Pranksterz
By: Pretty Nacho
AN:/ ….Yeah, I really have no excuse.
I do not own Harry Potter or Naruto.
Zetsu and Madara both whimpered as they glanced around, they were by the hut that Zetsu had first appeared in and were both trapped in some type of indestructible cage. Zetsu grabbed onto the bars and glanced out sullenly. The big man had captured them with the butterfly net. The man was currently staring at them with wide eyes with a piece of paper and a feather. He felt horrible, and was pretty sure that Madara had gone over the deep end already.
Madara was stuffing some type of food into his mouth (by putting it under his mask) and held some out to Zetsu.
"C'moonnn Zetty-chan, it ain't too baaaad!" Madara giggled out, rocking back and forth. Zetsu grimaced at the food and turned around.
"Hm, Specimen two seems to respon' well to cooked cow innards." The man made a few marks on his paper. He then leaned forward and peered at Zetsu, who cowered in the far corner of the large cage.
"I kno' I can ha' the four' years take a look a' ya!" The man seemed to be satisfied with his own answer before lumbering back into the hut. As soon as the door slammed shut Zetsu whipped around and grabbed Madara by the shoulders.
"NOW'S OUR CHANCE, LET US ESCAPE BEFORE HE DECIDES TO COOK OUR INNARDS!" Zetsu had long ago figured out that while he could understand the man, he didn't seem to be able to understand them.
"But Zetty-chan this is shoooo gud!" Madara fell back and chuckled insanely while rolling around.
Zetsu tossed his head back and screamed.
"NOOOOOOOOO!"
…
Naruto hadn't seen much of Lee lately, and she didn't bother calling him for help as she could perfectly handle herself, but still she seldom saw him anymore and was a bit worried. Well…until that morning that is.
"GOOD MORNING YOUTHFUL HOGWARTS STUDENTS!" A very familiar voice shouted out, kicking in the door. Lee stood there smugly in all of his glorious green spandex-ness. Naruto grinned at him. Then a girl jumped out from behind him, wearing a silver spandex suit similar to Lee's. Only she had this large earrings and this odd necklace. She soon realized that this was the same girl she had seen Lee with at the other schools' arrival only a few days prior.
"YES, MAY THE BRIGHTNESS OF YOUR YOUTH PROTECT YOU FROM NARGLES!" The girl held up a fist while tears streamed down her pretty face. Lee looked at her while similar tears ran down his face.
"LUNA MY LOVE, YOUR YOUTH IS A SHINING LIGHT IN A SEA OF DARKNESS!" Lee opened his arms wide for a hug. The girl happily embraced him and everyone's mouths dropped open in shock when a beautiful sunset background appeared behind them.
"LUNA!"
"LEE!"
"LUNA!"
"LEE!"
"NARUTO!" Naruto cried, flinging both her arms around the two energetic people. The three embraced all crying tears of (supposed) joy. Everyone watched in surprised silence. Then finally, to the relief of most of the people in the Great Hall, the trio burst apart. Naruto's mouth dropped open, however, when Luna tugged Lee into a rather passionate kiss. Naruto coughed, a bit embarrassed about being so close to the couple that looked about ready to get 'youthful' all over the place. She was saved however when the Durmstrang champion- Viktor Krum- came running into the Great Hall screaming.
"VAT HAPPEN TO MY EYEVROW?"
Naruto grinned as people stifled laughs at the sight of Viktor Krum without any eyebrows, which once made him look rather serious. Now he had a permanent shocked expression on his face. "Wait for it…" Naruto thought in delight, her brilliant prank unfolding right before her eyes.
"I am soo bored." Naruto complained as she strode out of the common room. She thought about all the shit that had been going on lately. Ron was ignoring her, so she needed a way to get his attention to find out what was wrong. She thought about this 'Triwizard Tournament' and why Kyuubi wanted her to so desperately compete in it, without telling her anything. She also thought about the other champions. They didn't seem like much competition, but then again, she had been told to never underestimate anyone. She giggled at the uppity Fleur Delacour and at the so serious looking Viktor Krum. Suddenly, Naruto had an idea.
Viktor Krum spun around, looking for the culprit, to his dismay though; it just made everyone in the Great Hall burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Written on the back of his robes was in bright red and gold.
'I LOVE RON WEASLEY'
She caught Ron's eye, conveying a simple message. You're welcome. Naruto was saddened however when Ron just snorted and spun around. What was up with him lately? He refused to talk to her most of the time and glared at her constantly. She stared at him, knowing she'd have to ask around to find out what was wrong.
However, suddenly breakfast was over and it was time for Potions. She gathered the things required and bounded into the Potions room (early of course, she is the model Potions student). The other children trickled in slowly, almost hesitantly. Naruto didn't really get why, Professor Snape was tolerable, and even if he was a bit cranky at times he was still the only sane teacher in the damned school.
However, halfway through Professor Snape's lecture a small mousy-like boy peeked into the room and coughed rather delicately. Snape turned to level a terrifying, pant-shitting glare at him. The boy gulped audibly.
"Um, Miss Uzumaki needs to come with me for the weighing of the wands." He spoke softly. Snape turned towards Naruto and nodded his head before continuing with his lecture. Naruto stood up from her seat besides Hermione, put her materials away, and walked uncertainly towards the small boy. The boy smiled up at her. And then suddenly Naruto was shoved into a room with the other champions and an old man.
The man examined the other's wands before coming upon her. She pulled out her own wand and handed it over to him. He held it in his hand and examined it. After a few minutes his eyes sparkled in curiosity before pointing the wand and shouting a spell that made pretty silver sparks come from her wand. He handed it back to her.
"It's in perfect condition Miss Uzumaki." Naruto nodded at the man, vaguely thinking that this man's sparkly eyes creepily reminded her of Dumbledore.
Naruto was about to turn around and leave when they were crowded together for some 'photos'. A woman in hideous feathered green robes with bright red lipstick and flyaway platinum blonde hair, who said her name was Rita Skeeter, took the pictures with a rather odd camera that had purple smoke fly out of it after a picture was taken. After being posed in several stupid generic poses the woman strutted in front of them and then turned a predatory gaze towards Naruto.
"I'd like to have a word with the fourth champion." Rita said in a crisp voice, she gestured for Naruto to follow her into a different room. Upon entering the room Naruto found that it was not a room but a small broom closet with two chairs set up in it.
"This is a broom closet." She stated bluntly. Rita blinked.
"Yes, isn't it rather cozy?" She sat down in a wooden chair and Naruto did the same.
"So Naruto, tell me about yourself, not only are you a mysterious transfer student, whom Hogwarts rarely accepts, but you have also found yourself in the Triwizard Tournament. Who is Naruto Uzumaki?"
Naruto fiddled around in her seat, "There's nothing really special about me…" She trailed off; Rita scrutinized her behind her bejeweled spectacles.
"Hmm.." She hummed and then suddenly, a floating quill that Naruto had not noticed before began to scribble down notes on a pad of paper. Deciding to ignore it she turned back to the Rita-woman who made her feel like running out of the room in terror.
"What about your parents?" Rita asked.
"I don't have any." Naruto replied, eyes still downcast, she felt that if she looked this woman in the eye she'd burst into flames. Rita however, was delighted by her answer.
"Really? Did they die? Was it…You Know Who?"
Naruto shrugged, she wasn't about to tell this woman about her father (whom she recently met…in her stomach, talk about awkward) so she replied, "I don't know, I've been an orphan since birth, I don't have any memories, photos, or even stories about my parents. I have no idea what happened to them, I don't know if they died, or if they just didn't want me."
"Oh you poor child!" Rita said patting her arm as the quill scribbled down notes furiously. "So tell me, how exactly did you enter your name into the cup?" This Naruto had no answer to so once again she shrugged.
"I really have no idea, Rita, I mean; I honestly thought an older student decided to play a prank on me." An idea entered her mind and she turned her puppy-dog eyes on full blast at the woman, "They don't like me much, they're always picking on me." Upon this Naruto burst into fake tears, before wiping them away, "Oh I'm so sorry, I'm such a mess."
"No problem deary." Rita said patting her arm once more, sympathy written all over her face.
"You are such a good liar, young Padawan."
"Shut up, I have to do this, don't you get any ideas about me being your 'long lost heir to evil and destruction', stupid fox."
"That is a perfectly plausible theory!"
"I believe we're finished. Can you please go out and ask for Viktor to come in please, deary?" Rita said smiling at her.
Naruto nodded, and walked out of the room and told Viktor (who had apparently gotten his eyebrows back for they were as serious as ever) that the reporter wanted to ask him some questions. Viktor sighed and strode towards the room.
"I swear, I should've just used my puppy-dog eyes on Pein, it would've saved me lots of trouble." Naruto thought. She sighed as she sat down by Cedric.
"This is rather time-consuming, isn't it?" Naruto said, setting her head on Cedric's shoulder. Cedric's mouth twitched into a smile.
"It's only been five minutes since you walked in there, you know."
Naruto sighed even more dramatically, "Really? It felt like eternity…" She glanced over at Dumbledore, who had been standing there throughout the whole ordeal (odd she hadn't noticed him before...), twinkling creepily. "Maa, old man, may I go back to class now?" Dumbledore nodded at her briefly and Naruto immediately jumped up and dashed out the door. However, while running towards out of the interview room, Naruto had the weirdest urge to go pee. She immediately spun around in a wild pee-pee dance before she saw a door marked Girl's Lavatory. Sighing in relief she yanked the door open and dashed into a stall.
However, after she was through with her, erm, "business" she noticed that the restroom was strangely empty. There were always students hiding in restrooms, trying to skip a class they dread, or doing some type of mischief.
"Hello?" She called, cupping her hands to her face, "Anyone there?" After waiting for a minute and hearing no reply she turned around and was about to walk out of the restroom when she heard a forlorn moan.
"Whyyyy doesss everyone ruuuunnn from meeee?" Suddenly a transparent figure floated out from a toiled. "Whyyyy?"
Naruto squirmed; even though she had spend the last two months here ghosts (especially frightening ones like Binns) still made her nervous. "I'm not running! So, uh, what's your name?"
The ghost-girl looked at her disdainfully, "Sooo you're hear to make fuuun of mee theennn." The girl let out a high pitched wail.
"No! No! I'm honestly curious!"
"They call mee Moaning Myrtle." The girl then moaned loudly as if to prove everyone's point. And then before Naruto could get a word in edgewise the girl let out another screech before sobbing and flying into the toilet.
"Uhh, I love your choice of living, Myrtle; I hear all the cool ghosts live in the sewage now-a-days…" Naruto trailed off before looking around awkwardly and dashing out of the bathroom.
When she finally made her way back to Potions everyone was already putting all of their materials away. She groaned and plodded over to Hermione.
"That was horrible." Naruto hissed out as she waited for Hermione to finish putting everything away. Hermione finished moments later and turned to her.
"How was it horrible?" She asked, eyes glittering with curiosity.
"Well first there was this old guy who 'weighed' our wands. And then we had to take pictures, Mione, and and and then this creepy woman named Rita Skeeter was all like, "WHO IS THE REAL NARUTO UZUMAKI." And I had no idea what to do, and then when I was released I had to go pee so I dashed into the nearest restroom and there was a ghost who cried a lot and lived in a toilet!" Naruto whined as they stomped their way to Care of Magical Creatures. "Then to top it all off, Ron is being a butt face and is refusing to talk to me for no reason!"
"Well Naruto, Ron will get over his immaturity eventually don't sweat it." Hermione said nodding as they closed in on Hagrid's hut. After waiting for everyone to finally arrive at class Hagrid walked out.
"Today we ha' a special treat fer ya! I recently caught two unidentified creatures and you'll be helping me test them!" Hagrid bustled over to the side of his hut where he pushed a large cage over to them.
Zetsu had fallen asleep in his misery but was now nudged awake by Madara.
"Zetty-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan wake up we has visitorrrrrsss!" Zetsu blinked awake only to see the Kyuubi jinchuuriki staring at them in amusement, pity, and wariness…although it was mostly amusement.
Naruto grinned as an idea popped into her head.
"OH MY! You have caught two rare…Zetdaras!" Naruto exclaimed in wonder, grinning at Zetsu who was staring at her cautiously. Hagrid blinked at her.
"You mean to say you know this type of creature?"
"Oh yeah, they're very rare, very very rare, in fact there's only…forty left in existence, usually they're only found where I live, so…" Naruto trailed off.
"Teach us more." Hagrid exclaimed and suddenly everyone in the class was paying attention to her. Naruto smirked; it was time for some sweet, sweet revenge.
"Well first off they live in only the finest dragon dung, they also eat practically any type of organs, although they prefer them raw, it has been known that they will eat them cooked if they're hungry enough." Then Naruto pointed to Zetsu who was glaring at her full on now, "That is the female, she is particularly finicky and quite moody, the male however," she now pointed to Madara, "is far more agreeable."
"How do they mate? I want to help the population!"
"Well…" Naruto summoned two dolls that looked suspiciously like Madara and Zetsu, "They mate kind of like this…" She trailed off as she twisted the dolls around.
"THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Zetsu screamed at the position the two dolls were now in.
Naruto snickered in her head as she went on, "These creatures are so rare because the females have a hard time conceiving a child. One may have to mate the two creatures many, many, many times." Naruto turned her head around 180 degrees to grin at Zetsu who was twitching in horror.
"Zetty-chan, Ilovethyou." Madara said throwing himself on the plant-man.
Zetsu sobbed softly as everyone paid rapt attention to the lie-spreading jinchuuriki.
…
Voldemort sat in his chair while unfurling a small piece of parchment. His loyal servant had once again given him an update by owl. After waving the owl away (no he didn't have any god damned owl treats!) his eyes scanned the page.
Hey Voldie, like everything's alright, y'know? I mean nothing's really changed. But like, two more people have like, entered Hogwarts by like suspicious means. They are totally like being held by like Hagrid like. Ugh, like totally Voldie, the students are like total idiots. They like actually believe that the two are some type of mystical creatures that like Hagrid found. And like the Naruto kid isn't making it any better. I think that those two could help me if I could just like get them out of the clutches of the big one, totally. And like, the kids totally think that I can't like hear them when they make fun of me. Or like, I can't see who threw that spitball at me. Like, what do they take me for? But I don't like care; I'm not here to make friends. Tch, like, yeah, whatever, writes to you later.
-Your like totally faithful servant like yeah.
So his like totally faithful servant like yeah thought that the two could be a great help to his cause? Getting Wormtail to prepare to write his reply back he thought about what he should say, finally he began to speak (causing Wormtail to write).
Oh my gosh, like if you totally think that like, they could be like a help to us then you should like, totally free them and stuff like. And then you could like, totally like convert them to our side. Free them from the like half giant and like I dunno, do stuff like and then like send them to me like, so I can like use them at my disposal like. So yeah, I know the students are like mean and stuff, I can like totally kill them once I'm like gorgeous ruler of the world. So like, don't worry, like you'll like get your revenge.
-Like the most awesomest ruler ever like
…
So yeah, let the pelting of the rocks begin?
BUT THIS CHAPTER WAS 3000 WORDS! THAT'S 1000 MORE THAN AVERAGE!
C:
AND AS PAYMENT I'LL HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER OUT BY NEXT WEEK….ISH I PROMISE.
-Nacho
