AN: This is a long chapter, one I think you guys will like. Read & review please.
Chapter 10 - Olivia and Brian
As Olivia nods off, Elliot tries to bring his attention back to the television. However, it's difficult for him to concentrate for a couple of reasons. The first is that he's beginning to feel pretty tired himself. It would have been nice to lay back and nap with Olivia. Her body is pressed against his; her head on his chest, her arm wrapped around his midsection. The warmth makes him feel even sleepier. He'd nearly forgotten how exhausting it could be to run around after a toddler, and he'd only done it for a few hours. Olivia was doing it full time, in addition to a million other things. No wonder she'd fallen asleep so quickly.
So, even though he was tired, he didn't let himself fall asleep. He wanted to be awake when Grace woke up, so that Olivia could continue to sleep. She deserved that, he thought.
The second reason that Elliot couldn't focus on the television was the brunette snoring lightly on his chest. His brain was overrun by thoughts of her; of how natural it felt to sit with her like this, of how much he liked her, of how badly he wanted to be with her. These thoughts tugged at his heart, especially now, as she was so close. He wished, sometimes, that he had never set her up with Brian. He wished that he had asked her out that afternoon at his birthday party instead. He hadn't completely known then, exactly how much he liked her, but he'd at least had an idea. How hard would it have been really, to just ask her out? There hadn't been anything to be afraid of. The worst Olivia could have done was say no.
Would she have said no?
When he had asked earlier in the park, mostly jokingly, but also out of his own curiosity, if she had ever thought about going out on a date with him, her answer had been an unequivocal no. Elliot thought she might have been fibbing. But he also didn't want his own opinions to get in the way of his judgment. About the only thing that he was sure of was that he did not want to ruin the relationship he and Olivia had right now. He didn't want to push her too hard. And while he hadn't been completely frank about his feelings thus far, he hadn't been all that secretive either. Olivia hadn't done anything to make it seem like his affections were returned, at least not in that way. Elliot was not going to be one of those guys that could not take no for an answer. Those guys that forced their unrequited love onto females were the same ones that abused them, that sent them to SVU seeking help. There was no way in hell he was going to be one of those guys. He wasn't one of those guys, really. It was just that being around Olivia sent his normally well-performing brain into a tailspin. He was usually a very self-assured person, but right now, he wasn't sure of much.
So, he sighs to himself as he sits there on the couch, looking at the television, but not really watching. He had told himself before that he was going to have to let go of this crush, or whatever it was. But that was different. At first, he'd told himself to let go because Olivia was seeing someone else. Now he needed to let go because he didn't want to drive her away. She deserved a good friend, one that was content with being just friends, if that's what she wanted. She deserved that just like she deserved the nap she was taking right now.
Elliot runs a hand through her hair absent-mindedly. Olivia hums and moves a bit closer, her grip on Elliot tightening. He takes a slow breath and tries to clear his head. He's made his decision now, he's going to have to stick to it. So, he tries to pull his mind away from Olivia and the smell of her perfume that he liked so much and focus on the television instead.
After around an hour of mindless channel surfing, Elliot hears Grace stirring in the twins' bedroom. It takes him a minute or two to wiggle out from under Olivia, who eventually sighs in dissatisfaction when he breaks contact, and then he heads out of the living room into the first bedroom on the right.
Grace is sitting up in bed when Elliot steps in. She smiles when she sees him, reaching out to be picked up.
"Hey, sleepyhead," he says, lifting her into his arms. She giggles, reaching out to bop his nose. Elliot has seen Olivia do this to Grace, and so he bops her nose back gently, making her giggle again. "You're in a better mood."
He walks with Grace into the kitchen, moving her to his hip as he looks around for Olivia's diaper bag. After he spots it, he searches around for a few moments before pulling out a bag of cereal Olivia had packed. Grace had eaten at the park, but Elliot was sure she'd be hungry by now.
"Want a snack?" he asks, showing her the cereal. Grace bobs her head appreciatively.
"Yes," she says. After Elliot sits down with her in his lap and hands her a piece of cereal, she adds, in her small voice: "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Elliot muses, holding her steady as she munches. He watches as she eats carefully, feeding herself eventually. After she starts this, Elliot begins fixing one of the bows in her hair that had fallen loose while she was on the playground. He glances at the window. It had started to rain.
"Dadada," Grace murmurs through a bite of cereal. Elliot smiles a bit to himself. He had known earlier on the playground that Grace's nickname for him didn't really mean anything. It was just part of her learning to talk. But he had liked it anyways. Maybe it had just been that he missed having a baby around the house. The twins would be 10 in February. That wasn't so old, but it did feel like they were growing up on fast-forward. Maureen would be in college next year. Kathleen was going to high school. He remembered when each one of them had been born, every birthday party, all of it.
Elliot makes one last adjustment to Grace's bow, then drops his hands to observe his work. He had never been great with hair. That was Kathy's department. Olivia however, seemed to be a bit of a wizard. Grace didn't have much hair, but Olivia managed to put in in ponytails, clips, bows, all of that. He had said it a million times, and it remained true: she was a really good mom. She was a really good person, all together, in fact.
Grace tugs on the collar of his shirt, getting his attention. She's finished her cereal now.
"Rolie," she says softly.
"What was that?" Elliot asks, grabbing the empty cereal bag. He stands with Grace and goes to toss the bag in the trash.
"Rolie polie," she repeats, making an effort to be clear, Elliot can tell. He racks his brain. This sounds familiar, and after a second, he gets it.
"The TV show?" he asks. "You want to watch Rolie Polie?"
"Rolie Polie Olie," Grace confirms, looking pleased. "Please."
"Of course," Elliot says, smiling. "Such good manners."
He walks into the living room, where Olivia is still asleep on the couch. He sits on the loveseat so that he and Grace don't crowd her and grabs the remote. Luckily, Rolie Polie Olie is on.
Elliot makes sure to keep the TV low so that it doesn't wake Olivia up, but after just a few minutes, Grace is wiggling out of his lap and toddling over to Olivia. It's not often that she's awake and her mother is asleep, so this is new territory for her. Tentatively, she reaches out, and before Elliot notices, she pokes her mother in the eye.
"Ah," Olivia says, jumping awake and raising her hand to her face. Elliot stands up quickly and swoops Grace up apologetically.
"Grace," he chides. "We were giving your mom a break." He glances at Olivia, who is rubbing her eye and offers a sheepish grin. "Or trying to, at least. Sorry."
"No, no, it's okay," Olivia says, sleep still in her voice. She blinks and sits up. Grace wiggles down again and goes over to climb into her lap, pressing a sloppy "I'm sorry" kiss to Olivia's cheek. This makes Olivia and Elliot both chuckle. "I told you to wake me up when she got up anyway."
"You seemed tired," Elliot says, moving to sit on the couch now. Grace makes herself comfortable in between them. Now that both adults are awake, she can go back to her show. Olivia smiles down at her daughter, then at Elliot. She readjusts and leans her head on his shoulder, making herself comfortable. This, for some reason, makes Elliot's heart race.
"Well, thank you for the break," Olivia muses. Elliot doesn't respond immediately. It had been all of 2 minutes since Olivia had woken up, and he was already rethinking the logic of stepping back from his feelings for her. This was going to be hard for him.
"Yeah, sure," he says, a little awkwardly, scooting away. "Do you feel more rested?"
Olivia has to raise her head, as Elliot has made his way to the other end of the couch now. She cocks her head, looking at him. He was being odd.
"I do," she says. And then the room falls quiet, except for Grace's soft babbling. This isn't the good kind of quiet like they had sat in earlier. That was quiet that came with being with someone who understood you so well that you didn't have to fill up all of your time together with words. This was an awkward quiet, accompanied by an Elliot that wouldn't meet her gaze.
Had she done something wrong? She thinks back over the events of the day; the supermarket, the park. She'd joked with him when he'd asked if she'd ever thought about going out with him. Had her answer been too harsh? What time was it; had she just overstayed her welcome?
"So, um," she begins, trying to coax Elliot into looking back at her. "How long was I out?" Elliot glances down at his watch briefly, and then finally, looks back at her, shrugging his shoulders.
"Not too long. It's almost 4."
"Almost 4?" Olivia asks, surprised. That was later than she'd thought it was. That must have been what was wrong. They'd taken up Elliot's entire Saturday. She begins to stand, shaking her head. "I didn't know it was so late. We should probably get going."
"Are you sure?" Elliot asks. Eventually, he stands as well. He hadn't really wanted her to go. "You know you're welcome to stay for as long as you'd like."
"No, I'm sorry," Olivia says. "We took your entire Saturday." On the couch, Grace reaches for Elliot to pick her up, not wanting to be left behind. Elliot carries her into the kitchen, following Olivia, who has grabbed her jacket and bag. He'd gone and messed up now. He hadn't meant to be so cold that she felt she had to leave. He really was awful at making decisions when it came to things regarding Olivia. Maybe he'd made the wrong one.
"It's really okay," Elliot insists, finding Grace's jacket and setting her down to zip her up in it. After that's done, he lifts her again. "Well, at least let me walk you back to your car. It's raining outside. You'll need another jacket, hold on."
He doesn't really give Olivia an opportunity to say 'no' so she waits while Elliot grabs his jacket, keys, and an umbrella, as well as an extra raincoat that she puts on, and then they head downstairs and outside together. The walk to her car is a quick one, but it's still filled with that silence that she hates so much. Grace clings to Elliot's chest as they walk. Olivia's going to have a time trying to get her in the car.
Thankfully, Grace doesn't protest too much when Elliot puts her in her car seat. She lets him buckle her up and close the door without a fight. In his head, Elliot is still trying to figure out if he had made the right decision. This doesn't feel right, not to him anyway. And Olivia doesn't appear to be enjoying the awkward air either. Maybe he had given up too fast, maybe something had been developing and he'd just panicked prematurely. He'd have to ask to be sure. He needed to be absolutely sure.
"Hey, Liv," he says, right after shutting the car door. Olivia glances back at him, about to climb into the driver's seat. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Ah," Olivia says, glancing back at Grace. She's nervous, for some reason. She shouldn't be. This is just Elliot. "Sure. I mean, we have about 30 seconds before Grace realizes you aren't coming with us, but sure."
She steps away from the car, standing on the sidewalk under the umbrella, facing Elliot. His eyes run over her face carefully. He needs to ask something, but he can't find the words, doesn't know how to. He's chickening out; it feels like he's made a huge deal out of absolutely nothing.
"I just…" He begins because he has to say something. "I just had a really good time with you. We should hang out more."
"Oh," Olivia says. She sounds relieved, almost. "Well, I had a good time too. It was fun. Next time we go to the park, I'll call you."
"That's great," Elliot says, smiling gently. Some of the tension eases up, but Olivia still feels awfully nervous. And still, she can't figure out why, at least until the words come rolling out of her mouth.
"You know, earlier, at the park, I wasn't being completely honest," she admits. She doesn't know why she's choosing to come clean, but Elliot is watching her now, interested. "I might have thought about going out on a date with you, you know, just once or twice."
"Oh?" Elliot asks. His smile has turned into a grin, he can feel it, but he doesn't even care.
"Yeah," Olivia says. Her cheeks are flushing. "I mean, it makes sense. Because you are, you know, extremely, attractive."
"Really?" Elliot says, gaining back confidence at a rapid speed. "I mean, just to clarify, you're saying that I'm attractive to you, specifically?" Olivia scoffs, but she's smiling now, at least a little.
"Yes," she says, rolling her eyes a bit. "That's what I said."
"Huh," Elliot says, grinning still. "I didn't know that."
Olivia chuckles, brushing her hair out of her face and smiling at Elliot shyly. She does feel a lot better after having got that off of her chest.
They stand there for just a moment, smiling at each other until Grace lets out a whine.
"Uh oh," Olivia says. "That's my cue. I better go."
"Right," Elliot says. Another small pause. Then he pulls her into a quick hug. He kisses her temple again, just briefly, but Olivia gets goosebumps on her upper arms anyways. God, she was pathetic.
"I'll call you," she says, smiling as she climbs back into the car. "Next time we go to the park, I promise."
"You better," Elliot says. This is corny enough to make Olivia roll her eyes again but sweet enough to make her laugh softly. Elliot shuts her door, and after a second, she pulls off.
He feels much better than he had an hour ago now. He was still confused. Olivia always had that effect on him. But he knew, at least, that he didn't need to give up quite yet.
•
Olivia is confused as well. She's confused about Elliot and about the nature of their relationship. As much as she had tried to deny it, it was becoming more obvious that there was something between them. She knew, at least, that she felt something for him. She was attracted to him like he had said. And of course, she had thought about dating him, more than once or twice; almost constantly over the past couple of weeks, in fact. She still didn't know what do about that. She still didn't know if they could work, or if it would be too much of a gamble, or if they'd just break up immediately and wreck a handful of relationships in the process. But even with all of these worries, she still finds herself thinking about Elliot Stabler much more often than she should if they really are just friends.
Then there's Brian. It doesn't feel right to continue to see him if she was thinking about Elliot in the way she was. And she knew that he didn't make her feel the same way Elliot did. They weren't as comfortable with each other. They didn't fit as well. That led her to believe that she should break things off with him before they went any further.
However, there was also a nagging voice in the back of her head that told her that she should stay with Brian. He had shown interest in her, definite and clear interest. He was willing to be with her and she knew that for a fact. They had something, whether it was exactly like what she had with Elliot or not. She didn't want to throw that away and end up…well, alone. Olivia had been alone for a large portion of her life. From about 4 to 16 she felt like she was the only person in the world in her situation. And then she had dated Jonathan and married him, and although she wasn't technically on her own anymore, it still felt kind of like she was, at least in some ways. But Jonathan had been there to remind her that if it wasn't for him, she'd have been completely and totally alone in the world, and stupidly, she had believed that being with him was better than being on her own.
"Listen to me," he said, snatching her arm as soon as they stepped into their apartment. She was 18 and had just graduated high school, but the feeling of joy was fast-fleeting as she watched Jonathan glare at her, angry because she had been too chatty with one of her friends at dinner. "You're not allowed to see them anymore. Any of them. Do you understand?"
Olivia winces. His grip on her arm has tightened. He hadn't shouted like this at her before. He notices her expression and let's go, quickly apologizing. His face softens.
"I'm sorry," he says, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Livvie, listen to me, I'm sorry. It's just that you and I both know there's no one out there for you but me."
That had been drilled into her head for so long that she believed it for a long time, even after Jonathan died. There was no one else out there for her. They were meant to be, and no one else would love her, not like he did.
Funnily, Serena Benson had instilled the same sort of fear into Olivia. It was one of the reasons why she had wanted to escape so badly.
"I said yes," Olivia said. She holds up her left hand, showing her mother the diamond on her ring finger. Serena Benson, standing on the other side of the room, separated from Olivia only by the couch, laughs. There's a shattered bottle of vodka at her feet. Carefully, she leans down and picks up a piece. Olivia's eyes don't leave her.
"You'll give it back."
"I won't."
"You will!" Serena says, her voice raising. She raises the glass in her hand. A threat. Olivia's eyebrows knit for just a second. She's trying to figure out if her mother is bluffing. She had screamed at her plenty of times. She'd slapped Olivia just as many times, shoved her, shook her, but never hurt her seriously, not enough for anyone else to notice, at least. But she's drunk now – maybe even more than usual – and there is murder in her eyes. She'd do it, Olivia realizes. Her mother would kill her, and she wouldn't even feel an ounce of guilt, not in her current state.
Olivia takes a half step back, her heart racing. Serena smiles, edging around the couch, shuffling on uneven feet.
"I'll get him kicked out of school," she says. "I'll tell them he's in a relationship with a minor. You're only 15—"
"I'm 16," Olivia corrects. Her voice is still as steady as it always was. This had always annoyed Serena, and so their arguments usually involved calm words combating screamed ones. Her mother rolls her eyes now and nearly trips over another empty bottle. Olivia takes a breath and continues. "And I'm moving out. You can't stop me."
"Like hell, I can't," Serena says, making a quick movement towards Olivia. Olivia's heart is thumping, thumping, there's blood in her ears, murder in her mother's eyes. Olivia hates her, she really does, with every ounce of her being. She moves out of her mother's immediate path, but Serena just sneers and raises the hand holding the glass.
"I'll never let anyone else have you!" she screams, leaping at Olivia. Before Olivia can even think, even realize what she's doing, she's kicking her mother, hard. Serena goes flying into a wall, banging her head. And then Olivia is kicking her over and over, tears running down her face. It feels so good. She hates her, hates her so much. Someone is screaming; screaming and howling, taking large gasping breaths through tears. It's not her though; it can't be Olivia because she's not hurting. No, she's flying. She's full of pride, of victory. She'd just won a fight with her mother for the first time. She strolls out of the apartment after her mother finally lies quiet, an invisible laurel wreath resting on her head.
It was almost funny, that every time she had felt the loneliest, she had really been trapped. How could that be? How was it that when you were with someone, but the wrong person, it felt just as bad as being completely alone?
She's overthinking; not making sense. That happens sometimes, on the rare occasion that she's alone with her thoughts, as she was now, lying in bed late at night. Her original dilemma had been whether or not to continue things with Brian. She was no closer to having an answer than she had been when she started thinking about all this.
Maybe she could go on one more date with him. Listen to her gut and make a decision afterward. It wasn't an amazing idea, but it was all she had.
So, sighing and closing her eyes, she decided that was the plan she'd go with.
•
It takes a little while for Olivia to find the time to go out with Brian again. They both have busy work schedules and she has her kids and everything, so it's about a week before they both have a free evening. Eventually, Olivia agrees to meet him at a nearby bar after he gets off of work, around 6. After Brian had suggested this, he'd gotten kind of nervous, she'd been able to tell through the phone.
"Is that okay?" he'd asked. "I mean, I know you don't drink, so we could go somewhere else…"
"It's fine," Olivia assured him. "I'll meet you there."
So, on Monday night, she leaves Luke and Grace with a sitter and meets Brian at the bar he'd specified. When she walks in though, she's surprised by what she sees.
She spots Brian first. But it's odd because he's not sitting at the bar, waiting for her. He's at a table with a small crowd of other people. As she gets closer, Olivia starts recognizing faces. She sees John and Fin, and then, of course, Elliot, grinning at her.
"El?" she questions. Brian glances at her a bit sideways and she looks back over at him, shaking her head. "Sorry, hi Brian. I wasn't expecting everyone else to be here."
"Me neither," he says, standing and pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. Elliot's eyes flick away. "You know, cop bars. You don't mind, do you? Wait, here, let me get you a chair."
"There's one right here," Elliot says, motioning to the empty chair next to him. Olivia sits and smiles at him gratefully, then nods at Brian.
"I don't mind at all," she says, even though her nerves are on alert. She had not expected Elliot to be here. Right now, she's sitting between him and John, with Brian next to Elliot. On the other side of John is Fin. Elliot taps her shoulder lightly, grinning at her.
"Hey," he says, looking happy to see her. "You want something to drink?"
"Hey," she says. "Just a Coke, please. I think we both know I wouldn't be able to handle much else."
"I'll grab that for you," Brian says, shooting his eyes at Elliot quickly before getting up.
"Thank you," Olivia says, before looking back around the table. She smiles at John and Fin, saying a quick hello before addressing Elliot. "So, is this your whole department?"
"Uh, almost," he says. "My boss isn't here – he doesn't drink. And my partner, uh doesn't really hang out with us after work." Fin snorts at this.
"Because you two can't stand to be around each other," he says, taking a sip of his drink. Elliot shrugs, brushing off Olivia's inquisitive gaze.
"We don't get along all that well," he explains. "I don't know. I guess I'm still trying to find the right partner."
"It seems like you would have found them by now," John jokes. "You've gone through about 8 in the past two years."
"Okay, okay," Elliot says, chuckling and sipping on his beer. "So maybe I'm not the easiest person to work with." Olivia stifles a chuckle and he glances over, nudging her. "What? You have something to add?"
"No, no," Olivia says, grinning. Brian returns to the table and passes her the coke she'd asked for. She says a quick thank you and is about to ask how his day had been, but then Elliot clears his throat and pinches the fabric of her jacket.
"Hey!" she protests.
"This is my jacket," Elliot says. "I gave this to you like two Saturdays ago. When we went to the park?"
Olivia glances down. She guesses it is his jacket. It had been rainy for the past week, and so she'd worn it almost every day. She'd completely forgotten that Elliot had loaned it to her.
"I'm sorry," Olivia says, chuckling and sipping on her drink. "Do you want it back?"
"No, I guess it's yours now," Elliot muses, shrugging. "I guess I'll just continue to get soaked every time it rains."
"I said sorry," Olivia says, shaking her head. "I just forgot, really. And it is a nice jacket…"
"I know," Elliot says. "I bought it." Olivia laughs, and he grins, eventually chuckling. Out of habit, his arm goes around the back of her chair. And almost as if she had been conditioned, Olivia turns and leans in toward him. Fin kicks at John's leg under the table, hitting Elliot by mistake.
"Hey!" Elliot protests, but his attention quickly returns to a still giggling Olivia. She's beginning to feel very glad that Elliot and Brian's other friends were here. It made things a lot less awkward. And, it had been established that Elliot did a good job of making her feel comfortable.
"Sorry, man," Fin mutters, but he nudges John, who looks up and flicks his eyes between Elliot and Olivia, and then a sore looking Brian. Then he looks back at Fin, who winks.
"So, Olivia," Brian says, raising his voice slightly to be heard. Elliot is murmuring something to Olivia and she slaps his chest lightly and looks up. "How've you been?"
"Good," Olivia says. "I mean, busy, with work and everything, and with Luke really. He's been talking about this science fair non-stop, even though it's not until spring. He says he doesn't want to do anything easy, you know like a solar system model – his words! – it's unbelievable. I think when I entered the science fair, all I did was make popsicles."
"I did this project with moldy bread, you know?" Elliot says before Brian manages to respond. "'How does food change over time?'"
"Well that's not terrible," Olivia says. Elliot grins.
"I thought of it the morning of the science fair," he says. "See, I'd forgotten that I was supposed to turn something in, so I just looked under my bed, and there it was – a seventh-place worthy science fair project." Olivia laughs, shaking her head slightly.
"Oh, gross," she says, through giggles. Fin's eyes flick over to Brian again, whose jaw has tightened slightly. Olivia, eventually, after the laughter peters out, deflects the conversation back to him.
"Well what about you, Brian?" she asks. "What was your science fair project?"
But before he can respond, someone new walks up the table, clearing her voice.
"Do you all have space for one more?" asks a tall blond wearing black glasses.
"Alex!" everyone says, sounding happy to see her. Olivia notices that Elliot hops up almost immediately.
"Hey, Alex," he says. "I'll pull you up a chair. I'm about to grab another beer, do you want to get a drink?"
"Sure," Alex says, and they step away from the table together, disappearing from sight in the dim bar. Olivia notices that she misses Elliot's company almost immediately, and then chides herself for this. This is supposed to be a date with Brian.
Brian. He's moved chairs, taking Elliot's seat.
"Hey," he says, smiling slightly. "Sorry about all that. You were talking about science, right?"
Olivia nods, but she doesn't really know what 'all that' is. She tries to listen to Brian anyway though, she really does, but she just can't focus on what he's saying. This is probably because Elliot has left, but she doesn't want that to be the reason. Who was Alex? He'd jumped up rather quickly to greet her. And it wasn't that she was jealous, really, it wasn't, it was just that she felt like she may have been a little quick to jump to the conclusion that there was something going on between her and Elliot. This made her stomach flop in a rather unpleasant way, and as Brian continues to talk, her mind drifts further and further.
Elliot, however, is at the bar, talking to Alex about Olivia.
"So technically, she's here with Brian, but, I mean, I want her to be with me," he says, a little nervously. He's playing with the beer in his hand, continuing as Alex listens, eyebrows raised. "I know that sounds kind of childish, but I think she likes me too. I can't tell for sure, though, and I'm nervous, and I don't want to be a bad friend or anything, but I know how it feels when I'm with her. Anyways, what do you think I should do?"
"What do I think you should do?" Alex asks, surprised. "I don't really know her."
"I need another opinion," Elliot explains. "The only person who knows that I 'like' her is Fin, and he's not really much help. So, yeah, what do you think I should do?"
"Well, I don't know…" Alex says, a bit flustered. She sips on her own drink. "Let me talk to her for a little while. Feel her out."
"Yeah, okay," Elliot says. "Okay, sure."
They head back to the table after this. Of course, Brian has managed to take Elliot's seat next to Olivia, and so, a bit grumpily, Elliot takes Brian's old seat. Alex manages to pull up a chair on the other side of Olivia.
"Hi," she says, making Olivia jump slightly. She holds out her hand for Olivia to shake. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm Alex Cabot, I'm the ADA for the Special Victims Unit,"
"Oh," Olivia says. She shakes Alex's hand, managing to smile. "I'm Olivia Benson, I'm Elliot's friend."
"Right," Alex says, shifting her eyes at Elliot briefly. Brian does not seem to like the title Olivia's given herself, and frowning a little, he wraps an arm around Olivia protectively and presses a kiss to her cheek.
"And Brian's date tonight," Olivia adds, offering him a tight-lipped smile. She doesn't like this. She doesn't like the possessive undertones of Brian's hands on her, but she doesn't want to make a scene, so she just freezes under his touch, trying her hardest to ignore it. She'd gotten good at that, over the years. She could even leave her body when she really wanted to, go somewhere else during an unpleasant event. She did it a lot when she was a child and started it up again sometime near the middle of her and Jonathan's relationship - usually when he wanted to have makeup sex, but she wasn't very into it.
"Oh," Alex says, offering Brian a brief smile and bringing Olivia's mind back to the current conversation. Alex's attention quickly turns back to Olivia. "So, they say that when you're meeting a new person, you're supposed to find a common interest, right? So, are you from here?"
"I am," Olivia says, smiling, a bit friendlier now. Alex does seem to be a nice person, and Elliot wasn't too focused on her, not now at least. He's talking to Fin and John, but she tries to tell herself that it doesn't matter who he talks to anyway. "What about you?"
"No," Alex answers. "I was born in Tennessee. I moved up here when I was young, though. It's a lot colder."
"I'm sure, it is," Olivia says, chuckling. Brian's head is on her shoulder now. And Elliot's eyes are on Brian. "Okay, where'd you go to school?"
"NYU for undergrad, Yale for Law School," Alex answers. Olivia's eyebrows raise, and she grins, shaking her head. She definitely hadn't gone to Yale. "Well, where did you go to school?"
"U Albany," Olivia answers. "What did you major in?"
"Public policy," Alex answers. Olivia is surprised. She hadn't really expected to find anything in common, at least not so quickly.
"Really?' she asks. "I was too! Spanish minor."
"I minored in Spanish," Alex says, smiling broadly now. "Unbelievable. What do you do?"
Olivia starts telling Alex about her job after this, effectively starting a formal conversation. Brian, hanging onto her, seems to be bored. He presses kisses to her shoulders and tries to pull her closer, adding a little to Elliot and the rest of the guys' conversation every now and then. Elliot watches as he gets more and more handsy, and a small anger grows inside of him. He was touching all over Olivia as if they were really together. And Olivia didn't seem to be enjoying that. She wasn't moving, ignoring all of his advances, but, Elliot couldn't figure out why she wouldn't just tell him to stop.
Fin watches Elliot watching Brian. He notices the red in his neck and the little vein that pops out when he's nearing the end of his rope. Before Elliot can do anything to Brian, Fin speaks up.
"I'm gonna go outside for a smoke," he says, glancing at Elliot. Elliot's eyes drag away from Olivia and Brian and he makes eye contact with Fin. Eventually, he nods.
"I'll go too," he says, standing up with Fin. Olivia hears this, and she looks away from Alex for a moment to try and meet Elliot's eyes.
"You don't smoke," she says. Elliot shrugs his shoulders jerkily, zipping his jacket.
"Well, I need some air."
He and Fin step away from the table, heading outside. Olivia's eyes follow them. Something was bothering Elliot. It wasn't really any of her business, whatever it was, and she tried not to think about it, going back to her conversation. However, after only 5 minutes have passed, her brain is still nagging her to go and see what was bugging him.
"A lot of the victims need some kind of counseling or service," Alex is saying. "It'd be good to have a contact at your office. Do you have a card or something?"
"I can write down my number for you," Olivia says, smiling softly. She swats Brian's hand away from her waist gently before flicking her eyes at the door again. "I'm going to go outside to check on the Elliot first, though, excuse me." She manages to wiggle out from under Brian's grasp and makes a beeline for the door.
When she steps out the air is cool. She pulls her jacket – well, Elliot's jacket – around her a little tighter and makes her way over to where he and Fin are standing on the sidewalk.
"Hey," she says, getting Elliot to look up. "What's up with you?" Elliot's eyes go from her to Fin. Fin offers a small smile and nods.
"I was just getting ready to go," he says. He puts out his cigarette and nods at Olivia. "It was nice to see you again. See you at work tomorrow, Elliot."
"See you," Elliot says, nodding at Fin as he walks away. He eventually looks back over at Olivia, who's watching him expectantly, and shrugs, jamming his hands in his pockets. "What are you talking about?"
"What do you mean 'What am I talking about?'" Olivia says, shaking her head. "What made you walk out like that?"
"I needed some air," Elliot says shortly. Olivia huffs.
"Elliot, can you just talk to me?" she asks. He looks at her briefly, lowering his brows. "Come on, spill."
"Okay," Elliot says slowly. "Okay."
Olivia waits for more, but he doesn't say anything at first. She groans eventually, bobbing up and down to keep warm.
"Elliot, it's cold," she says. "If you don't want to talk, we can at least go inside-"
"Why are you still with him?"
Olivia pulls her eyes back to Elliot's to find that he's watching her intently. She lets out a short laugh, shaking her head.
"What are you talking about?" she asks, but she thinks she knows; her nerves are starting to buzz.
"Why are you still with Brian?" Elliot clarifies. "I mean, do you even really like him?"
Olivia hadn't been prepared to answer a question like this. She licks her lips nervously, eventually shrugging her shoulders jerkily.
"I mean, he's a nice guy, I guess. We're still getting to know each other," she says slowly, her voice quieter now. "But what kind of question is that? You're the one who set us up, you must have thought we'd be good together. I mean, you said he was a good guy. Did you change your mind or something?" Elliot shakes his head quickly.
"I set you up because Brian asked me to. I didn't know you…" Elliot tries, but he doesn't finish that second statement. He glances away as he continues. "No, I didn't change my mind, but I didn't know he was going to treat you like that."
"Like what?" Olivia says, her stomach flipping.
"Like he was in there!" Elliot says, his voice raising. This startles Olivia, and he notices when he looks back at her. He lowers his voice, shaking his head. "His arms all over you, trying to kiss all over you, in front of everyone. I mean, you guys barely know each other, and he's acting like he's claiming his property or something…"
"I can take care of myself," Olivia says, her voice in that same steady whisper tone that she used to take with her mom. "What's it to you, anyway?"
"I'm just trying to look out for you," Elliot says, frustration on his face. He looks back at Olivia, trying to read her expression. "I mean, you don't have to get all defensive." He's right. Olivia shouldn't be getting so defensive, but she doesn't like standing out here on the sidewalk, with Elliot questioning her dating choices. That wasn't fair to her. Especially because she was only with Brian because of him. His tone seemed accusatory, and it felt an awful lot like she was being blamed for something. She shakes her head, not saying anything immediately. Elliot continues.
"I just want the best for you," he says.
"What is that? To you, Elliot. What's the best for me?" she asks, her voice hard. Elliot's hands come out of his jacket and he shrugs again.
"Not that!" he says, nodding at the inside of the bar. "I mean, you...you can do better than that. You don't even look like you're enjoying yourself."
"Well, I am," Olivia says. She had been, at least when she was talking to him earlier, and when she was talking to Alex. This might have been in spite of Brian's actions, but she isn't going to admit that now. "And even if I wasn't, it really wouldn't be any of your business." Elliot scoffs after this, his face looking hurt. She almost wants to take it back. But then he speaks up again.
"Listen," he begins. "I just don't want to see you end up in another relationship where you aren't happy, and you have to pretend like you are. You should be with someone different, someone who can listen to you…"
He trails off as he notices that the expression on Olivia's face had changed. She looks crushed. He'd gone too far. Before he can take his statement back, she speaks.
"Someone who listens to me?" Olivia says. Her voice is even quieter now, but angry. "Someone who listens and then takes the things I told them in confidence and uses them against me? I should have never talked to you about that."
"Liv," Elliot tries. "I didn't mean it like that."
"Elliot," Olivia says. "I slipped up and confided in you. But that doesn't mean that you get to be in charge of who I date."
"I'm not trying to be," Elliot says quietly. He wants to reach for Olivia, but her whole body is tense, and he knows better. "I just…"
"That's what it seems like," Olivia says, her voice hard. "So quit it."
Elliot exhales softly, looking at her standing there in front of him, so upset, and so closed off. He hadn't meant for this conversation to go like this. But he knew, now he knew for sure, that Olivia didn't belong with Brian. He thought she knew too.
"Fine," he says. "Whatever. I'm headed home. Be safe."
So, Olivia returns to the table unaccompanied, trying to shed her anger. Elliot could be so infuriating. He was stubborn and insensitive, and it made her want to almost scream. She taps Brian's shoulder, knowing she won't be much fun for the rest of the night.
"I'm about to go," she says. "It's getting kind of late."
"Sure," Brian says, standing. "I'll walk you out." Olivia offers him a small smile and then grabs a napkin from the table, finding a pen in her purse and scrawling down her number.
"This is my cell," she says to Alex, handing her the napkin. "It was nice to meet you. Good to see you again, John."
They both say a quick goodbye, and then Brian walks Olivia out to her car. Her stomach is flip-flopping again. Elliot was annoying and bull-headed and a bit blunt, but he hadn't been wrong. She wanted him to be wrong, she really, really did, but he wasn't. And so, as she and Brian reach her car, she looks up at him, stopping on the sidewalk.
"I don't think we should see each other anymore," she says abruptly. Brian sighs softly, looking at her for a moment. Eventually, he nods.
"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, okay."
"I'm sorry," Olivia says. "I didn't mean for it to sound so harsh, I just…"
"I get it," Brian says. "Trust me. I mean, I saw the way you and Elliot were in there, and we're nothing like that, so."
"What?" Olivia says, frowning slightly. She had, of course, been wondering if she and Elliot could be something (before tonight, at least) but she didn't think they'd acted particularly close or anything tonight. She's trying to figure out how she and Elliot 'were' exactly, but Brian just shakes his head. "You know, there's nothing going on between us."
"Yeah, I know," Brian says. "I asked before Elliot set us up, and he said there wasn't. But, I don't know. Maybe there should be."
He gets her door after this, signaling the end of the conversation. Olivia murmurs a thank you, and after she climbs in, she starts to shut the door, but Brian holds it for a moment.
"It was really nice getting to know you," he says kindly. He was a nice guy. Olivia knew that. She smiles at him, nodding.
"You too," she says. Brian shuts her door after this and she starts her car, pulling off after she gets settled. Her mind is racing, her stomach flip-flopping, but she couldn't tell why. She had just ended things with Brian and argued with Elliot, for the first time, really. They'd disagreed before, sure. When she started working for Planned Parenthood, they'd had a long disagreement. But this was different. She had just started to fall for him, just started to become almost sure of things, and then this had happened. And still, for some reason, as mad as she was, she felt like maybe Elliot Stabler had been the person she was supposed to end up with all along.
God, she thinks to herself. It would have been so much easier if she had just never started dating again.
But still, when she pulls up in front of her apartment, she reaches for her cell, starting to dial a number she'd memorized a long time ago.
