WARNING: I WANT NO RESPONSIBILITY OVER SPOILING THINGS FOR OTHERS. THAT BEING SAID, THIS IS HOW FILE NAME NOT FOUND WOULD FUNCTION IN THE AU OF UNDERFELL. BEFORE YOU READ THIS, UNLIKE THE NICE TIME OF UNDERTALE, THIS WORLD IS KILL OR BE KILLED. THIS STORY WILL BE GRAPHIC, GORY, USE SWEARS LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS, AND DEAL WITH SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTERS. FOR EXAMPLE, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THE FILE NAME RELOCATED SPOOF WILL KNOW HOW I PICTURE THIS VERSION OF LYNSIE COMING TO THE UNDERGROUND. IT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING DUMB. IT IS BECAUSE SHE CHOOSES TO END HER LIFE. SO TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. I MADE IT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO LET SOME OF THIS EDGINESS OUT OF MYSELF. WHICH I GUESS MAKES UNDERFELL LYNSIE EVEN MORE TRUE TO WHO I REALLY AM. ANYWAY, ENJOY. ^_^


I don't dream like normal people. I don't have ones that make a whole lot of sense. I usually just roll with whatever is going on because I can't really change what happens. Had a flying dream? Done it. Dreamt you were back in school yet naked? Done that. Had a dream where you've died? Done it. Had a moment where you're best buddies with Freddy Krueger and you end up being forced to marry Jason Voorhees yet you really love Michael Myers? Told you my dreams are weird. But it's a level of strange I'm used to and enjoy if things go well. Though in this strangeness, it is extremely rare that I have the same dream twice. The only one I've ever had I consider to be the only nightmare I get. It plays out normal, just average things happening. But then this weird dude appears in a chocolate bunny costume and plays the ukulele. Odd as that is, the nightmare part is, he follows me everywhere and anywhere. Try to enjoy a dream when a guy follows you to every bit of it while playing a song that is out of tune and makes no sense. Lucky for me, this dream never lasts long. Something always keeps it short. This time around, the freaky dream is cut short by someone shaking me. I wake in a small fit and fall off the couch. I hear a jerk chuckle and I recognize this is Papyrus. Out of one hell and into another.

"GLAD TO SEE YOU'RE AWAKE, HUMAN."

I groan and get off the floor.

"BY THE SOUND OF IT, THE COUCH TREATED YOU ALRIGHT."

"Couch was fine. I just had a messed up dream...Don't bother asking. It's not worth knowing about."

"I WASN'T GOING TO."

"Then we're good."

"NOT QUITE."

I cock my brow.

"SANS AND I ARE TO HEAD OUT ON PATROL SOON. BEFORE WE LEAVE, THERE ARE A FEW RULES I HAVE TO GO OVER WITH YOU."

"Such as?"

"I'LL EXPLAIN OVER BREAKFAST."

"Sound nice. What's on the menu?"

"THAT'S UP TO YOU. YOU'RE MAKING IT FOR US."

He heads into the kitchen and I palm my face. Great way to start the day, being made into a cooking bitch. This just shows me how the rest of this day is going to play out. I follow him as we hear movement upstairs. Sans must be getting ready to go with Papyrus. The poor schmuck.

"START COOKING AND I'LL TALK."

I nod and look in the fridge. He takes notice of my compliance and chalks it up to no one wanting to be bothersome after waking up before he continues.

"AS I WAS SAYING...THERE ARE A FEW RULES I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE WE GO TO WORK."

"I'm listening."

I dig around for a few things and put them on the counter.

"RULE #1...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THIS HOUSE."

I look at him.

"DO YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH THIS?"

"I left the Ruins to visit my buddy in Waterfall. So, yeah, a bit bummed to hear that."

"TO DAMN BAD FOR..."

"But I get it. You 'captured' a human. Said human walking around freely outside would make things look bad."

He blinks a few times, a bit surprised that I saw through what he was eluding to. Not like any of the past chats we had yesterday made that clear. Freaking dingus!

"Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. Please, continue."

I get to work on preparing veggie omelets by chopping up some bits here and there. Not really much of anything else that I can make unless they want reheated lasagna with a side of doughnuts.

"YES, UM...DO TRY NOT TO INTERRUPT ME AGAIN. *AHEM* RULE #2...DO NOT ASSUME THAT JUST BECAUSE WE WILL NOT BE HERE THAT IT MEANS YOU AREN'T BEING WATCHED. I HAVE SENSORS ALL OVER THIS PROPERTY."

I highly doubt that. Otherwise, you would've known I broke in instead of thinking I escaped.

"RULE #3...IF YOU ENTER MY ROOM, I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET LIVING."

"Wait...What about Sans's room?"

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU DO. BUT HE MIGHT. SO A SAFE BET IS TO NOT DO SO."

"Understood."

I crack six eggs into a large bowel and pour half a cup of milk in with it before whisking, beating the mixture until combined.

"RULE # 4...YOU ARE TO MAINTAIN THE CLEANLINESS OF THIS HOUSE. YOU'D BE SURPRISED JUST HOW MUCH DUST COLLECTS IN A FEW HOURS."

"Got it. Clean house. It's on the 'to do' list."

"I'M NOT DONE. THIS INCLUDES CLEANING OF ALL ROOMS, MINUS OUR BEDROOMS. WE CAN DO THAT OURSELVES."

"Makes sense."

"ALTHOUGH...THERE IS A ROOM I'VE BEEN UNSURE ON IF I REALLY CAN TRUST YOU TO TAKE CARE OF."

I pause in my work just as I was adding broccoli florets, sliced peppers, and onion bits into the mixture.

"Is it alright to ask what this room is?"

"MY TORTURE CHAMBER. IT'S IN NEED OF PROPER CLEANING. BUT ALLOWING YOU AROUND SUCH IMPLEMENTS? I THINK NOT. AT LEAST...NOT TILL YOU'VE SHOWN THAT I CAN TRUST YOU."

"A smart move. Can't say I wouldn't do the same if the roles were reserved. Anything else?"

"RULE #5...YOU ARE TO HAVE MEALS PREPARED BY THE TIME WE RETURN. AND DON'T MAKE THINGS OVERLY SPICY OR SALTY. I WON'T HAVE SWILL IN MY HOME."

"I'm not gonna argue with your choice of menu. Your house, your rules. I just have to deal with it."

He eyes me funny as I pour the mixture into a pan and set it for high heat.

"ARE YOU UP TO SOMETHING?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"YOU'VE BEEN RATHER COOPERATIVE. A FAR CRY FROM HOW YOU WERE IN OUR OTHER INTERACTIONS."

"Would you rather I be a total bitch?"

"NO."

"Then let's enjoy the morning peacefully. Mind finding me a spatula? I can't turn this over with my hands."

He sneers before smirking.

"I CAN GET IT FOR YOU. BUT FOR A PRICE."

I sigh with a case of the "I do not give a shit enough to care"s.

"Master, can you please hand me a spatula?"

The delight that gives him is worthy enough for me to slap him. But he is too powerful to piss off. My dignity is going to take many shots before I get back home to Toriel. Speaking of which, I need to call her when these boys leave. I don't need Papyrus spouting dumb shit again and triggering her to go nuts.

"AH, THE SWEET SOUND OF OBEDIENCE. KEEP THIS UP AND I MIGHT SURPRISE YOU WITH A REWARD."

"...Really?"

"I SAID 'MIGHT'..."

He goes to one of the draws and digs one out.

"IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW WELL YOU PLEASE ME."

My eyes widen as he hands me the utensil and he is confused.

"WHAT? WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?"

Does he...does he really not know how that sounded?

"Dude..."

"bro, that came out so wrong."

Sans's voice chimes in as he skulks into the doorway. Papyrus is more confused so I change the topic.

"Sup, skele-dude. You sleep okay?"

He skims his hand over the top of his skull.

"eh. i've had better nights."

He takes notice of the goings on and gives us a weird look.

"so...uh...what the fuck is this?"

I point to Papyrus and the tall boy leans on the counter with folded arms trying to look bad.

"THE HUMAN IS BEING A GOOD PET AND MAKING BREAKFAST FOR HER MASTERS. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, HUMAN?"

"He woke me up and told me to cook."

"BITCH!"

"But I don't mind."

So far, sounds pretty normal. Or that's at least how I hope he takes it.

"right...so what's cooking, kiddo?"

"Omelets. Veggie style. Almost done. So why not relax before ya gotta go? I'll bring it to you when it's done. Cool?"

He doesn't seem sure about this rather 'good morning' happening right now. But who would turn down a chance to be lazy and get a free meal out of it? Not Sans, that's for sure.

"sounds good to me."

He heads for the couch and Papyrus continues to watch me.

"You can relax too, you know."

"I'D RATHER MAKE SURE YOU DON'T TRY ANYTHING FUNNY."

I shoot him a look.

"Do you honestly think I'd do something to the food? The same food I too intend to eat?"

"I PUT NOTHING PAST A PERSON AFTER I'VE HURT THEM."

"And I thought I was paranoid."

He growls as I turn the heat off as the omelet is done. Adding a bit of extra flair, I put some cheese on top and cover it, letting the heat melt it. After a minute or two, the cheese is melted, so I top it all off with a garnish of chopped tomatoes, chopped onions, and fresh parsley. The omelet is then divided on to four dishes and I hand Papyrus his plate.

"I hope you enjoy it."

He eyes it before accepting the dish and leaving to the living room. I carry out Sans's and I's plate, though Sans himself doesn't notice me at first. His attention is on the rather contented expression Papyrus has as he eats. I see an opportunity to be a little playful.

"It's impolite to stare, Sansy-boy."

He comes back to his senses.

"don't call me that."

I offer the plate with a smile and he takes it.

"Bon appétit."

That makes him smirk.

"don't ya mean, bone appétit?"

Papyrus scraps his fork into his plate at the sudden pun.

"SANS..."

"yeah?"

"YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT."

"heh...worth it."

Papyrus groans as Sans chuckles and I move to sit on the floor to eat.

"THIS IS AN ACCEPTABLE DISH, HUMAN."

"Thank you."

"IT'S NOT AS GOOD AS WHEN I COOK, BUT IT'S FINE FOR A FIRST ATTEMPT."

Just like that he complimented and insulted me. A new record. I pick the high road and ignore him. It's too early for his shit anyway.

"i dunno, bro. tastes okay to me."

That...That actually makes me smile.

"*SCOFF* PLEASE...FRANKLY, I'M NOT SURPRISED THAT YOU WOULD ENJOY THIS SO MUCH. YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD SUCH POOR TASTE."

"oh like you're one to talk? you cook the same damn thing day in and day out. pasta gets old real fast when it's every god damn meal."

"*GASP* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

"no."

I don't need spider-sense to know this is going to become a fight. And sure enough, they proceed to argue over who has better taste or what food is best while they eat. This ends up going on for quite some time actually. But...All the shouting wakes Flowey who, fun fact, is not someone you'd want to rudely wake up. A fact that they now come to learn as Flowey shirks while shooting seed bullets in all directions and they are forced to take cover. I avoid this thanks to past knowledge and laying flat on the floor. I move over to Flowey and whisper calming words to snap him out of it.

"Shhhh...It's okay. Everything is fine. Relax..."

Flowey seethes a little before looking at me with guilt.

"It happened again, didn't it?"

"Yep."

"Did I...Did I hurt anyone?"

Looking around, Sans took cover behind the couch and Papyrus made a shield of bones.

"Not that I can tell."

Flowey pouts and I pet his head.

"what the fuck was that?!"

Sans is not happy.

"That was what happens when you spook a flower from slumber."

Papyrus undoes his shield and, for once, looks at Flowey like it's not a piece of shit.

"REMARKABLE..."

He sounds intrigued. That can't be a good thing.

"what's remarkable? we nearly got taken out like bitches by a startled flower."

"PRECISELY. TO THINK SUCH POWER IS IN SOMETHING SO WEAK...IT'S THE PERFECT SECRET WEAPON. NO ONE WOULD SUSPECT A FLOWER OF BEING ABLE TO KILL."

Papyrus approaches slowly and I start growling on instinct. This just makes Papyrus look down on me with a cold glare while continuing his advance.

"YOUR PITIFUL ATTEMPT TO INTIMIDATE ME IS CUTE. BUT FAR TOO POINTLESS. I FEAR NOTHING. AND EVEN IF I DID, WHICH IS INCREDIBLY UNLIKELY, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BE A BLIP ON MY RADAR."

Flowey cowers in his pot and I bare my teeth while snarling louder. Sans recalls the previous time I've acted like this and steps in before something happens.

"h-hey, boss...aren't we gonna be late?"

Papyrus pauses and pulls out his phone.

"CRAP..."

He shoves the phone back in his pocket and points at me.

"THIS ISN'T OVER, HUMAN. WHEN I RETURN, YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR THIS. PETS OBEY THEIR MASTERS AND SHOW THEM RESPECT."

I glare daggers at him as he heads for the door.

"COME, SANS. IF WE'RE LATE THEN THAT FISHY CUNT WILL CHEW US OUT FOREVER."

"you mean if YOU are late. i can teleport, remember?"

Papyrus flinches.

"YOU WOULDN'T DARE."

Sans simply waves with an evilly innocent smile before vanishing from the house.

"YOU SON OF A...!"

Papyrus races out after him and I calm down.

"You okay, Flowey?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I made breakfast. Are you hungry?"

"I could eat. What is it?"

"Omelet."

"Vegetables and cheese?"

"You know it."

"Yes please."

I smile and go into the kitchen...Only to be yanked to the side and pinned to the fridge by Sans.

"Dude...what the hell?"

He eases off but not by much.

"sorry...i take it pap already rushed out, right?"

"Yeah."

"good...good. earlier...did he happen to mention anything like rules or something?"

"Yeah? Were there more than what he told me?"

"i dunno, probably? but he did tell ya to stay put, right? that ya can't leave the house."

I sigh.

"Yes. That was rule one."

"okay..."

"You okay?"

He looks at the floor before meeting my eyes again.

"i know you like to push pap's buttons, but please...please stay in the house."

"Sans, it's fine. I understand. As I explained to Papyrus, I get it. It wouldn't look good if the 'captured' human was seen walking around freely. I'm not leaving the house. Where would I even go? Blooky's house? I don't know where in Waterfall it is. Back to the Ruins? I'd have to walk straight through town, right? So that's pointless."

He keeps eye contact. Checking me for subtle clues or ticks to tell if I'm lying.

"you understand why we're telling ya to stay put, right? it's one thing if we're around and someone sees ya. but if you're spotted alone...we can't help what'll happen to you."

"Yeah, Toriel will be pissed. You'll get in trouble with your boss and the King. Dude, you don't have to warn me. I get it. Remember, I'm smarter than I look. I know what the consequences are if I fuck up. I won't do anything to put you or Papyrus in danger. I promise."

That seems to give him more ease and he backs off completely.

"thanks. that's all i really wanted to get through to ya."

"Sans...buddy...*sigh* This is about to get so awkward..."

"wait, what are you...?"

I pull him into a hug and he stiffens up.

"k-kiddo...?"

"I don't know if it's because I feel good today. Or if I'm mentally believing in this silly reset thing we do. But...This felt like the best way I can tell you to not worry."

He shifts a bit and feels really uncomfortable, so I let him go. I feel bad for doing that and when his hand comes up I expect the same thing Papyrus would do in this moment. I expect a hit. I shut my eyes.

"really? did he already instill that reaction in ya?"

I peek one eye open as he pats my head.

"did ya honestly think i was going to hit you?"

I shrug.

"Maybe?"

He groans while shaking his head.

"*mumble* pap, ya dumbass...*normal* kid, unless ya do something so incredibly stupid that it deserves such a response, i ain't gonna hit ya."

"Good to know."

"now hold the fort till we get back. patrol duty lasts for eight hours. then the night crew takes over."

"More dogs?"

"more or less. snowdin's canine unit are the only ones able to stand the cold."

"And you boys?"

"heh...skeletons don't have skin, kid. we don't feel temperature. at least...not like i figure you do."

That has me curious but I let it slide. I've wasted enough of his time.

"Well...Flower-boy is waiting on his food and your bro is getting a good lead to your posts. I think we both have things to do before the other person gets cranky."

He rolls his shoulders.

"eh, you ain't kidding there. catch ya later, kiddo."

He vanishes and I reheat Flowey's food before bringing it to him.

"So...How much were you able to hear?"

"Most of it. Are you really staying here all day?"

I smile.

"Not all day."

He looks at me confused.

"But you said..."

"I meant what I said. Lynsie is not leaving this house. But Lynn can go out when they're ready."

Now he's more confused.

"Isn't Lynn just your nickname?"

"Silence, flower-bro. A loophole by any other name is still a loophole."

I pose and laugh with triumph as Flowey sighs.

"You're just asking for trouble."

"Oh! Speaking of trouble, I need to call mom before we end up in some."

I pull out my phone and dial.

"Yeah, you do that. *grumbles* Idiot."

[In Snowdin Forest, Papyrus's Sentry Post]

Papyrus made a mad dash to his station like a madman. No way in hell he'd get in trouble for being late while that lazy bones of a brother wouldn't. No fucking way would he let a bad mark besmirch his perfect record. No! Never! He'd never let Undyne hold anything over his head like that! He is flawless! The great and terrible Papyrus! Nothing gets under his non-existent skin! He is the best! He is...

"sup, bro."

Surprised out of his mental psych out, Papyrus loses his footing in his overly long running gait and slips backward, crashing hard into the snow. Sans, sitting on the station's desk, wanted to laugh at the super cartoon-ish moment that just happened but held it in in case his brother was pissed off. Which chances are he totally is.

"you okay, pap?"

"...DID ANYONE ELSE SEE THAT?"

Sans looks around.

"nah. just me."

"GOOD."

Papyrus picks himself off the ground.

"so, pap...how was your trip?"

"TRIP?"

Sans snickers.

"yeah. though i hope i'm also around to see your next fall."

Now picking up on the puns Sans was making, Papyrus snarls and shoves his brother off his post.

"what was that for?"

"YOU WERE CLUTTERING MY STATION AND MAKING IT FOUL WITH YOUR SHITTY JOKES. YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE TRASH."

Sans sneers.

"i'll go to my post now. seeing as you're just all sunshine and rainbows at the moment."

He goes to leave.

"SANS, WAIT."

"what?"

Papyrus pauses and it gets Sans's attention.

"pap?"

"...DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE SHE WILL STAY PUT?"

To that, Sans gave some thought.

"hard to say. i wanna believe she's smart enough to listen. but..."

"THEN SHE DOES SOMETHING SOLELY TO PISS YOU OFF?"

"something like that."

"HMMM...SEEMS LIKE A WISE MOVE ON OUR END TO MAKE SURE SHE IS INDEED STILL IN THE HOUSE."

"*sigh* let me guess. ya want i should pop in on her?"

"EVERY HOUR OR SO, JUST TO BE SAFE. AND DON'T SOUND SO ANNOYED ABOUT IT. I'M ACTUALLY GIVING YOU A REASON TO BE AWAY FROM YOUR POST. BE GRATEFUL."

"fine. geez...when do ya want me to make sure our little 'pet' is behaving?"

"LET'S SEE...WE'VE ONLY JUST LEFT. IF SHE KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR HER, SHE'LL HAVE STARTED ON HER CHORES. HMMM...GO IN ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES THAN CHECK EVERY HOUR. I'LL ARRIVE AT YOUR STATION TO SIGNAL WHEN YOU CAN GO."

"got it, boss."

"AND SANS..."

"yeah?"

"IF SHE IS DOING SOMETHING WRONG, DON'T GO EASY ON HER. SHE HAS TO LEARN HER PLACE. AND SHE WON'T DO THAT IF YOU CODDLE HER."

"oh for the love of asgore...she ain't a dog! if anything, she's like a cat."

"AREN'T CATS UNTRAINABLE?"

"kinda, it's both yes and no. it's a misconception that cats aren't trainable, it's just harder to do. dogs are pack animals that closely and willingly follow their master's orders. however, cats often express their opinions and don't share that same obedience. cats are independent. they're solitary. they're content with being left alone for hours at a time. if they want attention, then they seek it out and do so on their terms."

"THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN ISSUE. I MAY HAVE TO FIX THAT WITH A LESSON PLAN IF I AM TO TRAIN HER PROPERLY."

"about this 'training' of yours...don't hit her."

Papyrus looks at Sans funny.

"WHAT?"

"i said, don't hit her."

"WHY NOT? SHE CAN TAKE MUCH WORSE, AS WE BOTH HAVE SEEN."

"that's not the point. look, think of it like this...the queen made her like her kid, right?"

"YES?"

"then that would make her part of the royal family, right?"

"I SUPPOSE SO."

"then would it be the smartest thing to hit a member of the royal family?"

Papyrus flinches hard.

"N-NO. NO, IT WOULD NOT."

"exactly."

"I WILL TRY, BUT I MAKE NO PROMISES. THAT GIRL KNOWS JUST HOW TO FILL ME WITH SUCH IRE TILL I JUST WANT TO RIP HER FUCKING HEAD OFF!"

Papyrus's shout echoes loud enough to knock snow off several trees.

"easy, pap. calm down."

He seethes for a moment or two before relaxing.

"LIKE I SAID...I MAKE NO PROMISES."

Papyrus was not the kind of guy to hold back on non-family members. And knowing this, Sans seemed a little stunned he was in the very least going to try. But then again, beating on the Queen's kid isn't the brightest thing to do and it would ruin his goals.

"as long as ya try, that's all that..."

[RING-RING]

"I THINK THAT'S YOU."

"who the hell would be calling me?"

Sans digs in his pockets for his phone.

"PROBABLY GRILLBY. HONESTLY, HOW ARE YOU STILL IN DEBT TO HIM? WE DO GET PAID FOR THIS JOB YOU KNOW."

"i know that. geez..."

Looking at the caller ID, Sans's expression changes from confusion to irritation. But he still answers it.

"what do ya want, quack?"

"QUACK? WHY IS ALPHYS CALLING YOU?"

Sans moves away to talk within earshot of Papyrus but to give him the hint that he needs to zip his yap.

"again, what do you want?"

Alphys chuckles faintly.

"Why the hostilities? Is it so wrong to chat with an old college?"

"cut the crap. we both know that's not why ya called. so tell me why you want to waste my time or i'm hanging up."

"Now I wouldn't be so rude if I were you. You wouldn't want me telling Undyne that you and your brother are in possession of a human, would you?"

Sans's grip on the phone tightens.

"What? Did you think I wouldn't know? Oh, poor Sans. How quickly you forget that I have eyes everywhere. So if I want to see something, I can and will. Hell, you used Mettaton for that tile puzzle. The guy's been obsessive ever since seeing her. He hasn't stopped talking about being so close to the human since he came back from Snowdin Forest."

"*hushed* i knew something was up with that thing...*normal*what do you want, alphys?"

"I'm curious. What are you boys planning to do? Don't tell me Papyrus is going to use the human's soul to take on Undyne or Asgore?"

"what? no! fuck, that's the most retarded thing i've ever heard in my life."

"Then what are you doing with the human? Because, frankly, it should've been sent to my lab by now."

Of course Sans wasn't going to tell her the truth. This quack of a fake scientist wasn't getting her grimy claws on the human. Knowing her, she'd run some fucked up experiments before killing her and handing over her soul to Asgore. No way was he letting that happen. He doesn't like making promises, but it would be a nice day in hell that he would ever break one.

"if ya must know...since this human is the last we need, pap and i are gonna interrogate it."

"Interrogate it?"

"yeah. this is the last human. we need to know what it knows about the surface."

"True. Then why not bring it here? I have all sorts of toys to really pull the information out. Heheheh."

"because that's not how we're doing it."

"Oh? Why not?"

Because that's the last thing he wants. Hell, it would be even worse if they found out she was connected to Toriel. They'd use the human as bait to lure the Queen out from the Ruins and do who knows what. Yeah, he ain't letting that happening.

"humans are weak things. both physically and emotionally. we're not gonna torture this one, because who knows if it'll lie just to spite us while in pain. so...we're lulling it into a false sense of safety."

"How so?"

"all it knows since it fell into the underground is monsters have been trying to kill it. so it's not all that trusting of those that come off as overly hostile."

"And Papyrus doesn't?"

"it's a work in progress. i didn't say this was perfect. but so far, playing all 'nice' is lowering its guard. it's getting more chatty. it's..."

"Why are you calling the human an 'it'? It's a female. Just say she."

"don't wanna. don't want to get in any way attached."

"Ah, I see. Very smart. How long are you going to do this for?"

"not sure. till we have sufficient information i suppose. still working on breaking the ice with it. but it shouldn't take long. i mean, how could anyone resist being chummy with the likes of me?"

"Speak for yourself."

"bitch."

"Either way...I guess I can wait. The human's bound to end up at my door sooner or later. They always do. It's just a matter of time. And I'm a very patient woman."

That last part made him very uncomfortable.

"Well, that's all I wanted to know. Chat you later, Sans. lol"

[CLICK]

Sans looks at his phone and has the thought of chucking it onto the abyss.

"SANS?"

Oh yeah, Papyrus is here. He forgot. Alphys tends to piss him off enough to forget what's going on.

"alphys knows about the human."

"...AND?"

"she didn't say would tell undyne. but she didn't say she wouldn't tell her either."

"I DON'T LIKE HOW THAT SOUNDS. IT'S LIKE SHE'S HOLDING A NUSE OVER OUR HEADS."

"it wouldn't be alphys if she didn't do something like that."

"SAD BUT TRUE."

"i think i should check on the kid."

"NO. GO TO YOUR POST FIRST AND CLOCK IN. THEN CHECK ON HER."

"...fine."

Sans starts to walk to his post and Papyrus watches. He knows why Sans is walking instead of teleporting, there are only two reasons. Reason one, he doesn't want to waste his magic. And reason two, he needs to think. Yet right now, the latter seems more of a likely thing right now.

[In Snowdin Town, Sans & Papyrus's house]

The call with Toriel wasn't so bad. For the sake of sanity in the future, I tried to explain the way things were going on this end. Sans was still doing his best to keep his promise and was putting himself in some very hot water by doing so. Papyrus is now involved and taking his own twist on being "helpful". Napstablook is aware of things as well and I am still keen on trying to make it to his place, though the how or when I am unsure of. She warned me that if things got bad that I shouldn't try to do anything and just come straight home. I humored her and agreed, not letting on to the times where Papyrus fucked me up. Aside from that, we just chatted for a bit before I passed the phone to Flowey. They really get along nicely.

And with them occupied, I could get started on some of the chores Papyrus told me to do. Which I don't mind doing, after all, I'm kind of stuck here, though I find it annoying that he's shoving his own load on me. Though something weird happened not too long after I got started on cleaning the living room. For a bit, I had the feeling like I was being watched. But it wasn't by Flowey, as he was busy watching TV. Chara chimes in, telling me that Sans was being a creep and snooping from the window. This, however, is something I expected. Papyrus did say I'd be monitored. I just didn't expect Sans to be his watchdog. I figure there was a bit more trust. I guess I won't feel as bad about my little plan then.

"So how do you plan on doing this again?"

"You underestimate me, flower-boy."

"Sans keeps popping in. How do you plan on sneaking away?"

"Easy. You'll help me."

"What?!"

"Relax. You'll do great. And it'll be super easy too."

"No! Do not involve me in any crazy scheme of yours!"

"But all you have to do is watch TV."

"...For real?"

"For real-real."

"Well..."

"Trust me. And I won't even be gone long. Ten minutes...twenty at the most. That's more than enough time before Sans comes back."

"How do know?"

"I've been timing him. He shows up every hour. That gives me plenty of time to work with."

"Where are you even going to go? Even you admitted to not having anywhere to go."

"It's called exploration, my fine floral friend. How else will we know what we're dealing with in this area if and when we manage to leave."

"...Sometimes you scare me with how much you think things through."

"Why is that?"

"Because 99% of the time you are a huge dorky goofball that annoys the crap out of people that you should seriously not piss off!"

"So?"

"That means when you do plan anything, you are fully aware of the ramifications that your actions will...they will...no..."

"What?"

"Don't tell me you do it so that you will be punished. You can't be that messed up."

"..."

"Lynsie?"

"...Not all the time."

"..."

"Flowey?"

"..."

"Please don't be mad."

"...I'm not mad. Just disappointed."

That was the last conversation we had before I left the house. I wasn't kidding on the whole plan thing. Chara helped me with a lot of details. Every time Chara spotted Sans, I'd check the time on my phone, which synced up to be every hour. Then we established a cover. Once my chores were done, I had joined Flowey on the floor to watch TV with him. I sat behind him so Sans through the window would only see me. Around the third or fourth time he came to check, I had covered up with a blanket I found in the laundry room. This is now what Flowey is filling in so that it looks like I'm still sitting with him. But the blanket isn't the only thing I found in the laundry room. While I doubt they showed off my unconscious body to the town's folk, a disguise is still a smart move. Which is why this extra coat that I have no doubt belongs to Sans will do nicely too, in the very least, hide my ample chest. That's the easy part. The hard part is making my face look less human. I have to give all credit to Chara for this idea. I undid my hair and separated it into two halves, then wrap each half around the front of my face then retie it in the back. This weird move only works because of my long as hell hair. So now I don't look very human. Now it's like there's a beaver over my face that only lets my eyes be seen. A perfect cover.

Which leads me to the present moment of being outside and heading into town. The town itself feels both alive and dead at the same time. The houses are dimly lit and in line with the surrounding trees. Though the first building I come across near to the brothers' home is a library that's been tagged to read "Liesburyme". How someone did that amazes me. Past the library is a break in the road, a path to the right and one going forward. From the looks of it to the right is more of a residential area so I'm staying clear of that. So forward I go. Funny enough, Sans jacket is really warm and the hair over my face makes for a workable though not recommend scarf. A few local monsters are out and about, they give me strange looks. Strangely, there are a shit ton of rabbit looking monsters in this town with a couple of bears. Dare I say they are snow bunnies? The perfect puns make themselves. Either way, this road is the one that leads to the towns entrance/exit, depending on which way you're going, but also it's corner of commerce. There's the oddly quaint looking bar that has me flashing back to when I'd watch the show Cheers, hell, the neon sigh almost copies the lettering style as it spells out the name "GRILLBY'S". I'd check it out but the windows are too tinted to see anything. Moving on, a small home sits beside the connected INN and SHOP, telling me this is a close family run business. I figure with 100G in my pocket that there might be something of interest to buy, so into the shop I go. Pushing open the door, a bell rings that the shopkeeper hears.

"Hello, traveler. How can I help you?"

The shopkeeper appears to be a purple rabbit, although this may be due to lighting, for all I know she might be blue like the Ice Scream guy. She wears a tastefully shredded black tank top, small jeweled necklace, a loop nose piercing, and wide-brim hat that covers one of her heavily eyeliner coated eyes. The shop itself is a darkly lit in black-light, with shelves of materials and wares. And just from her introduction, I'm having flashbacks to the shop guy in Resident Evil 4. Sure it's not word for word, but it's what popped up into my head. I wouldn't be surprised if there is a dude like that somewhere in this world.

{You should probably change your voice. If you look like a dude, your voice will give it away. Not that you don't have a deep tone for a girl as is.}

Go fuck yourself, Chara. But he has a point. Can't break the mold I'm hiding in. Time to be cheesy.

"*southern accent* Well howdy there, miss. Mighty fine place ya got here. I've come moseying in from Waterfall to look for a bargain. But the only real deal I see is you."

{What the fuck? Why are you flirting?!}

I'm not trying to. That just came out a bit thicker than intended.

The shopkeeper chuckles.

"Been a long time since someone walked in and told the truth with a straight face. A nice change of pace. Most dirtballs come in and think they own the place."

{She's cool with it?}

Let's just roll with it.

"Shame. Don't most folk know not to piss off people in the service industry?"

"You'd think that, but apparently no."

"That's sad."

She smiles.

"I can't remember the last time I saw a fresh face around here. You don't look like a tourist. Are you here by yourself?"

I faintly hear the pitter patter of little feet from someplace in here. I can easily get mugged by a family if I act too nice. Keep on alert, Chara.

{I got your back, sis.}

"Nah, darlin'. I have a buddy waiting on me at Grillby's. But if that was your way of asking if I'm single, I am. But this item's not on the market."

She pouts.

"Shame. A sweet drink like you would make a gal less thirsty."

This is so fucking wrong.

{I wish I was dead-dead again. Then I wouldn't hear any of this.}

"So...What would you like to buy?"

"Just looking for now. Don't know what you have. Anything you'd recommend?"

She moves to a fridge.

"In terms of consumables...I have Bisicles. It's a two-pronged popsicle, so you can eat it twice. Heals for 11 HP and costs 15G. If you want only one, then it's a Unisicle. Still costs the same. But if you want something hotter, I have home baked Cinnamon Bunnies. They're Cinnamon rolls in the shape of a bunny. They heal for 22 HP and cost 25G. Trust me it's worth it. We make them fresh from only the finest stuff and an original recipe that's been in our family for generations."

"Damn...That does sound tempting. But I want to hear all that's on the menu before sinking my teeth in some dessert."

{You play a creepy guy way too well.}

I know, right?

She moves over to a case.

"Among other odds and ends, I have anything one would need in this town. All at a reasonable price, I assure you of that. Though...I think I'd be willing to work out a deal if you need one, sweetie."

Do I look like a rabbit?

{Monsters swing in all sorts of ways.}

Why do you know that?

{I picked up on weird stuff after being dead so long.}

I look around and she wasn't lying. There are many things I'd like to buy from her. But something catches my eye and she can tell.

"Ah, I see you spotted the human gear. I don't get many takers on that."

"How did you get them?"

"Same way anyone gets human things. They fell off when they were beaten and carted off by the Royal Guard."

"The dogs or Sans and Papyrus?"

She scoffs and sneers at their very names.

"Those two...They just showed up one day and...asserted themselves. The town has gotten a lot more shitty since then if you ask me."

"In small moments, they aren't that bad. But yeah...They tend to rub on you the wrong way."

She nods and pulls out the items in question. One is a bandanna and the other appears to be the missing match to my lonely glove.

"Well, that's something. Looks like you found that gloves mate. Mind telling me where you found it?"

I hold up my left hand and flex my fingers a bit.

"If ya would believe, I found it in a box on the way to town."

She giggles.

"Now that's just cute. Bet you'd like the matching set."

"That I would if you'd be so kind."

"Well, I'm more than happy to sell you both, handsome. That'll be 50G..."

"No problem."

"Each."

{That long-eared greedy...}

"A tad steep on a glove and bandanna, darlin'. I don't suppose that deal offer is still on the table?"

She leans over the counter with a flirty smirk, her cleavage threatening to show out the top of her top.

"Well...I suppose I could lower the price a little bit. 15% is as generous as I'm willing to get."

I do some math with my fingers.

"That makes it now...85G?"

"Yep. That a bit more doable for you, sweetie?"

{Why did she have to say it like that?!}

I now understand what Sans was going through with me and my shit.

"That I can do, darlin'."

"Wonderful. All you have to do to get such a fair discount is...nuzzle my nose."

She wants me to what?

{I think it's a form of kissing for rabbits.}

This is so weird. But it's at least not true kissing.

"You drive a hard bargain, darlin'. But a fair one too. I'll do it if only to see you happy."

That catches her off guard and she blushes.

"You...You would? Really?"

"Don't read me the wrong way. I'm not doing it for the discount. Though that is a nice bonus. I like making others happy. So if a little nuzzling of the nose will put a smile on your face, I don't see the harm in doing so."

{Sometimes you are too sweet.}

Is that a bad thing?

{Depends on the moment I guess.}

She just continues to stare at me in disbelief.

"Something wrong? Did I offend you, darlin'?"

She slaps her cheek and blinks a few times.

"No...No, nothing's wrong. Let me just ring you up."

I tilt my head.

"No nuzzle?"

She shakes her head.

"No. But I will settle on a hug if that's okay?"

I smile and hand her the gold.

"I'd like that."

She puts the gold in her register and hands me the items.

"Thanks for your purchase."

"Thank you for the hospitality."

She leans over and I meet her half way for a small hug.

"If hospitality is something you like, you can take a nap at the inn. It's right next door and my sister runs it."

"I might just do that."

"Oh! Since you are just passing through, would you like to know something about the town?"

I shrug.

"Sure. I like learning something new."

"Think back to your history class...A long time ago, monsters lived in the RUINS back there in the forest. Long story short, we all decided to leave the Ruins and head for the end of the caverns. Along the way, some fuzzy folk decided they liked the cold and set up camp in Snowdin."

"Neat."

"Oh, and don't think about trying to explore the RUINS...The door's been locked for ages. So unless you're a ghost or can burrow under the door, forget about it."

"Darn. But I guess that's just life's funny way of keeping us going forward."

"I guess so. Life is the same as usual for all of us down here. A little claustrophobic...But...we all know deep down that freedom is coming, don't we? As long as we got those souls, we can grit our teeth and face the same struggles, day after day...That's life, ain't it? Thank god that the last human fell into our mitts. We'll finally be able to leave this place and return to the overworld. It's unbelievable!"

"I know right? Well...I guess I've kept my buddy waiting long enough. I'll be sure to stop by again before I leave town."

"You better, sweetie."

I head out with a wave.

"Bye now! Come again sometime!"

"You know it, darlin!"

I exit the shop and sigh.

"*normal voice* Such a nice lady."

{Nice, yes. Perverted, double yes.}

"She's a rabbit. Affection and the need to breed are a thing they do. It's normal."

I slip on the other glove and embrace the warmth it gives to my cold fingers.

[You equipped the other Rugged Glove.]

[You gain 5 Attack.]

[HP 36, ATK 31, and DEF 14]

{Maybe that bandanna will boost your defense.}

"Or in the very least my HP."

I start to put it on around my neck as I head back to the skeleton household. I've had my fun for the day.

{Well?}

"Hold on. I'm still tying the knot. I don't want it to come loose so easy."

[You equipped the Gallant Bandanna.]

[It has seen some wear and patching to make it stronger. It has a sword and shield emblazoned on it.]

[You gain 7 Defense.]

[HP 36, ATK 31, and DEF 21]

"Yes! Finally some balance to my stats!"

I leap with a high-flying fist pump to the cavernous sky...only to almost come crashing into a guy that just came out of the Grillby's bar. This tall gentleman manages to catch me under my arms and spins us a bit before coming to a complete stop. Honestly, after that little dance, the girly part of me is blushing. This man is made of fire, purple flames to be exact. He sports a pair of stylish armless glasses that I can't even begin to guess how they are being held on his face. His clothing consists of a black waist-long coat that has a white very furry ruffle around the collar, a dark gray button shirt, a red business tie that seems tucked in under, black suit pants, and classy black dress shoes. This guy is fancy as fuck.

"There now...That was quite unexpected. I almost didn't get a chance to see you before you vanished on me again."

I tilt my head confused and give myself another male toned accent to hide in.

"*irish* Beggin' your pardon, laddie buck. I don't believe we've met before."

He chuckles, light smoke escaping out his somehow sharp mouth and he sets me down.

"I know we haven't. But I have seen you before. I saw you walk past earlier."

I rub the back of my head in silliness.

"Aye, that ya probably did."

"And now, I'm not the kind of guy to pay attention to who happens to stroll pass my bar but..."

"This be your bar? Would that make you...Grillby?"

He adjusts his glasses with his middle finger.

"Indeed, that's me. And do try not to interrupt me."

"Sorry."

"Like I said, I don't pay attention to random people passing my bar. But I make it a personal habit to recall things about my regulars. Case in point..."

He points to the jacket I'm wearing.

"That isn't yours, now is it?"

{Oh shit...}

Calm down, we have to handle this delicately.

"Then who's is it, sir?"

He leans a bit to my level, this guy is easily six feet, and that pleasant attitude starts to sour.

"You can cut the act. I heard your real voice while I was heading out the door. Plus, and not to brag, it's hard not to get a feel for you when in my hands."

Flustered instinct has me fold my arms over my chest and all hiding the voice thing drops.

"*normal* Did you really feel them?!"

That at least gets the smirk back on his face.

"No, not really. Just a small bit of wrist on side-boob contact is all. Hard to believe Sans's old jacket can hide that much stuffing."

Joking or not, I aim to slap this cheeky asshole into next week. But I should know better by now. Monster are not weak and they are certainly smart enough to mess with your head. He managed to piss me off enough to lower my guard and snatch my wrist as easily as Mr. Miyagi catches flies with chopsticks.

"Now that's not very ladylike. Someone should teach you some manners."

{Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! We are so screwed!}

"Um...My bad? Heheh..."

"Hmmm...Why don't you come inside and have a drink."

"But I don't..."

Me and my wrist begin hissing as his grip harshens.

"I insist."

Too hot! Too hot! It burns!

"*wince* S-Sure...A drink sounds l-lovely."

His grip weakens but remains strong as he "escorts" me into his bar. On the inside, Grillby's contains a couple of booths, tables, a bar, and a jukebox. A variety of monsters are in here, most I'd have no clue by just my little stroll. He sits me at a stool right at the bar.

"Now be on your best behavior. You wouldn't want to make a scene and let them know what you are, do you?"

"...No, sir."

He smiles and pets my head before sliding the ribbon off, letting my hair fall freely.

"Might as well let your hair down. This is an establishment to relax and unwind in."

I feel the farthest from that right now.

{Dude, we are so in trouble.}

We? It's my ass on the line and taking the hits, remember? You're already dead.

{Yeah. But if you die, I go back to being dead-dead. And that sucked.}

Glad to know your motives are so pure, bro.

He hands me the ribbon back and walks away to go behind the bar. Frankly, this undoing of my hair and his warning are a bit contradictory to me. Which is something a skilled man such as him can tell.

"Something the matter, miss?"

I just look at him deadpan and a small laugh leaves him.

"Nervous?"

I nod and he rests his elbows on the bar.

"Don't be. None of these people know what you are. They've never seen one before."

Sounds about right. Just like the shopkeeper said, the guard gets to them all the time. I tie my hair back up with the ribbon.

"I'd ask why but I feel I already know the answer."

"Heh...You catch on quick. So, why not order something and you can tell me as to how you got all this going on. Sound fair enough to you?"

I suppose if he's going to be civil about this the same should be returned to him in kindness.

"Fair enough, barkeep. But I can't stay long. Sans expects me at the house. May I see a menu?"

"Sure thing, pussycat."

I flinch at that as he takes off his coat before stashing it under the bar, revealing the black bartender's vest and his rolled up sleeves. He gives me a menu and I ignore the name he called me.

"So, pussycat, why would my best barfly be expecting you at his place? You two got a thing going on?"

I look at him blankly

"Okay, don't call me that. And I am supposed to be under 'house arrest' if you catch my drift."

He chuckles and pours a glass of water.

"Yeah, I can picture that. But you don't have to worry about meeting Sans there. He tends to stop in on a very routine schedule. And judging by the time...He'll be here soon."

{That ain't good. We are so boned!}

Dude, not good wording considering we're dealing with skeletons.

"*sigh* I'm so fucked. Papyrus is going to break me."

I drop my face to the bar and groan.

"Perhaps a real drink will help you out. Anything in particular tickles your tongue right, pussycat?"

"*grumble* I don't drink...alcohol. It tastes like shit and burns my nose."

"Hmmm...Might I recommend the booze burger? A hand-pressed patty that's been grilled in whiskey topped with cheddar cheese, bacon, sautéed mushrooms, fire-roasted bell peppers, and onions. Served on a cheddar beer buns with lettuce, tomato, red onions, pickles, and a sweet bourbon sauce. Served with your choice of side."

"...Make it onion rings, please."

"Coming right up, pussycat."

"*louder groan*"

[In Snowdin Forest, Sans's Sentry Post]

Sans wasn't getting the normal amount of rest that he usually does. Having to keep checking on the human was so fucking annoying. And she wasn't even doing anything to warrant this either. Hell, with all the cleanup work she was doing the house might finally smell like something other than blood and angst. And the food won't be just another pasta dish. Ah, now that was the real treat he was looking forward to. Speaking of treats, his staff has run low. Being awake more made him frigidity and being frigidity made him hungry. Pulling out his phone he checked the time. It was about twenty minutes before Papyrus was due back to make him do a quick check at the house. Plenty of time to grab a quick bite at Grillby's and pop back at his post before his brother ever found out. So a quick teleport happens and in a flash, he's outside the bar with little effort given.

"ah, home sweet home i wish i could stay at. i missed ya. hope ya missed me."

He pushes open the door and is greeted with the sound of fellow patrons greeting him as they always do. The succulent smells of food and fine drinks. Grillby's bar is a safe place in this wacky murderous hole of a world. While fighting wasn't completely banned in the town, in Grillby's it was straight up outlawed. There are only a few rules in Grillby's that are to be followed at all times in order to bask in its privileges. Do not cause trouble. Do not break anything. And do not piss off Grillby. Follow those rules and his paradise was open to you. The bar did wonders for his soul, putting him at ease as nothing else could. That is, of course, until he went to go sit at his normal stool and a familiar sight had him pissed off as it sat next to his spot.

"what the fuck are you doing here?!"

The human turns in her seat and has the biggest damn grin smeared on her face.

"Sansy-boy! Hey there buddy. Have you had this shit? It is amazing! Hot stuff here is a food god."

Confusion contorts his face. She sounds buzzed, sloshed even.

"are you...are you drunk?"

She scoffs.

"Me? Drunk? Phffft...No. Nah, that's a silly thing. Grillz, tell'em. Tell giggles I ain't drunk."

Grillby snickers.

"Well, technically she didn't drink."

Sans slaps his hand to his face.

"how long has she been here?"

"About fifteen, maybe twenty minutes. The girl has no tolerance. One burger and she was wasted."

"...booze burger?"

"Bingo."

"It was so good!"

She giggles loudly and Sans sighs while taking his seat.

"you are so in trouble when you get back to the house, ya know that?"

"No I'm not. Lynsie's still there. I'm Lynn. Big difference."

Sans just looks at Grillby in puzzlement.

"She told me everything. I'll tell you over a drink. That is what you came here for, right?"

"you know me so well."

Grillby gives him a bottle of mustard and he drinks deep of the tangy condiment.

"It's so quiet. Know what this place needs? Music."

She gets up and sways over to the jukebox.

"I wouldn't bother with that thing, pussycat. It's been busted for ages. Can't get the damn thing going."

Sans blinks.

"pussycat? wait, is that my jacket?"

She merely smiles.

"Awww...It just needs a woman's touch."

She taps it a couple times here and there, eventually banging on it.

"Work, damn you!"

"Pussycat, it's fine. Come back to your seat."

"for real, why ya calling her pussycat?"

"Because she doesn't like it and she's cute when she gets mad."

That had Sans looking at his longtime friend like he just said he fucked a giraffe.

"what?"

She breaks their attention.

"Work for me, you bastard! Come on! I said...W̸̡̢̕͜O̸̴̢̡͡R̡̨͢K͏̴̀!̵͢͢͜"

That made all heads turn to the girl that suddenly made the strangest sounds. Sans was frozen on his stool. He heard that before back when he first met her behind the door to the Ruins. That glitchy voice happened right before Toriel had to do whatever it was to knock her out. This could be very bad. But then...the jukebox powers up and the lights flicker on. She laughs.

"Hell yeah! Good machine. Time for some tunes."

The other monsters in the bar returned to their business, but not Sans or Grillby.

"Sans..."

"yeah?"

"What was that she just did?"

"honestly, i have no clue. i'm still figuring out new shit about her."

"Should this be something of concern?"

"still don't know that myself."

Music begins to play and she returns to her stool with a mischievous grin.

"what's with that look? what did you do?"

"*snicker* Nothing."

[Bad To The Bone by George Thorogood begins to play]

Sans's sockets widen with a blush and Grillby begins laughing his fiery ass off.

" On the day I was born. The nurses all gathered 'round. And they gazed in wide wonder. At the joy they had found. The head nurse spoke up. And said leave this one alone. She could tell right away. That I was bad to the bone. Bad to the bone. Bad to the bone. B-b-b-b-bad. B-b-b-b-bad. B-b-b-b-bad. Bad to the bone. "

Grillby can't stop laughing, even as he cleans some drinking glasses and beer mugs. Sans holds his face in one hand, wanting to hate this and enjoy it all at the same time. The human, in her ditsy state, begins to sing along as she drinks from a glass that Grillby said was a Virgin Cuba Libre, aka just soda, but he had some fun with her and turned her little drink into something more slutty so her buzz would last.

" I broke a thousand hearts. Before I met you. I'll break a thousand more, baby. Before I am through. I wanna be yours, pretty baby. Your and yours alone. I'm here to tell ya, honey. That I'm bad to the bone. Bad to the bone. B-b-b-b-bad. B-b-b-b-bad. B-b-b-b-bad. Bad to the bone. "

The first solo moment happens in the song and Sans takes the chance to question this goofy chick.

"you know this song?"

"Grew up with it. My mom would play all sorts of stuff on the radio. And kids are like sponges. So I soaked up all the good tunes my head could take. Heh...It's probably why I hear music a lot when things get quiet. I even got this song on my iPod back at the house."

"what made ya pick it?"

"I thought it would be funny."

She takes a long drink and he eyes her.

"funny? heh...you're not wrong there. i wasn't expecting such a bone-afide hit to come my way."

He wasn't expecting much from such an easy and rather cheap pun, definitely not his good material. But he really didn't expect was for this tipsy human to laugh hard enough for her drink to come shooting out her nose. Making her yelp and him howl with laughter while hitting the bar.

" I make a rich woman beg. I'll make good woman steal. I'll make an old woman blush. And make a young girl squeal. I wanna be yours, pretty baby. Yours and yours alone. I'm here to tell ya, honey. That I'm bad to the bone. Bad to the bone. B-b-b-b-bad. B-b-b-b-bad. B-b-b-b-bad. Bad to the bone. "

The longer second solo comes on as Grillby finishes cleaning the mess his two "customers" made. Honestly, such mirth was a pleasant change in his mostly dive bar type joint. Some days were just so bleak and depressing. But this? This was warm and not just because he's a fire elemental. It had been a long time since he saw real joy. He likes it. He likes how it makes the others feel as well. A bit ironic that such good vibes were because of a human. While the barkeep did hold as much hatred for humans as the next monster did, after chatting this human up and watching her interact with his pal, he let the embers of resentment die down a tad at least for her. That and he found himself really loving it when he made her mad. It was cute. Not many females around Snowdin that aren't rabbits or already spoken for. So this new girl was going to be his target for fun for as long as she remained.

Sans couldn't recall the last time his sides hurt this much from laughter. Dicking around other monsters was one thing. Pranking his brother was another. But messing with the human while she's balls to the wall plastered? Now this was comedy gold. Even his weakest jokes had her in stitches. And in her messed up state, he manages to pull the same shock buzzer gag on her three times. Though amongst the fun, part of him did wander in thought. Was it just the alcohol making her laugh? Did she really find him funny? Sure she'd laugh for him when sober, but not this hard. Why was she in his jacket? Why did it look good on her? Why does he think that? What the fuck is he thinking?! Did Grillby spike the mustard again?!

The human in question was having a blast. She had finally loosened up and forgot all of her troubles. And as the music cued the final lines of lyrics, she chugs what remains of her beverage in content.

" Now when I walk the streets. Kings and Queens step aside. Every woman I meet, heh. They all stay satisfied. I wanna tell ya, pretty baby. Well ya see I make my own. I'm here to tell ya, honey. That I'm bad to the bone. B-b-b-b-bad. B-b-b-b-bad. B-b-b-b-bad. Hoo! Bad to the bone. "

The song plays it's last stream of cords before bowing out on a long note in completion.

"Ah man. It always feels like the good songs end too quick."

"Pick another song then, pussycat."

"Hey man, hey. Didn't I ask you not to call me that?"

Grillby smirks.

"Ask? No. You told me not to."

She looks confused.

"Oh...My bad, Mister Hot Stuff."

Sans chuckles to himself.

"man, i don't know what's funnier. her for being out of her mind. or you for indulging in it."

Grillby merely shrugs and adjusts his glasses.

"What can I say? I found myself a fun new playmate. Isn't that right, pussycat?"

She weakly sneers at the fire-man before giggling. Using this moment, Grillby leans over the bar and brings a hand to her cheek, cupping the side of her face. If her cheeks weren't red before they very much are so right now. Sans is deeply confused as he watches the human sober up almost instantly.

"Grillby?"

"You and I are going to have so much fun together..."

Grillby rubs his thumb in small circles into her skin.

"Won't we, pussycat?"

For a brief moment, Sans sees the color of her eyes shift. He couldn't tell what color it was but her normal hazel was all he sees now. The human looks at Grillby's hand, then back to the man himself, and then...begins purring? And nuzzling his hand? What the hell?!

"*purr* Meow~."

Unexpected flirt is unexpected and super effective. Critical shot landed, Grillby's dark purple color begins to brighten into a lavender almost pinkish hue in shock. And Sans eats this up, roaring in hysteria to the point of falling to the floor. Yet, while the bartender stares in stunned silence, the human takes his reaction for meaning she did wrong and her eyes well up.

"I'm sorry. Please don't be mad. I didn't mean it. I didn't..."

A fiery hand slams onto the bar and renders all in deafening silence. Sans manages to pick himself up as Grillby points at the girl accusingly.

"You!"

"M-Me?"

"her?"

The rage that appeared to be boiling in Grillby is made false by the grin he makes.

"You got me good, pussycat. I didn't think you were okay with playing this game, but you have proved me wrong. Glad to know that you're as interested as I am."

"Oh...Heh...Happy to make you happy I guess."

She giggles but it doesn't seem like she understands. This was beginning to reach very weird territory for Sans. Grillby isn't the kind of guy to interact with someone for very long unless it was job-related, he liked you, or it was important. So his "fun" with the human was odd. Not to mention the way he was acting and talking to her, very creepy. It didn't help that she was drunk and going along with it all, even if it was funny as hell. Checking his phone, Sans sighs in both relief and annoyance. He has a reason to end this craziness.

"okay, kiddo, you've had enough fun."

Surprisingly, she whines at this.

"Already? But we were having so much fun. And Sir Hottie of Hotness has been so nice to me."

Grillby covers his mouth to keep himself in check, wanting to laugh and say a few words he'd rather a sober her should hear but no one else. Sans rolls his eyes and tries a bit more logical approach.

"lynsie..."

Hearing her name gets her full undivided attention.

"it's time to go. let me help ya back home before pap finds out and we both get out asses handed to us."

She blinks a few times.

"But you don't have an ass."

Grillby loses it, unable to hold it in anymore.

"Hahahaha! I can't...I can't even...This woman...I fucking love it...Hahahaha...!"

Sans blushes and grabs her arm.

"don't make me tell ya again. we're leaving. now. period."

She pouts but nods her head.

"Okay. I'll be good."

"good girl."

"Laters, Grillby!"

Grillby can't stop laughing to reply but does wave as best he can while holding his gut.

"whatever she had, just put it on my tab. i'll pay ya at the end of the week."

Sans pulls her away and out of the bar. Grillby said he'd tell him everything and he planned to hear all about it. Yet right now, bringing her back to the house was more important. So he marches her straight there.

"Are you mad at me?"

"you promised not to leave the house."

"You didn't trust me first."

"that fuck does that mean?"

"You were spying on me. Every hour. I know you were."

She knew? But how?

"s-so?"

She doesn't respond and remains quiet all the way up to the house. He opens the door and she enters without his command. This didn't feel right to him and he couldn't figure why. She lays on the couch as he eyes the oddly human-shaped mound sitting in front of the TV. That made her speak.

"You can drop it, Flowey. Sans knows."

The blanket falls instantly.

"What?!"

Sans glares and Flowey panics.

"It was all her! I wanted nothing to do with this! She made me do it! You know how she is! She...She..."

The sound of snoring gets their attention.

"Uh..."

"she's drunk. finally gave in and passed out. the couch will do that to ya."

"Drunk? What happened?"

"gonna go find that out. now make sure she doesn't leave, i mean it, ya snitch. or it's a one-way ticket into the icy river for you. ya got that?"

Sans's left eye flares red, making Flowey gulp and he nods in fright.

"good..."

He gives a last look at the sleeping human.

"god, i do not envy her. that hangover is going to be brutal."

He locks the door and leaves, making his way back to the bar for answers. Hopeful, Grillby will have settled down enough to be less likely to laugh and more likely to talk. And with less than ten minutes left before Papyrus was to check over at his sentry post, Grillby needs to give him a very speedy chat.


In case you were wondering, since the release of Undertale for the Nintendo Switch, some new things were added by our glorious Lord Toby Fox. I intend to bring these new things that have been in the console releases into the story as well as seeing monsters we didn't see in FILE NAME NOT FOUND. I thank you all for reading and hope you enjoy the story as it unfolds. ^_^