"Now?" She said in normal voice, but Jace knew she was close.

He had been listening to her voice for the last three weeks, absorbing her shouts and whispers, trying not to see, but to hear how far she stood. At first, he still had had troubles. He had been trying, but without any success. But Victoria hadn't given up. She hadn't let him give up. They had been practicing for hours until he had learned. Until his ears had learned, like she had promised they would.

"Inside."

"Well done." She answered and he heard her steps coming closer. "Congratulations. You've passed the test without a single mistake."

Jace grinned.

"You won't say you're proud of me?" He asked arrogantly, but that was just for the show.

He couldn't describe how grateful he was to her. She was the one who should be praised for his progress. If she hadn't pushed him, hadn't forced him to continue even after he had lost all hope, he would still be lying in the bed, ignoring the rest of the world, curled up in his misery and sadness.

He heard her laugh and it sent a bunch of pleasant shivers flying inside his belly.

"Of course I'm proud of you." She said, touching his forearm gently.

He knew what was about to follow.

"Do you want me to read to you now?"

She asked him that every day after the practice and every time his answer was the same. It was a kind of a daily ceremony for them, but he needed it as much as he needed the practice.

"Yes."

He insisted that everyone else had to be ignorant of their practice. He didn't want his family to be disappointed if he failed. Even though Victoria had tried to convince him he wouldn't fail, she had agreed to his request. Obviously she had realized there was no use in arguing with him. She had drawn the circle in her own bedroom, where nobody could enter without passing through his room first. The others sometimes came back earlier, so it would be suspicious if they found them in the training room. In her room the two of them were safe.

The trainings remained their secret; not even Clary knew about it. Every time they heard somebody coming into his room, Victoria covered the circle with the carpet and they pretended she had been reading to him. Except for the first day, the reading always came after the practice, since the Institute was usually empty in the morning.

Now he was lying down on her bed, trying to place a pillow in more comfortable position. She seated herself on the chair next to the bed and picked up the book from the cabinet.

At first, it had seemed strange to lie in another girl's bed. It had seemed like was cheating on Clary. But Victoria had never shown any sign of attraction to him. She was as cold as ice, like she wasn't capable of feelings. She never seemed uncomfortable or nervous. It seemed that she didn't care at all that a boy was lying in her bed. He had found that weird, but hadn't asked for an explanation.

After some time, he had got used to it.

Now he didn't even think about it. He just couldn't wait for her to start reading.

Magic of her voice proved its worth once again. He saw Kitty's conversation with Levin, he saw the blocks with letters on it. He could read again, could see what questions they asked and what answers they gave. That didn't surprise him anymore.

But something else did. He could also feel what they were feeling, because Victoria's voice filled his mind completely. He even forgot that he could see, because there were things he couldn't see with his eyes. He felt the warmth of Kitty and Levin's words, he felt love that was streaming between them. It seemed like that love was filling some vacancy within his own heart that he didn't even know it existed. It seemed like he had forgotten that kind of love and was now remembering again.

I love you, Clary. It had been so long since the last time he had said that to her. I wish you were here, listening to this story with me. But you're not, you're killing demons and making Isabelle jealous because you're learning so fast. I wish you were here.

"Would you do it?" He said suddenly, surprising not only Victoria, but also himself. "Would you leave your duties, your family, just because of love like Anna did?"

She stopped reading and he heard her closing the book.

"I don't know." She said after a few moments of silence. "Now I probably wouldn't. I can't put myself in Anna's situation because of the reason you're already familiar with."

He knew she was talking about the fact she had never been in love. He felt a shade of shame crossing his mind.

"But, can't you imagine…" He began, but she interrupted him.

"Would you leave your life behind because of Clary?" She asked her question before he could finish his. "Would you leave the Lightwoods, Shadowhunters, everything you are if she asked you to?"

He thought of Clary, of her green eyes, of the spark in the when she was looking at him. He remembered his own heart pounding in his chest like it was going to jump out of it. He remembered when he had been told they were siblings; it had felt like a Seraph blade piercing his heart. He remembered relief he had felt when they had discovered in Idris it wasn't true. He would leave anything for Clary, he would do the same as Anna. But he would never leave her, no matter what anyone else said. He would be by her side as long as she would want him to be.

"I would." He answered. "I love her. I've never loved anyone the way I love her."

"I can guess as much." Victoria's voice was gentle and he could imagine a smile on her lips. But then it changed. "But you asked me to imagine myself being in love with somebody as much as you're in love with her. Now I'll ask you to imagine something just to see how some things are impossible even to imagine."

"Alright." He didn't feel comfortable right now. He didn't want even to guess what kind of dreadful things he would have to imagine. Clary's death, her abduction, her injuries? Just the thought seemed too terrifying.

"You and Clary are married, you have a child." Her voice again created pictures in his mind, even though she wasn't reading.

He saw Clary, completely grown up, but still short and stubborn and a child with blond hair and green eyes in her arms. They smiled and seemed so happy. He could feel his lips shaping a smile too.

He listened to Victoria, wanting this life in his mind to continue.

"But after a few years your life became a habit. Your love weakened and now you're together just because of the child. Suddenly, you meet a girl and you fall deeply in love with her. You think about her the entire day and she returns your feelings. Would you do your duty and stay with Clary and the child, even though you're not in love with her anymore? Or would you leave with the girl you love now and who loves you?"

She was right; he couldn't imagine it. He couldn't imagine his love for Clary being gone. It was impossible.

"I can't imagine that." He admitted. "I can't imagine I could love anyone like I love Clary."

"And I can't imagine myself being in love enough to answer your question." Victoria said calmly. "So, shall I read further or not?"

But before he could answer, the person they had just been talking about came into Victoria's room. Jace could recognize fast steps, something he couldn't do before he started practicing with Victoria.

"Hi, Victoria." Clary said, but fast, impatiently.

"Hi, Clary." Victoria answered, but with no offence in her voice.

Jace heard a thump of a book being put down.

"I'll see you later, Jace." Victoria said to him and now he recognized her steps, calm and almost soundless, leaving the room.

She did that every day, too. Whenever Clary came into the room to be with him, Victoria left. He guessed she didn't want to disturb them; she let them have privacy.

But he realised now Clary hadn't been so often alone with him in the last few weeks. Either she was hunting demons with the Lightwoods or they were in the company of other residents of the Institute. She always came to Victoria's room to kiss him and then led him out of it to be with the others. Like his company wasn't enough for her.

"Jace." He felt her lips on his, but returned the kiss with less enthusiasm than usually. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." He said, not willing even to bother to come up with some sarcastic comment. It was the truth – or it had been at least until few moments ago.

"That's great to hear." She said happily. "Was Victoria reading to you, as usually?"

He nodded and managed to smile. He didn't want her to worry.

"Yes. We're making progress. Kitty and Levin are about to get married. We have about four hundred pages left. We'll finish it in two or three years."

She laughed. It felt good to hear that laugh.

"Mum's and Luke's wedding is in two weeks, Jace. Did you get your tux?"

"It's bad luck to see your date in formal clothes before the ceremony." He laughed and caressed her face.

She leaned into his hand.

"I just want you to get your sight back. I want you to fight alongside us again. I know you miss it. I want you to see me in my new dress."

"Would I like it?" He asked her with a smile playing on his lips.

"I'm sure you would." She said, but then corrected herself. "I'm sure you will."

Her words hurt him. She tried to make him feel optimistic again. He didn't want that. He had faced the fact he could remain blind forever when he had started practicing with Victoria. She had made him move on and continue to live, having refused to let him wait for the sight that might never come back. He had forgotten about hope. He had learned other ways. He didn't want anyone to awake it again. The possible disappointment would destroy him.

He told Clary nothing about it. She would say he was ridiculous and that he had to hope. Magnus had said it should take about a month for his eyes to heal. Before that, he shouldn't be surprised if his sight wasn't back. But time ran quickly. More than half of the month had passed.

"If you say so." It was all he managed to say.

"Jace, are you okay?" Her voice was suddenly worried. "Did I…"

"No, no, everything's fine." He interrupted her. "Let's join the others. You can tell me then how things went today. I'm sure you're already better than Izzy."

For a moment, it seemed like she would refuse his idea, but then she pulled him up to his feet.

"Okay, let's go." She agreed.

He held her hand while walking next to her, but strangely it didn't feel right. Her steps were too fast for him; her hand was somehow too small. He couldn't understand what was going on. Next to him was Clary, the only girl he had ever loved. Still, it didn't feel right.

Victoria. He thought suddenly with something very similar to longing.

But then he pulled himself together.

I just got used to her leading me. He said to himself. I love Clary. I know I do. That will never change. This is just a habit. It's just a habit.