First of all – wow! I woke up today and I almost started to cry. Happy tears, from having gotten so many reviews for one chapter, it was a record for me. Maybe I'm just emotional because I'm on my period... oversharing! But seriously – thank you! You're so sweet and invested and it just makes my heart shoot dancing orangutans. (That's a good thing.)
CHAPTER 11
"Why won't you listen?"
Santana half-ran down the hallway towards the exit. The stupid heels slowed her down but when she heard Brittany call her name from behind her she took a gamble and picked up the pace anyway. The very peak of humiliation would be if she fell down on her face right now. But she couldn't slow down. She heard Brittany's voice getting closer.
Santana slammed her body against the revolving doors and pushed herself out. Behind her, three tourists crammed themselves in, blocking Brittany's path. She stood and waited for a while before realizing that it only wasted precious seconds. She looked around and then charged at the regular door next to the revolving ones.
At first Brittany didn't see Santana anywhere but then, further down the street she saw her hale a cab. Brittany hurried her steps but she wasn't fast enough. When the cab pulled up, Santana rendered it open and threw herself inside. She slammed the door shut with everything she had. It felt good to get rid of some angry energy. She saw Brittany still approaching so just like in the movies she told the driver to just "go!"
When Brittany knew she couldn't stop Santana she slowed down again. She just stared at the cab until it disappeared in the murmur of a hundred more yellow cars. Santana didn't look back. She didn't even say good bye to Emma, who thanks to Brittany was going on her honeymoon early the next morning. She didn't say good bye to her family either, but Carmen told her earlier that they were staying for a few more days so maybe that wasn't so bad.
"Hey, lady! Where you going?" Santana was shaken from her thoughts by the cab driver's voice. She told her address and continued to stare out the window. She ignored every attempt the man tried at making small talk and he soon got the hint.
How could Brittany do this, how? More importantly how could Santana not have seen it? It was so obvious! Right there in front of her. How could she not even have suspected that? No one behaves like that if they don't have someone else on the side. Well, guess Santana was the side in this case. Santana clenched her fist. Everything felt too familiar.
She wondered how long Brittany and Sugar had been together before she came along. How many special dates had they gone on? How much fun had they had together? How much… how much Brittany loved Sugar? J-bird is a stupid nickname anyways! It makes no sense!
The cab pulled up and Santana handed the driver some money and got out. Her steps were light today too. This time for a very different reason. Santana was boiling. She had so much energy. So much energy that as soon as she got inside she ripped the dress off and threw on some sweats. She pulled out her jogging shoes and crammed her feet in them. She laced them tight, tugging on the strings until her knuckles turned white.
Before going out she decided to send Emma a text. She had promised to not steal her thunder and she didn't want to ruin Emma's wedding day. She decided to not tell Emma what was going on just yet. She deserved a really romantic honeymoon and she couldn't have that if she knew Santana was upset. Emma worried too much. Santana would just say that something came up. As soon as she thought it, she wanted to vomit. She hated those words. She had hated them before and now all the hatred in the world wouldn't even begin to describe her dismay of them.
She found her phone in her purse and pulled it out. She had thirteen texts and twenty-four missed calls. All from Brittany. How did she even have time to try that many times? Santana decided to not open a single one of the texts, and calling back was certainly out of the question. Her fingers typed fast.
Hey babe! Minor setback at the hotel. Had to go.
If I don't see you before your honeymoon just
know that I love you and I'm so, so happy for
you, sweetheart!
Santana knew it was vague but she hoped the redhead would be on enough of a high to not care too much. She pressed send and then she turned her phone off. She also had the urge to throw the phone against the wall but she just bought it pretty recently and she'd feel bad wasting money like that.
Instead she focused her energy on slamming the door and running down the stairs. When she got to the street she contemplated which way to run. Which way would most easily take her mind off everything? Left?
About two minutes after she turned the corner a black BMW pulled up in such a speed it almost rammed the fire hydrant on the sidewalk. Brittany stormed out of her car and pressed the button to ring the bell to Santana's apartment. Santana didn't buzz her in. Fuck, she couldn't remember the stupid code! She had been here so many times before! Something with a five? Five-four-seven-eight. The door remained locked. Four-seven-eight-five. She still wasn't let in. She kicked the door in frustration and then she rang the door bell again. Nothing. Brittany backed away and looked up at Santana's window.
"Come on, Santana! I know you're there! Just let me in, please!" She shouted at the top of her lungs. A window to an apartment below Santana's opened and an old woman with a white perm stuck her head out.
"Hello, dear!" The old woman called down.
"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to disturb!" Brittany called back.
"No worries, sweet cheeks! Who are you looking for?" The old woman asked.
"Santana Lopez, she lives above you." Brittany explained, sounding more and more desperate by the second.
"Is it the Hispanic one? She's so pretty."
"Yeah, I know! She's beautiful. I need to talk to her; there's been a huge misunderstanding."
"I'm afraid she ran away."
"What do you mean ran away? Did she have a suitcase or a bag or…?" Brittany felt her panic grow larger. Santana wasn't seriously leave-leaving was she? Brittany really wanted a chance to explain herself.
"Oh no, dear! She went on one of those jogs that you youngsters do." The old woman chuckled and pointed in the direction she had seen her neighbour run.
"Oh… Thank you!" Brittany felt like she could breathe again. Maybe there was a shimmer of hope. Brittany leaned against the brick wall. Should she try and run after? No, that would be like trying to find a needle in a big apple. Brittany sunk down to sit on the ground. She was probably ruining her dress but she didn't care. She would sit here and wait until Santana returned.
.-.
Santana went wherever her feet took her. She didn't know how far she had run but she still wasn't tired. All the anger she had was fuelling her and she couldn't stop. She needed to not stop.
Whenever she saw something that had anything to do with Brittany, a restaurant they had been to, or a street they had walked down or a museum they had gone to, a musical they had seen, she turned in a different direction. She was zigzagging all over the city and even though she was trying to avoid it, it felt a little bit like walking down memory lane.
She hadn't realized how many different things they had done together. Brittany had been in charge of almost every date, and that girl did not like to do the same things twice. When Santana found herself approaching the water she made another turn. Great! Brittany had ruined the ocean for her.
It was getting pretty late, Santana didn't know exactly what time it was but she figured it was around eight o'clock because the sun had begun setting and it would be dark soon. Maybe it was time to go back home again. She liked that the shadows were getting bigger because she was pretty damn hot. This summer had been crazy, one of the warmest in years. Her clothes were pretty much soaked in sweat and she kept wiping her forehead to not have it drip from her face.
When she found herself back on her street she stopped running and started walking. That's when she felt how out of breath she was. Her legs were numb and walking up the stairs would be a world of pain but all she wanted now was to get home.
When she got closer to her door she saw someone sitting next to it with her face buried in her lap. At first Santana dismissed it as just a homeless person but as she got closer she saw the person more clearly. Homeless people don't wear those kinds of dresses. She realized who it was and felt the urge to turn around again, but Brittany heard her steps. Her head shot up and she saw Santana. Brittany rose to her feet just as quickly as her head had popped up and took a couple of steps closer to Santana. Santana stopped, and as a reaction Brittany did as well. She didn't want to scare Santana away.
"Hi…" Brittany started softly.
"I don't want to talk to you." Santana stated and tried to walk around Brittany to get to her door but Brittany grabbed her wrist. Santana instantly pulled it back.
"Don't. Touch me!" She hissed.
"Why won't you listen?" Brittany's eyes were red from crying and pain echoed in her face.
"Because I don't wanna hear it!" Santana was starting to have a hard time being so cold to Brittany, the sight of the tortured blue eyes hurt her more than she wanted to admit. But whatever it was Brittany had to say, she didn't want to know. She knew enough.
"Santana, please just hear me out. I want to explain!" Brittany tried her best to keep her voice strong but it was difficult. Almost too difficult, especially since Santana rejected her with such harshness.
"Explain how you were just looking for someone to fuck when your girlfriend wasn't available?" Santana knew that wasn't one hundred percent true but it was how Brittany had made her feel. Like what the fuck? Was it her destiny to feel like that?
"What? No!" Brittany shook her head on confusion. Why was Santana saying such horrible things?
"Explain how I was just some side dish to your main course?" Santana spat at Brittany who was getting more and more upset. Hearing Santana say those things broke her heart.
"Santana, you have no idea how much was at stake and I couldn't... but then it didn't matter anymore... I broke up with her to be with you. It's not fair that you…-"
"No, what you did was 'not fair'. I have no obligations to you anymore. Just leave me alone." Santana stepped closer to her door and punched in the numbers to open it.
"Santana, I love you! I'm in love with you."
Brittany's words caused Santana to freeze. She heard the door buzz, saying she was allowed to push it open, but Santana stood still in the same spot. She looked down at her feet and then back up at those damn sad eyes.
Brittany moved closer to Santana, one step at a time, encouraged by the fact that the other woman wasn't moving away. With great hesitation Brittany lifted her arms and put them around Santana. She pulled her in close. Santana was sweaty but Brittany didn't care, all she cared about was holding her and feeling how their bodies fit together. She sighed in relief that Santana didn't push her away. Santana was still frozen so she let herself be hugged. She smelled the Brittany's familiar scent and she heard her soothing breaths. But it wasn't enough. She wanted it to be so bad, but it wasn't enough.
"I love you so much." Brittany whispered again and squeezed tighter. Santana's heart wanted to melt at the words but somehow they just made everything worse right now.
"Get off me!" Santana said loudly and shook herself free of the arms wrapped around her. The pain Brittany thought had passed came rushing back and hit her like blow to the face.
"Tell me you don't love me back! Tell me I mean nothing to you!" Brittany shrieked. She knew it was unfair. She had no right to demand that from Santana, and if Santana were to actually say those things her world would come crashing down and crush her. Santana's face morphed into a spiteful frown. She couldn't believe Brittany would ask that of her. Hadn't she hurt her enough?
"Screw you!" Santana hissed and punched in the numbers again. Without giving Brittany a second glance she went inside.
Oh no… looks like mama turtle is taking the lead on this one – but ya'll hang in there. It's like a crime against nature to give up on Brittana. (Which, me saying that might kill some suspense but it's not like a spoiler alert that I want these two together.)
