Somedays it just didn't pay to get out of bed. Captain Janeway was learning that today was one of those days. She'd already had to deal with Kes's increased telepathic abilities which threatened Voyager's own molecular stability, and an attempt by Seven of Nine to contact the Borg collective which forced her to confine Seven of Nine to the Brig. The usual ship's business seemed to take a back seat though, to these problems which forced Janeway to rely more on her First Officer than she would've liked given the lingering trust issues she had concerning Chakotay.
Everytime Seven of Nine spoke of her desire to return to the Borg, Janeway's heart broke a little bit more. When Janeway looked at Seven of Nine she didn't see a former Borg drone, she saw her friend, Annika. She saw the fear that lay under the surface of Seven of Nine's anger and it made her heart ache.
It hadn't been easy to see her young friend in that cell in the Brig behind the force field. It had damn near broken her heart all over again but she'd hidden the pain as best she could. If Annika had been herself she'd have seen right through Janeway's poker face...she always could, even at six years old.
Now, Janeway had been called back to the Brig where Seven of Nine was still being held. As Janeway walked into the room which held the cell, she heard Seven of Nine muttering the word 'one' over and over again to herself.
Janeway stepped right up to the force field and waited as Seven of Nine noticed her presence and turned only her head in acknowledgement.
"My designation is Seven of Nine," her voice was tinged with sadness and it sounded as if she was holding back tears,"but the others are gone. Designations are no longer relevant. I am...one."
Janeway's heart ached again at the loneliness and sadness she heard and replied, "yes you are."
"But I cannot function this way—alone." Despite the brief surge of anger, sadness still leaked into her voice as it seemed that Seven of Nine was losing her battle with the tears.
"You are not alone."Annika "I'm willing to help you."Please, let me. Janeway's inner voice shouted in her head…called out for Annika in silent supplication.
Seven of Nine turned her head to look at Janeway with her human eye."If that is true you won't do this to me. Take me back to my own kind."
Janeway was running out of ways to reach through the Borg mentality."You are with your own kind—humans." With me...Katie.
"I don't remember being human. I don't know what it is to be human." Every word just strengthened Janeway's resolve. I'll help you remember Annika, if you'll just let me.
Janeway turned then and lifted a generic data padd from the security workstation. She keyed in her access code and brought up the picture of Annika from the Registry. Janeway decided it was time to tell Seven of Nine who she had been so long ago and who she now had a chance to be again. At the same time though, she knew it was too soon to reveal their personal connection. That disclosure would have to wait until they were alone and until Seven of Nine was ready to hear it.
Janeway began keying in the access code to disable the force field, to allow herself to enter Seven of Nine's cell. When Seven of Nine saw what she was doing, fear and confusion crept back into her voice,"what are you doing?"
"I'm coming in."
Seven of Nine panicked. She didn't want Janeway close to her. There was something about her that kept throwing Seven of Nine off balance...kept making a small part of her wish to be human again. So she hardened her voice and said what she thought would keep Janeway from entering her cell, "I'll kill you." The Borg in her meant it but the human in her, the part drawn to Janeway, kept the Borg part in check.
Janeway saw it as an opportunity to show and build some trust so she simply said, "I don't think you will." She finished keying in her access code and the force field vanished. She sensed Lt. Ayala move behind her and held up her hand to keep him back, all the while never taking her eyes off of Seven of Nine's face. Not out of mistrust but because she was looking for any flicker of her friend Annika to show itself.
Janeway stepped over the threshold and walked to the opposite side of the cell, not wanting to scare or crowd Seven of Nine by moving too close. Janeway held out the padd with the image of Annika so that Seven of Nine could see it. Carefully, Janeway asked,"do you remember her?" I do. When she got no response she continued, "her name was Annika Hansen. She was born on Stardate 25479 at the Tendara Colony. She moved to Earth four years later but, there's still a lot we don't know about her. Did she have any siblings?" I know she didn't though I can't reveal that. "Who were her friends?" I was her best friend long ago...I still can be today, I want to be. "Where did she go to school?" At the Children's' Academy like all the children whose parents work for Starfleet. "What was her favorite color?" Red...just one of my reasons for switching to command at the Academy.
Seven of Nine listened, allowing herself to ponder the questions for a bit, but when the lack of answers became too frustrating she lashed out in anger again, much like a person who wakes up with amnesia and is asked questions about their life that they have no answers for. "Irrelevant!" Seven of Nine knocked the data padd to the ground. "Take me back to the Borg." She demanded, angry at being expected to remember things she had no memory of and desperately craving the oblivion of the hive mind.
"I can't do that."Don't you know it would kill me to let you go? To lose you again?
Seven of Nine bent over holding her head, "so...quiet. One voice." The pain of it all was obvious.
"One voice can be stronger than a thousand voices." You are strong too Annika, to have survived this long, I know it. "Your mind is independent now with its own unique identity."
"You are forcing that identity upon me. It's not mine!" Stubborn, angry, desperate.
"Oh yes it is." I know it is, DNA doesn't lie, besides I know you...Annika. "I'm just giving you back what was stolen from you," from us "the existence you were denied, the child who never had a chance." The friend I failed through my own ambition. "That life is yours to live now."
"I don't want that life." It's too hard, this silence...being alone in my head.
"It's what you are. Don't resist it." Come back to me Annika, please.
It was too much for Seven of Nine to handle and she reacted as anyone might in that situation, she lashed out verbally and physically. "No!" Seven of Nine reached out to hit Janeway but missed and lost her balance, landing backwards into Janeway's arms.
Janeway took Seven of Nine's Borg enhanced body and went to the small bench in the cell and sat down behind Seven of Nine. Janeway held her as Seven of Nine came as close as she could to crying. Janeway was stunned by Seven of Nine's reaction.
Janeway sat there holding Seven of Nine until she grew tired. Seven of Nine had depleted her energy reserves and since regeneration meant leaving the Brig, Janeway convinced Seven of Nine to lie down instead and rest. It was a sign of Seven of Nine's fragility that she complied without argument. Janeway left then to regroup and to tell the Doctor to resume the extraction of the Borg implants as soon as Seven of Nine was physically ready for it. Janeway was in her ready room recording a supplemental log to clear her head when Kes called her on her COM badge and asked to see her. Janeway finished her second cup of coffee and made her way towards Kes's quarters.
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Janeway didn't know what to expect but she did know that she cared about Kes in much the same way as she cared about her younger sister Phoebe. Janeway got to Kes's door and rang the chime, waiting to be allowed entry. When the permission was granted, she stepped inside and smiled at the young Ocampan.
"You wanted to see me?" Janeway asked as she walked to sit on the couch next to Kes.
"I've been thinking about everything that's been going on..." Kes's deep soothing voice helped Janeway calm her nerves about what she thought was coming next, "and I know what I have to do. It's time for me to leave Voyager."
"Oh Kes," this doesn't seem fair...I find an old friend only to lose another friend. Janeway's thoughts echoed in her mind.
"Something important is happening to me and I want to explore it, but I can't stay here any longer." The words poked at Janeway's already battered heart. "I'm a danger to all of you."
"We're going to get to the bottom of this," Janeway tried in vain to change Kes's mind. "The Doctor's already working on a new approach...
"Everybody thinks that what's happening is a medical condition. That's not it at all. I'm going through a transformation. I don't know how or why but every cell in my body is telling me that I'm changing into something more."
"What if it's not true? What if you're simply being swept up in the excitement of what you think is happening, but it's not real? On the basis of a feeling, an intuition, you're asking me to let you go. Quite likely forever. Kes I just can't do that." I can't lose you now.
Janeway's words triggered something and Kes suddenly knew things that were kept in the darkest recesses of Janeway's mind. "The Borg drone, Seven of Nine, you know who she is, you knew her when she was still human and now, you're feeling guilty over what happened to her. You take on so much responsibility and you have from a young age I know that you blame yourself for her assimilation even when it was not your fault. You don't like losing anyone that you've taken responsibility for and that you care about and that's understandable. But you don't have to worry about me anymore Captain." A pause then to let that sink in before, "I know she's been asking you to return her to the Borg and I know that doing so would destroy you. I also know that over the years, you've let yourself care for me as a substitute for your sister back on Earth...and I am fine with that, honored even. I know that letting me go will be hard on you and I am sorry to be the cause of that pain but, Captain, you can never lose me...not as long as you remember me." Kes hoped that her words would help ease Janeway's conscience over her past and the choice she faced now in letting her go.
"How do you know all that?" Janeway asked, stunned to learn that it seemed she had no secrets from Kes anymore.
Kes smiled kindly, "I listened to your heart. I couldn't help it Captain, your heart was screaming at me to understand your pain. And I do. I know it will be hard, but it's my decision to make—my fate. Would you really try to stop me?"
"No, I wouldn't. But arguing with you, even pleading with you to reconsider? Absolutely, for as long as it takes."
Kes smiled again, "It won't work. Look at me Captain, I'm the same Kes you've always known, even with my new knowledge about your past and your feelings. I haven't lost my judgment. I am not under some alien influence. I believe something crucial is happening to me and I want to see it through," Kes paused, switching topics for a moment, "and something crucial is happening to you as well. You've been given a second chance with your old friend. You need to see it through Captain, to focus on restoring her humanity and her memories. And you need to be honest with her when the time is right about your true feelings. If I stayed, I would just be a distraction and you don't need that."
"You've lived most of your life here. Voyager has been your home and you've been a vital part of this family. You have never and could never be a distraction Kes." Janeway paused as the tears she'd held back forced their way into her voice and her eyes. "Oh, I'm going to miss you." Janeway had finally accepted the truth about Kes's need to leave Voyager but she didn't have to like it.
Kes, sensing Janeway's vulnerability and her own, leaned over and hugged Janeway. Knowing it would be the last time she'd get the chance to, she held on tight.
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Once Janeway was sure Kes was on the shuttle and away from Voyager she stood on the Bridge and watched the viewscreen as the tiny shuttle moved through space. Her game face was on but inside she was falling apart.
"Can you hail her?"
Kes's face appeared on the view screen. Her atomic destabilization was obvious from where Janeway stood near she chair, fighting to keep her tears at bay a little while longer, at least until she could escape to her ready room.
Kes smiled, "my gift to you Captain." Kes's last words, directed at Janeway.
Then, a blinding white light came from the small shuttlecraft and Voyager was hurtling through space riding the shockwave from the light, reaching speeds beyond Warp 9.95, which was supposed to be Voyager's top speed. When the ship finally slowed down again, Janeway asked, curious, "Where are we?"
Tom Paris checked his screen then answered, "we're nine point five thousand light years from where we just were."
Janeway was the first to recover her voice, "she's thrown us safely beyond Borg space. Ten years closer to home." Janeway was both stunned and humbled by Kes's final gift for her Voyager family. Before Janeway could truly revel in the moment, the Doctor hailed her.
"Doctor to Captain Janeway."
"Go ahead Doctor."
"Captain, may I please see you in Cargo Bay 2? There's something here I think you should see." The Doctor was earning points in being cryptic that was for certain.
"On my way." Janeway nodded to Chakotay to hand him the Bridge then motioned for a junior security officer to escort her, preferring to keep Tuvok on the Bridge to keep and eye on Chakotay. Starfleet protocol stated that with very few exceptions, the Captain was to always be escorted by a security officer at all times.
Janeway wondered to herself at the Doctor's enthusiastic, smug yet cryptic tone. She knew he'd been continuing the operations on Seven of Nine but assumed he'd be in Sick Bay not Cargo bay 2. As Janeway and her escort arrived in Cargo bay 2, Janeway at first only saw the Doctor. When he led them further into the Cargo Bay, she noticed someone else. The security escort moved to stand behind the Captain, blending into the background so as not to impede the proceedings.
Seven of Nine stood with her back to the Cargo Bay doors, adjusting to her new physical appearance. As Janeway, the Doctor, and the security guard approached she half turned her head in acknowledgement of their arrival. Though the guard made himself as invisible as he could, Seven of Nine was still aware of his exact position. She listened though as the Doctor began his explanation to the Captain.
"I've extracted 82 of the Borg hardware. The remaining bio-implants are stable and better than anything I could synthesize at such short notice."
During his narrative, Seven of Nine kept her back to them and her head down, listening to both the Doctor's words and Janeway's breathing. Janeway just studied the hair now sitting on Seven of Nine's head. It was the exact color as the hair in the picture of Annika in the Registry.
Seven of Nine could wait no longer and turned then to face the Doctor and the Captain. "It is acceptable."
Only Seven of Nine noticed the quiet gasp that escaped Janeway's throat when she got her first look at Seven of Nine's new look, but she chose to ignore it right then. Janeway noted with surprise that Seven of Nine looked almost exactly like the older version of Annika Hansen that had been programmed into Annika's holoprogram by Annika herself—18 years ago when Annika was only six!
The Doctor went on, oblivious to Janeway's inner thoughts as always, "Fashion, of course, is hardly my forte. Nevertheless, I've managed to balance functionality and aesthetics in a pleasing enough manner. I also took the liberty of stimulating your hair follicles—a vicarious experience for me as you might imagine." Seeing he wasn't going to get the response he wanted to his sarcastic jest, the Doctor left then, leaving Janeway alone with Seven of Nine, the guard still there but largely ignored at this point.
As Janeway gazed at Seven of Nine's face, she realized why even under all the Borg technology she'd seemed familiar. The resemblance to the hologram version of a 20 year old Annika was uncanny. The main differences being the metallic implant over the artificial left eye, the small starburst implant on the right cheek near the ear, the mesh wiring on the left hand, and the air of Borg arrogance that still somehow managed to cling to Seven of Nine's features.
"You'll have to spend a few hours each day regenerating in a Borg alcove until your human metabolism can function on its own. We'll keep one operational."
Seven of Nine listened patiently, no expression on her face as she studied the woman standing before her. "Understood."
"Let's see how things go over the next few weeks." Give you time to adjust before I tell you about what we shared so long ago. "I'll consider granting you access to the rest of the ship, once I can trust that you won't try to get us all assimilated again."
"It will not happen again." Seven of Nine knew now that her fate resided here on this ship, navigating her way to her lost humanity. She was ready to begin the journey...though not without some reluctance and fear.
Janeway saw the sincerity in Seven of Nine's expression then and smiled, "good. If you need anything," even just a friend to talk to, "contact me." Janeway handed her a COM badge then turned to leave.
Seven of Nine was confused. She'd expected something else when she'd assured Captain Janeway that she would not try to contact the collective again. She'd meant every word. Watching Janeway walk away, Seven of Nine had two words flash into her mind. They made little sense at first but then they defined themselves enough for Seven of Nine to know that they came from the human she'd once been and would try to be again. Before Janeway could leave Seven of Nine spoke these words, hoping that Janeway might recognize them.
"Katie, red."
Janeway turned back, stunned at what she'd heard, convinced she'd heard wrong, "what?"
Seven of Nine continued, her explanation brief but with every bit of information she had at her disposal, "The child you spoke of...the girl. I think she knew a girl named Katie and...her favorite color was red."
With no more to offer, Seven of Nine walked further into the Cargo Bay. Janeway stood there, looking at Seven of Nine walk away and in her heart she knew that she had a really good chance now of getting her friend back. Hope renewed itself as her heart embraced a single thought...Annika.
TBC...
