I HATE
Saran Wrap!
------------------------------------
I glanced up at
the townhouse. It LOOKED innocent enough. But Father had said that
it was heavily guarded. "Yeah, so the old farts a paranoid genius. Why
do I gotta waste my time with this again?" I grumbled. I was NOT happy
about this half-baked assignment. So Von Reichter was worried about the
old guy, big deal. What threat could he possibly have? Anyway, I figured
I might as well get it over with. Keeping father's warning in mind, I walked
up the steps, looking casual, but actually on alert. Ringing the bell,
I crossed my arms, and putting my hands closer to the gun.
Dr. Anthony Zacharias opened the door and
smiled kindly at me. I felt sick.
"Yes Miss?" He asked. Not wasting time
on chitchat, I had pulled out the gun, twirled in my hand for flair, then
pointed it at him.
"Shut up." I said, glancing over him. He
looked like no more then a kindly mild aged man. Von Reichter was afraid
of THAT? I smirked. "He was worried about YOU?" In a lightning fast move
I reached out and twisted his arm behind his back, it was kind of stiff
though, and was muttering something...
"who sent you?" He finally growled out,
but not TOO offensively, I did have a gun to his head after all.
"You'll see. C'mon." I started to drag
him down the steps to the van I'd come in, but then something happened.
There was the roaring off to the side and next thing I know there's a-get
this- LAWNMOWER careening straight at me! Well I rolled to the side pretty
quickly, but the damn thing turned and kept going at me. I jumped into
the air in a perfect mid air summersault and landed on the seat of the
mower. Sitting down I ripped open the top of it, revealing an engine and
I reached into it, snapping a wire or two until the stupid thing came to
a stop. Glaring at the offensive piece of junk as I climbed off, I let
my attention go back to the Doctor. And I swear I nearly fell over.
He had on a ski mask...and...Thermal underwear?
He looked absolutely ridiculous. I couldn't suppress a laugh. I let myself
become a grey and black blur as I ran foreword at top speed, ducking behind
him to kick him down in the back, but my kick didn't connect...or...something
and I fell over backwards.
"Oof!" I grunted as I landed hard on my
rear. In my millisecond of being off guard, he gained a lot of strength
and soon had me held tight from behind with a knife at my throat. It wasn't
fair. I spun around, breaking free with waaay more effort then I should
of had to use. Stupid old guy wasn't supposed to be so strong! There are
RULES, and rules state that humans are NOT aloud to be stronger then I.
It was an outrage.
So anyway, I tried to punch him, but my
punch just...stopped. Like punching a brick wall or something, the guy
didn't even stumble!! I backed away pretty quick. Looking him over, I tried
to see how he did it. He was in a defensive stance, and was holding a gun.
Shit.
I dropped my gun in the rush to escape
the lawnmower. Well, I've dodged bullets before, might as well do it again.
I took a defensive stance, rocking on the balls of my toes, ready to jump
and leap and dodge. But he just...looked at me funny. Finally, I figured
he might not shoot me and decided to go for it. I ran forward and tried
to get a punch in, but again with the brick wall trick. At this point,
a gun from the top of the house started shooting at me, I dived out of
the way but I messed up the leap. I slammed into the wall and slumped down
to the ground. Ow. That one hurt.
Jumping up, I brushed myself off and reached
down to my boot and pulled out my most prized possession. My dagger. The
handle is black and has perfect black diamonds on it. RARE and EXPENSIVE.
The blade is wicked sharp, can cut though just about anything. Father gave
it to me, saying it was a black beauty, just like I'm his 'Angel Of Death'.
That's cos people say my hair looks angelic and because I kill things quite
well. Huh. Black beauty and The Angel of Death. Anyway, I pulled out my
dagger and jumped up into the air.
I spun in mid air, like a trapeze artist
or something and landed behind him, I tried slashing at his face but he
turned and fired that blasted gun. I tried spinning to the side but I still
got a bullet in the arm. Not fair, not fair, NOT fair. He has to be a good
shot too? SOMEONE was going to hurt for this injustice...and at that moment
it was me.
I tumbled to ground, grabbing my arm. He
was on me suddenly, gun at my head and a fierce look in his eyes. I glared
up at him, and he seemed to get a good look at me. A strand of hair was
in my face so I blew up on it to get it out of the way. He smiled then.
Again I state that this whole situation is NOT fair. He has to be fast,
strong, unhitable, a good shot and now he gets to mock me? Someone is gonna
die for this. I swear. I might just knock Jose around a bit. It's HIS town,
he should keep old farts like this in line!...Oh wait, that was my job
wasn't it? Damn.
"Quit smiling at me and shoot me already!"
I ground out, beyond annoyed and right into seriously pissed off. I was
about to be finished off by some paranoid high school teacher! Why me?
"What...your arm. That substance...." He
was then staring at my arm in wonder. I glanced down. I was bleeding pretty
badly. But not blood. No, I don't have blood. I bleed sustenance. I realized
my cargos were getting burnt up. Dammit. It won't burn my skin, Von Reichter
fixed that a long time ago, but my clothes weren't acid proof.
"Aww shit." I muttered, holding my arm
out to get most of the sustenance to drip onto the grass. I winced. It
hurt, hell it hurt.
"Here, come inside..." he said absently.
"We'll take a look at that arm." I was kind of dizzy at that moment, so
much bleeding and all. All I could do was nod numbly, I guess I wasn't
thinking too clearly.
I followed him up the steps, and suddenly
the cement seem to gain a life of it's own, ad was suddenly rushing at
me at high speed. My list of complaints just got longer. Cement stairs
were NOT allowed to attack too. Not fair, not fair, not--
.......
Everything came back slowly. Smell, taste,
hearing, feeling (oww...okay, serious migraine now, the numbness looked
more and more appealing), and finally, sight. I opened my eyes and realised
I was lying on a table or something, with these straps of strange material
holding me down. The good doctor was sitting over me. I was about break
free but he raised a hand.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He
said. I rolled my eyes.
"And why not exactly?"
"Those are quantum wave suit threads. Set
at 100%. If you move they'll slice your limbs apart." He seemed a slight
bit smug.
I digested this information. He could be
bluffing. Tensely I let on finger raise up and push against the quantum
thingies.
SHIT! Damn that stung. And it was cold
as hell. Folding my hand into a fist so my abused finger was covered and
hidden away beneath my hand, I leaned back my heed and sighed heavily.
I could smell burning fabric. My finger was bleeding. Probably burning
my cargo's even more. WONDERFUL. Of course more holes in my clothes is
EXACTLY what I needed at that moment. Well, even though my shattered pride
is lying in pitiful pieces on the floor, my faithful sarcasm hasn't deserted
me. Yet.
And of course, on top of all that I had
the WORST headache and was getting kinda woozy. Too much sustenance loss.
And my throat hurt. Again. I tried my hardest not to couch, because that
might jolt me against the bonds and I was in enough pain as it is. But,
alas my body betrayed me again and started hacking. It wasn't too bad,
but I did jolt against the bonds once...ow!
Fuck. Shit. OW!! kuso, shimmatta... shaisa..I'm
swearing in 3 different languages, yay me....owowowowowowowowowow!!!!!
"Sheiss!" He cursed in German. He reached
down under the table and did something. The threads broke, but I wasn't
thinking about carrying out my mission! I was lacerated very badly, bleeding
and hurting like hell.
He pulled on some rubber gloves and, get
this, pulls out a carton of SARAN WRAP! I kid you not! How the hell did
he know that Saran Wrap's one of the few household items that DOESN'T react
to sustenance?
Well, he started wrapping me up in saran
wrap. I was still hurting awful, but cooperated as best I could, coughing
and rolling over when he told me to.
"Okay miss. I think we've stopped the bleeding
for the moment." He said finally.
Great situation. I was lying there, done
up like a mummy in Saran wrap. The devious bastard saran-wrapped my arms
to my sides, so if I even tried to make a grab for him, the saran wrap
would tear and I'd start bleeding again. The table was kinda tub-like anyhow,
so the sustenance pooled in it, and in my haste to help the old fart save
my life, all my clothes got soaked in it. Being naked and wrapped in saran
wrap was NOT my idea of a good time.
I looked at him for a moment and then glared
at him. "Pervert!" I spat at him, The old man was just staring at my chest!!
Did I mention this entire situation is
NOT FAIR?! I think I might just faint again from the injustice of it all.
I tried to turn away but I was feeling
really woozy. I groaned slightly and sunk lower in the tub. I needed a
transfusion...
I tried to say that, I wasn't sure if I was really saying it because darkness
was coming again... what a way to die. Naked and tangled in in saran wrap.
I think moaned. The world was spinning
around too fast for comfort. Sorta like the vertigo chamber, where they
spin you around in a chair for 20 minutes in the centre of a circular steel
chamber designed to catch your vomit.
Slowly, far too slowly, everything came
to a stop. I glanced around. An IV with dirty looking sustenance is dripping
into my arm, and I've got a blanket over me.
"Ah, you're up." I glanced to the side.
He was standing there smoking a pipe. Disgusted, I turned away.
"I've forgone the quantum thread in favour
of the saran wrap. You tear it, you bleed to death." He glanced up at the
IV, "I didn't know what else was mixed in with it, and it doesn't seem
to be the same kind of sustenance I'm familiar with, so I took the liberty
of recycling what you lost. I don't think there's going to be a problem
with infection. I've also verified you don't have any leaks or internal
bleeding." He emitted a puff, "Yet." He added as an afterthought, patting
the gun on his lap.
A 22. I was winged by an old guy with a
punky, farm-kid, squirrel gun sized 22?!
Sighing heavily I lay back. "Father is
going to kill me anyway..." I mumbled.
He chuckled, "Yes, he might at that."
Damn. That crap about high school teachers
having keen hearing WAS true!
Sounds came from upstairs, then the sound
of a door above and to the right of me banging against a wall. Someone
was coming down the stairs. Oh great! More humiliation! I closed my eyes
and wished I was someplace else. Anywhere. Even in Jose's mansion, getting
ribbed by the stunted twerp.
"Oh! Is it time now?" Dr. Zack remarked
to someone, "I'm rather busy right now. I have a guest that's tried to
kill me, if you must know."
"I didn't try to kill you." I mumbled weakly.
The table I was on shook with two blows
one on either side of my head. A gust of hot breath, smelling of raw meat,
hit my face.
No. Please don't let it be...
I opened my eyes and looked up.
Crap. Data-7.
Shiiiit... I swear if cats could laugh
he'd be in hysterics. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! And it doesn't help that
he just... STARED at me... Uhg. I wanted to die.
So he walks over to Dr. Zack and gives
him the most incredulous look. Knowing the old man wouldn't understand
I spoke up, "He wants to know if I'm on the menu." I laughed bitterly.
"Well, what will it be? Her or the filet
mignons?"
Data 7 looks at me, then at him, then dashes
back to the table, grabs the blanket, and runs off with it.
"DATA-7!" The old guy goes after him. I
can't see very well from where I'm at, but I can hear tables and chairs
turning over, as well as a computer monitor popping. I know the sound,
having put my fist through one when Jose hacked up Windows NT on my machine
to hurl insults at me and scrub my disk.
"OWWWW!"
"Mmmmrrrtttt?"
Dr. Zack comes back with the blanket, now
with three tears in it, and covers me back up. Sporting a big cut on his
head, "Stupid cat.." He muttered.
"Yeah, a big pain in the ass, I can tell
you." I replied. Old Geezer deserved it.
He goes off to get a bandage. Data 7 comes
up and sets his big hairy head next to mine on the table so that his hot,
stinking breath blows into my ear.
I hate cats.
"Data7 get your stinky fish breath OUT
OF MY EAR!!" I finally shouted. Which made me cough. Which made him breath
out harder and it stunk. It really did. I closed my eyes, and stopped using
my nose. On instinct I'll breath softly just so I can smell my surroundings,
but lucky me I don't need to breath, so smelling is optional. I think the
good doctor noticed this and freaked out because all of a sudden he was
shaking my arms. Hello! Flesh wound here! Chance of bleeding to death!
"Cut it out!" I snapped. "Are you TRYING to reopen the fucking wound? ...And
would you PLEASE Give me my knife so I can KILL that stupid animal?!"
"Knife?"
"You DID save my knife...right?" My eyes
snapped open and I sat straight up. It hurt, but I can deal with pain.
The blanket fell down but I wasn't worried about that either. "Black dagger,
diamonds? I swear if you let it burn I will rip you into tiny pieces!"
"Burn? Sustenance doesn't burn metals."
he said, "The belief that it's an acid is founded only on the reaction
it has on..."
"GIMMIE MY FUCKING KNIFE!" I screamed at
the top of my lungs.
There's a pause. Then a weird sound. We
both look around, and there's Data 7 on the ground, rolling on his back,
acting as if he's hacking up a hair ball.
"Great, first you, now him!" Dr. Zack was
looking frazzled.
I fell back on the table, "The damn pussy
cat's laughing, I think. Will you pleeeeze get me my oh-so-precious knife?"
I asked, desperately deciding to try sugar instead of battery acid.
He looked at me, shrugged, and went out
of the room. Data 7 continued to hack for a few more minutes. Maybe the
panther from hell is actually gagging on a hairball. Nah. My luck couldn't
possibly be improving.
"Quite unharmed, as I thought!" Dr. Zack
came back, "Oh my! It IS a beaut!" He exclaimed.
I snatched my Black Beauty before he had
finished talking, it was awkward, since my arms were bound beside by sides
but I did it and looked it over as best I could. It WAS unharmed, a little
sticky with green gunk, but okay. Time to be relieved.
"Now I have a few questions." he said.
Wonderful. "Why did you try to assassinate me?" He shook his head, "What
a waste of genius, using you as a killer! Your body seems to have been
custom built, and runs almost entirely on sustenance! If Von Reichter couldn't
get three Nobel prizes out of that feat alone, then they're brain dead
in Stockholm!"
I sighed heavily. "I did not try to assassinate
you!!" I said, "Assassination and kidnap are two completely different things."
"Well, I assumed you didn't want a bloody
body in the way while ransacking my house!" He replied. He frowned, as
if thinking, "So what does Von Richter want with me?" He asked, putting
his gun away, "I'm just a lowly high school teacher." That's a laugh.
I snorted. "A lowly high school teacher
with a top of the line security system with a psycho lawnmower, an IV,
knows about sustenance, is friends with data 7, who you'd have to be completely
insane to achieve friendship with anyway, military level gunmanship, thermal
underwear...thingies and a townhouse. All on a teachers salary. Riiiight."
I rolled my eyes. "And why the hell would I ran sack this dump? I have
better things to do then rob a house."
"Ah! He didn't tell you then?" He chuckled.
"When you get home tell him Data 7 arrived at the last minute, and that
if he wants those three Nobel prizes, to meet me at the McDonald's around
the corner from Meridiana High School so that I can spell it out for him.
He shouldn't be hard for me to miss with a shnozz the size of a carrot.
Or so I've been told."
I just glared at him and turned away.
"You should rest." he said suddenly. He
left the room. Tired and drained, I fell asleep.
...
Falling asleep was SUCH a bad idea!! He
must of givien me a shot or something because when I woke up, I was hanging
upside down in front of Jose's mansion. hanging from a TREE!! It was dark
out... yeah. if I slept through that I must of been drugged. Sighing I
realized I was still naked and wrapped in saran wrap.
I felt awful. Humiliated and cold, my chest
felt strange, and after a moment I realised I was crying. I had disgraced
Von Richter's name and my own reputation. I had failed; I deserved death
for that. Clamping my mouth shut I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to
stop the tears from running from my eyes, but I couldn't stop the shaking.
A human had bested me.
I stayed like that all night. In the morning,
a fixed idea found me. I only had one thing to say to his hysterical laughter.
"Here I hang
From a tree
with an urge
to be Free
As you see
as I dangle
I got a job
I couldn't handle
Beat in a fight
with Dr. Zack,
on whom I wish
a heart attack!
Bound in Saran
Here I sway
Wishing like hell
I was far away!
So quit your laughing
you witless clown!
Get off your ass,
AND CUT ME DOWN!"
~owari~
---------------------------------------
Again, Thanks for the Christmas Present,
Anya!!