A/N: I don't own Twilight or The Bad Mother's Handbook. I'm just having a little pervy fun. This story is rated M because Daniel frequently plays with himself.
Thank you so much to Rosmarina and Bookgeek80 for their opinions and edits.
Special note: I'll be having some house guests next week. It will take me a little longer to reply to reviews and PMs. In addition, I won't have the chance to write for the next several days so please be patient, my little darlings.
Chapter 10 – Bella's Bedding and Knickers
Theme song – Heroes by Davie Bowie
The following week was busy with school and my sporting activities. I even started writing a sensible advice column for The Daily, our campus newspaper. I continued to see Bella in Biology and water aerobics (the highlight of my week) but I couldn't help but feel as though I had been messing things up. She was so sweet and beautiful and friendly and perfect but I wasn't sure if she liked me in the same way I liked her. Actually, that would have been impossible because I worshipped her. I suppose I didn't ask her out because I was a coward and afraid of rejection. At least by being her friend, I had still had a smidgen of hope. So I tried to be content with being her friend. Only I wasn't.
I wanted to ask Bella out on a proper date, but I kept thinking back to when I liked this girl back in Guildford a couple of years ago. Her name was Tanya. Some of the guys kept telling me that she fancied me and I should ask her to the spring dance. Once I finally got up the nerve to do it, she just laughed and told me to fuck off. She called me a loser. Part of me was still waiting for my new friends at McCarty Hall to do the same. I tiny voice kept telling me It's just a matter of time. Mostly though, I felt like I sort of fit in. Nobody seemed to mind my eccentricities. Still, I did find myself retreating a bit into the internet.
Late Sunday morning I was tweeting away on the computer. Emmett walked back into the room while on his cell phone. I gave him a little wave.
"Yeah, I'll talk to you later," he said just before hanging up.
"Danny boy, whatcha doing?" Emmett was standing behind me in his fuzzy blue bathrobe.
"Just conversing with my Twitter friends."
"And how many of these friends are chicks?"
"All but five," I said as I let my followers know it was omelet day in the cafeteria.
"Dude, you have almost 800 female followers? Well shit, you are doing something right. I only have 19 and two of them are my parents. Are you sending out nude pictures of yourself or something?"
"Of course not. I haven't had any taken recently." I smiled. "I've just been following your advice: introducing myself and giving compliments. I have over 300 Facebook friends as well. Women on the internet just seem to like me for some reason. Look here." I opened up my secret folder that contained the photographs that women sent to me. "These two here are my favorites. Look closely, their nipples are pierced! Last weekend my friend Jean held Tits and Ass Sunday for me where my special friends changed their profile pictures into pictures of bums and bosoms."
Emmett seemed impressed. "Fuck me! You are the Mac Daddy of Twitter, Danny Boy." He patted me on the shoulder.
"No, they just think I'm cooler than am. Half of them follow me because they think I wear a yellow Speedo. I mean it's not like girls in real life like me."
"Dude, how many times do I have to tell you? The chicks around here all think you're nerdalicious." I didn't believe him.
I fiddled with my glasses and turned around to face Emmett as he sat on the bed with his legs spread apart. Dear God, please don't let the King Cobra poke out to say hello.
"There is only one girl I am really interested in and she is way out of my league." I couldn't tell Emmett that this girl was Bella.
"Is this a girl you want to bone or a girl you want to hold hands with and take out to chick flicks?"
"Oh, I would love to take her on a proper date…and bone her too if she wanted me to."
Emmett sighed. "Danny Boy, some old philosophizer once said that you should teach a dude how to fish instead of giving him a fish so he could survive out in the wilderness. I could give you a fish but I'm not going to because you need to catch it yourself. And quite frankly, I'm trying to help you set up your tackle box because I don't really need to teach you how to fish if you would just stick your pole into the stocked pond. And sometimes the hike to the pond is just as important as the fishing experience. Are you picking up what I'm throwing down?"
"I beg your pardon?" I was totally confused.
Emmett stretched his neck. "Alright." He thought for a moment. "Have you let her know how you feel? You need to assert your manliness. Show her that you are an alpha male." He stopped and looked at the ceiling. "Here's the tricky part in your situation: Once you do that, you usually need to reel it back in and wait a few minutes. Like fishing. You ever go fishing?"
I nodded. "A few times in Scotland with my grandfather."
Emmett proceeded to stand up. "Okay, so you drop the bait. Let her see it…sniff it…perhaps even taste it, metaphorically speaking of course. Unless you're smooth fucker, but you're not there yet. Anyway, you then give her some space. Let her miss it, let her chase it a little. But in your case, you're starting to frustrate the fish because you don't leave your pole in long enough."
I was impressed. "Emmett you really sound like you know what you're talking about."
"No not, really. I've just watched a lot of old Remington Steele episodes."
"Oh, Pierce is the man! Nan and I used to watch those old repeats all the time."
"He is so cool. He totally still has it, and he's like super old!"
"I wish I was that smooth."
"Dude, you totally could be, you just have to have some confidence. Now go chase your mystery babe," he said as he punched me in the shoulder and walked out of the room.
I decided to take a nap instead and perhaps try to figure out what the hell Emmett was talking about.
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
Where was that music coming from?
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
I realized it was coming from Emmett's mobile phone. I thought it would be clever to have my ring tone sound like a real telephone. Wouldn't people be surprised when they heard it and I pulled a tiny little cell phone out of my messenger bag? Then again, in the few days that I had my phone, no one had called so I couldn't test it out. But perhaps Emmett's ring tone was more clever. No wonder he was such a hit with the ladies! Emmett wasn't in the room, so I answered it for him.
"Hello?"
"Emmett come over here right now…please!" It was Bella and she sounded horribly frightened.
"Bella, it's Daniel. What's the matter?"
"Oh shit, get over here right now! He's HUGE and he is sitting on my bed!"
"Alright, love, are you safe now? Try to stay calm." I tried to be reassuring.
"Yes, I am hiding in the bathroom." She began to whisper.
"I'm on my way," I said as I threw on my combat boots. Still in my plaid pajamas, I ran over to her dormitory, and up six flights of stairs. I got to her cluster (group of dorms rooms that share a common bathroom and living area) in a couple of minutes. I was totally winded.
"Bella," I knocked softly. "Let me into the flat."
She opened the door and wrapped her arms around me. "Thank God you're here, Daniel! I shut the door, he's still in there. I don't know where everyone else is right now."
"Is it your old boyfriend?" I really didn't want to meet this bloke. Was he back to regain her affections? What did this scoundrel do to frighten her? "Bella did he hurt you in any way?"
"No, no, of course not. It's a big fucking spider." She seemed calmer. "A huge one. I-I don't think I have ever seen one this big. He was sitting on my bed staring at me with his evil eyes."
"Oh bloody Hell." I let out a big of relief. I didn't like spiders either but I would gladly man up and kill one for Bella. This was the perfect chance to demonstrate that I was, indeed, an alpha male.
First, I needed to calm down my damsel in distress. I patted her arm. "It's alright, Bella. I'm here now and I will take care of him. You wait right here."
"Don't take care of him, just kill him!"
I knew that in the Pacific Northwest of the United States there were very few poisonous spiders, but still, I did not want a wee little spider causing Bella any anxiety. I grabbed some toilet paper and walked into her room. I didn't see him on her bed. I reckoned this could take a while.
I looked all over her room but couldn't find him. I noticed that Bella didn't many things. It wasn't very nice of me, but I hoped that maybe he had settled over on Angela's side. I walked back out to find Bella.
"Bella, the little fellow must've gone home now. I think he's done harassing you." I smiled.
Bella shook her head. "Don't patronize me! I'm not going back in there until he's dead." She paused. "You have to find him. He is really big and scary. Did you look in the sheets?"
I walked back in and as I was considering whether or not I should just pretend to catch the spider, I lifted the duvet –
"OH FUCKING HELL!" I ran out of her room. I cowered next to Bella. "No wonder you've got a case of the willies."
The wee little spider had a three inch leg span and long hair. I could almost make out all of it's eyes.
"I told you! Did you think I was making this shit up?"
"I just…I-I didn't expect that. Bloody hell, she's huge!" No wonder Bella was so panicked. I slowly regained my composure. "Bella, please accept my apologies for using such colorful language." I didn't want her to think I was some sort of coarse ruffian.
"What do you mean she?" Bella's eyes got very big.
I tried to explain. "Well, large spiders are often females. The larger size increases fecundity…um, that's the number of eggs they can produce."
"Oh shit! Let's try calling Emmett again." I couldn't let Emmett come in and steal the show, my show.
You can do this, Daniel. "I don't know where Emmett is, Bella. That's why I answered his mobile phone. But don't worry, I have everything under control."
"I don't want her under control I want her dead!"
"I can do this." I said aloud, as much to reassure Bella as myself. I looked right at Bella. "Sit tight little mama, Daddy's got to fight!"
I grabbed another handful of toilet paper from the bathroom and marched back into Bella's bedroom.
I am fairly certain she growled at me and that did it. I grabbed the spider with the toilet paper firmly yet gently. I didn't want to squish her and get spider juices all over my hand, although I could feel her squirming in that few seconds it took to run to the bathroom and toss her in the toilet.
I immediately started scrubbing my hands in the sink with the hottest water possible.
I walked out of the bathroom. "It's over now Bella." She was still shaken up.
"I didn't hear a flush. You're not going throw it on me are you?" She recoiled.
"No, no of course not." I shook my head. Poor Bella was so frightened. "I didn't flush so that you could see her go bye-bye. Would you like to watch me flush her down?" I gently put my hand on her arm to try and calm her.
"Okay." Bella had her arms wrapped around herself.
We walked back into the bathroom. Bella was right behind me, using me as a human shield. God, I hope these spiders don't jump. There she was, floating on top of the toilet paper.
"Go ahead and flush," she said. We watched the beast swirl away. I then looked at Bella.
"Thank you so much Daniel. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come over. I'm sorry I was so anxious and bitchy. It's just that spiders...uh…I just hate them!" She shivered. Her arms were still crossed in front of her, her hands on her upper arms.
I placed my hands on top of hers. Then I rubbed her upper arms. "It's okay now. It's gone. I'm glad I could be here to help."
Bella dropped her hands to her sides. She was looking at me, really looking at me. That's when I realized I hadn't put on real clothes or combed my hair today. Fortunately, my blaze of insecurity was quickly extinguished.
"I am glad it was you who picked up the phone." Bella smiled and looked down.
I took my glasses off so I could look into her eyes, but then she was completely out of focus due to my astigmatism so I rubbed my eyes and put them back on. I lifted her chin. "Bella, I feel very…protective of you."
Bella was breathing was shaky. I wanted to look down and get captured in the gaze of her bosom but I felt that would be rude, so I just stared into her big chocolate orbs. The moment became very serious.
"Bella…you should probably wash those sheets. In case she laid eggs."
Bella blinked several times. "I hadn't thought about that. Fuck, that's disgusting!"
"I have an idea. Do you have spare sheets and blankets?
Bella nodded.
"Here, I'll strip your bed and wash your bedding for you."
"Um…you don't have to do that."
"Would you rather do it?" I smiled and asked.
"No!" She laughed.
"Then I've got it. No problem!" I smiled and walked to her room. "When Nan was sick, I even learned how to change the bed sheets with her still in the bed."
"You are so sweet, you know that, Daniel?" Bella was leaning against the closet.
"Don't forget strong and manly." I added in jest.
"Oh, I won't!" She raised an eyebrow and smirked.
All of a sudden I felt really happy. I wasn't sure if she was being flirtatious with me because that is the way she is with Emmett or because she was starting to fancy me. Either way I was happy that we were becoming friends. Nan always said that friendship was the first step in a relationship. Would there be a next step? I hoped so.
I gathered everything up. "I will get these back to you tomorrow after class. Alright?"
"That sounds great! Thank you so much." She came up to me, careful not to touch the bedding, placed a hand on my shoulder and kissed my cheek. I was thankful to have the pile in front of me as I walked out sporting a massive erection.
Back in my room, Emmett had finally gotten dressed. I still wasn't.
"Wow, you guys are really casual in England." He cocked his head. "What are you doing with Bella's bedding?"
I explained the spider saga and he nodded knowingly as if he had gone through this before.
"Yup, she is scared shitless of 'em. Her dad Charlie didn't help. He threw one on her a once to try and get her over her fear. He thought he was so hilarious, the jackass. So she started calling me." He shrugged. "That old house they live in is full of them. He needs to fucking spray or something. He is such a cheapskate."
"That's awful." I looked at my feet.
"Dude, I am spending the night at Rosalie's so you have the place to yourself." He gathered up his backpack and clothes.
"Have fun!" I looked up and waved. Lucky man.
"You know, that means I won't be back. That means you are going to be all alone." He lowered his voice. "Totally alone, my friend. I have goodies in my third desk drawer."
"Great. Thanks! Say Hello to the girls." I gave him a little salute.
I then spent the afternoon doing laundry and studying. I was in for quite a lovely surprise when I found a large pair of black satin knickers in with Bella's bedding. They must have been amongst her sheets when I stripped her bed. Bella doesn't have a boyfriend. Why would a girl take her knickers off while she's alone in bed? After folding up Bella's sheets and duvet, I looked around the room to see if anyone else was around. Knowing I was alone, I held the knickers up to my cheek. They were so soft. I smiled thinking about the silken fabric up against Bella's bum and lady bits. I then gave them a little kiss, folded them up, and discretely placed them between Bella's folded sheets.
When I came back to my room, I was hungry for a snack. I had hoped Emmett would some cookies or crisps in his desk but what I found was something entirely different. His "goodie" drawer was full of condoms, chocolate syrup, maple syrup, honey, and various lubricants. I even found three pairs of handcuffs. Where the hell did he get these? They look real! As soon as I thought that surely I must have opened the wrong drawer, I got an idea.
I stripped naked and folded my clothes. I dragged Bella's purple duvet up to my bunk along with a box of tissues and a tiny capsule of "Boy Butter" sexual lubricant. I turned down the lights and wrapped myself up in the blanket. Naked, I tried to imagine what it would be like to share a bed with her. I rubbed the "Boy Butter" all over my erection paying special attention up under my foreskin to make it nice and moist in there. As I pumped vigorously, I imagined Bella on top of me, sheathing my penis with her hot vagina. I felt sort of naughty doing this in her duvet, but that only added to my excitement. Perhaps if she found out she would slap me. The thought of Bella roughly bouncing up and down on my pole and then slapping me for being a bad boy was all it took for me to cum all over my stomach.
The next day in biology class, I was sitting next to Bella as usual. Just like last week, I made sure to situate myself on the side of her opposite of Jessica. Every now and then if I looked toward that side of the room Jessica would smile at me. I tried to smile back, just to be cordial, but I preferred the old days when she was just plain rude to me.
Just as I was feeling guilty and starting to feel like a total perv for giving myself pleasure whilst wrapped in her bedding, Bella drew a picture for me in her margin of a little smiling spider. I promptly drew a smiling spider with glasses. The simulated squishing of said spider with my thumb elicited the cutest little giggle from Bella.
That afternoon we arranged for Bella to stop by my room to pick up her bedding. I offered to bring it over to her but she wouldn't allow it, saying I had done so much already.
"Hey Daniel!" Bella popped her head in.
"Bella…Hey!" I knew she was coming but my heart still jumped. "Here's your bedding all washed and folded and…clean." I swear I didn't get anything on her duvet.
"Oh thank you. Thank you so much for everything!" She seemed really nervous as she handed me a box of Smarties. My favorite! "I..um…when I was downtown last weekend with Alice, we saw this cute little shop that specialized in international goods. I noticed that these were from England and thought they would help you feel at home. Um…if you were feeling homesick."
I was touched by her thoughtfulness. She even bought these before the spider incident. I laughed and shook my head. "I'm not homesick at all." I answered honestly. "How did you know these are my favorite sweets?"
"I didn't. I just knew you liked eating foods that come in pretty colors and they reminded me of you."
"Thank you so much. Would you like to share some with me?" I asked. "Chocolate is full of antioxidants and iron, which will increase your immune system and relax your arterial walls. Plus it contains the mystical power of the chemical neurotransmitter, serotonin, which lifts your mood. Um…not that you have been moody. Quite the opposite really. You're always so nice..." I was nervously rambling along.
"Oh no, I can't stay. I have to go to work tonight. Don't worry, Emmett's picking me up." I wished I was picking her up every night. "Um…one last thing. I was…uh…wondering if you might like to go grab some dinner with me on the Ave this Friday and maybe see a movie? There's they French movie playing at the Neptune that I need to see for my French class and um…you don't have to go if you don't want to. I can just go another day." She shook her head and looked at the floor. "But…um do you want to grab dinner though?"
"That sounds great! Everything. I'd love have dinner with you and to see the film too. I love eating. I'll eat anything, really. I'm not a picky eater and dining off campus sounds delightful." I tried to play it cool and contain my enthusiasm.
"Alright then! I'll see you in class tomorrow." Bella smiled.
"Yes. Have fun at work. And feel free to call if you need to."
"Yeah, I will. Ciao!" She left and I was on cloud nine. I was going to go out to dinner and a movie with Bella.
I immediately dug into my box of Smarties, savoring each one. I even took a picture of them for my scrapbook. When I was finished, I flattened the box and placed it under my pillow. It was now one of my most cherished possessions.
A/N: Do you have arachnophobia? Do any creatures frighten you?
Who caught the line I borrowed from a recent hilarious movie? That character reminds me of our Daniel. :)
Special thanks to all the ladies who sent Daniel pictures of their racks for his scrapbook. Yes, all the boobs that Daniel and mentions are available for you to peruse.
Soon we should be getting a mystery POV in the cum-shots. Is there a POV you are just dying to read about? Specific events you want to explore? Would you like to co-write something with me for the outtakes? The possibilities are endless!
Reviews are greatly appreciated!
Since so many of you think that Emmett is gay, here are some tasty gay Emmett stories for you to help satisfy your appetite.
Potential by Rosmarina
Unanswered Questions by Sparabella
Love Park by Mac214
