Shepard's hands dropped to her sides and Kaidan leaned away from her to get a look at her face, to discern what was wrong and why she'd stopped embracing him.

"You were right," she said quietly. Her blue eyes were unreadable and Kaidan couldn't have anticipated what she would say next. "I did change," she told him, "but it wasn't when you thought, not during the last two years. It was the day the Council grounded me on the Citadel and the Alliance made it clear they were going to bow to that ruling—no explanation… no appeal… official channels closed."

Kaidan's hands slipped down her arms, resting at the crook of her elbows. He kept his brown gaze locked on hers, trying to second guess what she was getting at, trying to be prepared for where this was going. In his heart, he was afraid it was to a place he couldn't follow.

"That day, I became a person who can't follow orders. I have to do what I think is right, even when ordered not to. If I have stayed grounded, everything would be dying to a reaper invasion. If I had returned to the Alliance instead of working with Cerberus, human colonies would still be disappearing overnight to feed an abomination." She pushed her hair out of her eyes. "I won't question the Council or the Alliance's desire to do the right thing, but it is very clear to me now that their hands are too tied with their own political protocol. They are not capable of doing what I can because they must follow orders."

/

The engine deck was filled to the brim with the Normandy's crew gathered around Tali as she tied wires together and rerouted circuits. After a moment, the ship's speakers popped and the feed from the dock began playing through.

Mumbles of "good job" and "way to go" were sent Tali's way and then the room fell silent as they all returned to listening.

/

"I hear you, Shepard," Kaidan said, "but don't you think going out into the black without any guidance is dangerous?"

"I have a council, Kaidan," she said with a small smile appearing at the corner of her mouth. "I have commanded two ships with the best this universe has to offer. I have asari, turian, krogan, quarian, salarian, and human advisors and they have wisdom the Council can never offer, because the Council has never been across the galaxy fighting—struggling every day. And they are—all of them—irreplaceable.

"I don't need an army. I didn't need an army to take down Saren and I didn't need an army to stop the Collectors. I have my team. I don't need anything else. I don't need a rank; my rank killed nothing. I don't need a title; Spectre resolved nothing. They were meaningless in the end—titles with imaginary significance. The real power behind Shepard is her team."

"Shepard," Kaidan whispered. He wanted to tell her it was so much more than that; he wanted to tell her that only she could've united them. Without her, the crew would fall apart—just like it did two years before. He wanted to tell her those things, but he knew she wouldn't believe it, and that was part of the reason he loved her so much.

"I am missing a key member of my team, though," she said hesitantly. "So I'll say it again… I could use a good man in my crew, Kaidan."

He tried not to smile but it happened anyway. He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"And I," she whispered against his lips. "I could use you."

Kaidan kissed her fully and she returned it with equal fervor. He'd made the mistake of rejecting her invitation once; he wouldn't do it again.

/

Joker was deep in a frown when he heard Shepard's voice come back over the comm. system. When he made it down to the engine room, he crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his gaze on the crowd.

"You wanna give the commander some privacy? Cause I'm not gonna be the one whose balls she chops off when she finds out you were eavesdropping," he announced. Some laughed, some frowned, and others looked terrified.

Tali pulled the plug.

"Sorry, Joker," she said quietly, but he could hear the smile in her voice.

"I guess that means I lost my sparring match," Grunt muttered. Miranda swung her hips around and started toward the elevator.

"The Commander is going to be… busy for awhile," she said with a slight grin. "We have a lot of work to do in the mean time. Let's… give her space."

This time, they didn't go off to their tasks begrudgingly. They were all smiling—some of them on the outside and others in their hearts. Not one of them had ever been so proud to be on Normandy as they were then.

Joker waited for the engine room to clear of everyone who didn't belong there before he pushed off of the wall and made his way back to the cockpit. Part of him was pumping with private joy over what Shepard had said, even though she had truly complimented him the night before. Those words had been meant for him—only for him. So, naturally, the other part of him wanted to hold her again, and for her to be held only by him.

He ignored that other part of him. There was no point thinking otherwise, because she was already being held by someone else.

/

Kaidan's hotel door whirred open and he backed Shepard through it. They were locked together in hot kisses and an embrace only broken to yank and pull their clothes off. He easily lifted the t-shirt over her head and dropped it to the ground. Her fingers eagerly fumbled at his belt then tugged his shirt from the tuck.

They nearly fell over the couch in their blind stumbling but were too preoccupied to laugh about it.

"I missed you," he whispered against her lips. Her tongue met his in another hot kiss. "I missed you so much."

She pulled his shirt over his head and met his mouth again. Her hands splayed on his chest and her fingers sought his flexing abdomen, tangled in his chest hair, gently clawed at his shoulders. A moan rose out of her throat.

"I missed you, too," she breathed between kisses.

Kaidan pulled her into him by the small of her back then dropped his hand onto her rear and pulled her even closer. She moaned again, feeling how much he loved her pressing into her pelvis. Her mind was blank, filled up by him, and so her body had taken over. Their bare skin pressed together, hot and getting hotter. Her fingers combed through his hair, took fistfuls as she hungrily sought his mouth, his tongue.

The feel of her chest pressed against his and the way she held on to him—rough and desperate—made him swell with desire he wasn't sure he could contain.

"Oh God, Saia," he muttered without thought. He shoved her hips far enough away from him to get at her zipper and pushed her pants down where they dropped to her ankles. She stepped out of them and out of his reach. It was then that he noticed what he'd left her wearing and, as she dropped onto the bed and seductively leaned back on her elbows, he felt an entirely new level of lust in his groin.

Shepard wore nothing but panties and combat boots.

"Mind giving me a hand with these laces?" she asked, one slender brow slightly quirked. He took off his pants and kicked out of his shoes.

"Leave 'em on," he replied as he sunk into her.

He enveloped her body in his arms and his mouth made love to hers. His body instinctively grinded against hers until the flimsy piece of cloth between them was soaked and see-through. Kaidan left a trail of kisses down her tender throat and across her chest and swelling breasts. His tongue flicked at her sensitive skin, across the curves of her abdomen and the flexing muscles in her stomach, sinking lower and lower as he worked her underwear off of her. Her sighs and breathy whimpers encouraged him.

Shepard nudged his shoulders, hinting that he should return to her. He slid back up the length of her body and found her mouth eagerly seeking his.

"Kaidan," she muttered, and he recognized her pitch was actively seeking his attention.

"Yes?" he answered in a husky breath. He met her gaze and forced his body to quiet while she spoke.

"I never told you… I should have." She swallowed hard. "Kaidan, I love you."

Her confession seemed to shift their pace to something softer, slower, affectionate. He gently stroked the side of her face; his thumb traced her bottom lip. Suddenly, he knew he had to do more than whatever it was they had started to do—more passionate than sex but too lustful to be considered making love.

"I love you, too," he whispered. When he kissed her again, it was deep and meaningful in a way that sang of a prelude to Ilos. Now, they would have more than a single memory as proof of their love. "I love you so much…"

He bent into her and inhaled her very presence. Shepard's fingertips played along the lines in his neck and her palms rubbed against the stubble on his jaw. They sank into the soft sheets when he sank into her, and became tangled up in the fire of their love.

/

The room was dark and quiet. Kaidan was propped up onto the pillows and listened to the gentle breathing of the sleeping woman next to him. He couldn't sleep—not when he was finally at peace. He couldn't stop watching her, thinking to himself how beautiful she was. He stroked the picture of her between his thumb and index finger, but his eyes never looked at it.

"I don't need this anymore," he whispered to her and dropped the photograph onto the floor. "I don't need a memory, because I promise you… I promise I will never leave you again."

He slipped into the covered and snuggled against her. His lips found her forehead.

"Never."