disclaimer: You're kidding, right?
AN: Once more, thanks to everyone who reviewed. I may not be able to respond to everyone personally, but I really appreciate your thoughts.
Dealing – Chapter 11
Dejà vué
„What do you mean, he is gone?" Sandy met the two equally questioning faces of his wife and son. He really wished he could spare him this, keep them from the pain of Ryan disappearing when only last night they had believed that danger averted. But the fact was that he had looked for the boy everywhere and had not been able to find him. He was also well aware of the significance of the backpack being gone, remembering that Ryan always took it with him when he left.
"I looked everywhere. He is gone, and he took his backpack with him."
Judging from the look on his son's face, the boy was aware of the significance as well. He looked utterly crestfallen.
"Sandy, that doesn't make any sense. Why would Ryan just take off? I mean I know he wanted to leave yesterday, but it was on a job. I just, I can't believe he'd simply take off, not after the talk we had. I mean there is simply no reason why he would do that."
Sandy stepped towards Kirsten, pulling her into his arms. The earlier harsh words really didn't matter right now, not when she needed him to hold her and keep her from shaking. If there was one thing the nightmare of the last summer had taught him, it was that his wife needed him far more than she was usually willing to admit. The same was true for him, and he had promised himself not to forget it again. Right now, she needed him.
"Dad" Seth's voice broke through Sandy's thoughts "what are we going to do now. If Ryan really took off, then we need to find him, right? Bring him back home so you can ground the hell out of him for scaring us like this?"
Seth was right. They needed to do something, the faster the better. After all, every minute they wasted without taking action gave Ryan the opportunity to get a little further away from them. They really didn't need to add physical distance to the list of problems they needed to solve.
He looked at Kirsten, trying to guess her thoughts on the matter. She met his gaze without blinking. "We should split up, check the most likely places for him to go. Seth, is there any place in Newport that Ryan would be likely to go to?"
Sandy watched his son looking at his wife, recognizing the expression on his face as one that he used when he felt uncomfortable about something he was going to say. "Mom, I really don't think we will have a lot of luck looking for Ryan in Newport. I mean, if he only wanted to get out of the house, he wouldn't have taken the backpack. And unfortunately, it's not really difficult to get out of Newport, even if you don't have a car.
"You think it is this bad? That he would leave not only the house but the city? Seth, don't you think you might be exaggerating a little. Ryan didn't run away before, when things were really going bad. Why would he run now, when things are going back to normal?"
She looked at Sandy pleadingly, and he really wished he could reassure her. However, he knew that his son was right. Ryan was most likely already out of Newport by now. If only he hadn't spent so much time looking for him around the house and had driven down to the bus stop right away…
Sandy interrupted his own train of thoughts. "The most likely thing for him to do would be to get onto one of the Greyhounds that are leaving from the bus station every few minutes. Maybe someone there saw him and could tell us how to find him, which bus he took or something like that."
He could see how Kirsten visibly pulled herself back together, apparently accepting the fact that yes, the situation really was this serious. Her eyes were brimming with tears, but he knew that she would not allow them to fall, at least not until Ryan was back at home. He pressed her hand that was still clasped in his. They would get through this together.
"Well then lets go, the faster we get there, the sooner we can drag him back home."
"Seth, there really is no need for all of us to go, I can do it alone and call as soon as I know…"
"No, Sandy, no way am I staying behind." Kirsten was apparently back to being in charge of her emotions, and his relief over seeing her like her old self once more kept him from arguing. After all, while it was not necessary for all of them to go, it couldn't hurt either. He simply nodded.
"Ok then, lets go." There wasn't really a need for any more words, so they all headed downstairs.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kirsten was sitting in the passenger seat of the Rover, trying and failing miserably to hide her nervousness. Turning her rings on her fingers absentmindedly, she stared out of the window, trying to make sense of what had happened. Why had Ryan left?
It didn't make any sense. After the conversation they had had, she'd really thought they had made a step in the right direction. Despite her anger at Sandy about being kept in the dark, she had been well aware of how much it meant that Ryan had actually admitted to being hurt by her ongoing friendship with Julie Cooper, even if he had not formulated it that way.
The trust he had displayed by opening up to her like that had given her hope, made her believe that they would be able to overcome this whole mess and get back to being a family that Ryan felt he was a part of. Sandy's news had abruptly destroyed that hope, and for a moment she had found herself unwilling to even acknowledge the fact that Ryan was gone.
Now that the realisation had had time to sink in, she was caught somewhere between fear for Ryan's well being, pain at the fact that apparently her words had not been enough to convince him that he was indeed a part of the family, and anger at the fact that he had just taken off. She just wanted to find him.
"Why do you think he would have come here?" she addressed her husband. "I mean, I accept that he apparently wanted to get out of Newport, but why are you so sure that he took the Greyhound? Couldn't he have taken one of the local buses, maybe gone to Chino? You know, go somewhere he has been before?"
She figured it was a valid question. It would make sense for Ryan to try to get back to his old home, even though she despised thinking about Chino as "home", even if using past tense. Ryan didn't belong there, never really had. He belonged with them.
"He has been here before." "This is not the first time." If she interpreted the way her husband and son were looking at each other correctly, then neither one of them had expected the other to speak. The surprise in their eyes was strangely calming. At least she was not the only one who didn't know everything that was going on with Ryan.
"When? Seth first, then Sandy, please." Funny, how giving orders brought back her Newport Group voice.
"Well, It's not really that important, I mean…"
"Seth!" Even though the boy clearly felt uncomfortable telling them whatever he was thinking about, they needed to know. If there had been another incident that led Ryan to the bus station, they had to know about it. She fought down the voice that said she ought to have known back when it actually happened. True as that might be, regrets wouldn't help anyone right now.
Seth seemed to understand the seriousness of the situation, or maybe he just decided it wasn't a good idea to anger her when she was already this upset. Regardless of the reasons, he continued.
"Well, last year when Lindsey left for Chicago, he was really upset. I mean, he yelled at me, which is not really something Ryan does like, ever. And he was brooding all the time and…"
"Where exactly does the bus station come in?" Interrupting Seth was not nice, but she couldn't listen to this right now, couldn't think about the fact that there was yet another problem she hadn't helped Ryan deal with. She had been so caught up with her anger at Sandy, with Carter and the still present sting of her father's betrayal, she hadn't even thought about what Ryan's reaction to Lindsay's departure might be. Hadn't thought about helping him deal.
"He wanted to take the bus to Chicago, visit her." He had gradually lowered his voice, being barely audible by the end of the sentence. Sandy kept her from having to say anything.
"He wanted to go to Chicago? Why did we not hear about this? Seth, why didn't you tell us? Or better yet, make him talk to us?"
"Make him tell you? What exactly was I supposed to say to him? I kept him from going, isn't that enough? Plus, when exactly was he supposed to tell you? You guys were so busy avoiding each other, being mad at each other because of God-knows-what, you were hardly ever there. If you had been, maybe you would have seen how miserable he was, and then you could have tried to cheer him up."
"Listen, Seth…" – "Sandy, no! He is right. We weren't there for the boys, not the way we should have been."
She briefly closed her eyes, gathering the strength to continue. Ryan was not the only one she- they- needed to talk to. Seth might often appear self-involved and clueless to the going-ons around him, but he had obviously been aware of the tension between her and Sandy. And it was true that they had gotten caught up in their own problems, and as a result had not been there for the boys the way they should have. But right now, they needed to find Ryan. The rest would have to wait.
"Right, so Ryan wanted to visit Lindsay in Chicago, and he was going to take the Greyhound?" Kirsten waited for her son's nod of confirmation before she turned to her husband.
"Ok. Everything else, we will have to talk about later. What did you mean when you said it wasn't the first time Ryan went to the station?"
She could see that he wanted to continue questioning Seth, but he fought back the impulse, hopefully realizing that she was right and this would have to wait until they had found Ryan.
"Trey left on a bus. When Ryan and I got to the station, he was just leaving."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Seth looked at his father in astonishment. This was new. Ryan had told him that Trey had left the hospital and disappeared, but there had never been any mentioning of seeing him at the bus station. When they had found Ryan and brought him home, he would have to have a long talk with him about the importance of full disclosure.
"When you got there? You mean Ryan had to watch him take off?"
His mother's voice revealed a mixture of emotion, shock and pity being the most prominent. Sandy didn't respond verbally, merely nodding his head, but Seth was too lost in thought to even quip about the unusual lack of words. His mother was right. Seeing Trey leave must have been painful for Ryan. And since he was Ryan, he of course hadn't wanted to talk about it, thus the lack of information. Getting mad at him about it probably wasn't the right way to deal with it.
"And then? I mean, how did he react, how did he come to terms with it? Sandy, you have to tell me those things, just because I wasn't there when it happened doesn't mean I shouldn't know about it."
Waiting for his father's response, Seth marvelled at the change in his mother's attitude. This woman who demanded to be included, who stated her mind and told his father what was what, this woman had been absent for so long, her sudden return came as kind of a shock to him. Ironic to think that a family crisis would bring about the change that rehab with its countless therapy session had not. He had missed her (even though he was pretty sure that if the change lasted, he would soon be complaining again about the way she intruded in his life).
"He didn't want to talk about it, no surprise there. I- he was pretty down, but I was there for him, ok?"
His father's slight smile was visible in the rear-view mirror for a second, only to be replaced with a worried frown again the next second.
Seth fought to keep himself in check, knowing that situation was already tense enough. Otherwise, he could have said a word or two about his dad's new way of being there for them, especially for Ryan. He doubted that forcing Ryan to have a private tutor had helped him deal with loosing his brother.
Holding back a sigh, he acknowledged that while his father hadn't been the picture perfect dad, he wouldn't have won a prize for best brother himself. After all, even if Ryan hadn't volunteered any information about the way Trey had left, Seth had still known the back-story. After Ryan had spent a summer switching between consoling Marissa and visiting his comatose brother in the hospital, Trey's sudden disappearance must have hurt, not to mention the fact that he left behind a mountain of unresolved issues and no way to deal with them.
Looking at it that way, it actually made sense that Ryan wanted to get away from everything reminding him of what had happened. Too bad there was hardly a part of Newport and Ryan's life here that Trey hadn't intruded on.
If the frown on his mother's face was any indication, she was not going to simply accept Sandy's answer. However, before she could open her mouth to continue her inquisition, they entered the parking lot of the bus station.
From his seat in the back, Seth could see how his father visibly drew himself together, pulling back his shoulders and taking an audible deep breath. When he turned to face Kirsten, the determination was back in his eyes.
"We can talk about this later, ok? Let's find Ryan and bring him back home first."
The way they were looking into each other's eyes somehow made Seth feel like a voyeur, and that had to be the ickiest feeling ever. Therefore, he was quite relieved when Kirsten broke the eye contact by nodding.
They left the car and headed to the office.
As always, feedback is what keeps me going.
