Author's Note: I'm really sorry this chapter took so long to get out to you all and I just want to thank everyone who continued to leave reviews and write me messages asking me to continue this story. I never planned on abandoning it, but it's been hard to find the time to work on it with all I have going on lately and getting those notes from people wanting to read more were really encouraging and definitely helped me refocus on writing. So here's chapter 11, hope you like it.


Alison spots Emily's clothes in a pile on the floor of her bathroom as she towels off her wet hair. After Spencer left, Alison had been in such a hurry to wash off the remnants of the previous night that she hadn't really thought about whose clothes she was shedding before she stepped under the hot stream of water. She had recognized the t-shirt and shorts while she was still in Emily's room but she still has so many questions regarding last night. Spencer had given her the abridged version of events during her lecture and she wasn't exactly proud of her choices, but she had been too nervous to ask who was responsible for getting her out of her own clothes and into Emily's.

Wearing Emily's slightly too big t-shirt had once been a comfort to Alison. In the past when she would sleep over the brunette's house she'd often intentionally forget to bring a pair of pajamas so she'd be forced to borrow Emily's. Back then Alison hadn't thought of it as romantic, it had just been safe and familiar. Like Emily. But now that too was sullied and what Alison can rationalize was probably an act of kindness, just feels like another violation.

After dressing in pair of leggins and a long sweater, Alison scoops up the offending garments from the bathroom floor and dumps them in the wash. She makes sure to answer Jason's "checking in" text message from earlier in the morning before climbing into bed and pulling the covers over her head, eager to shut out the world in favor of a few needed hours of sleep.

She sleeps for a while, maybe a bit too long, but she's still not at all happy to be woken up by the doorbell later that evening. Her head still hurts and she's still a little hung over and she swears if it's Spencer coming to lecture her some more, she's going to kill her.

But it's not Spencer standing on her front porch. Much to Alison's surprise, it's Emily, looking lost and afraid. She reminds Alison of a small child who lost her puppy on a walk and is too scared to go home and tell her parents the truth. Alison supposes that makes her the lost puppy in the equation.

Alison runs a hand through her messy bed hair and tries to clear the sleep from her throat. She hopes Emily didn't notice the hitch in her breath when she first opened the door. "What are you doing here?" she asks, crossing her arms across her chest defensively.

Emily rocks back on her heels and shoves her hands in her pockets, her eyes dancing between Alison and the ground. Alison notes Emily's tense body language and nervous ticks and she can't help but feel a little relieved by the brunette's obvious anxiety. She knows it's petty, and it's probably more "old her" than "new her" to take joy in someone else's discomfort, but why should she be the only one suffering.

"I need to talk to you. Can I come in?" Emily asks.

Alison thinks for a moment before deciding to step outside, forcing Emily to take several steps back. She pulls the door closed behind her and looks up at Emily defiantly. "We can talk out here."

"Ali, come on. You don't have to be afraid of me. Lets just go inside."

"I'm not afraid of you," Alison insists, although the jelly-like feeling in her legs says otherwise. "We talk out here or we don't talk at all," Alison declares, a hint of challenge to her voice.

It wasn't that she was afraid to be alone with Emily—well, maybe a little, but more than that she felt the need to assert herself. To get her way no matter how trivial the matter was. So if Emily wanted to talk inside, well then she sure as hell wasn't going to allow that.

"Fine. Out here it is," Emily agrees, turning and taking a seat on Alison's front porch

Alison watches Emily settle in on the top step, her small victory in venue choice feeling somewhat hollow. She feels Emily's eyes on her as she takes a seat on the step besides the brunette, the proximity between them not going unnoticed by either girl.

"So how are you feeling?" Emily starts. "I'm surprised you're able to stand after last night." She forces out a small laugh and smiles in Alison's direction, desperately trying to ease the tension.

But Alison isn't feeling charitable so she makes no attempt to match Emily's mood. "I've seen better days," she says mildly.

Undeterred by Alison's coldness, Emily soldiers on."I wasn't expecting to see you at the party last night. I didn't know you were friends with Megan Miller."

"I'm not. I know her brother Jeff."

Emily nods and mutters a muted "oh" in response.

"I'd say I was surprised to see you there too, but I don't actually remember seeing you," Alison says as she stares straight ahead into the fading sunlight.

"Yeah. You were pretty wasted."

"So I've heard. You're not here to lecture me about drinking responsibly and making smarter choices, are you? Because Spencer already covered all that on the drive home this morning," Alison tells her.

"I'm sure she did," Emily chuckles. "And no, I'm not here to lecture you."

"Good. I'm not usually that careless when it comes to alcohol. You know that."

Alison picks at a loose thread on the sleeve of her sweater. She's still getting used to the idea of an Emily she can't trust, an Emily that makes her anxious and afraid, an Emily who would hurt her. She's not unaccustomed to regarding people with caution, she just never expected Emily to be one of those people.

"So what happened last night?" Emily asks softly and Alison wants to scream at her for using that tone of voice—that soft, gentle, prodding voice that makes it sound like Emily actually cares about her. How dare she act like she still cares.

"I just needed a break," Alison finds herself admitting. "Just a few hours where I could turn my brain off and not have to think or worry about anything. I guess I got carried away."

"I get that," Emily agrees quietly.

Finally Alison turns to face the brunette, her eyes hard and demanding. "Why are you here, Emily?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay. Spencer rushed you out of my house so quickly this morning we didn't really get a chance to talk," Emily answers.

"What could we possibly have to talk about?"

"Ali," Emily starts, her voice cracking and her eyes filling with tears. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know if you'll ever forgive me but I need you to know, I never meant to hurt you. I was wrong to blame you for Sara leaving. I was angry and hurt about so many things and I took it all out on you. You didn't deserve that."

Alison remains stone-faced, unmoved by Emily's cries. "Okay. Is that all?"

Emily reaches out to place a tentative hand on Alison's knee but Alison instinctively jerks away. Emily's face falls in disappointment as she folds her hands back in her lap.

"Yeah. I just needed to apologize again. I need you to know how truly sorry I am," Emily says, her eyes boring into Alison's own. "I try not to think about that night. About any of it really, because that wasn't me. I don't even know that girl who did those things and I'm so ashamed and disgusted with myself that I..." she trails off, stopping to wipe her tears. "But seeing you last night with those guys...I couldn't bare the thought of someone else hurting you that way. And I know I could apologize to you every day for the rest of my life and it won't be enough, but I'll never stop being sorry. I'll never forgive myself for treating you like that."

"Well, thank you. For last night," Alison says plainly. She doesn't doubt Emily's sincerity but the words feel empty and Alison remains unmoved by Emily's tear-filled apology. She feels nothing and she briefly wonders if maybe she and Emily are past the point of apologizes.

Alison gets lost in thought but pulls back sharply when she feels Emily's lips brush against hers. "What the hell are you doing?" she demands.

"I thought...you...I was," Emily starts sputtering nervously.

"You thought because you said you're sorry I could forget how it felt to be pinned beneath you on that bed? How terrifying it was to realize what was happening and know I couldn't stop you? How much it hurt when you shoved your fingers inside me?" Alison cuts in sharply, her voice harsh and angry "You think that's all it takes? You string along some pathetic attempt at an apology and then we kiss and make up?"

Emily's eyes widen and her face pales in horror. "Alison, I would have never..." she breathes out raggedly.

"You did!" Alison shrieks, her hands balling into fists. "You know what-no. I'm not doing this," Alison says firmly, shaking her head and jumping to her feet. "I appreciate the apology and maybe one day the thought of you touching me won't make me physically ill, but I can't just forgive you and pretend everything's okay now. It's not okay! What you did is not okay! You were my best friend, Emily! I trusted you! I loved you! You weren't supposed to do that to me!" Alison cries, no longer able to keep her emotions in check.

"Alison. Please, can't we just try again?" Emily pleads.

"Try what? We're not friends and we're definitely aren't going to be more than friends now. There's no going back. We screwed up any chance we ever had at being together and we both have to accept that and move on. Let's just continue to keep our distance."

She slams the door behind her, leaving Emily alone and crying on the porch.


Spencer comes by later that night under the guise of wanting to watch a movie but Alison suspects her true motive is to check up on her. Normally the thought of being monitored like she's a child or some sort of out of control addict who can't be left to her own devices would irritate her, but truthfully a part of her agrees with Spencer's assessment of her. When it comes to Emily, Alison doesn't trust herself so she doesn't blame Spencer for doubting her too. Besides Jason's in Philadelphia and her dad is in his room pretending she doesn't exist, so she could use the company.

"I saw you earlier. On your porch with Emily," Spencer tells her after they settle in on Alison's bed to watch some Ryan Gosling movie Spencer brought over that Alison has never heard of.

That wasn't new for Alison—being unfamiliar with a song or movie her friends were talking about. It was kind of isolating to be so out of touch, but it's not like she had a whole lot of time to get to the movies while she was on the run or in jail. She didn't like bringing it up to the girls and reminding them of why she hadn't heard a particular song or seen a certain show, so when Spencer had excitedly suggested this particular movie, expecting Alison to share in her interest, Alison had just gone along with the idea.

Alison sighs. "So you're stalking me too now?"

"I was coming back from a run after dinner and I saw you two sitting out there," Spencer answers, easily dismissing Alison's annoyance. "Are you guys getting back together?

"We were never together, Spencer. We were just fucking," Alison dead-pans. "But no, we won't be going back to doing that either."

Spencer nods, uncharacteristically at a loss of words.

"She apologized. I think she actually meant it too," Alison says after a moment. Her eyes are still locked on the screen in front of her but she's finding it hard to concentrate on the movie.

"I'm sure she did. But that doesn't mean you have to..."

"I know, Spencer," Alison cuts her off. Because she does. She gets it. She doesn't need Spencer to give her another speech about how she's worth more than that, because she's honestly not sure that she is, but she knows going back to Emily isn't an option. Still, she feels a little bad about being so harsh with Emily earlier. Who was she to deny someone else forgiveness when she had needed to ask for so much of it?

Alison decides a change of topic is needed. She gives up her ruse of pretending to be interested in the movie and turns on her side so that she's facing Spencer. "Jason called. He's coming home tomorrow and he's bringing Leah."

Spencer raises an eyebrow and grins. "So you finally get to meet the elusive new girlfriend?"

"We're supposed to go out to dinner at that new Sushi place on Cedar."

"Sounds nice."

"Why don't you come?" Alison blurts out.

"What?" Spencer asks, clearly surprised by the request.

"He's your brother too and you'd be saving me from being the awkward third wheel."

"Ali, I don't know if that'd be the best idea," Spencer hedges carefully. "Has Jason even explained the whole DiLaurentis/Hastings family tree to her?"

Alison doesn't know the answer so she ignores the question. "Please, Spence, I don't want to do this alone," she pleads.

"Okay, fine. If Jason doesn't mind," Spencer relents.

Alison smiles, satisfied with getting her way. "Why would he mind? Dinner with his two favorite sisters? He'll be thrilled."

Spencer lets out a hearty laugh.

"God. This poor girl has no idea what she's getting herself into," Alison remarks before the two friends turn their attention back to Ryan Gosling.


When Alison returns from Church Sunday afternoon she finds Jason's car parked in the driveway. "So where is she?" Alison asks, finding Jason reading the newspaper alone in the living room.

"I dropped her off at Hollis. She's has a meeting with someone there about her company's intern program," he explains.

Alison nods, absorbing the information. "So you sure you don't mind that I invited Spencer tonight?"

"No, it's cool. It'll be nice to get to spend time with the both of you."

"You're not afraid Leah will be scared off by our family's twisted web of dysfunction?" Alison asks wryly.

Jason folds the newspaper and puts it aside. "I already told her the truth about me and who my biological father is. I really want this to work and the only way that's possible is if I'm honest. Completely honest. She knows everything."

"Everything? Even about Charles?" Alison questions curiously.

Jason nods slowly. "Total honesty. It's the only way."

Alison arches an eyebrow, surprised to see how far her brother has come over the years. She envies the progress he seems to be making. She's been working on being more honest herself, but there's still a small part of her that feels the need to hold onto secrets for protection.

They agree to meet at the restaurant at 7 o'clock and Jason leaves to pick up Leah and show her around Rosewood.


"I have no shoes that go with this dress," Alison huffs. She studies herself in the floor-length mirror in her bedroom and frowns. "I should have bought new shoes. Or a new dress." She kicks off the blue pumps she's currently wearing and slips on a pair of saddle brown suede wedges.

"That's the fourth pair of shoes you've tried on and all of them have looked fine. Are you seriously this nervous about dinner?" Spencer asks. The brainy brunette is currently sprawled across Alison's bed, idly scrolling through Instagram as she impatiently waits for her friend to get ready.

"I just want to look nice," Alison says, modeling the new shoes in the mirror.

"You do look nice. You looked nice three pairs of shoes ago. Besides, Jason's the one dating her, not you," Spencer points out, tossing her phone aside.

"I know," Alison bites back. She runs her hands down the sides of her dress to smooth the non-existent wrinkles and tilts her head from side to side to observe her final look. "I just want tonight to go well. Jason has never made the effort to include me in his life like this before. And Leah is important to him. He really likes her and I want her to like me."

"She will like you, Ali. And not because of your shoes," Spencer tells her seriously.

"You have to admit, these shoes do make my legs look great though, right?" Alison smirks, finally satisfied with her selection.

Spencer shakes her head and laughs at her friend. "Yes, they do."

Alison gives her hair one final comb through and the pair set off to meet Jason and Leah at the restaurant.

Dinner goes surprisingly well. Conversation flows easily as the foursome discusses everything from the latest death on Games of Thrones to the merits of the Philadelphia transit system. Alison can feel herself relax a bit for the first time in weeks as they laugh and trade stories. Leah is smart and sweet and funny and everything Alison could wish for her brother. Not to mention, she's also beautiful.

"Ali, can you stop dissecting your food and just eat it," Jason jokingly scolds as Alison stabs at her salad.

"Half this salad is tomatoes," Alison grumbles.

"Not a fan of tomatoes?" Leah asks with a kind smile.

"No," Alison answers emphatically as she spears another tomato with her fork. "And my plate is practically overflowing with them." Her face scrunches in disgust as she pushes the tomatoes to the corner of her plate, trying to keep them from touching her lettuce.

When she looks up everyone is staring at her and she feels a little self-conscious about being so picky.

She never liked tomatoes and has always picked them out of her food, but lately she's been more compulsive about it than usual. She doesn't want them anywhere near her salad and the thought of them in her plate is making her skin crawl. She may not be able to keep her life from spiraling out of control, but she will have a tomato free salad if it's the last thing she does.

"Why didn't you just order it without the tomatoes?" Spencer asks.

"I didn't want to be difficult. I didn't know there'd be so many," Alison admits, thoroughly embarrassed by the attention her compulsive behavior is now garnering.

"Here, I'll take them. I love tomatoes," Leah offers. She slides her plate over to Alison and shovels the offending food into it with her fork.

Alison feels herself relax again once her salad is in order and there's no longer a trace of tomato on her plate. She settles back against her seat and smiles gratefully at Leah, whom she suspects doesn't actually love tomatoes, but is just trying to take the focus off her. Leah squeezes her arm in acknowledgment and moves the conversation along to the next topic without missing a beat.

When Leah compliments Alison's shoes on the way out of the restaurant, Alison beams and shoots Spencer a self-satisfied smirk before offering to take Leah to the little boutique in town where she got them. Much to Alison's surprise, Leah excitedly takes her up on her offer and the two set up a "shopping date" for the following afternoon. Leah even offers to pick her up after school so they could have as much time shopping as possible.

"You guys sure you don't want to come to the movie with us?" Jason asks as he and Leah walk the girls to Spencer's car.

"No that's okay. I'm already stealing your girl tomorrow afternoon, I'll let you have her to yourself for the night," Alison teases. Jason and Leah laugh and Alison can't help but think how nice it is to see her brother smile.

"Text me when you get home. Both of you," Jason instructs as they near Spencer's SUV.

Alison rolls her eyes. "Jason, we're only a couple of miles away from the house."

"Just do it. And be careful. There's a lot of drunk drivers on the roads at this time. And don't text while you drive."

"She's not an idiot, Jason. We'll be fine. You better get going or you'll be late for your movie," Alison reminds him. She says a quick goodbye to Leah and hops in the car.

"Gees. Has he always been this over-protective?" Spencer asks.

"Not at all. This is all new," Alison laughs as she adjusts her seatbelt. She looks back to see Jason with his arm around Leah watching them pull away from the curb.

Spencer checks her mirrors and seamlessly merges into traffic, keeping her eyes on the road as she talks. "Well, all things considered, I don't blame him for worrying"

"Yeah, I get it," Alison says. "And I don't blame him for going overboard either. We didn't have much of a relationship before so this big brother thing is kind of new to him. He seems to be taking the role rather seriously."

"I could see that," Spencer notes with a laugh. "So tonight went well."

"It did," Alison agrees. "Thank you for coming."

"What kind of sister would I be if I didn't take an interest in who our brother is dating? She could be our future sister-in-law someday!" Spencer declares seriously, but there's a hint of teasing in her tone and Alison can't help but smile at Spencer's use of the term "our brother." It's nice to share something so important with someone she cares about.

When Alison had first learned the truth about Jason's parentage, she had thought of it as just another juicy secret she could use to her advantage. It had offered her so much leverage-over her mom, her dad, Jason, Melissa, Mr. and Mrs. Hastings, and of course Spencer. And rather than deal with the disappointment of learning that her mother had been unfaithful to her father or confront the lies her parents had told her, Alison had been content to add yet another secret to her arsenal of weapons in the game of mental warfare that had been her life. But now the secret is out and all that remains of it is an undeniable connection to one of her best friends. No they weren't quite sisters, but they would always be connected.

They fall into a comfortable silence and Alison loses herself in watching the trees outside her window flash by in a dark blur as they drive.

"So Emily's been texting me all night." Spencer's cautious voice disrupts the stillness of the car as she turns her head slightly to gauge Alison's reaction out of the corner of her eye.

"Has she?" Alison asks, trying to sound disinterested.

"She wants to talk. About you, I'd imagine," Spencer elaborates.

Alison isn't sure what to say to that so she doesn't say anything.

Loath to ever let something go so easily, Spencer presses on. "Have you given any more thought to what you're going to do? About Emily?"

Alison sighs, annoyed with Spencer's insistence that she face her problems. "Spence, come on, we just had a nice night. Why ruin it now?"

"Because you need to talk about this. You can't just ignore it and pretend nothing happened," Spencer insists.

"You'd be surprised at how well I could do exactly that," Alison mutters.

"I'm serious, Ali. You need to decide how you're going to deal with this. You need a plan."

Alison slumps back against her seat and rolls her eyes petulantly. A plan? What kind of plan was she supposed to devise? She can tell from the way Spencer's eyes widen when she talks and the rising pitch of her voice that this isn't something Spencer's going to let her brush off that easily though.

But she's in no mood to talk about Emily at the moment. Not when things had been going well, so well, in fact, that she had hardly thought about Emily all night. Okay, maybe she thought about Emily when she was picking the tomatoes out of her salad—Emily used to eat them for her, and when Leah had mentioned wanting to go to the beach when the weather got warmer—Emily loved to swim of course, but that was it. But now Spencer wanted her to face the reality of her and Emily's disastrous relationship and she just couldn't do it.

"I could try faking my own death and running away again. That worked pretty well last time."

"This isn't a joke, Ali," Spencer snaps.

"I don't know, okay? I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel or how to act when I see her. I don't know how to live in a world where Emily isn't Emily," Alison admits, her voice straining as she tries not to cry.

At Alison's confession, Spencer pulls the car over to the side of the road and parks. They're still several blocks away from their houses but they're in the neighborhood, parked in front of some strangers' house.

Spencer turns in her seat so that she could address Alison directly. "So where does that leave you?"

"I don't hate her. I don't think I could even if I wanted to. But I can't forget what she did either," Alison answers truthfully. She thinks back to Friday night. Her recollection of the nigh is hazy to say the least, but she's starting to remember bits and pieces. She remembers rolling over in Emily's bed and finding the brunette's deep brown eyes staring back at her. She remembers their lips meeting and their bodies pressing together. She remembers Emily pulling away and feeling like something had been violently ripped away from her all over again. "She said she loved me the other night after the party. I don't remember much but I remember her saying she loved me," Alison says.

"And?" Spencer prods.

Alison shrugs. "It was nice to hear."

"Alison, that's not love," Spencer states matter-of-factly.

"I don't need the speech," Alison huffs.

"I think you do!"

"You don't get it."

"What don't I get?" Spencer demands.

Alison wipes at the tears on her cheeks with the back of her hand and shakes her head. "People love you. Your family, Toby, your friends."

"And?"

"And I'm not like you! It's different for me. I don't... no one... it's just different," Alison tells her quietly.

Spencer looks at her with a mix of realization and pity. "Ali, Emily isn't the only one who loves you."

Spencer sounds pretty adamant but Alison's isn't so sure.

"Can you just drive?"