Chapter Eleven
Brendan slammed the door, startling Cheryl who was sitting at the kitchen table.
"What's happened, love?"
"I don't want to talk about it" Brendan said testily, heading straight to his bedroom. He leaned his back against the door frame, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He didn't know where to go next or what to do. All of his instincts told him to march back round to Stephen's and take him back, it really was that simple. Or at least, it used to be.
"I'm gonna take back something that belongs to me"
Now Brendan had to be careful. What had their therapist said? That their assignment was to build trust. But look at the result of that advice. Brendan felt his fingers curling angrily. He needed a place to direct his disappointment, and who better than the underlying cause of it?
"I'm going out, Chez" he said swiftly, grabbing his car keys from the counter.
"But-"
Brendan was already out the door.
xxx
Ste interlocked his fingers, skin slippery with sweat. He'd been sitting still for the best part of an hour, unable to push himself to continue. He didn't know if he had made the right choice or what the consequences might be. All he knew was that he missed him already. He felt a distant ache somewhere that always seemed to reawaken every time they parted ways.
It was only temporary, he kept telling himself. But he knew Brendan too well. Backed into a corner like that he would retreat, or he would fight. There was no middle ground. He would either take Ste at his word and never speak to him again, or he would do the very opposite and pester him to the ends of the earth.
Ste stood up abruptly, pacing the room at length. His phone felt heavy in his pocket. The temptation to take it out and dial Brendan's number was overwhelming. He ran his fingers through his hair, practically shaking with the effort to hold himself together.
"This is mental" he muttered to himself, sitting down once more. He needed to get a grip. Only one place to go.
xxx
Brendan arrived only to find the building dark and empty. He glanced at his watch. Just gone seven. Well, he was certainly too late. He punched the wall in frustration, wincing immediately and sucking the blood at his knuckle.
He sensed someone behind him and turned instantly.
"Stephen" he breathed in relief, reaching for him. "What are ye doing here?"
"I came to see…" Stephen glanced through the window, sighing and checking his watch. "Too late. Right" he turned to go but Brendan hurried in front of him.
"Why did ye come here?"
"Why did you?" Stephen countered. "And what did you do to your hand?" He asked in some alarm, reaching to examine the wound. Brendan flinched but didn't draw his hand away.
"Therapy" he said ironically, pleased that he gained a small, accommodating smile from Stephen.
"You need to go to the hospital" he murmured.
Brendan brushed these words aside. "I'll be fine"
Stephen's forehead pinched with worry. "I'll take you back to mine. We have a first aid kit"
Brendan bit his tongue, refraining from pointing out he had his own at home.
"If ye insist" he mumbled, leading the two of them to his car.
xxx
The drive home was quiet. Stephen kept fidgeting in his seat, shooting glances at Brendan when he thought he wasn't paying attention. Brendan always paid attention when it came to Stephen.
"How did ye get here?" Brendan asked gruffly, driving one-handed.
"Bus" Stephen answered.
"Bit late to take the bus isn't it?"
"What are you, my Mum?" Stephen shot back. Brendan laughed shortly.
"Just looking out for ye, is all"
Stephen said nothing, just stared sullenly out of the window.
"Are ye warm enough?" Brendan asked, coughing awkwardly.
"Little cold but-"
Brendan reached out to turn the temperature up at the same time Stephen gestured that it wasn't necessary. Their hands met briefly. Stephen pulled away as though he had been burnt.
"I can't touch ye now?" Brendan asked, staring straight ahead.
"Just surprised me, that's all"
"Thought ye liked me holding yer hand"
Stephen flushed. "Shut up" he said softly. Brendan smirked at him. "Besides, I'd get blood all over me, wouldn't I?"
"Hm" Brendan responded. They'd wrapped his hand in tissue for the time being. He wasn't bleeding much but his hand stung where the tissue stuck to it.
"I don't know why you decided to punch the wall in the first place" Stephen said, frowning a little.
Brendan shrugged. He didn't know why he'd done it either, truth be told. Except he did.
Brendan pulled over, the steady hum of the engine coming to a stop and making their stilted conversation more evident.
"So um, shall we?" Stephen asked, reaching for the door handle.
Brendan climbed out, staring at Stephen over the top of the car. He gave Brendan a tight smile before walking towards his flat, Brendan following several feet behind him.
"Amy's at Mike's" Stephen said unnecessarily. "With the kids"
Brendan nodded. "We're alone then"
Stephen shifted uncomfortably. "I'll get the first aid kit"
He returned and fumbled with the fastening as he knelt down in front of Brendan, who had seated himself on the sofa.
"In better circumstances…" Brendan began, his lips curling into a flirtatious smile.
Stephen rolled his eyes. "Calm down" he said, taking Brendan's hand gently.
"Can't blame a bloke for trying"
Stephen grinned in spite of himself. "This might sting" he warned him. Brendan gritted his teeth, not crying out.
Stephen bandaged his hand, his fingers almost too careful. Once he was done his hand lingered on Brendan's a moment before being drawn away. Brendan reached with his other hand to enclose on his wrist.
"Don't" Stephen whispered, barely audible. Brendan slid down onto the floor, his hand stroking its way up Stephen's arm to his neck, snaking around the back to draw his face closer to Brendan's.
"Stephen" Brendan breathed, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against his. "I'm not going anywhere. Let me stay here, with you"
Stephen gulped, his breath ghosting across Brendan's face.
"I have to be strong" he didn't sound too sure of himself.
Brendan brushed his lips across Stephen's teasingly. "Don't ye want this?" he asked softly.
"That isn't fair" Stephen whispered, pushing his fist against Brendan's chest without any real force behind it.
"Ye didn't answer my question"
Brendan opened his eyes to stare at him properly. Stephen had that look in his eyes. The one he always wore when his instincts were telling him one thing and his heart another. Brendan had seen it many times before. He didn't want to see it again. He wanted Stephen to be sure of this, sure of him.
"Bren…" Stephen began uncertainly. "I can't keep-"
Brendan kissed him suddenly, unable to hold back any longer. Stephen's lips were soft and inviting. Brendan wanted to devour him whole but he held back, cradling his face and planting quick, hard kisses to his mouth.
"Brendan" Stephen protested between kisses.
"What?" He asked, breathless, unable to take his lips more than a fraction of an inch away from Stephen's.
"Promise me"
"Anything"
"Stay" Stephen's voice sounded far away and small. He cleared his throat. "Stay" he said more determinedly. "But if you leave me again, that's it"
Brendan nodded earnestly, taking Stephen into his arms, holding his head securely against his chest.
