January 9, 7:30 A.M. Wright and Co. Law Offices
Phoenix opened his eyes and found Maya was asleep. Her face was planted against the bedsheets. He took his hands and picked her up.
Phoenix whispered, "Come on now, Maya. We need to get ready for the trial."
She asked, "Nick, are you serious? Already? Can't I just get another 15 minutes of sleep?"
He answered, "We have to be there in advance. We can't let our guards down!"
She then gave him a look and disappeared into the bathroom.
Phoenix asked, "What are you doing?"
Maya replied, "Using the bathroom! My bladder is full!"
The door shut. Phoenix began to hum the Jeopardy think music as time elapsed.
After about 10 seconds, he sighed, "Ugh... Maya..."
And he stared at the clock, his eyes mimicking the movements of the second hand. Just when he finished humming the theme completely, Maya emerged fully dressed in her acolyte robes and ready to go.
Phoenix groaned, "No wonder it took you so long!"
January 9, 9:47 A.M. District Court, Defendant Lobby No. 3
Phoenix's left hand immediately made contact with Iris's right arm. He was worried about her.
She screamed, "Feenie! You've finally come to save me!"
Pearl came up and asked, "Sister Iris, what kind of a nickname is that? His name is 'Mr. Nick", not 'Feenie'!"
Maya groaned, "Pearl, let Iris call Nick what she wants to."
The attorney asked, "Before we get in the courtroom, could I tell you a joke about George Washington?"
Pearl said, "Sure! W-Wait? Who's George Wawsh-ing-tun?"
He continued anyway, "There was this Revolutionary War hero named Ethan Allen, and he went to England after the war. The British, still upset about losing, put a large portrait of George Washington in the outhouse that he would hopefully use one night at a dinner. He came back after using it that night, and was very jubilant. They asked him, 'Did you see the picture of George Washington?' He replied, 'Of course!' They responded, 'Was it placed properly?' Allen then said, 'Yes. After all, nothing makes an Englishman shit faster than the sight of General George Washington!'
Iris, Maya, and a police officer positioned at the door near the courtroom entrance immediately burst into hysterical laughter, overcome by the joke.
After their laughter subsided, Phoenix added, "Here's another: Sir Cumference was the most portly man at King Arthur's Round Table; he got that way because he ate way too much Pi. Next to him was Sir Loin, who had a bad heart and died early on. Next to him was Sir Prise, who usually would scare people randomly, who was seated next to Sir Cumcision, who liked to cut people off. Please don't make me tell you who was seated next to him."
Maya and Phoenix proceeded to crack up and bang their fists on the ground.
Pearl said, "I don't get it."
Then, Iris laughed even harder than they did.
Suddenly, the intercom blared, "Mr. Phoenix Wright, stop making silly jokes and get into the courtroom!"
He screamed, "S-Sure!"
January 8, 10:00 A.M. District Court, Courtroom No. 5
The jury roared for a short time, and the judge banged his gavel.
"Court is now in session for the trial of Ms. Iris Fey."
Phoenix announced, "The defense is ready, Your Honor."
He set his eyes on a woman with black hair wearing a black attorney's uniform at the prosecutor's bench.
She said, "The prosecution is ready, Your Honor."
The judge continued, "Ms. Edgeworth, do you feel a need to bring up any particular points at this time?"
She replied, "No, Your Honor. I, Amber Edgeworth II, remain indisposed."
Maya screamed, "What the-! Edgeworth has a sister? She's also a prosecutor! No way!"
The judge noted, "The prosecution may call its first witness."
Amber smiled, "Yes, Your Honor. The prosecution calls the defendant, Iris Fey, to the stand."
Iris jumped, "Feenie, what do I do?"
He answered, "Just say what happened the day of the murder. But don't lie. Lying in court is about as illegal as trolling for sturgeon."
She asked, "What's sturgeon?"
The attorney grunted, "Gaaah!"
Iris sweated a little and stood there.
"Ms. Fey," Amber stated, "I ask you one question: what were you doing on the day of the murder?"
She replied, "I was channeling the spirit of my father, Daniel Hawthorne. He died about 3 years ago after he fell down a well."
The prosecutor nodded, "I believe you, but there is a single problem with your statement. If you were channeling a spirit, you were more likely than not at Hazakura Temple, if I am correct?"
Iris replied, "Yes. I was there. I will give testimony if you wish."
The judge asked, "Ms. Fey, the court would enjoy listening to your testimony."
She said, "After channeling the spirit, I retreated to take a bath. I was rather cold. I disrobed and gave my clothes to Sister Bikini, and headed on my way. Therefore, I could have not hidden weapons and fired them!"
Ms. Edgeworth sighed, "Sounds like a plausible alibi; it is just that even though you weren't wearing any clothes, there are three orifices of your body in which you could have stored ammunition!"
The jury roared, and the judge banged his gavel.
"Order! Order in the court!", he yelled. "Ms. Fey, it appears that you could have killed Mr. Mada. Could you please give your testimony again?"
Phoenix stood by. He noticed that Iris's face was red.
She said, "Ms. Edgeworth, I am not a mischief maker. I don't like to stick objects up my ass. Hence, those previous accusations are faulty! Not only that, but look at me! Do I look like I would shoot and kill someone like that?"
Ms. Edgeworth screamed, "Objection!"
"Ms. Fey, I am afraid that using phrases like that is not a practice that is acceptable. I demand that the witness not testify any more."
The judge banged his gavel. "Ms. Edgeworth! Are you certain about this request?"
She replied, "Yes, Your Honor."
Iris turned her head to Phoenix. Her hair was messy, with about 4 to 5 strands in front of her face.
She said, "Feenie, save me from this prosecutor!"
He nodded, but didn't say anything. The judge banged his gavel.
"The witness is dismissed from the stand."
He added, "Ms. Edgeworth, you may call the next witness."
She answered, "Yes, Your Honor. The prosecution's next witness observed the event from the transport area. She is a new reporter for CNN. The prosecution calls Kathrine Esmarch to the stand."
The witness stood there and smiled briefly.
Ms. Edgeworth continued, "Ms. Esmarch, please state nothing but truthful information. We had a detective become hysterical yesterday and make up information."
The judge ordered, "Ms. Esmarch, please testify to what you saw."
"I was holding the camera still, keeping it focused on Mada. But then, somebody charged up to him, with their left hand raised! They then fired, killing him instantly. His lifeless body dropped to the floor, and a pool of blood coated the ground!"
The judge nodded, "This testimony is almost cliché. Mr. Wright, you may Cross-Examine the witness."
She repeated, "I was holding the camera still, keeping it focused on Mada. But then, somebody charged up to him, with their left hand raised!"
Phoenix screamed, "Objection!"
"Ms. Esmarch, are you 100% sure that the killer was left handed?"
She answered, "Yes. I saw it with my own eyes!"
He slammed his hands down on the desk. "Ms. Esmarch, this is contradicted by the route the killer apparently took. He came up from behind Mr. Mada, and shot him. So in reality, he was right handed!"
Esmarch jumped and began to sweat in embarrassment. The jury roared. The judge slammed his gavel down rather hard.
"Order! Order in the court!"
"Ms. Esmarch, could you please give your testimony again?"
She struggled, "You see, I must have gotten confused because I was aiming the camera at Mr. Mada. When I saw the gunman fire, I must have gotten confused for a second, therefore causing the contradiction you just pointed out!"
The judge seemed to be impressed. He said, "Mr. Wright, Cross-Examine the witness!"
Ms. Esmarch recited, "When I saw the gunman fire, I must have gotten confused for a second, therefore causing the contradiction you just pointed out!"
Phoenix grasped the Court Record and filed his hands through it. He screamed, "Objection!"
"You believe that Mr. Mada was shot by a gunman?"
She replied, "Yes. He shot him in cold blood!"
Phoenix slammed his hands down on the table. "Ms. Esmarch, the shooter may have have been female!"
She screamed, "Aaaah!"
The jury roared, and the judge banged his gavel. "Order! Order in the court!"
"Ms. Esmarch, can you explain?"
She grunted, "Y-Your Honor... c-can't breathe!"
The judge nodded, "The witness is struggling to maintain her composure. There will be a 15 minute recess to allow the witness time to relax. Court is now in recess!"
