Disclaimer: CB isn't mine.
NOTE: Sorry about the chapter eight thingie. It's fixed now!!! Oh and Moonlight sorry but I changed my mind again, you won't have to read the first part, nothin changed in it!!VT
Chapter 11
She was sleeping next him contentedly, more calm than she had ever been in the last few days. He stared at her face, felt the guilt and rolled off the bed, gathering his jeans as he slipped them on slowly, trying to relive the last moments with her in his arms.
He couldn't tell if he loved her or needed her more. Need was far different from love, need was selfish and love wasn't. He knew it couldn't be both. He could feel her, taste her, smell her in his mind, heart and soul. He loved or needed her, completely, fully, and childishly.
Women couldn't be trusted.
And yet he himself couldn't be trusted either. He stared down at Faye with eyes of contempt, love, and guilt. Neither emotion rocketing over the other. He loved her, he hated her, and he couldn't tell which was stronger. He couldn't tell once again if the love was really there more than the need for her was there. But did it matter which feeling out of the three was stronger as long as they all came from the heart?
He didn't know but he sure as hell cared.
He put on his shirt soaked with her blood. Staring at it through the mirror he threw it off, feeling more guilt than before as he turned and walked out the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Diandre threw the bodies over in the corner as she began cleaning up all the blood and tissue she found on the floor. She was covered in blood from head to foot, none of it her own. The feeling and smell neither bothered nor gave her any heed of sickness. She was an android, born without feelings, without a heart. She didn't care about that either but some part of her was flawed by compassion that was neither cold nor warm and whether or not it was a glitch or purposeful attire she didn't really care.
The gym music had been changed to a sweet melodramatic tune that she herself had recorded during her first years living free without scientists probing her and 'perfecting' her as they liked to call it. It was sad, haunting and she loved it.
"Clean up duty is the worst part of killing," a voice said behind her lightly. Spike stepped into the room, his hands in his pockets as he walked up beside her and stared at the mess she had over her hands with an ironic smile. "I figured you'd be here. I mean had to try to get into an androids mind, but hell anyone wouldn't be stupid enough to leave two dead bodies in the gym for people to find and police to investigate." He smiled with his calm passive way and stared at her.
Diandre didn't respond as she swept the mess into a bag and began scrubbing with a brush. "I'll give you 20,000 wong to not hand me in for the bounty."
"What makes you think I'm here for that?" He pressed his back against the wall.
"20,000, no more or less. Take or leave it but if you refuse I will kill you and myself to keep from getting caught." She didn't look up at him, her voice wasn't pleading, it was fact and he knew it. Death was better than a life where you were being held behind glass and charged at point with probes and needles. She didn't fear death anyway, life was something she never had, it was just something she bordered on touching.
He lit a cigarette. "Fine." It was more than enough to pay for his ship repairs. All he needed was to patch a hole in his fuel tank.
They were silent for a while as they listened to the music. "What the hell did you do to Faye?" He threw the cigarette down into a puddle of blood that hadn't completely dried yet.
"I was made for that, was made to heal wounds with that machine and the cells processed in my body." Diandre shrugged ambiguously. "I know that is my purpose so I don't ask questions. I don't need to." She didn't feel, she didn't need to because feeling was just part of understanding and she already understood too much.
Too much about him and his own purposes.
"Must be pretty damn nice to know why you're here in this world." He said as he walked over to the door and peering out.
She stopped scrubbing and turned to him, turned to look into his eyes. "Don't." She said it simply and purposefully.
"Don't what?" He asked as he turned around. A secret message filled the air, passed between them and his eyes narrowed.
"You don't understand." He said finally through the silence so thick it choked at him. He lost all traces of a smile.
She went back to scrubbing, turning away. "I understand more than you think," she whispered, totally disgusted with human behavior at that point. Human behavior caused the mess she was cleaning up, human behavior caused the pain Faye had went through, and human nature caused what the future held.
She was glad human behavior wasn't part of her system. She'd have destroyed herself if it was.
Spike moved to her and slammed her up against the wall in one swift motion. She neither flinched nor felt any pain. She wasn't built for either. He stared into her eyes, infuriated with her then. "I guarantee if you start this, Spike, you won't be able to finish it," she said as she stared at him coldly.
He looked into her ageless eyes and let her go, turning away and walking to turn the music off. "What are you?"
"An android, Spike. A physic one who knows what you are thinking, knows what you've been through, knows all your secrets," she said as she straightened her bloody clothes. "I tell you now, don't."
"Can you see the future?" He looked at her with pain filled eyes. She also saw a decision undecided, feeling blocking reason, and reason blocking feeling.
"No. Do you love her?"
He didn't answer as he walked out the door. He stopped to stare at her and smile. "Well, then I guess we have nothing more to discuss. I'd like that money when you come back up. I'll wait for you at your room." Then he was out the door and whistling.
"Don't, Spike," she whispered to herself as if he could still hear her.
~*~*~*~*~*~
She opened her eyes when she heard the door close.
Her skin tingled with his touch, the after math of his love she knew had to be too good to be true. Her life was brightened to an extent but she was still paralyzed, still unsure of the feelings that found rest in her heart that didn't want them.
They were there all the same.
The sun peeked through the windows as she stared out, stared at the new morning that should have been what she was feeling. New. Alive, and thankful he loved her, wanted her, needed her. She also knew that snow was covering the ground outside, still falling like forgotten memories of something that yearned to hurt and pain again.
Why believe that, why seek self destruction? Didn't you already have that the past half of a year? A voice asked her. Yeah she had self destruction in her heart, in her soul as she mourned over his death that hadn't been real and the sad part was she missed that part of her that wanted death.
She should have died, and she should have wanted death like she wanted nothing else.
But Spike had meant more to her than death. She loved him, she loved him so much that it crossed her mind to run after him and beg for him to hold her and come back to bed. To make love to her like it was the first time again, like he was still searching for the Faye he didn't even know had been there.
She sighed as she got up and got dressed knowing moments too late that once the first had been tasted than the first could not be thrown away as if it never happened. The first was the first and the last didn't matter because what was done was done, and it made no difference if one tried to take it back. It was ink on paper that couldn't be burnt or ripped up.
She saw his coat laying on the floor and picked it up, putting it over her torn shirt with sad eyes. She wasn't supposed to be like that, she was supposed to be happy wasn't she? She had given herself up completely, fully, and understandingly. She could remember his same reaction to the shock of having been over her as master and servant just as she was to him in the last moments of loving afterthoughts.
She felt guilty for letting him get the advantage she swore he'd never have over her.
Then she was walking down the hall towards her room, humming softly a tune that was depressing and light. She was a sad picture of blood and weariness as she walked by viewers who stared at her with fear. She smiled to herself. It was more than nice to be feared. It was better than being loved and being relied upon when one wasn't sure if they could rely on even themselves let alone those around her.
She opened the door and walked into her room that seemed strangely peaceful. The sun peeked through the shades, the air was filled with light emotion and she could smell the flowers that had been recently brought up by the maid.
She sighed as she went over to her bag and picked out some clean clothes. She stared at the black dress on the bed in front of her and smiled sadly. The Orchestra played tonight and she had a feeling of dread at the thought.
Diandre was a bounty, one she and Spike needed to catch. Would they turn in now that she saved her life? Faye didn't think she could do it, android or not.
Faye didn't want to think about the future anymore, it was too confusing and too painful. Everything was going so great, she didn't want to think about things that could only ruin everything. But she couldn't help but think things were going to end in a horrible halt soon, and the feeling made her sick to her stomach as she opened the bathroom door and walked in.
She felt so dizzy then as she turned on the hot water and jumped in the shower letting the steam and hateful water wash away the blood and pain from her body as she closed her eyes and lay back against the shower wall.
"Spike, I know that what you gave to me will never happen again. Those kinds of weaknesses in you are so few. Yet I know that I should be happy to have had at least one night with you," she said to herself. She shampooed her hair, still quiet, still pessimistic as she sang a small song. The steam around her lifted her thoughts and feelings away for a while as tiny droplets scolded her skin to forget.
"Happiness is just a word to me and it might have meant a thing or two if I had known the difference..." Then there was a ring and she stopped.
It sounded like Spike's phone...
She walked out and stared at his discarded coat, it's ringing filled her ears again and she reached into the pocket and answered a small communicator. She didn't have to say a word because the moment she answered a voice spoke. "I want the girl's death in exchange for Jet's life tonight. Our agreement will be met or the consequences will be commenced. I know both of you are at Pluto so we will meet at the Starlight Orchestra tonight. The back hall at the end of intermission. Be there, bring Faye alive and bring only her. If you don't show, if you bring others, Jet dies." There was a click then a rush of static as the person disconnected, a raspy distorted voice ringing in her ears with a small sense of betrayal flooding her soul.
She stared at the phone, stared at it as if it weren't real. No, she hadn't just heard betrayal knock down her door, no she hadn't just witnessed the worst mistake of her life.
"Damn, you Spike," she whispered then threw the phone into the wall and smashed it into a million pieces. She raked her hands through her wet hair as she could feel sobs wrenching her throat. She felt stabs of pain enter her soul like knives, like pins, and spikes that wouldn't move as one after the other pierced feeling and tears.
She had known! That was the worst part. She had expected it, she had known it and through it all it still hurt. It still felt like she was dying inside and it still felt like she was reliving history as she saw his form walk from her in the distance, not even saying good-bye as it disappeared in blood.
She dried off and put her clothes on as she walked out of the bathroom slamming the door against the wall as she walked out with rage and anger mixing with pain and lifeless knowledge.
She should've known, she should've guessed. She shouldn't have been that stupid as to let him persuade her in on his little scheme, one that got her fucked up in one word and appearance.
She stared at the room that had become so devoid of feeling that she shook in it's coldness. Suddenly the sun was less brighter and the place smelled of death as she screamed, and let the tears tear from her throat. "I hate you!" She screamed to the ghost of memories that would hear her. "I hate you!" She couldn't say anything else because hate was the only logical thing in her mind as she screamed and cried.
She fell to her knees as she cried. She should've known...There was no excuse...It was all her fault...She poinded the floor, heard her bones crack in her hands as she hurt herself on the outside to take away the pain iniside.
Then she made a decision.
End her pain, end her life, and end the endless betrayal of life that had ironically been placed on Spike's shoulders.
Through tears and through pain she reached over to his bag and opened it, emptying the guns, grenades, and ammunition into her bag before she had time to think Why, why did it have to be her? She asked herself in her mind as he body worked without thought or feeling. Why did he have to choose her to hurt?
She screamed as she tore a gun from it's holster and shot the suit on the bed into a million pieces of scraps wishing with all her heart he was in it as she shot blindly at the walls and tables after finishing with the suit. Then she was shooting nothing, out of bullets, out of feeling, out of hate and energy to think straight as she gathered the dress in her arms and gathered her bag with his ammunition in it.
She was going to go to the Orchestra, save Jet, fight for what it was worth, and then die with honor that she knew she would have otherwise not been given the privilege to have.
She was going to save Jet because he mattered more to him than she did. She was doing it for him because despite it all, despite her pain and hate, she still loved him and she hated herself more even as she thought that.
She had known it wasn't true love, but it still hurt and she couldn't bear the tears that bore on her anymore. Too many tears in the last days to cover the ones she missed six months ago made her want to die. Dying was her destiny because there was nothing more to live for.
She walked out of the hotel room and slammed the door as a crowd gathered around her. They moved away from her as she walked away, eyes wide as they peered in through the peep hole to see what the gun shots had shot. She didn't care what the hell the accusing eyes said of her, thought of her. She wasn't anything now. She had lost humanity to too much of it and she didn't give one damn about it.
She was lifeless now.
Tine to die, Faye. Time to finally end it all. At least you'll die fighting and saving a life unlike Spike. Just then Spike came around the corner, whistling and smiling. When he saw her he stopped and smiled wider.
She pulled out a gun and he stopped in his tracks. "Faye, what's up? Guns are dangerous, you shouldn't be playing with them," he chastised as he began walking towards her.
In a voice she didn't know she had she said to him full of hate even as her heart broke to see him. "I'm not playing. Stop or I'll shoot your ass down, fro boy." Had she really slept with him? Had she really given up her whole body and soul thinking that he was doing the same? Had she really thought that it would have worked out?
No, and yes. Sensibility had warned her and her heart and soul prevailed and still did as she felt her whole demeanor falter.
She was fucked up and she knew it.
"Faye?" He asked as he kept walking. He closed his eyes and rubbed his head, his smile disappearing a little bit. "C'mon, you wouldn't shoot me."
"Yes, I would." She said through clenched teeth and pulled the trigger as he opened his eyes too late and fell to the floor with a thud. She walked over him, stared into his eyes as tears streaked down hers under the sunglasses she slipped on. "C'mon, Spike, you wouldn't betray me," she said faking his voice. He stared at her through half lidded eyes as he tried to say something.
"Yes, you, would." She answered for him as she patted his cheek hard and then turned and walked away, down the hall, down the stairs, out of the hotel, and out of his life just as he did six months before to her. Emptienss the same as then still lingered in her heart, and coldness, lifeless abandon filled her more as she fought to stay calm and think rationally.
No why, this time, Spike. You don't have to tell me why you did this too me. I don't care, I only have one last thought...Good-bye.
She hailed the nearest taxi and told him to drive to the Starlight Orchestra's theater. She had time to spare but she wanted to be there and makes sure the whole place was known to her by heart even if she was blindfolded. She was going to play her cards right and go down taking her eneimies with her if she could.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The communicator in his pocket spoke to him through dreams as he slowly awoke from a dazed sleep. Faye had shot him...
He stared down at the dart sticking out of his shoulder, his head feeling heavy and tried as he tried to lift his hand to pull it out. Dejavu swept over him as he stared at it and finally took it out. Lin, Vicious, snow...The communicator was going off and making his head spin as he waited for the rest of the tranquilizer to wear off.
"SPIKE PERSON!!" A voice rang through his head. He tried to form words as he brought the communicator to his mouth with heavy hands.
"Wha?" He couldn't really form the 't'.
"Bebop Bebop is under attack!" Ed was hysterical as her voice reached a panic state.
He tried to form words, tried to say something but he was too confused, too disoriented as Ed spoke. Then he heard another voice, Ayutora's. "Spike, get your ass back up here. We need the Red Tail's ammunition!" Maybe it was the drug but Spike noticed Ayutora didn't sound too worried. But Red Dragons were never worried, they were always calm. It was a fact taught and passed on for years. He admired her for her bravery.
"I...can't," he said as he took forever to form the words.
"What do you mean, you can't!" Ayutora's voice rose. "Spike, are you drunk!" She screamed through the intercom.
Just then Diandre came up and took the communicator from his hands. "We'll be there as soon as we can, keep fighting with the ammunition you have," her voice was soft and stern.
"Faye? Is that you!"
But Diandre shut the communicator off and looked down at Spike softly, knowingly. "Looks like I really didn't have to tell you 'don't'. You betrayed her already." Diandre sighed. "Or perhaps it's wiser to say, you betrayed her by not telling her the whole truth."
He tried lighting a cigarette but failed and burnt his nose. "Damnitt." He hissed through numb lips.
Memories toyed with his mind as he rubbed his nose. He saw himself sitting at his computer after Jet went missing and suddenly receiving a message from Jet's captor saying he or she wanted the Bebop Girl in exchange for Jet. The only problem had been there were two Bebop girls. Ed and Faye. So he brought Ed back first and a few days later had gotten a second message that stated the person wanted Faye in return for Jet. So he had gotten Ed to pin point Faye, so easily, so thoughtlessly, and effortlessly, not really thinking about the fact the woman might have changed. Her life hadn't meant anything to him until he saw her and who she had become and who she was becoming.
He never expected to fall for her.
"Do you love Faye?" She asked her eyes narrowing as she stared at him as if seeing the clocks whistle through his head.
"Yes," he answered after thinking along moment and letting the bad facts settle in his soul. He let himself realize she was the better part of him he lost when he lost Julia.
"You want to save her? You don't want her to die now that you've fallen in love with her?"
"I want to save her." His voice broke and he cursed himself for it.
"You love Ed, you want to save her?"
"Yes." Ed was the little sister he never had, and through the fact that he hated kids, the girl had grown on him. Both girls had grown on him. Both lives had become so important that Jet's hung in a dangerously deep balance between life and death.
"Then you have two choices, space cowboy. Faye and Jet or the Bebop with two useless crew members. You cannot save both." Her voice was monotone as she stared at him through cold eyes. "What will it be?"
NOTE: What do you think it will be? Very emotionless chapter where emotions should be flaring, sorry. Whining I'm so tired...I'll look over it later!
VT
