Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope. 12/27
Story: What if Percy was a little older, and female? What if, at an older age, she wasn't the impressionable 12 year old that easily changed his life for others, but had her own plans, designs? And mind you, nice and sweet as she is, underneath she isn't all that forgiving…
Set AU for "The Lightning Thief", genderbending.
Spoilers: Definitely for the first book for now.
Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…
Pairings: Ares/Percy, Hermes/Percy, Apollo/Percy, semi-platonic (semi-not) Luke/Percy (mostly friendship, one-sided romance), Poseidon/Sally, Hades/Persephone, one-sided Annabeth/Percy, one-sided Clarisse/Percy, Annabeth/?, Clarisse/?, Dr. Chase/Athena…
A/n: The long awaited Luke chapter. Finally, dammit.
The Light Before We Land
Interlude: The Darkest Side of Me (Lucifer Rising)
He watched her walk away, eyes darkening as he felt an unknown emotion inside of him, growing and growing until it felt like it was consuming him. Frowning, he shook his head and forced it clear, walking into the woods and to their cabin.
Distracting himself, he began to dazedly put pins on the map he and Percy had laid out in their cabin, using red pins for the immediate places they wanted to go to. Most of them were on the States map, where they had planned to start their trip before going on to Asia and then Europe.
'Do you really think she'll love you?'
His hand paused above the map, holding the pin right above where he was about to push it into.
'Idiot boy. You'll slave over a girl who'll leave you once she finds out the truth.'
He swallowed harshly and looked to his side, seeing the ghostly figure of a tall man with dark hair the shade of blue skies of nighttime. His gold eyes bored into Luke, making him shiver and clench his hand, not even realizing the point of the pin pushing into his skin and puncturing it.
'Besides, what does a bratty, indecisive mortal like you have to offer her?' The man laughed mockingly, the hollow sound echoing in the small room. A girl started forming beside the man, the similarly ghostly visage wrapping its arms around his, slowly growing corporeal.
Percy standing there next to Kronos, looking absolutely at home with the Titan, made him almost double over in pain. Then she leaned up and the Titan kissed her intensely, burning the image in his mind as he automatically started filling up with jealousy. His hand opened, the pin falling to the floor and making an almost inaudible tik! as it made contact. The red trail of blood flowed from his palm, dripping from the tips of his fingers as it wrapped around them, and accumulated onto the wooden floor and staining it scarlet.
He stumbled over to them, rushing through the ghostly images, and rummaged through the chest behind them. He found what he was looking for, grasping the hilt of Backbiter and pulling it out, staring at it angrily.
He grasped it firmly and rushed out of the cabin, running through the woods almost like he'd lost all sense of himself, finding the creek where he thought he'd almost lost Percy to his unknowing summoning of the hellhound. With his bare hands, he started to dig a large hole in the ground, throwing Backbiter into it carelessly. Almost possessed, he threw dirt back into the hole, desperate not to see the sword again.
Luke closed his eyes, shaking as he remembered the first time he saw Percy.
He stepped into the room, looking for Chiron, when he saw someone he had never met instead, his heart strangely stilling. She was a pretty little thing, with long dark hair and soft features. Her eyes were closed as she lay on the couch, a bowl of ambrosia and a cup of nectar on a table next to her.
"Oh, Luke! Is there something I can do for you?" Chiron interrupted his observations.
Luke blinked, phasing out of his daze.
"Um, the Hermes cabin was wondering if we could make some bunk beds so that we'll have less campers without beds."
Chiron hmmed, "I'll run it by Mr. D, though I don't see why not. Wait! Can you do me a favor, Luke? I need someone to look over Perseas for awhile, seeing as we haven't located Annabeth yet, for the job."
"I don't mind," Luke agreed without hesitation, his voice distracted as he was already seating himself at her side without glancing at Chiron again.
Chiron left him with her, and he tentatively grabbed a rag and wet it, wiping her face before folding it and leaving it on her forehead. He gently took care of her, and even when Annabeth was brought in to take over, he stayed awhile, just watching.
Until the moment she woke up, even though Annabeth was assigned to watch over her, Luke switched places with the blonde girl more often than not, taking care of the sleeping beauty that for some reason he had an odd pull to that he couldn't explain.
He staggered up and fled back into camp, searching out Percy's cabin. He stayed there, ignoring the others who came looking for him and just falling into a deep sleep after haphazardly wrapping up his bleeding hand. He had no desire to wake up or do anything, and for some reason kept going back to sleep and only waking at short intervals before going back. He slept the whole day away, and that night, the nightmares came back worse than ever.
He woke up, realizing that not only did he sleep in late but also that it didn't feel like he'd slept at all. Forcing himself up, he made himself clean himself up a little and then trekked reluctantly to the infirmary to get his hand looked at.
"Luke, what are you doing here?" Lee greeted him politely enough.
Luke held up his hand tiredly, showing his bloodied makeshift bandages.
"Ah. Come over here then, and we'll get that looked at."
Luke sat on a bed and Lee started looking at it, strangely handling him roughly.
"Heard you've been gone since Percy left? Where've you been?" Lee asked, voice neutral.
Luke ruffled his hair with his other hand, face screwing into a grimace.
"Just…around."
"Around, huh? Missing Percy already and hiding out?" But Lee's smile was frozen and didn't seem that nice anymore. "But you would know, wouldn't you? You actually got to be near her all the time and got to spend time with her. At least she actually noticed you and became attached. You had the chance that everyone didn't."
Luke stiffened up, clenching his jaw as he narrowed his eyes at the Son of Apollo.
"I didn't know you were so inclined towards her."
"You would if you weren't so busy wrapping her around your finger," Lee said bitterly.
"If she didn't notice you before, she won't notice you now," Luke surprisingly bit out cruelly.
Lee stared at him before his face screwed up in anger.
"Watch it, Castellan. You have all the confidence now that you have her in the bag, but she can just as easily slip through your fingers when you're not looking," he sneered.
Luke bristled and nearly launched himself off the bed and at the other demigod, before he forced himself into an icy calm and smiled coldly.
"You just think too much of yourself."
And then the blond abruptly left Lee behind and angrily stormed back to Percy's cabin. With the curtains drawn and no light being let inside of the house, it was rather dark, in more ways than one. Luke sat on the bed, hair overshadowing his face as he glared at the wall in front of him.
'Fool boy,' a dark whisper into his ear. 'What weakness you show. The others show such disrespect and all you do is speak and then run away. All bark but no bite,' the bodiless voice mocked.
Luke shuddered, a shiver going through his body.
The whispers. The godsdamned whispers. It was always those damn whispers, seeping into his head, breathing into his ear, murmuring things that he didn't want to hear but couldn't help listening to. He was fucking tired of those whispers…
'You can be tired of me all you want, boy. But I'll always be here and I'll always know your thoughts and desires. You can't escape me, even if you throw away a thousand swords.'
"Shut up," Luke muttered and tossed himself fully on the bed, taking a pillow and covering his head with it.
Kronos' voice had continuously haunted him ever since that damnable Quest, but it had never been as bad as it was now. Even worse, the Titan's haunting voice had quieted and almost seemed like it had disappeared when Percy had been around. Now with her gone, it seemed as if the haunting had come back worse than ever and it was driving Luke insane.
He wasn't even exaggerating about that.
His body, it seemed, was feeling drained. Mentally, he was exhausted fending off Kronos, and physically he seemed to echo his mental state. Percy had been his anchor. Without her, it seemed like it was all too easy for him to be dragged down into the abyss, where Kronos waited and crooned to him with his haunting voice.
It was so tempting just to give in.
The more aggravating part of it all, was this irrational fear that a god (or gods, whatever –he didn't know) would somehow tempt her away and win her from him. More so that it would be his father. He sneered at the thought but he felt it was plausible, especially given the unannounced and suspicious, sudden visit Hermes had made to Perseas all those days ago. Though he had no evidence, there was this deep-seated dread that caused him panic of Percy abandoning him in favor of the gods.
He didn't like the feeling, and he didn't like that thought.
It was that fear and the repeated and insistent doubts and thoughts along that vein that allowed Kronos to gain a firm foothold in his mind, and even now helped the Titan to win Luke over; helped bring Luke to pieces and aggravate him to the point of irrationality and being unreasonable. It was helping to make Luke gradually succumb to the Titan, and see things his way.
The days passed by in a hazy blur, with Luke strangely dazed and sometimes confused. Everything was in and out of focus, his body seemed to drag, and all the while he kept seeing Kronos and not-Percy scornfully watch him with mocking smiles (and despicable, wicked whispers in his ear).
One day, a loud knock brought him temporarily out of his odd half-coma. He lay completely still in the makeshift bed he shared with Percy, but listened carefully. He expected the visitor intruding on his solitude to give up and go away after he had ignored them and refused to get up and acknowledge them, but instead the person opened the cabin's door and he heard soft footsteps into the abode. He tensed up and forced himself to sharpen his awareness, body coiled and ready to attack whoever it was.
"Luke, are you in here?" he heard Silena call out hesitantly, and he forcefully relaxed himself.
"In here," his voice sounded hoarse.
Her quiet footsteps sounded and he idly counted them, until she was closer to where he was. The bedroom door was opened and light streamed into the room, though he had to blink rapidly to get used to it.
"Stop skulking in the dark," Silena snapped, entering further into the room and keeping the door opened, letting the light to continue to shine into Luke's current "stronghold." "Aren't you Kronos' second? Quit acting silly like this. Besides, Perseas would hate seeing you like this. Pull yourself together and at least get out once and awhile."
"I don't want to," he mumbled.
'It is your disposition. You choose to do whatever you want. Don't allow anyone to tell you what to do –not even this ally,' Kronos gave a quiet, dark laugh.
Luke inwardly grunted and forced himself to ignore Kronos. He further ignored not-Percy's sly grin and her affectionate nuzzling to the Titan. Instead, he chose to sit up and fake a smile, letting himself not hide his exhaustion to look real to Silena.
"You're right," Luke murmured. "I should be taking better care of myself. Percy would definitely freak out over me, if she saw what I was doing to myself."
'And what are you doing to yourself? Running away? Moping? Going crazy…'
"I should tidy things up, try not to let things go to waste or become a mess while she's gone," Luke refrained from gritting his teeth.
'Being a silly, little housewife will not win her over to you and keep her by your side.'
"After all, if I just let myself go and let everything go to hell, I will just cause her unnecessary worry," Luke concluded with finality in his voice.
'Silly boy. You're already worthless to her.'
"That's the spirit, Luke!" Silena beamed, looking relieved. "Like I said, pull yourself together. You have to keep calm and collected. If you keep on your path, you can get Perseas to side with us and everything will be just fine. You'll see."
"Yes…you're right…"
'Fool.'
And then Silena left, leaving Luke alone with his demons, and Kronos' dark, quiet laughs echoing throughout the isolated cabin.
Afterwards, Luke reluctantly (and rather subdued) went out periodically. He made his quick appearances wherever he could, to relax people, but mostly stuck to making daily shopping sprees. He was practically absent otherwise. However, it was much better than before, so no one could really complain.
But a gnawing feeling continuously bothered Luke, until he decided to do something about it one night. As everyone fell into a deep sleep, he snuck out and slipped into the Attic, seeking out the Oracle. He saw its mummified form lying still, and he approached it quietly.
"Wake up," he said harshly. "Wake up and tell me. Do I get to stay with her? Do I get Percy? Do I get to have her?"
He was surprised when green smoke came out of its mouth and that it had actually worked. He closed his eyes against the smoke, trying not to cough.
"You never had her."
Luke opened his eyes quickly, searching for the familiar voice. And then he saw that the Oracle had taken on the form of Percy and was watching him with knowing eyes. She looked more solid than Kronos' not-Percy, but he wasn't fooled and knew it still wasn't the real thing.
Oracle!Percy looked at him sadly.
"You will turn
A river of tears will flow
Your affections inevitably spurn
Thrice, immortality seeks to heal
Pain that bitterness and rejection caused
Fate has a seal
Her heart be mend
Where gods belong
It is Destiny you cannot bend."
A blind rage entered him and he had a terrible and an irresistible urge to thrash everything around him in a fury that nearly overcame him. He barely restrained himself, knowing such an action would alert others to his presence there and reveal his illicit visit to the Oracle. He ran from the Oracle and rushed back to Cabin Three, where he was still not free to take out his rage.
He would not let the gods take her from him. He would never allow it. He'd rather die than accept such a thing. He'd rather her dead.
He hated the gods with every fiber of his being. To lose Percy to the Olympians, especially his father, was completely unacceptable.
He calmed down, but it was a calm closer to a calm before the storm, head clearing as he began to think and eventually scheme. He gingerly sat himself on the makeshift bed and waited patiently for morning, wide awake in the darkness of the room.
Morning came, and Luke trekked out of the cabin, stoic and feeling empty inside. Everyone was still asleep, but he knew he had to be quick. He went to the familiar creek and searched out for the spot where he'd buried Backbiter, unfeeling and cold as he dug it out and retrieved it. He kept hardening his heart with each moment passing, and went back to the cabin.
And yet, he still clutched onto a thread of hope…hope that that prophecy he should never have heard was interpreted wrong in his head. That Percy was going to be his Bonnie right up to the end…
He was being foolish. Being hasty. Percy cared about him. There was no need for him to dive into the deep end just yet, and jump the gun. He'd been losing his head and not thinking straight. He had been so close to losing all sense of his self. Percy was by his side, and it would stay that way. He had no proof she would leave him or come to care for the gods, only his doubts and insecurities (and stupid, meaningless whispers from a Titan) and an incoherent prophecy that he really didn't have the real meaning to. He loved her and was willing to give it all up, forsake everything and let go of Kronos and his plans.
'Such a child~ When the time comes, you'll lay in pieces and realize the truth you refused to see staring you in the face.'
He shouldn't lack faith.
Keeping himself on that path and that mindset, he could feel himself attempting to be happier…lighter. Things could almost even seem normal. And that was how things were when he finally saw Percy again –real Percy (even though it was only through Iris-Messaging). Despite knowing he looked horrible and exhausted, he was happy to see her and completely and genuinely felt renewed and believing in the bond they shared. He felt rehabilitated and as good as new after talking with and seeing her.
He was talking with her as if she had never left and the two of them effortlessly slipped into an easy camaraderie that he'd had always cherished since the beginning. He was ecstatic to hear her quote a line from a song in greeting to him, one that allowed her to call him 'boyfriend.' That she did so easily and unconsciously had to mean something.
Even when questioning her about meeting any gods, he still held onto the feeling of bliss seeing her, even with his doubts creeping in at that moment. And then he left with his parting shot, asking her how she looked at him because he hoped that she would really think on it as she was away and hopefully come to realize that she might care and see him closer than she currently thought of.
So afterwards, curling on the makeshift bed and trying to ignore Kronos and not-Percy eerily watching him with unblinking eyes and matching mocking grins, he prayed to her that she would keep him from being dragged into the darkness.
'You really think you can keep away?'
It was exhausting continuously fighting and resisting Kronos. Exhausting to not listen to his haunting voice and wicked whispers. Exhausting to ignore his mocking, especially when he and not-Percy toyed with him and created images he didn't want to see but sometimes was forced to be unable to look away. And just exhausting to be fighting at all, and in keeping such a blind faith when he could feel the darkness threatening to swallow him.
It was at once both painful and a relief to have Percy back, in the flesh.
But then she mentioned meeting Hades and Ares, and why was there fucking fondness in her voice talking about them? Even if it was reluctant, he could hear it. That she met them at all, never mind the hint of care, made him think about the private prophecy of his and know that there was never any escaping it.
He looked towards the ghostly Kronos and not-Percy, and clenched his jaw as he signed his soul away.
'Fall, Puppet General. Fall from grace.'
He had wanted to be her anchor. But if he couldn't be, then he would make it so that she wouldn't even need one.
Luke knew it was selfish, but extracted promises from her that she would have to keep, if things weren't to go as he had planned. He also said his goodbyes, even though she wouldn't know it, until maybe later on. Even still, he also silently begged and looked for a second chance for her to save him, even while he started to pull away.
Then came the day where he realized it was all over and the little world he created with Percy would fall apart and finally shatter into a million, little irreparable pieces.
He gave his beads to Percy. He spoke to her, feeling a huge weight off of his shoulders, relaxed and relieved in a sorrowful and messed up way. He let himself be as real and honest with her right up to the end.
Everyone was finally asleep and the party was over. He had dressed himself in his best clothes, watching himself blankly in the mirror. There was a soft, nearly inaudible thump from one of the closets, where he had dumped a tied up Travis, who had seen him and become too suspicious and was asking too many damn questions. His face continuing to be blank, he began to put on the finishing touches.
He slipped on the watch Percy gave him, clasping it tightly to his wrist. He slid his hands down his collar and straightened it, moving onto his cuffs and tugging them down after he'd buttoned them. Running both hands through his hair, he tilted his head and smiled as blankly at himself in the mirror as he felt. And then he took his precious photo of Percy, the one he'd took right before she left for her Quest and when things had been easy and right, and tucked it safely into his pocket.
"My love is vengeance," he muttered, quoting the song that seemed from so long ago.
The bad man behind blue eyes.
"Percy."
"Come take a walk with me."
"Luke, why are we here? What's going on?"
"I love you. I completely and utterly love you."
One more kiss. The kiss of Judas. His hand gripping the knife. Resolved and sliding it with a determined decision into her side. Shocked gasps. Her beautiful sea green eyes looking at him in confusion and betrayal. Her head lolling back and her knees buckling as she collapsed against him. Her soft, slender body fitted against his (and it felt so right, and this was supposed to be how it was and whywasn'titfuckinginevitablethiswayg odsdammitall?). He dug in the knife in deeper, just as she'd stabbed him in the back, even though she didn't know it.
He wanted to haunt her in the same way Kronos had haunted him, and never let her go.
He ignored her tears, and ignored the way the ring she gave him pressed harshly against her back as he supported her weakened form, almost like a mocking reminder to the both of them.
"If I can't have you…no one can. Especially the gods."
He kissed her lips lightly one more time (just one more damn time), before letting her gently down, walking away into the darkness and leaving her to die there.
He looked back at her several times, though she would never know. Until he stopped and hesitated, almost turning to look back once more –until he firmed himself and forced himself to keep going without letting himself have that look, letting himself willingly fall into the darkness.
His hands were steady as he gripped the gasoline tub, uncaringly splashing it all over the cabins and replacing tub after tub until the camp was soaked and baptized in it. He finished up and stood in the middle of the entrance, observing his work.
He took out a match, lit it up, and flicked it indifferently towards the closest cabin to him.
It lit up the building and quickly spread until everything was on fire and a blaze matching inferno faced him.
Luke spun away from the camp, the flames illuminating his turned back against his ex-home in the backdrop of a created hell.
He walked away heartlessly, with no hesitation.
Started 12/27/10 – Completed 1/17/13
A/n: Oh my god, I hated this chapter. And Luke. I hate you too, Luke. You and this chapter gave me such a headache. How many years of a headache was it? Psh. Anyways, hopefully now that this horrible chapter that had to be written before I could finally move on, I can get to my original arc where bonds are built and all that mushiness, blah blah. And work on Sea of Monsters timeline. Like y'all care. You all just want the update XD
I was going to add more detail, but I just fucking wanted this out. Seriously. And Luke was actually going to be semi-okay after burying Backbiter for awhile…but I decided he was just going to crazy and whatevs.
