I want one word stamped onto my tombstone: Masochist. Perhaps a future generation will see it and learn from me. Years I've spent above the turmoil around me or so I thought.
I would shake my head in dismay at the silly dramas and petty heartbreaks that people put themselves through. My mind would ponder at the stupidity of the choices they made, and I would stand back aloof and unmarred because I was smart enough not to play those games.
What a fucking idiot I turned out to be.
When Jasper and Rose joined our family I had already known that I was lucky to live in a loving home with comforts not afforded to most. Seeing them grow from their damaged foundation into beautiful members of our family seemed natural and organic. Being around bad affected them in a negative way, but being around our family had acted as a balm. Their story is still mostly a mystery to me, but I know that they suffered abuse, and yet both of them today stood as Cullens, happy and content.
So what the hell had happened to Bella?
This thought haunted me constantly. I knew she saw herself in the same light that Jacob Black did, as a cursed harpy, a plague. I knew not what she had done other then "turn people bad" to make her believe this, but there must be more.
After Bella agreed to let my father treat her I agreed to help him since I had learned under him my entire life. Being objective in this case would be difficult, but in such informal settings I decided that fact could be understood or better yet ignored.
Dad prepared her, sedating her so that we could move her body without causing undue pain. As I collected the supplies he listed off to me, he undressed her. My blood froze as I heard him gasp.
I turned around and there on the table under the harsh medical light suspended from the ceiling lay Bella, broken and unmoving. Her pale skin took on an unhealthy yellow tinge from the lamp but more unsetting were the scars that littered her smooth flesh.
"Now is not the time Edward. These are healed, but her leg is in horrible shape. We need to concentrate on that. Are you able to do that son?" Carlisle's rich baratone echoed in the room and I guessed he was trying to snap me out of the haze I was in at seeing her like this.
I nodded and assisted him as best I could with the heat of rage building in my chest. Looking at the scars it was easy to see that some were much older then others. It's possible they spanned years. It was like counting the rings on a tree to tell it's age, except these were hacked into the woman I cared about more every day.
Having Bella living in our home was another one of my brilliant ideas. Hey there woman I'm falling in love with but who is determined to not have anything to do with me, wanna have a sleep over?
Say it with me: Masochist.
She was up there in the shower, being helped by my sister. She told me to leave. No she just said bye. She dismissed me as quickly as she could. I doubt she had noticed the orchids either.
They reminded me of her, so vibrant and strong. I'm a damn fool and a coward, unable to give a woman flowers, instead leaving them in her room for when she wakes up from sedation.
I'm a real fucking Prince.
The one bright spot in this fiasco is Mason. His energy of love and laughter filled this house until the roof seemed ready to burst. The women in the family doted on him and he in turn charmed them with his easy smile and boisterous laugh. Emmett and Jasper treated him as one of their own, inviting him to play video games and football. I think they're also enjoying all of the fresh baked cookies that appear almost hourly because of our littlest guest.
But when he wanted quiet or calm he came to me. More then once I felt him before I heard him, his small body next to mine in the library. He would ask about Bella and when she would be able to make 'pastas" again and I would answer him and we would read together. I knew from my days of stalking his home that this was his tradition with Bella. That he chose me as the replacement while she was ill floored me. Given Bella's resolve not to get involved with me perhaps I should have kept myself from bonding with him but it was too late. This little blue eyed version of Bella was just as enchanting as her.
Something about the Swans was like my very own brand of heroin. It was warmth and fire and comfort and electricity and life. There was no way in Hell I could ever believe Bella to be evil, not when she was mirrored in her pure hearted son.
All of these thoughts coursed through me as I sat quietly in the living room watching Rose whisper to Mason and Emmett cast wary glances in their direction. A smirk almost crosses my face until I hear a sniffle and see Alice descending the staircase in tears.
Jasper came from nowhere to wrap his arms around his diminuitive wife. "Ali what's wrong baby?"
"Jazz she has scars and they're all over her. I asked her about them and she just brushed it off like it was nothing. Nothing! You need to talk to her, you're the only one that hasn't tried yet.
Please please please Jasper I can't stand it."
Alice's begging almost killed me. One because my sister has a kind heart and her seeing such a thing will give her nightmares for weeks. Two because she begged Jasper to help Bella. My Bella, and I couldn't be the one to help her.
Jasper held her for a moment longer and then looked to Emmett and nodded his head asking for company. Wonderful, my overbearing lug of a brother could also assist her in healing along with give her nicknames, while I was left feeling like a stray dog scrounging around for scraps of her attention.
Alice ran into the kitchen and grabbed a lunch tray with food and Bella's pain medication and handed it to Emmett. The two men looked at each other looking like they were gearing up for the fight of their lives, and it may well be.
But it's my damn fight too. There were three words I wanted to hear from that woman's pouty lips and I wouldn't stop until I did. There would be no end to my patience until Bella Swan says,"I trust you."
