Theryn and Lariole came by later that evening to be teleported back to Vigil's Keep. If they thought anything of what had transpired, they kept it to themselves.
And Merrill has returned to working on the Eluvian. I wish I knew how the Nexus really worked, if the principle is even remotely similar, that I might be of more assistance with the project. But the Nexus has such a high energy requirement that it isn't possible outside of the Fade. Excuse me, the Ethereal Plane, I suppose I should say. I've spent so long in Thedas that I'm used to thinking in terms of local terminology.
When I sleep, I see dead elves, their blood running along the stone floor. Not the elves who were killed by the varterral. Just another nightmare that fades upon waking.
By the time I wake, the midday sun is streaming in through the windows of my bedroom. I sigh and get dressed quickly, and head outside into Hightown. I need some air. I need to relax.
I meander through the Hightown markets, casually browsing the various goods on display without really seeing or caring about them.
"Did you hear about the Gallows?" one noblewoman gossiped to another.
"Oh, yes! My brother told me about it."
"The templar?"
The second noblewoman nodded. "There was a big hole in the ceiling, and the knight-commander's office was completely destroyed!"
"Do you think it was the doing of some maleficars? Abominations?"
"Nobody seems to know for sure!"
"Was anyone hurt?"
"Some mages and templars were injured, but the only one they think was killed was the knight-commander herself, Maker bless her."
"Ah, Messere Chelseer," says a man as I pass by his stall. "Your associates have given much assistance with the Bone Pit mine. I don't know what I would do without them."
Oh, right, that stupid mine that Tom somehow acquired partial ownership of for some unfathomable reason. Well, it provides plenty of diversion for our friends to avoid becoming bored, as it seems like a month doesn't pass without it being infested by dragons, spiders, undead, more dragons, and whatever else.
"You'd probably... stop trying to get anything out of that mine?" I say with a shrug.
"Yes, and thanks to your friends, we can all profit! You have a discount on all my wares, of course."
"I'm just browsing right now, but thanks," I say, absently looking off through the marketplace.
I freeze, almost in mid-word, as I spot a familiar figure also browsing the market stalls. Suzcecoz, but with normal brown eyes rather than golden, although for a moment I thought she looked like a different slightly familiar figure from a very long time ago.
"Do you have those tubes I ordered?" Suzy asks the merchant she's speaking with.
"Ah, yes, Messere Lawson," he replies. "They just came in today."
"Excellent," Suzy says with a grin. "Have them brought to my estate at once."
Lawson. That was it. Susan Lawson was the Headmistress of the Salem Witches' Institute back on Wizarding Earth. I knew I'd seen her somewhere before, but I didn't make the connection until I saw her with normal-colored eyes. Such a small, simple thing. It really should not surprise me that she might have a counterpart in at least one of the worlds I've visited. Especially considering how accepting Lawson was of dark magic.
Even after our agreements, however, I still can't help but be nervous around her, anymore than I could be comfortable around a Dementor. She might as well have the aura of cold terror about her, for all that I fear she could destroy me utterly on the slightest whim.
Quietly, I slip back into my house, hoping that I hadn't been noticed but knowing that she'd never previously dared to approach it before anyway, so I'm unlikely to be disturbed there.
I hole myself away from the world for some time, absently watching the comings and goings in the household as my friends leave and return from one adventure or another. There was a time when I would have been driven to join them, to seek to be a part of every potentially interesting thing happening in my general vicinity. But something has changed.
"Lexen, you're moping," Tom finally says after a few weeks of that.
"I am not," I reply.
"You totally are," Tom says. "What's the problem?"
"There isn't any problem, and I'm not moping."
"Then let's go out and do something," Tom says. "We don't even have to kill anything if you don't want to. We can go and, I don't know, pick flowers on the coast or something!"
I give him a strange look for a moment.
"For alchemical ingredients, you know?" Tom adds.
"Uh-huh, right," I say.
"But no, seriously," Tom says, leaning against the arm of my chair. "You're not fooling me. What's really the problem?"
"Suzy's out there," I murmur.
"Is that it?" Tom says.
"There's plenty to study in here, and helping Merrill with the Eluvian has been very enlightening, and I have been spending time with my wife and daughter."
"You're hiding," Tom says, smirking at me. "Cowering in fear."
"Would you prefer if I went out and did something foolish and stupid that would get us both destroyed?"
Tom shakes his head and says incredulously, "I have to wonder how you ever managed to get sorted into Gryffindor in your first life."
"Youthful stupidity," I say with a shrug. "You'll note that the damned hat decided that Ravenclaw was a better fit soon enough."
"And this is why you're sitting inside the house studying and hiding rather than taking a risk that might just wind up being more profitable," Tom says.
"Have you been talking to Suzcecoz?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, yes, I have," Tom says with a grin. "She knows things about Soul Magic that I could not have imagined were even possible."
"Somehow, I find the idea of the two of you combining brainpower to be utterly terrifying," I say dryly.
"You have no need to fear me, Lexen," Tom says.
"I'd like to think that, Tom," I say. "I want to think that." I sigh.
"Haven't we already been through this?" Tom asks, frowning a little at me.
"There are times when I have to wonder if this all wasn't just some big mistake," I say. "If I should have just left well enough alone and not messed around with my soul in the first place. I don't know."
"Is that what you really think?"
"I don't know," I repeat. "I really don't know. I can't imagine... I can't imagine living without you. Without her. Without Rispy. Just going on by myself throughout the universe, forever alone, with any friends I might have being as fleeting as the passing of time."
Tom turns away and sits down cross-legged in front of the hearth. "I wasn't lying to you before, you know. It can be done, I believe. I can take just enough of you to have your power, and patch it up with just enough of me that your own soul remains whole, and we break the bond and go our separate ways..."
I stare at him quietly, not sure what to say to that.
"Is that what you really want?" Tom asks, not looking at me.
"I don't know," I say softly. "I just... don't know."
"It might be for the best," Tom says. "After spending some amount of time together, perhaps it is inevitable that people will grow tired of being around one another, and yet so dependent upon the other that they cannot live with them and cannot live without them."
"I don't know that I even want to consider the possibility," I say.
Tom snorts softly. "You're a Time Mage. And honestly, if you're really so attached to me, to Cassie, to anyone, you can feel free to go back and fall in love with us over and over, as many times as might satisfy you, every time a fresh start. And just not tell us of the possibility of Soul Bonds in the first place."
"I don't know if I could do that," I say. "And besides, it wouldn't be a fresh start for me."
"I could always Obliviate you, you know," Tom says glancing at me with a smirk. "I could even tie in a contingency spell, so that it will make sure to Obliviate you whenever you die, too. You would be able to get all the fresh starts you could possibly ever want."
"I don't know if I could live like that, either," I say with a sigh, clenching my eyes shut.
"Just think about it," Tom says.
"I don't want to think about it," I say.
"You can't just keep moping about forever, afraid to do anything because something might happen to you," Tom says. "And don't even try to tell me that you aren't moping. You try to pretend you're alright, while acting like there's an army of Dementors standing outside the door just waiting to suck your soul out."
"I thought I was doing better," I whisper. "Relapse, I guess..."
"If you can't manage to live in the same city as something you perceive as a potential threat, then let us just leave," Tom says, shifting around to face me. "Much as I like it in Kirkwall, I can't stand seeing you like this. Something has to give."
"I'm sorry, Tom," I say with a sigh.
"No apologizing," Tom says, standing up and coming back over toward me.
Just then, a little figure trundles out of the hallway. "Daddy?"
She's followed by the much larger figure of Maraas. "She wished to see her father."
I stand up and crouch down beside her. "My baby girl is walking already?" I say with a touch of surprise.
Raven is larger than I had expected, looking at least a full year older than she ought to be right now. Perhaps I should not be surprised, given that she's tied in with my Soul Magic, but it's still a slightly worrying condition nonetheless. I wouldn't have expected that, under normal circumstances, she would be able to use that power for many years yet. Does she remember something, anything, from being the archdemon, from being the Old God, Urthemiel?
"Why is Daddy sad?" Raven asks.
Walking and speaking in complete, coherent sentences already. I should be more glad about this than I am. I blink at her slowly, not sure what to say to her.
"Don't worry about it, Raven," I tell her softly. "It's just Daddy being silly."
"Daddy's silly," Raven repeats. "Daddy's sad. Daddy's scared."
"Daddy's scared for you, baby," I murmur. "I don't want anything bad to happen to you."
"Daddy don't need to be scared for me," Raven says quietly. "Baby... Raven... I can take care of myself," she adds haltingly.
"Can you, now?" I say, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Uh-huh!" Raven says enthusiastically. "If anyone pokes me, I eat them!"
"I think I should be more worried about that than reassured..." I say with a smirk.
"I eat them!" Raven says again.
I straighten and look down at her, and shake my head a bit. "I'm going out with Tom now. You be good for Maraas, you hear? No eating anybody."
"Okay!" Raven says brightly.
I vaguely gesture to Tom and head for the basement exit, not really caring to take a stroll through Hightown at the moment.
"Where are we going?" Tom asks.
I shrug. "Somewhere. Anywhere. Don't know. Don't care. Let's kill some thugs, or templars, or darkspawn, or giant spiders, or something."
As we walk past her room, Merrill pokes her head out and says, "Oh, are you going somewhere?"
I smirk at her and say, "Do you just hang out and eavesdrop waiting to see if someone is going out so you can tag along with them?"
"The basement stairs are right next to my room," Merrill says.
"The Eluvian reconstruction has been going pretty well ever since we got the arulin'holm, hasn't it?" I ask.
"Oh, yes," Merrill says. "Come and look, see for yourself."
Tom and I step in through the door. The ornate mirror sits in the center of the room, whole and undamaged, physically at least, but no sign of a reflection or anything else can be seen within the glass. The mirror is opaque as gray smoke.
"Useless! It's still broken! I don't know what I might be doing wrong at this point," Merrill says. "I've been thinking I might have to go back up to Sundermount and ask the spirit for help in completing the construction."
"No, Merrill," I say firmly.
"I was going to ask if you would be willing to come along and help, and make sure nothing goes wrong," Merrill says.
"We're not consorting with demons, Merrill," I say with a sigh.
"I was hoping that you, of all people, would understand," Merrill says, pouting a little and looking hurt. "You know how much this means to me!"
"Yes, and we can figure out what's wrong on our own and get it working without the dubious help of any demons," I say.
"I think the spirit is the best source of information," Merrill says. "The two of you and Kirlin are quite skilled mages, but you just don't know much about how this really works. The demon does!"
I sigh and rub my forehead.
"I'm going up to Sundermount to contact that spirit again, with or without you," Merrill says. "And you can't stop me."
"We most certainly can stop you," Tom says. "However, Lexen is attempting to convince you as to why this is a bad idea rather than merely forcing it upon you. And I quite concur with his assessment. Why do you think the demon agreed to help you in the first place? Do you seriously think that it was merely trying to be friendly? No, it wants something from you, there's no question about that. The only real question is what."
"What?" Merrill says, blinking at him.
"Did you really think that a demon was helping you out of the kindness of its heart?" Tom says, snorting softly. "Spirits are not people. They are not like you or me. They are the singular embodiment of an aspect of humanity. They do not think like us. They do not comprehend anything beyond the emotion or quality that they represent. And you were not working with a spirit of compassion."
"I know I should be careful when dealing with spirits," Merrill says. "I am not that foolish."
"My point is that it is completely unnecessary to deal with this demon at all," Tom says. "We've already said that we'll do whatever we can to help, and will accumulate any resources from anywhere that we need to in order to accomplish this. Is that not enough for you?"
"Merrill," I say quietly. "Have I ever told you about the time I was possessed?"
Merrill blinks at me with a touch of surprise. "No, you haven't. You were possessed? When was this? What happened? How did you-"
I hold up my hand and cut off her babbling questions. "It was a terrible mistake, but it was my own mistake, and my own fault. And it was utterly terrifying because I realized just then how much danger the world and everyone around me was in danger because of my own actions. Because of my mistake. And worst of all was losing control of myself."
"That... That sounds awful," Merrill says.
"I can't give you the details on how I got the demon out of me," I say. "I'm unclear on what precisely happened, myself. But I can tell you that I never want to repeat the experience, and I definitely do not want to allow a friend to wind up in the same situation."
"It was a pride demon, by the way," Tom adds quietly. "And I suspect that is the same sort of demon that you were dealing with about the Eluvian, as well."
Merrill pales a bit, and gives a hesitant nod. "I think... I think I'll just... leave the spirit alone, then. It would- It would probably be for the best."
"I'm glad to hear that," I say. "Now, why don't you take a break for a bit, and we can go out and take out our frustrations by inflicting some gratuitous blood magic upon some hapless thugs down in Darktown?"
