Chapter Eleven: Passion's Gone Away


December 15, 2017

"Earth to Bella," Angela laughed as we stood in the hallway waiting for homeroom to start. I noticed her turn around and gave me a sad smile when she caught me looking at Emmett. It had been a difficult month without him and it didn't help that he was being so nice and didn't tell the entire school that I was pregnant.

I don't know why he wasn't saying anything. I deserved to be publically humiliated by him after what I did.

"I'm sure you two could figure something out," She whispered. Angela had been the only one of my friends to not harass me about the situation. She asked what happened but didn't even ask for details about the breakup. And she wasn't hounding me about how Emmett and I were perfect together and we should just get back together already.

"No, we can't," I argued.

"Long distance…" She took a breath when I silently pleaded with her to not talk about it. "It'll get easier. Somehow…you'll stop missing him so much."

"I hope so," My eyes filled with tears as he caught me looking at him and rolled his eyes in disgust. "Anyway, what are you doing this weekend?"

"Ben is taking me out," she smiled but I could tell she was hesitant to talk about her romantic life.

"It's okay to talk about Ben," I encouraged her. "He's a big part of your life. I'll be okay."

"For our Christmas dinner," she said. "His family is dragging him to Portland the twenty-first and they won't be back until after New Year's," She rolled her eyes. "So, we're doing Christmas a bit early this year."

"Awe, that's sweet," I smiled as Edward walked into school, looking disheveled and dirty. I tried meeting his gaze, but he either wasn't paying attention or he was refusing to look at me. I wanted to talk to him, but he just didn't look like he was in the mood. Plus, Emmett was standing right there and I didn't want to rub his nose in it any more than I already had.

"What about you? Do you have any big plans this weekend?" Angela asked.

"We're decorating our tree tomorrow," I smiled.

"You haven't done that already?"

"We always wait until the second week in December," I shrugged. "When I was a kid, it was one of the only weekends my dad ever had off from work and we've just done it this way ever since."

"We decorated our tree last weekend and it was so much fun," She smiled. "I love the holidays. Everything is just so nice and warm and…festive."

I nodded in agreement as Edward approached us. I smiled at him and he looked unsure of what to say. "Hi," He said.

"Hey," I smiled, looking over at Emmett and then immediately diverting my attention. "What's up?"

"We have…" He looked at Angela. "Tutoring today, right?"

"4:00," I told him.

He nodded. "Okay. Are we meeting there or…going together?"

"We can go together if you want," I told him. "Angela's mom drove me today."

"I can drive," He agreed. "If you're okay going in my truck." I nodded. "I'll meet you out front at the end of the day?"

"Sure."

"Okay."

The bell rang and Angela slammed her locker shut. "Bye," I smiled as he walked past us to his homeroom. Angela looked at me, but not in a judgmental way like Lauren or Jessica would have. "What?"

"It's nice to see him actually caring about his grades," She shrugged. "And I think it's good for you too. It'll help you get your mind off of Emmett,"

"I hope so," I sighed sadly as I watched Emmett going into his homeroom.

When school was finished, I met Edward outside on the steps. He walked me to his horrible truck and opened the door for me and helped me step up. Over the last few weeks, Edward seemed to have lost his rough edges. At least around me. I mean, we weren't best friends or anything and we defiantly weren't a couple, but he was starting to show me his sweet side again. It was still weird. We were still two very different people who ran in two very different crowds, but when we weren't at school…it was kind of easy to be friends.

Once we got to Port Angeles, we walked into the hospital and up to the L&D floor. Jasper greeted us there, told us I was still on his insurance, wished us luck, and then went back to work. We were called in a few minutes later and I laid down on the table and Edward didn't look like a total fish out of the water this time.

"Hello," Dr. Brooks smiled warmly as she walked into the room and washed her hands. "How are we doing today?"

"Good," I answered. "The nausea isn't super bad anymore. I haven't thrown up in a week and a half."

"That's the best part of being in your second trimester."

"I'm…already in my second trimester?" I asked, shocked that I was already that far along. "I feel like we just found out."

"Well, you were nearly two months pregnant when you did find out," She reminded me. "Wanna take a look at your baby?"

"Yes please," Edward begged. She smiled at him as I lifted up my t-shirt. I was starting to actually get a belly and I was starting to actually look pregnant. My clothes were starting to get a bit tight and the only things that fit without showing off my belly were leggings and my oversized cheerleading t-shirts. Dr. Brooks squirted the jelly on my stomach and then put the wand on my belly.

"He looks good," She smiled as she pointed to the screen.

"He? It's a boy?" Edward asked excitedly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you worked up. It's still a bit too early to tell the gender, I just said he so I wasn't calling it…it," she said.

"When can we find out?" I asked.

"You'll have to wait until you're around 18-22 weeks," She explained. "The baby is just a bit too small still to be able to tell. I looked over at Edward who looked super disappointed.

"How is the baby? Healthy? How big is it?" I asked.

"Your baby is healthy," She smiled. "He or she is about the size of a lemon this week. Your chance of miscarriage is very small now and the baby has grown the normal amount from your last appointment," She explained. "Since you will be in your second trimester next week, I strongly urge you two to start telling your parents."

"Okay," I said quickly so we wouldn't get a lecture.

"Bella," She spoke softly. "They are going to find out. Whether you're ready for them to or not, they will find out. You are starting to get a belly and there's no stopping that now. Not to mention the rest of your body is going to start changing."

"I'm not ready yet," I had tears in my eyes. I felt all I did anymore was cry but I couldn't help it. I was hormonal and this was the most difficult situation I'd ever been in before. "I don't want to be kicked out of my house."

"They'd kick you out?" Edward asked, sounding appalled.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I don't know what they're going to do."

"Pregnancy is a scary thing for anyone," Dr. Brooks said. "Especially teenagers still in high school. But they are your parents."

"They're going to be so angry and so disappointed."

"Bella, do you love your baby?" She asked. I nodded. "Would you do anything you possibly could to make sure your baby was happy and healthy and safe?"

"Of course, I would."

"Then that's what your parents want to do for you," She smiled. "They love you and they want you to be happy and healthy and safe. Give them a little credit. I'm sure they'd surprise you."

I nodded, unsure of what to say. She wiped the jelly off my stomach and we were told we could leave. We made my next appointment with the lady at the front desk and left the hospital. I just wasn't sure what to do, but she was right. My belly was only going to get bigger and I wouldn't be able to hide under baggy shirts forever. Even the shirt I was wearing was getting a bit tight and it wouldn't hide my stomach for much longer.

"Have you told your mom?" I asked Edward as we drove home.

"No, she's not around much," He shrugged. "Plus, she's always drunk or high. If I told her, she'd probably forget within an hour."

"Do you think she'd be supportive?"

"She hasn't been supportive of me since middle school," He sighed bitterly. "Like I said, she's too high most of the time to even remember my name if she's even home."

I started to wonder how his mother had gotten like that. From what I remember, she was a good mom who paid close attention to her child. I knew Edward's parents were divorced, but I never thought that the divorce would drive her to become an addict the way she was.

We spent the rest of the drive in silence. Neither of us knew what to say to each other. When he pulled up in front of my house, he parked the car but I couldn't get out yet. I looked over at him and met his gaze.

Damn, he had beautiful eyes.

"What?" He asked with a smirk on his face. Crap, he'd caught me staring at his eyes.

I giggled. "You just have really pretty eyes."

"Thanks," He sighed.

"Thank you for driving today," I whispered. "And for being in the room with me. I…I don't think I could do this alone."

He nodded. "You don't have to do any of it alone," He reminded me. "The doctor is right. You have good parents who pay attention to you and genuinely know that you exist. You should tell them."

"Maybe," I agreed. "I'll do it soon. I really won't be able to hide much longer. I'm getting bigger by the minute it feels."

"You're beautiful," He whispered. "You always have been."

"You're not so bad yourself," I laughed as I opened the door to his truck. "I'll see you Monday."

"Yeah," He said as I jumped out of the truck and ran up to my front porch to avoid the rain that was beginning to fall.


The next morning, Alice and Jasper were over bright and early to start our decorating tradition. Mom made pancakes while we all gathered the boxes from the attic to bring them down in order to start decorating. Mom was always in a relatively good mood when we decorated for Christmas so this was always one of my favorite days of the year.

As we ate the pancakes, I noticed my nausea had drastically decreased. The smell of coffee didn't make my stomach churn anymore and no one had made anything with ham since the morning of Thanksgiving. But since I was getting more and more pregnant, I was also starting to eat more than normal. When I grabbed a third pancake, mom looked at me with one of her famous patronizing looks.

"I didn't eat much last night," I shrugged. She smiled at me and went back to her own food. Jasper gave me a squeeze on the shoulder and an encouraging smile. He and Alice both had been telling me it was time to tell my parents, and I would. Just not this weekend. I didn't want to ruin one of the only days of the year where mom just acted like a…mom instead of a judgmental hard-ass.

When we were finished eating breakfast, I went upstairs to find something red to wear since it was a decorating tradition. I put on all of the red shirts I owned and they were all a bit tight. However, I had just eaten a big breakfast and I wondered if I could just blame it on that. I pulled on a pair of leggings, and Christmas socks and went back downstairs where Dad was struggling to put our fake tree up. Jasper came to the rescue as Alice began playing Christmas music on the iHome.

After struggling for ten minutes, the guys were finally able to get the tree up and ready for ornaments. Alice and I both grabbed our very first Christmas ornaments and put them up close to the top of the tree. I could feel my mother's eyes on me, but I was just trying to have a good day with my family.

I swore to myself that I would tell them on Monday. I just wanted this last day.

We were halfway done with the tree when mom just couldn't hold her tongue any longer.

"We should get your signed up for the gym, Bella," She sighed as she stared at me. I noticed my shirt was hitched and part of my belly was exposed. I quickly pulled it down, trying desperately to hide it.

"I had a big breakfast," I shrugged just wanting her to drop the subject.

"No, this has been going on since you quit cheerleading," I had quit cheerleading at the end of the football season. It wasn't like it had been that long since I was in a uniform, but she was mad I wouldn't be doing it for the basketball season.

"Mom, I'm fine. Cheerleading was just getting to be too much with everything going on."

"You also need to be watching what you're eating if you're not getting all the exercise you did with cheer."

"Mom, she's fine," Alice argued.

"No, she's gaining weight."

"People gain weight, Renee."

"Well, I want my daughter to be as healthy as she can. I don't want her gaining that horrid freshman fifteen everyone talks about."

I sighed. "I'm not fat."

"No, but you are gaining weight," She wasn't going to let this go."

"I'm gaining weight because I'm pregnant!" I snapped and the world stopped spinning for a second. I looked up and instantly felt sick to my stomach. I was mortified. Dad looked confused and mom looked like she could break the glass ornament she was holding.

"What?" Dad asked softly.

"What?!" Mom exploded. I looked at Alice and Jasper who looked just as shocked as I felt and I turned around and ran into the foyer. I pulled on my boots that I'd left by the door, put my coat on, grabbed my keys and bolted. I got in my car as my dad came out of the house to try and stop me and I pulled out of the driveway. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I couldn't stay in that house.

Everyone needed time to cool off.

After thirty minutes of driving around, I found myself in a part of town we never visited. This was the part of town that everyone looked over and was falling apart.

It was the side of town where Edward lived.

I drove around looking for his street. He'd given me his address in case of an emergency. Since I didn't know where to go, I figured this was kind of an emergency. I finally found his street and was shocked when I found his house. It was really tiny and I wondered how two people actually lived inside. I mean, I know his mom wasn't around much but still. I wasn't judging him because I knew if his mom was an addict, she probably didn't have a job which meant they probably got by on what Edward made working at Newton's.

I instantly had more respect for him.

I pulled into his driveway and contemplated whether or not I should actually go knock. His truck was here so I knew he would be home, but I still didn't know if we were close enough to do something like this. As the car began getting cooler since I'd turned the heat off, I decided since I'd already driven over here, I might as well get out and knock.

I made my way up to the door, hesitated, and then knocked four times. He came to the door, looked out the little window and looked incredibly confused.

"Hey?" He said when he opened the door. "What's up?"

"I snapped and told my parents I was pregnant," I told him. "And then I left the house and didn't know where to go."

"Oh," He nodded.

"You're the only person I have," I felt tears in my eyes. He stepped aside and I gave him a sad smile. When I walked into the house, I noticed a lot of empty beer and liquor bottles scattered around the small living room.

"Try and ignore the mess," He sighed. "She gets pissed if I touch her bottles when she's home."

"She's home?"

"She just left," He told me. "I was about to make lunch and then I was going to clean up."

"I can help you," I offered.

"You don't have to."

"It'll help me keep my mind off what just happened."

"How did you snap?"

"my mom made a comment about how I've been gaining weight. And that I need to start exercising and watching what I eat and I…just lost my cool. I told her I was gaining weight because I was pregnant," I told him. "And then it felt like the ground fell out from under me and I ran away."

"Oh," He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Well, I was going to make myself a grilled cheese because we only have butter, cheese, and bread in our fridge right now. You want one?"

I smiled at him. "Sure." He led me into the small kitchen as I sat down at the table while he gathered what he needed from the fridge. He grabbed a pan from under the stove and put a hunk of butter on the bottom of the pan.

"I usually have more options than this, but I usually do the shopping on Friday's. But…mom was here and I needed to make sure she didn't hurt herself or drown in the bathtub or choke on her vomit."

"Edward," I whispered.

"It's okay. It's normal for me to do that," This was what he considered normal and my heart broke. "That's usually why I'm late to school."

"What do you do when she's gone?" I asked. "She's gone a lot, right?"

"Yeah," He nodded as he put the first sandwich in the pan.

"So…how do you keep her safe when she's not here?"

"I don't," He snickered. "I just pray that she's still alive and the police don't come knocking on my door because she's dead or has been caught."

"Edward,"

"It's okay," He assured me. "I've been doing this for four years now."

"You shouldn't have to."

"No," He said bitterly. "I shouldn't. Not after everything that's happened. But I'm her son and…if I don't make sure she's alive then who will?"

"If you ever need help…"

"No," He shut me down immediately. "That's very nice of you to offer but I don't want you anywhere near my mother. She gets…violent sometimes and I don't want her hurting you or the baby. So…thank you for the offer but no. I don't even want you to meet her, even if she's sober."

"Okay," I said to try and calm him down. "I'll stay away from your mom."

"Promise?" He asked.

"Promise," I smiled as he plated the grilled cheese sandwich. He put it in front of me as he put his in the pan.

"Go ahead and eat it before it gets cold," He told me. I took a bite and it had to be the best-grilled cheese I'd ever eaten.

"Wow," I laughed. "this is super good."

"Wanna know my secret?" He asked.

"Yes."

"I use cheddar and parmesan cheese," He smiled proudly. "I've spent many years perfecting my sandwich so I'm glad you like it."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," I smiled. "For everything."

"We both need each other right now," He shrugged. "I think it's about time we learn to lean on each other."

And I was crying. Again.