful shrinking potion and was now standing ten inches tall at Miss Hardbroom's feet.
She looked up and saw the colour was still absent from her teacher's face and it was impossible for her to conceal the hint of pain flashing in her eyes.
'Are you alright, Miss?'
'That,' snapped Constance, 'is a question I have heard from you one too many times Mildred Hubble. There is nothing wrong with me other than the stress of your sheer incompetence and disregard for the rules!' Mildred looked away, ashamed but certain that her berating was a disguise, a ploy to avoid the question being asked.
'I suggest that you run along to your room and get some rest before I decide to keep you in for detention until you turn eighteen! I want 600 lines of I will not aimlessly roam the corridors at night ready for before the weekend and if I catch you out of bed again I will not be so lenient!'
Mildred opened her mouth to reply, but at the wave of Miss Hardbroom's hand she was transported back to her bedroom. Tabby leapt gracefully onto the bed and began to purr comfortingly. Mildred sat beside her, stroking behind her ears and wondering whether the look in the animal's deep amber eyes was one of understanding.
Constance breathed a sigh of pure relief as Mildred disappeared before her. She could no longer rely on the laboratory as a place of solitude and scolded herself for not placing a silencing spell on the room. She found herself wondering how long she could keep this up before the girls guessed; they were young and naive, but far from lacking in intelligence. Her secrets would not be safe for long.
Xxx
Amelia could not pretend that she hadn't known that something like this was coming. She had seen Constance's behaviour escalate, her attempts to cover her true feelings becoming more transparent as the weeks went on. After the earlier conversation she had shared with her colleagues, the headmistress had sensed that it had only been a matter of time; and now, she was running along the corridors with a third year pupil, worried out of her mind as to what might have happened.
To see that Constance was standing in the potions laboratory was a blessing to Amelia. By the panic in Enid's tone she had feared the worst, yet although Constance seemed physically alright, Miss Cackle could see the ghostly pallor of her deputy and the glimpses of the woman behind the mask seemed to be crying out more than ever for a helping hand she would never accept.
'Constance, are you-'
'I am perfectly fine,' insisted Constance icily, turning to Enid. 'Enid, run along back to bed and consult Mildred bout your punishment for wandering the halls.' Enid did not need to be told twice, but caught Miss Cackle's eye as she left. A moment passed between them; she tried to tell the headmistress what she had seen before and warn her that all was not as it seemed.
An awkward silence hung in the air after Enid had returned to her room. Constance thought for a moment, aching for the relief of telling Amelia everything that was troubling her. How easy it would be for her secrets to spill out before her, sharing the increasing burden which pressed heavily against her tired shoulders; but she would never do such a thing. Having her life exposed for others to see, her heart beating vulnerably on her sleeve, was something she had sworn never to do.
After her father had given her to Mistress Broomhead, Constance had discovered that the best way to learn was to keep herself isolated from the wider community, wrestling her emotions into a box pushed forcefully to the back of her mind.
Her privacy was what made her who she was. She kept the truth about herself hidden; anything that you could not see was a mystery and she would never unlock that part of her...or so she had thought. At that moment, staring at the headmistress she reluctantly saw as a friend, Constance could feel the cold metal of the key which released the truth, her truth, forcing its way into the lock and she felt panic rise in her throat.
'Constance,' started Amelia gently, edging closer to Constance, 'we need to talk about this.' The headmistress could almost feel the icy barrier of her deputy's defence system snap into action.
'I do not think that there is anything for us to discuss,' replied Constance abruptly, the calculated clinical aspect to her tone so clearly false.
'Please Constance,' pleaded Amelia, unable to mask her concern, 'there is something wrong, everyone can see it; even the girls-'
'I will not adhere to such nonsense,' Constance interrupted starkly, 'now it is late Amelia and I need to return to my room.' Without waiting for a response, Constance folded her arms and vanished before Amelia's eyes, leaving her alone with her mouth gaping open, the echo of a plea that never formed into words.
Constance appeared in her room and stumbled back until she collided abruptly with the wall. Sliding down until she was sitting with her knees close to her chest, she felt the irrepressible surge of tears overcome her once more.
Xxx
The cruel mistress of sleep evaded Constance for days. Every time her head touched the pillow, she was revisited by more memories breaking free from the deep cavern of her mind. She saw herself as a child, no more than five years old, standing in front of a plain white door. Constance could sense everything with vivid detail, as though she was reliving it step by step. She could imagine the feel of the cool metallic doorknob between her fingers, though no matter how many times she tried she could not allow herself to enter the room. Every time she felt the firm, painful grasp of a hand on her shoulder and the forceful pull of her father as she was taken to her room and locked there screaming until she learned to be silent.
Miss Cackle knew what Constance was doing; the deputy headmistress had not allowed them to be alone since that night in the potions laboratory. She knew that Amelia would show discretion, proved by the fact that she did not share what she had learned with the Imogen or Davina. As the weekend came and went, Amelia became frustrated at Constance's evasiveness. She could tell that the younger woman was not sleeping, or eating for that matter, and she seemed in a matter of days to become more of a shadow slipping across rooms unnoticed.
The thing Amelia could not for the life of her understand, was how she carried on her facade of normality in front of the girls. She had watched her through the door during lessons, lingering before going in to ask for a pupil to watch Constance and to see if she was alright. In the classroom, it was impossible to see any fault in her impenetrable exterior and the pupils continued to fear and respect her as they always had; it was the glimpses Amelia caught of her in the staffroom, away from the majority of prying eyes, when she closed her eyes and sighed deeply, as though trying to breath away the problems ruining her life behind closed doors.
Walking into the staffroom, Amelia was surprised to see Constance preparing a cup of tea alone and seized the opportunity.
'You can't avoid me forever.' Constance jumped slightly, emphasising her fragility. She turned to face the headmistress but hadn't even the energy to muster an excuse; she simply folded her arms and made to leave.
But Miss Cackle had expected as much. She ran over, reaching out and catching the cuff of Constance's black silk dress just as she disappeared.
Amelia let go, dazed and confused, to find that they were in her own office. Constance appeared disgruntled and slightly shaken, the power needed to transport an extra passenger without warning drawing some of the breath from her lungs. Constance walked calmly over to the chair across from the headmistress' desk and grasped it hard for support, catching her breath.
'This has gone on long enough,' ordered Amelia. 'You haven't been yourself for weeks, ever since...' For a moment, she caught Constance's eye and the look which lay within them told her all that she needed to know.
'Ever since your birthday, since Mistress Broomhead visited.' Amelia thought for a moment before continuing.
'What did she do to you?' It was a bold question, one that she had not expected an answer from; but Constance was too tired to argue. It took everything she had to continue as normal during lessons, despite the fact that she had not slept in more than a week and had eaten only on a few occasions in that time. The fight seemed to cost her more than the value of what it protected and as she had so little left, she thought of relenting.
'I...I can't tell you Amelia,' whispered Constance, 'please don't make me.' Amelia could sense that the truth waiting to be uncovered was dark, swathed in mystery and tragedy and something which had taken her deputy's life and turned it upside down.
'I'm sorry,' said Miss Cackle genuinely, 'but I can't allow you to go on like this.' Constance looked up at the headmistress. It was now, it had to be. The floodgates opened, the lock finally breaking and falling into an abyss; for the first time in thirty five years, her resolve broke.
'It's impossible,' she began weakly.
'What do you mean?' asked Amelia kindly. Constance sighed. She didn't know if she could bring herself to say it out loud, the mere thought a tainted spot of colour on her otherwise simple life.
'It was banned, hundreds of years ago. It had been designed to...to help young women, but many used it for dark and deceitful purposes. A copy of this enchantment was given to me by Mistress Broomhead, though I only opened it recently.' Constance looked away, trying to avoid the emotional pain threatening her already crumbling composure.
Miss Cackle nodded slowly. She knew that she had to press on, though feared by looking into Constance's eyes that it might break her.
'So...what does it do, this enchantment?'
'Nobody knows; well, nobody knew. It was lost a long time ago after it was banned. With the words of the spell, I could translate some of the Latin and I tested to see if what I suspected was true...now I know what it does,' explained Constance, the words choking her slightly as she forced them out.
'It can't be possible, it just can't,' stated Constance, her tone that of a child denying what they knew to be true. Tears were brimming in her eyes, threatening to fall, and Amelia saw through them the pain in her soul.
'It defies everything, every rule of the Witch's Code and every fibre of morality in any human being. It can't be true, it just...' She turned away once more, fighting to keep from breaking down. Amelia walked slowly towards her and put one hand on her deputy's arm, using the other to gently turn Constance's head back towards her own.
'You can tell me; everything will be alright I promise.' A weak smile passed across Constance's face, though it was not one of relief or happiness. It was the gesture of sadness that told Amelia that her optimism was pointless and that all hope was lost.
'Don't make a promise that it is impossible to keep,' said Constance wisely.
'Then tell me why,' reasoned Amelia. Constance sighed; the headmistress needed to know. The tears fell, cascading down her cheeks in perfect lines and glistening in the light, like the reflection of the sun on water.
'Because, Amelia,' she said resignedly, her bottom lip softly trembling 'I am pregnant.'
Lol well done NCD :)
