QUICK RECAP (or you could just read the last chapter)

After a while Lawson stopped punching, his brow covered in a layer of sweat. He looked down at his shaking hands where his knuckles were starting to bruise. He exhaled a long shaky breath and swore quietly. He wandered back into the house and changed into clean clothes before sitting in bed with Shannon. She was still asleep, albeit not peacefully but at least asleep. He lay down next to her feeling tiredness and worry wash over him at once. He felt an overwhelming need to be close to her so he gently grabbed her hand. Even though she was asleep she turned on her side and wrapped her other hand around his body.

As Lawson watched her stressed face, he pulled her closer and hugged her.

"I'm sorry I didn't protect you," he said sadly to her sleeping form before closing his eyes and attempting to sleep away the last 24 hours.


Lawson slept restlessly that morning and was awoken abruptly to a collection of loud noises around his house. He felt the space next to him, expecting to find Shannon still asleep. Instead the other side of the bed was cold and empty, which did little to settle his already worried mind. He quickly jumped out of bed, realising the loud clanging sound was that of his washing machine and dryer both running simultaneously.

"Shannon," he said as he walked into the kitchen.

"I'm in the laundry," she yelled back at him.

"Er, what are you doing?" he asked.

"The washing Lawson, what does it look like I'm doing?" she replied obviously.

"Why are you not resting?" he asked as he put his hand on her shoulder.

"I can't spend the next week just sleeping Lawson," Shannon said as she turned to face him.

"Maybe we could spend some time talking then," he suggested.

Shannon didn't even bother replying, instead just pushing past Lawson and walking into the kitchen.

"Do they have any suspects?" he persisted.

"What?" Shannon asked confused.

"The cops. Do they know who..." Lawson hesitated, "who hurt you," he finished.

Shannon inhaled sharply and looked away, busying herself by putting dishes in the sink.

"So what, now you're just going to ignore me Shan?"

"I just don't want to think about it Lawson,"

"I don't want to either but I need you to help me understand, I need you to talk to me,"

"What the hell is there to understand? I was raped, talking about it isn't going to take it back or make it any better Lawson," she said angrily.

"I don't want to push you into this, but talking will make it better,"

"Nothing will make it better Lawson," was all Shannon could say quietly.

"When we find him, the son of a bitch will rot in jail for the rest of his miserable life. If I don't bloody kill him," Shannon closed her eyes breathing out as she tried to keep her emotions in check.

"It's not going to happen Lawson," she said.

"What do you mean? Of course it is,"

"I'm going to get onto the D's investigating and..." suddenly Lawson stopped and looked at Shannon.

"Shit Shannon, you did report it didn't you?" he said sighing, although he already knew the answer.

"I just couldn't do it Lawson. I was so confused I just didn't know how to fix it,"

"Why didn't you come to me that night? You know I would have come with you,"

Lawson slowly walked around to the side of kitchen table where Shannon was standing. He could see tears glistening in her eyes and sighed.

"Shan," was all he said as he pulled her into his arms.

"Look Lawson, I know you want to help me but...I need you to be patient. And just not freak out at me,"

"I'm not going to freak out Shannon," he replied as he grabbed her hand and they walked to the couch.

Shannon looked back at him sceptically but started talking none the less.

"I've been having nightmares," she continued as they sat down.

"I know," he said sadly, holding her hand.

"Sometimes it's just like it's happening all over again. Like I can't get away,"

Lawson felt as though he was about to throw up as Shannon was talking, a lump forming in his throat.

"What do you mean sometimes?" he asked.

Shannon looked away from Lawson and was staring at her feet.

"I didn't think you'd stay," she mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"I kept having a nightmare that when I told you, you were so angry you didn't want to talk to me again. If I told you then you wouldn't want me anymore. So I convinced myself that I couldn't tell you if I wanted to stay with you, "

"Shannon," Lawson said in shock.

"But I felt guilty because all I was doing was ruining everything and it was all my fault and..." Shannon began to ramble.

"Stop," Lawson said as he wiped away the lone tear that was falling down Shannon's cheek.

"Ok, let me tell you, none of this is your fault. Nothing you could have done makes this your fault. I don't know what happened in that lane way and I hope that you can tell me so I can help you, but what I do know is that it's not your fault. Can you tell me what happened that night?" he hesitantly asked her.

Shannon's eyes were glassy and she was staring into the distance, a passive look covering her face. Lawson knew that Shannon was somewhere else, in a part of her mind that protected her from having to deal with the reality of what had happened. It concerned Lawson that she couldn't vocalise anything to him about the night of her attack. He didn't know what to do, as Shannon sat frozen on the couch.

"Shan? Can you hear me?" he said.

"mmm" was all she mumbled.

"I need to go," she suddenly said.

"What? No Shannon, wait," he said alarmed that she was going to leave.

"No Lawson, I don't have my medication with me. I left some of it at home and I need to take it otherwise it'll be even longer before I'm back at work," she said as she stood up.

"Well will you at least let me drive you?"

"Um, fine I guess," she said frowning. Honestly she didn't feel like driving, her head hurt and she felt drained of all her emotions.

"I'll just get changed, give me five," Lawson said to Shannon who was busy attempting to find her bag.


The ride to Shannon's house had been in almost complete silence. As they pulled up outside, Lawson saw a stationary car sitting directly across from the entrance to her apartment. As Shannon climbed out of the Lawson's blue truck the dark coloured Camry sped off suddenly in the opposite direction. Shannon was already walking up the pebbled entrance and noticed nothing but Lawson felt uneasy at the abruptness with which it had sped off. He thought nothing more of it however as he walked up the stairs to find Shannon.

He could hear her shuffling things around in the bathroom, obviously attempting to find something. He noticed the bag of food on the table and various other things scattered around the kitchen and living room. His girlfriend was far from messy and it surprised Lawson to see so many things out of place. He threw out all the scattered rubbish and cleaned the various things off the bench top.

"I'm just going to chuck this in the bin Shan," he yelled out as he began to walk outside.

"Whatever," she replied.

When Lawson opened the bin he saw a collection of small photo albums lying on the top with several pages torn out. He frowned, reaching into the bin and flicking through the photos. Suddenly he heard rustling leaves to his left and Shannon appeared carrying her bag.

"What are you doing?" she asked accusingly.

"I found these photos when I went to put the rubbish in,"

"Yeah well they are rubbish which is why they are in there," she frowned at him.

"These aren't rubbish Shannon, they are photos of you when you were younger. Very cute by the way," he smiled softly at her.

"Lawson," she said sharply as she snapped the photos from his grasp and threw them back in the bin.

"You've never talked to me about your childhood," he said to her as she turned around to leave.

"It's not something I want to discuss. Not now anyway," she replied.

"Come on, let's go," she said as she walked away.

Lawson opened the recycle bin and was alarmed at the number of alcohol bottles there were. He knew that Stella and Shannon had been partying pretty hard since Michael died but he was concerned when he realised what it was Shannon was really trying to forget. He threw the old newspapers in on the top before quickly glancing around, seeing Shannon already walking to the car. He opened the bin again grabbing one of the photos of Shannon. She was standing on a river bank holding a lizard and grinning proudly, an older boy on her right seemed to be scared of the lizard as Shannon shoved it towards him and a grown man whom Lawson assumed was Shannon's father standing on her left pointing to something distant that couldn't be seen. The older boy's face looked vaguely familiar to Lawson although he couldn't quite place where from. He quickly pocketed the photo before dumping the rest of the rubbish in the bin and heading up to the car.

"Got everything?" he asked Shannon as he climbed in the driver's seat.

"Yep," she replied simply as she started typing a text message to Stella.

"Why are you still using a work phone?" Lawson asked confused.

"I thought you said you left it at your place,"

"No, what I said was I didn't have it,"

"Oh, right well where is it? Those work phones are crap, they always drop out," Lawson began before seeing the look on Shannon's face.

"What?" he asked her.

"Kerry took it," she said quickly. She had never expected to tell Lawson as much as she had today but the more she told him, the less guilty she felt.

"Why would Kerry take it?" Lawson responded, confused.

He turned to look at Shannon who was avoiding his eyes and who's face had started to turn red.

"Does she know what happened?" he asked.

Shannon sighed before speaking again.

"She found out a few days ago. When I collapsed Tash had to examine me. I was unconscious and she called Kerry in to the hospital. Stella ended up there too,"

"Yeah, Stella came around in a strange state that night looking for you," Lawson said surprised.

"I didn't want anyone to know but Tash worked it out, and then Kerry and Stella worked it out too, and then suddenly people knew," Shannon said.

"But it didn't make me feel any better," she continued.

"So why does Kerry have you phone?" Lawson asked but was interrupted when his phone started ringing. He hung up when he saw it was Kerry before turning back to Shannon.

As he opened his mouth to speak his phone began ringing again.

"Answer it Lawson, she will keep calling," Shannon said before looking out the window.

"What?" Lawson answered abruptly.

"Lawson, I need you to come in this afternoon," Kerry said shortly.

"Kerry I can't, Shannon and I are busy,"

"Lawson, Josh is away until next week, Charlie has gone home sick and I obviously can't get Shannon in. I need a senior officer here,"

"Seriously, Shannon and I are trying to deal with some stuff," he said tersely before hanging up.

"Lawson," Shannon said in a warning tone.

"Shannon, you are my number one priority at the moment ok?"

"And I appreciate that Lawson, but it has been a long day for me ok. I can't talk about this anymore, not today anyway," she said.

Suddenly Shannon's phone rang and she saw Kerry's name flashing across the screen.

"Hi Kerry," she said as she could see Lawson getting angry at Kerry beside her.

"You told him didn't you?" she said sadly.

"Yep,"

"How did he take it?" Kerry asked.

"How do you think Kerry?" Shannon replied sarcastically.

"Look, he is going to come in to work, ok?" Shannon said as Lawson shook his head silently telling her to stop talking.

"But only if I can come in too," she continued.

"No way," both Kerry and Lawson said simultaneously.

"Both of you listen. Just let me come in and do something at base, not be on duty. I'll just sit at the intel desk with Leon,"

"No," Kerry said at once although Shannon could see Lawson starting to break. She knew he wanted her to be close to him and not alone so she figured it would be easy to persuade him.

"I will come in if, and only if, Shannon can stay at base while I'm on duty," Lawson yelled out to Kerry.

There was silence on the other end of the phone as Kerry considered what to do.

"Fine, but we all need to have a chat when you get here ok?"

"Great, see you soon," Shannon grinned.

"Proud of yourself?" Lawson smirked as they drove off.

"Yep," she responded as she saw Lawson roll his eyes.

"You can't overdo it Shan," he began becoming serious.

"I mean it,"

"I know you do Lawson,"

"maybe," Lawson began before hesitating.

"Maybe you could start thinking about making a statement,"

"Lawson I'm not reporting it,"

"Shannon, you're a cop you have seen..." he started, his frustration escalating.

"That's exactly the point Lawson, I'm a cop. I don't want this to affect my career. And I am fine with what happened. I put it all in a little box in my head and until today forgot all about it. Now, you know what happened but I never want to think about it again. Ok?"

"No Shannon, not ok. I'm not ok with this. I can't sit back and pretend like you never told me. I can't let your rapist be out there walking the streets while you can't sleep at night. You aren't ok with what happened, you repressed what happened and there is a difference. You know those nightmares and the panic attacks are because you have tried to ignore this Shannon. You have a psychology degree, I know you understand that," Lawson lectured feeling the anger and frustration that had been bubbling away suddenly explode to the surface.

They had arrived at the TR base and Lawson sat in the car about to apologize when Shannon jumped out and stormed away.

"Shit," Lawson said as he tried to follow her but Kerry quickly cornered him. Having seen Shannon storm away she figured that she needed to de escalate the situation before things went from bad to worse.

"Lawson stop, just let her go,"

"I can't Kerry, I can't let her do this alone," Lawson said anxiously.

"She isn't doing it alone. But she needs time to work it out alone. Come on, my office I want to talk to you,"

Reluctantly Lawson followed Kerry into her office and shut the door behind him.

"So what are you doing about finding this piece of shit?'' Lawson asked Kerry.

"Lawson, Shannon hasn't made a complaint. You know I can't act on anything, not until she makes a statement,"

"That's bullshit Kerry we know where and when it happened, I want camera footage, local police logs, uniforms door knocking and a forensic team down there,"

"Ok Lawson firstly, Shannon didn't tell any of us where or even when it happened but given her behaviour in the last few weeks I think we can probably work it out. She didn't tell us anything. She didn't even tell us she was raped. Stella asked her and all she could do was nod,"

"She's repressing it all Kerry. Trying to ignore it, deny it happened. I don't know how to help her," Lawson said desperately.

"Just be there Lawson, that's all she wants from you. She was terrified at the hospital. So sure that you would hate her for what happened. We all tried to get her to call you but she was too upset to even see past her complete fear that you would bail. She went through that physical exam completely alone Lawson because this bastard destroyed her confidence to the point where she couldn't trust anything she was thinking at all so she just stopped processing everything," Kerry hesitated before continuing.

"I know she is trying to be strong and tough or whatever and you see sadness and guilt every time you look at her. But as a woman I can tell you, all I can see in her eyes is fear. Whatever this guy did to her, she is petrified Lawson, just give it time," Kerry tried to settle Lawson's temper.

"I can't sit back and do nothing," he said standing up.

"He hurt her Kerry. He held a gun to her head and cut her back with a knife to shut her up. He touched her and..." Lawson stoped, walked over to the side of Kerry's office, pacing quickly.

"That's only the stuff I know about, I don't know what else he did and I can't sit back and watch her act like this hasn't happened when that arsehole is still walking around out there. He tried to kill her," Lawson yelled kicking Kerry's filing cabinet and punching his hand through the far wall.

"Are you done?" Kerry said looking at Lawson who was shaking his hand out. She looked at his bruised knuckles before rubbing her head in frustration. What a mess, she thought to herself.

"Go and bandage your hand would you and put your uniform on, I'll go and find Shannon, ok?"

Lawson stormed out without another word to Kerry and into the change room to try and compose himself before going on duty.


Kerry found Shannon sitting in the locker room staring blankly at the floor.

"Shan," she said quietly as she sat down next to her.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she replied, her eyes still fixated on the ground.

"Well I doubt that," Kerry remarked.

"I didn't think through what would happen...what I would say if Lawson decided to stay. I was so sure he would just..." Shannon sighed.

"Lawson is so worried about how to help you. He has always been a protector, and now the person he was supposed to protect the most has been hurt in one of the worst ways possible. So he thinks it's his fault,"

"But it's not," Shannon said surprised.

"No, but can you see how sometimes we rationalise things to try and make sense of them but then all we do is make it worse?" Kerry counselled wisely.

"Don't fight his love Shannon, all he wants to do is help you,"

"I don't know how to let him help me," she admitted, vulnerability shadowing her features.

"Just talk, when you're ready. He will listen." Kerry said as she put her arm around Shannon.

"And when you are ready, you can report it and we can find this prick ok?" Kerry said and instantly noticed a change in Shannon. She tensed up and the suggestion and suddenly stood again.

"Thanks. I'll be at the desk with Leon,"

Kerry watched her walk away and frowned in concern. Something was still going on Shannon wasn't telling them and it worried her to think the young Sergeant was still trying to fight this alone.


HELLO!

I justify this update today figuring that somewhere in the world it is still Thursday haha.

don't blame me, I got put off when I was babysitting and good old ABC3 was on and jolene anderson was on dance academy.

ANYWAY

so, do you think shannon should report the rape?

should she tell lawson and kerry she knows who attacked her?

and should she tell lawson the full story about what happened?

Let me know what you all think. hopefully the next chapter shannon will be all better and the action can kick start again. hoorah.