*WARNING - THIS CHAPTER HAS MILDLY EXPLICIT CONTENT...READ AND BE WARNED...IF YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN...I DID WARN YOU AND TOLD YOU NOT TO READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE*

The moment that Spencer walked into the elevator that he had regretted everything that he had just said to Morgan, but he was angry and upset, and was craving Dauldadid. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his face, he didn't need any of this, not now.

Morgan and the others headed towards the jet, they were all quit. After hearing everything that Reid had just said, they didn't know quite how to react, so no one said anything. They all step on the jet expecting not to see Reid, but he was there, sat at the back with his head in a book, not looking up when they all walked on; and no one said anything to him. They all took there seats ready for the jet to leave.

"Right shell we go over the case files?" Spoke Hotch. "Reid, you joining us?" Reid looked up, not replying, he just walked over to his team mates and sat down next to JJ, avoiding all eye contacting with anyone, especially Morgan. "Right, so what's first?" Asked Hotch.

"We know that he has a type, that he takes young girls on there way home from school, but he has broken his pattern, panic maybe?" Said Emily.

"Maybe, but why did he panic? What caused him to take a drastic turn in his MO?"

"Maybe, after hearing on the news that we have discovered what he was up to, maybe that caused him to panic and change what he was doing, throwing us on the trail?" Questioned JJ.

"Yeah, that could be it, but it is such a major change, grab of opportunity maybe?" Answered Morgan.

"Or maybe he is just escalating..." It was Reid, everyone turned to look at him, he still has his head down, but replaced his book with the case file. "What do you mean Spence?" Asked JJ.

"Well, maybe he was just working up to what he really wanted. He started off young and has slowly been moving up, maybe his real aim is..." Before Reid could finish what he said, he covered is mouth and ran to the back of the plane, and into the toilets. Down on his knees, with his head over the bowl as he threw up the only thing that was in his stomach...coffee. His entire body ached, his head was spinning and his hands, shaking. It has been over 24 hours without any of 'that' in his system, and he needed it. *Knock, knock* "Spence, are you okay?" It was JJ, her voice was always soft and soothing, as much as he didn't want to speak, he didn't want to ignore her either. So he lied. "Yeah JJ, I'm fine, just ate a dodgy dinner last night I think" Lying through the skin of his teeth, he hadn't eaten a dodgy Chinese, he needed Dauladid and he needed it now. "Alright Spence, let me know okay, do you want any water?"

"No, I'm okay, honestly" Lying again.

"Okay Spence, I'll be back to check on you if you're not out in 5 minutes" Said JJ but Spencer didn't reply. "Is he okay?" Asked Emily.

"I don't know, he said he thinks he ate something dodgy last night"

"Bullshit" It was Morgan. Everyone turned and looked at him.

"What do you mean?" It was Hotch.

"Well we all know he's lying, he didn't eat a dodgy dinner last night, he needs something else" Everyone knew what he was on about but didn't say it. "Why do you say that Morgan?" Asked JJ.

"This morning when we got into that heated argument. I walked in on him with something in his hand, when I tried to confront him about it, he lied and started getting all defensive"

"So what, you think he's taking again?" JJ's voice was softer than normal, you can tell what Morgan was saying was upsetting her, Reid is like a brother to her and knowing that he is thinking of doing 'that' thing again, broke her heart.

"Most liking yes, if not, contemplating it at least..."

"But why?" Asked Emily.

"He was beaten and tortured for nearly 3 days, all for how he is, and drugged for the matter of fact, he's going to be craving, he's going to want to feel that again" Everyone fell silent, and in good time too because Spencer emerge from the toilet wiping his mouth, the team all tried not to stare but they couldn't after what Morgan had just said, they didn't know what to do. "How you feeling bud?" It was Morgan, but Reid didn't say anything to him, just nodded his head. JJ stood up and fetched him a glass of water. "Here"

"Thanks JJ" He sipped on the water as he hands shock, enough for them all to notice it. He noticed and put the glass down. No one knew quite what to do, do they bring it up? or just stay quite? either way someone is going to have to say something to him soon, otherwise god knows what can happen to him.

They flight didn't take to long as most of them fell asleep, including Reid. It had already gone midnight by the time they landed in New York, despite the fact nearly all of them slept on the plane, they were all still very tiered. "Right, we'll head over to the hotel and meet again in the lobby at 8" Every all nodded at once.

Spencer was sharing a room with Morgan, he wasn't to please about it but it's not like he can share with one of the girls. Well he probably could to be honest, it's not like anything is going to happen, he is gay after all. Morgan drove them to the hotel, the car ride was awkwardly quite. Once they reached the room, Spencer headed straight to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Morgan just placed his bags down on his bed, and collapsed onto it himself. He could he the water running from the shower, he thought about Spencer, what's going on in his mind, how could he help him? does he even need help? is Derek just over thinking things and Spencer is actually okay. But he couldn't answer all those by himself, he needed to talk to Spencer even if Spencer didn't want to talk.

Spencer was once again stood in front of a mirror, starring at himself, thinking about the events of today. What happened back in Quanico, and on the jet. He didn't know how to face Morgan. Spencer knew that Morgan must know something by now, he did walk in on him holding a vial of Dauladid. Spencer turned from the mirror, he took off his shirt, and the long sleeved t-shirt that was underneath. He stared at the small circled masks that covered the fold on his right arm. Marks on where the needle had pierced his skin, filling his veins with the cold liquid. These thoughts really wasn't helping him, he knew he had a vial in his bag but he couldn't, if the team find out he could really lose his job this time. He stopped thinking about it and jumped into the shower, feeling the warm, fresh water falling onto his skin felt amazing, if only he had Jason he to share it with him. His thoughts changed from Dauladid to Jason. The thought of having his hands run over his body, his body against his, his touch. Before Reid knew it, he had turned himself on. Without thinking he cradle his new hardened length in his hand, pumping to the thought of Jason, completely forgetting that Morgan was only in the next room. He knew he should stop but it felt so good, he wanted Jason, to feel him inside him. It was driving him crazy. Spencer kept going and going, his head falling back as he took in the orgasm that will soon take over his body. A small moan slipped from his lips, his body began to shake, and before he knew it, he had shot hot cum all over his hand and the wall. He starts gasping for air, body shaking in excitement, he was breathing rather heavily, he turned off the shower and got out, hoping that Morgan had fallen asleep and didn't hear what he was doing. He didn't need anymore embarrassment not after today.

The room was all dark when he stepped out from the bathroom, dressed in his night clothes, he half expected Morgan to be asleep, but his head hadn't be touched. A slight cress in the sheets from when he jump straight onto it, but he, himself was absent. Reid took this opportunity to have a sneaky smoke outside the front lobby. Spencer had been smoking since he first came off Dauladid, he needed something else to calm his nerves when he needed it. Jason knows, but t doesn't bother him, because he smokes too. But Reid didn't see the point in letting his team know because he knows exactly what they will do. "6 minutes..." it's what he use to say to his mother to stop her from smoking, it makes him a bit of a hypocrite to be honest, but at this time he didn't really care, he hasn't had one all day and needed one badly. It was either that or Dauladid.

Morgan was sat at the bar with JJ, Emily and Rossi, all having a drink. It was late but none of them could sleep. "Morgan what's up, you look ill?" Asked JJ.

"It's nothing" Replied Morgan. But JJ was right he had gone all pale, and he looked like he was about to pass out any moment. "Morgan? Come on tell us" JJ pleaded.

"I think I heard Reid..you know.." Morgan looked at them all, all having puzzled expressions on there faces. "Know we don't know Morgan that's why we are asking you" JJ smiled slightly, he was clearly embarrassed over something. "Reid was..."

"Spit it out man" This time Rossi spoke, taking a sip from his whisky glass.

"I think Reid was having a little fun in the shower" They all starred at him, they knew what he meant but couldn't quite get it. "You mean?" Morgan nodded.

"What makes you think that?" Asked Emily, who was trying her hardest not to laugh.

"I was sat on the bed resting, when i heard..."

"Yes.." They all move in closer.

"Reid moan and moan Jason's name..." With that they all starting laughing, clearly had a little to much to drink. Morgan didn't know what to say, he was a little embarrassed, so he necked down his drink.

After they had composed themselves and stopped laughing like little children, they all thought it was time to head back to the rooms to get some sleep ready for tomorrow. When they saw Spencer heading for the exist. Not knowing what to do, Morgan couldn't look him in the eye after what he heard..."I'll go. You guys head off to bed" It was Rossi. The other's all agreed and headed up to bed.

The New York air was cold, fresh snow covered the roads and sidewalks in a pure white blanket, the odd footprint here and there. Spencer cold see his breath every time he breathed. He lifted the cigarette to his mouth and lit it, the second of flame that came out the light warmed up his face, which instantly went cold the moment the flame went out. He took the first toke of his cigarette and breathed it back out, he knew it was bad for him, but god did it feel good. Spencer smoked at least half his fag before he heard a familiar voice..."Got a light?" He turned and saw Rossi stood next to him with a small version on a cigar placed between his lips. "David i..." Reid stuttered, not knowing what to say. "Yeah sure" Not what he was meant to have said but it's done now. He handed Rossi the lighter. Rossi lit up his cigar. "What's up kid?" Spencer just looked to the ground still smoking his fag. "Come one Reid, we can all see something is bothering you. Your argument with Morgan earlier, throwing up in the jet toilets and now I find out you smoke..."

"It's nothing"

"It's not nothing Reid, you've been funny with us all, all day, clearly something is bothering you. And if you keep it bottled up then you'll always be feeling how you are right now". Rossi always knew what to say, those right words that just made Reid trust him, he wasn't saying anything inspirational or that, just always tells him how it is, unlike everyone else, who say what they think he wants to hear. "I can't stop thinking about it" Spencer finally spoke.

"Can't stop thinking about what?"

"What happened earlier, with Morgan" Rossi sighed.

"You got upset, it's understandable. What happened to you want terrible, and you can't get over something like that so easily" Reid nodded. He knew he wasn't telling Rossi the full story but as long as he keeps this up and make Rossi believe that this is what's playing on his mind then he might stop asking questions. "I shouldn't have spoken to him like that, not in front of you guys, not in general for that matter" Reid took a last toke of his fag before he threw it on the ground. A sizzle came when the hot ash hit the snow, putting out the fag. "You said what you did in the heat of the moment, Morgan know's that, we all know that. We all know that in less than a month you're going to be okay, because we know you're not going to be. It will be hard, but I know that you can get over it"

"i'm not strong enough, not just for myself for Jason too" Spencer put his head down, fighting back the tears. "You are Spencer. You grew up helping you're mentally ill mother, went to high school at the age of just 12, you escaped what happen with Tobais and you beat a drug addiction. If that wasn't strong I don't know what is" Reid looked at Rossi, who was smiling at him. Spencer just pulled him in and gave him a hug, crying on his shoulder. "It's going to be okay, I promise" Rossi said as he rubbed Spencer's back.

It was way past 2 when Reid got back to the room. He was outside talking to Rossi to well over an hour. Talking about what they both get up to when there not working, and Rossi helping out Reid on how to apologise to Morgan. It was nice for Reid, he hadn't had anything like this since Gideon left. The room was just how he left it, dark. But this time Morgan was sleep in his bed, at least he think we was asleep. Reid got out of his clothes and back into his sweatpants and long sleeved t-shirt and climbed into bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light.

Morning came quicker than Reid had hoped for. The morning sun shone thought the gaps in the curtains, decorating the room in a bright orangey-yellow glow. Reid's clock rang 7 o'clock. He could hear the shower going, guessing Morgan was already up. He climbed out of bed and headed over to the little table in the corner of the room which had a little kettle and cups to make coffee. Making him and Morgan a hot cup. Only moments later Morgan emerged from the bathroom, water dripping down his face, where fresh clothing. "Morning" Said Reid. "I've made you a coffee" Morgan smiled.

"Thanks man, feeling better?" Reid nodded and handed him the hot cup. Reid grabbed his clothes and headed into the bathroom. He only had a quick shower this morning as he wanted to hurry downstairs and buy himself a proper cup if coffee, the one he had tasted bitter. When Spencer got out the shower, Morgan was waiting for him on the bed. "Hurry up man I'm starving" Reid smiled, he grabbed his messenger bag and they both headed downstairs together.

They got into the lobby and everyone was already there, sat at a table all drinking coffee and eating. They headed towards them and they all seem to start giggling like children. "Hey Spencer, did you have a nice shower this morning?" Reid looked at them all confused, Morgan put his hand over his face to hind his embarrassment. "Yeah..I did...thanks" Looking more confused and everyone starting laughing. "What's going on?"

"Like you don't know" Laughed Emily.

"No I don't" Reid was starting to get a little annoyed as no one was telling him the joke.

"Missing Jason?" Spoke Emily again, and like that, Reid knew exactly what they were going on about, and went bright red. Reid looked at Morgan to was avoiding eyesight. "I told you not to say anything" Morgan's voice was stern.

"Sorry but we couldn't help it" Emily said, still laughing. "It's funny"

"Look man, I'm sorry, I should had said something to you..." Said Morgan.

"No, instead you told the whole fucking team" Reid was not happy, and they all stopped laughing. "Do you know how embarrassing that is for me Morgan?"

"Come on man, we all do it" That comment didn't seem to help matters and Reid stormed off towards the coffee shop. The moment Reid was out of hearing range, they all starting laughing again. "So Morgan you actually heard Reid...ya know..." said JJ. Morgan nodded. "Because I thought you were joking last night but you actually heard Reid moan Jason's name in the shower?"

"Yes, okay" They all stopped laughing as Reid was coming back.

"And for a matter of fact, Morgan you shouldn't have been listening, you clearly enjoyed it" Reid and everyone else starting laughing...again. "I did not" Morgan got pissy. But he starting thinking about it...because what he never mentioned was the fact that whilst Reid was pleasuring himself in the shower, Morgan hearing it, got him slightly turned on. He didn't know why because he was straight but there was always something about Reid that made him feel kinda weird. If he turns round to Reid and say 'Yeah and it turned me on too' They'll probably think he's joking or have a go at him for taking the piss and that would really fuck off Reid.

The day dragged on and on, and they finally started to crack the case. It was deeming a bit hard on Reid, seeing the bodies of the young girls, knowing exactly how they felt. Hit him hard. They found a possible suspect...Matthew Fine, he works at a local bar just down town. Reid, Morgan and Emily headed down there to find more out about him, whilst Rossi, JJ and Hotch stayed back at the police station on webcam with Garcia to find more out about this Matthew character. Reid and the others turned up at the bar. It was dull looking, definitely not for everyone, just a mans local. They walked in and everyone stopped and looked at them. They all starred at them as they walked towards the bar. "Can I speak to who ever is in charge here?" Morgan said in a loud but stern voice. "Depends who's asking..." Comes a harsh voice from the back of the bar.

"I'm SSA Derek Morgan, these are SSA Emily Prentiss and Dr Spencer Reid from the FBI. Were looking for Matthew Pine"

"Yeah he works here, but why should we say anything to you guys?" The man was rude, he clearly didn't think much for authority figures.

"Matthew is believed to have kidnapped, rape and murder 3 young girls and another in his hostage" They man looks taken back, but still doesn't say anything. "They were 7 years old!" Morgan was starting to getting angry. The man was a bit shocked at this. "Matthew didn't seem the type".

"They never do till it happens..."Morgan Replied bluntly. "Round back, Matty has a locker, he gets pissed if anyone even goes near it" Morgan followed him round back while Spencer and Emily stay at the bar. "This your pretty lady then?" Asked a creepy man walking to the bar.

"No" Reid said bluntly.

"Why isn't this fine piece of work yours then? She not you're type?" Reid didn't respond, they both just ignore the man who clearly had to much to drink, he was close enough they could smell it on his breath. "How could you not want this fine piece?" The man grew closer and closer making JJ feel rather uncomfortable.

"Because she's not. And she isn't yours either so back away"

"Ooh think your a hard man do ya?" The man pushed Reid. "What are you then, some kind of faggot?" Reid didn't reply, only responded saying..."I will arrest you for assaulting a federal agent if you don't stop" Reid couldn't hide the fact that he was a little frightened.

"Avoiding the question there? So you are, a little fag" The man pushed passed Emily and was more or less touching Reid. "You like this? Standing this close to a man do ya?" The guys breath was strong then it was before.

"Actually I don't got for guys who act all tough in front of their buddies...you're clearly trying to prove something mate...sure your not the one into me?" Reid regretted what he said the moment it escaped his lips. "YOU FUCKING DIRTY FAGGOT" With that, the mans arm came swinging round right for Reid's face. With one punch, Reid was down, his buddies grabbed hold of Emily who was screaming Reid's name as the guy punched and kicked at Reid, calling him every name under the sun about being gay. Morgan came running in pushing passed the guys. Reid was on the floor, covered in his own bloody. "IF YOU DON'T STOP I WILL ARREST YOU ALL!" Morgan shouted so loudly that the next bar down could probably hear him. The man stopped and looked at Morgan. "Not my fault you've got this filth on your team...feel sorry for ya mate" Morgan just gave him a dirty look as he walked passed. He bent down to help Reid him. His face was all cut and bleeding, his arms had footprints on them and so did his shirt. Morgan needed to get him out there fast before he does something that he regrets. Morgan helped Reid to his feet and placed him down on one of the chairs at the bar. The bartender grabbed him an ice pack and handed it over to Morgan. "I'm really sorry about this, is there anything I can do?" The guy was being genuinely nice.

"I'm gonna call the guys I am working with to come and make an arrest, we have to get back but if you could wait and make sure this guy is still here by then, that would be brilliant". The barman nodded.

"The name's Samuel Jenkins...Sorry I couldn't help you further, and sorry for before, and your friend". Morgan thanked the guy before helping Reid out the door. They got back into the car and Reid didn't say a word all the way back, Morgan could see in his mirror that he was clearly crying.

They got back to the station to meet with the others, Morgan still having to help Reid walk. "Jesus Christ...what happened?" It was JJ who came running towards Reid.

"Some dick in the bar" Morgan said placing Reid down on a chair.

"What the hell happened?"

"I went round back with the bartender and some how they figured Reid was gay and knocked two senses into him" JJ placed her hand over her mouth trying not to cry. Rossi walked past heading towards the door. "Does this guy never get a break" and walked out.

After a few more hours of looking, they finally found him, his parents owed some land and gave it to him in their will before they died, he was hiding the young girls there. Trying to ignore the horror they came across, what those poor girls must have been through. Despite finding Matthew, it was too late for Katie, he had already finished with her. The team headed back to the hotel feeling defeated. Everyone was down, there are good times in the case where you get to save the victims, but not all are so lucky. Morgan suggested they all have a few at the bar, and everyone besides Reid who just stayed quite, agreed.

Everyone was down at the bar, trying to blur away the vile images they saw today, feeling bad for not being able to save the young girl, having to tell her parents. Having them blame them for the murder of their daughter. That was always the hardest part, having to break the news to the parents who are so filled with hope. It always affected Hotch and JJ the most as they had young kids at home, so badly did they want to be with them. As they all drank away Reid was sat upset, alone in the dark. His head in his hands, and all you could hear was the soft, muffled cries from them. Once again, he was at the end of a hate crime, he was done being beaten up, taunted and hated for who he was. The guys didn't even know him, they just hated him anyway. Reid shot up, pacing the room. Pulling his hair out, he was going a little crazy, he was panicking. "I need it! I need it!" He kept repeating over and over again. Until he remembered. He went over to his band and tipped the contents on the floor. He moved everything around until...just there sat in the middle of the pile was half a vial of Dauladid, and a needle. It was stupid having these in his bag because anyone could have just gone into his bag and found them, but even he forgot they were in there. Picking them up, he hurried to the bathroom, he rolled up his sleeve and took off his belt which he placed around his upper arm blocking off the circulation. He looked at himself in the mirror, he knew what he was about to do was wrong but he needed it, he couldn't bare it anymore. I placed the needle into the vial a drew out more than his usual dosage. He felt the needle pressed sharply against his skin, and before he could have second thoughts he pushed it in. The cold liquid shot through his veins, his eyes rolled backwards before complete darkness. Falling to the floor.