Though it wasn't his style to speed within city limits off duty, Coop raced his red 1955 T-Bird home. He was angry over what had transpired the day over Teddy Burke. Coop knew his attitude towards top drug dealers like Burke put him at odds with the rest of the cops in his precinct. Even Jimmy had started accepting dirty money when he had found out Eileen was pregnant. However, until now, Coop hadn't known that the money Jimmy had been pocketing had originated from Burke. And it infuriated him McCree could get away with pulling shit like that right under Captain Alfred Stinson's nose.
Christ, Jimmy, Coop thought as he neared his house. I get things are tight with three kids, but how can you justify taking dirty money from scumbags like McCree and Burke? It just ain't right!
Annoyed there were some things he couldn't change, Coop parked the car in his driveway angrily. He stomped to the front step and grabbed the heavy milk bottle and its spoiled contents with distaste. Fumbling with the doorknob, Coop at last twisted it open and slammed the door so hard Robin ran for cover under Coop's bed.
Scowling, Coop poured the rotten milk down the sink and rinsed out the bottle. When he finished, Coop put the milk bottle back outside for tomorrow's collection. He was uncertain if he would be making it home by tomorrow morning. Coop then hastily poured Robin's dinner and changed his water. He flung the dishes down so hard they and the newspaper almost went flying into the glass door as they briefly skidded against the checkered linoleum floor. Coop toyed with the idea of making something quick to eat, but his churning stomach rebelled against it and Coop decided to wait for the upcoming boozefest to dampen his rage.
Heading into his bedroom, Coop flung his T-shirt off and threw it onto his bed in a heap. Coop was about to remove his belt and pull off his pants when he noticed the exhausted looking figure staring back at him from the mirror opposite the foot of the bed.
"Jesus Christ, last night must have been bad," Coop said aloud. Coop failed to recall exactly what it was he had dreamt about. But he hadn't been able to get back to sleep after this one and had crept of bed to the den when he had gathered his wits. Coop had ended up reading War and Peace for so long that he had only had time to have a quick shower and get dressed before scrambling off to work and combing his hair on the drive over.
Fatigue tugging at his eyes, Coop laid down on his bed for a few minutes as he began to sort through the day's events. He was still pissed off Jimmy hadn't backed him up in front of McCree. I thought you were a better person than that, Jimmy. Coop sighed and felt rotten for being mad at Jimmy. No human being was perfect, but Jimmy Bruno came close in Coop's mind. Quiet, polite, and hard-working, Jimmy had earned Coop's respect early on in their partnership. Though so many things made them opposites, their personalities meshed them together into effective police officers. Coop's daring encouraged Jimmy to act in situations he was fearful of whilst Jimmy's thoughtful calm helped save Coop from making dozens of rash choices. The Dynamic Duo, indeed, Coop thought.
Coop blushed. He couldn't mark when his feelings for Jimmy had crossed the line from friendship to crush, though Coop supposed it was around the time Jimmy had found out about his secret hobby. Aside from Danny Holtz and the writing assignments he had been required to turn in, Coop had never shared his writing with anyone else. Coop had hoped one of the many girls he had dated would end up being the connection he sought. and it now seemed bitterly ironic that the connection had finally come in the form of a handsome man with piercing blue eyes and dark brown hair whom just happened to be married with kids.
If you do exist, God, you sure had a twisted sense of humour when you made me, Coop thought as he hopped off the bed and began stripping for his shower. His anger rising, Coop flung his clothes against his bedroom wall and stormed into the bathroom.
Thirty minutes later, Coop pulled on a clean white T-shirt over his favourite pair of blue jeans and strapped his watch to his wrist. The cold shower had calmed Coop and cleared his thoughts. Coop went back into the sea green bathroom to re-oil his hair. Coop hated the colour of the bathroom, but had decided to put up with it when the other house within his price range had had a bathroom that contained bright pink fixtures accented by bright floral wallpaper.
Glancing at his watch, Coop decided not to bother with his hair other than a quick comb. Coop grinned as he headed into the cellar for the case of beer he had bought the night before, but had been too tired to delve into. Saturday was to be a day off and Coop was looking forward to a night of heavy drinking that would lead to his first good night's sleep in almost four days. Hanging out with Jimmy would simply make a good night greater.
Coop arrived at Jimmy's house in record time and snatched a free parking spot across the road. A case of Ballantine Ales in hand, Coop ambled up the front stoop and knocked on Jimmy's white door. Jimmy's house reminded him of the idyllic American dream that had been pitched towards him in high school. Two stories and painted yellow, the house came complete with a white picket fence surrounding the tiny, well-kept front yard.
Jimmy felt relief when he opened the door and saw Coop smiling. Since leaving the station, guilt had swirled in Jimmy's mind about the course the day had taken and he had been nervous about being with Coop again. Examining Coop, Jimmy felt overdressed; his neatly tucked green polo shirt and pressed beige chinos seemed formal compared to Coop's jeans and T-shirt.
"Hey, Coop," Jimmy greeted. "Ready for some good whiskey?"
"Sure, if you think you can keep up with me, lightweight," Coop countered.
"Of course I can! Anyways, Coop, I hope you don't mind if we skip the watching TV tonight. The house is hot as hell, so I figured we could just head into the backyard and relax. You eat yet?"
"Nah," Coop answered, suddenly feeling starved.
Jimmy grinned. "Good, 'cos I made hot dogs and they're in the kitchen ready to go," he said, hopeful Coop's favourite food would further smooth things between them.
"What're we waiting for then, partner?" asked Coop, rushing past Jimmy as the smell of sizzling hot dogs made his mouth water.
"Well, you sure know how to make a man happy, Jimmy" remarked Coop twenty minutes later, five hot dogs with all the fixings and his first two beers behind him as he leaned back in his wooden chair. Coop glanced admirably at Eileen's collection of fine china.
"Ya know I'm good with the grill," said Jimmy. He was awed by the sheer quantity of food Coop had downed and was embarrassed that his first beer was still nearly full. "Anyway, let's get into the backyard. I'll be out there once I get all this crap put away."
Coop rose. "Sounds good to me." Though two beers were nothing, they had made him feel more relaxed. "You wanna hand?" asked Coop.
"Nah, that's fine, Coop. Why don't you set up the chairs and the table? Oh, and grab the lantern from the garage. It'll be dark soon."
"Sure, Jimmy," replied Coop. At long last they were done with the formalities and could just talk.
The sun had set and the stagnant air of day had been replaced by a refreshing breeze from the Schuylkill River. Jimmy's backyard was pitch black, except for the yellow lantern that shone softly from the top of the small wooden table Jimmy and Coop had tossed their beer cans upon.
Jimmy leaned against the plastic ribbed back of his garden chair, closing his eyes to ease his swirling head. Fuck, why the hell do I always try to keep up with Coop? The man is a tank!
Looking at Jimmy, Coop smirked from his chair and shook his head. Each time he and Jimmy drank together was the same. Jimmy would nurse his first drink for the first hour until Coop urged Jimmy to slow down. Tonight, the spur had caused Jimmy to drink the last three beers from Coop's case in rapid succession and Coop was now getting a kick out of watching Jimmy sitting dizzily in his chair. After eight beers, Coop still felt fine and didn't have a second thought as he cracked open the whiskey and began slugging it back.
"The hell, Coop!" Jimmy cried when he opened his eyes and noticed the whiskey bottle already half empty. "Leave some for me! I bought it and you drank most of the beer!"
Coop shot Jimmy a mocking look. "Come on Dad, you're done for the night."
"The hell I am!" Jimmy slurred, lunging for the bottle. Jimmy missed the bottle by several inches and almost fell onto the grass face first.
"Fine, Jimmy. Here, we'll take," said Coop with an arrogant smirk. Handing the bottle to Jimmy, Coop leaned back in contentment. He and Jimmy hadn't talked much, but it didn't matter. It had just been good to spend time with each other that hadn't revolved around work or arguments.
As if on cue, Jimmy spoke, his voice thick and heavy. "Why you gotta piss Teddy Burke off like that?" he asked, handing the whiskey bottle back to Coop. As soon as he said those words, Jimmy regretted it. But fuck, we gotta talk about it at some point!
Coop groaned, annoyed Jimmy would bring this up now. "Are you afraid of that scumbag?"
"It ain't about fear. You know what it's about."
Coop sighed. "What's it about, Jimmy?"
"Keeping my job. I ain't going against McCree," Jimmy declared.
"So that makes it alright to be on the take? Hmm?" Coop slurred, the whiskey beginning to take effect as he took a long swig. Disgusted, Coop handed the whiskey back to Jimmy.
Jimmy glanced at Coop with heavy lids, sweat glistening on his forehead. "Everything's always black and white with you. You don't know anything," Jimmy said, shaking his head as he took another swig of whiskey.
Shaking his own head, Coop exclaimed, "We're cops, that's all I need to know!"
"I got three kids!" Jimmy said thickly. When you have a family to support, Coop, maybe you'll understand, Jimmy thought.
Snorting, Coop took the whiskey bottle from Jimmy.
"Don't talk to me about taking fifty bucks a week from a piece of crap!" Jimmy yelled, glaring at Coop, his blue eyes flashing like quicksilver.
"Then you are just like McCree!" hissed Coop, pointing at Jimmy before prepping to take another sip of whiskey.
"Get off your soapbox, Coop!" Jimmy shouted. "You go out there and bust shins 'cos it's another good time for you!"
Coop lowered the bottle from his mouth and turned to glare at Jimmy. "I bust shins because I am enforcing the law!" yelled Coop. I don't have a good time hitting people, Jimmy. But you gotta do what you gotta do when talking doesn't exactly with the types of people we gotta deal with.
"You and your John Wayne act," mocked Jimmy.
Coop's patience began to thin, disgusted that his own partner didn't realize cops had to lead by example. He gave Jimmy another hard glare as he declared, "We're the law! We're here to put the scumbags away! It ain't fun and games!" Annoyed, Coop's gaze became fixated upon Adam's bike lying entangled on top of some hydrangea bushes.
"Sure it is!" yelled Jimmy. "Just like the fun you had slaughtering Vietcong!"
Coop turned his head and his eyes widened as he glanced at Jimmy with stunned disbelief.
"You miss that free pass to kill, don't you?" Jimmy taunted, a sneer across his face.
Coop's face contorted in anger, dropping the whiskey bottle as he leapt to his feet. Coop knocked Jimmy hard in the left eye with his left wrist and cracked the glass face of his watch. Coop hit Jimmy with such force that Jimmy and his chair went flying backwards. As Jimmy struggled to get up, Coop got down on one knee and gave Jimmy's left eye a hard punch with his right hand. Coop was thankful years of pitching had given that arm extra muscle.
"You're right! That was fun!" Coop growled in a low voice as he got up. His knuckles were skinned, but Coop welcomed the pain. How many times since December had he told Jimmy that Vietnam had been hell for him and that he'd erase the past if he had a chance? The sting of Jimmy's earlier actions were nothing compared to this; it seared Coop that Jimmy would bring up the worst experience of his life so cruelly.
"Go to hell!" Jimmy sputtered, at last struggling to his feet and throwing himself on Coop. The two began to struggle like two street urchins in a brawl.
Coop threw Jimmy off him and the two glowered at each other, breathing heavily. As he continued to glare, Coop's frustrations with Jimmy grew stronger. For four years after Danny's murder, he had tried to suppress his attraction to men, terrified he might meet the same fate. But Jimmy kept acting in ways that only attracted Coop to the other man more. Months of dating and having one night stands with an endless stream of women had resulted in nothing close to the relationship Coop and Jimmy had forged together as partners and friends.
Though furious with Jimmy for the Vietcong crack, Coop couldn't fight his desires any longer. Coop lunged at Jimmy, gripping the back of his head and forcing his lips on Jimmy's. Jimmy's soft lips felt like burning fire against his trembling ones.
Shocked, Jimmy sputtered and pushed Coop off him and gaped at him in confusion.
Unable to believe what he had just done, Coop's gaze drifted away from Jimmy and he stared hard at the grass. Coop's heart pounded as he waited for the shouts of "Faggot!" to drown out the soft chirps of crickets.
Jimmy's confusion quickly left. The terrified glint he spotted in Coop's eyes made the truth clear: Coop was a homosexual just like he was. As Jimmy struggled to figure out his next move, he was desperate to do something that would erase the horrible words that had escaped from his mouth.
As Jimmy remained silent, Coop forced himself to make eye contact with Jimmy. Coop was stunned to see that Jimmy's eyes didn't contain disgust, but instead displayed a deep sense of longing.
Jimmy slowly walked forward and gently gripped the back of Coop's head, pulling him forward into a soft, passionate kiss before embracing him.
Not able to believe the twist things had taken, Coop returned Jimmy's hug, letting his arms wander over Jimmy's back.
Kissing until they were out of breath, Coop at last removed his lips from Jimmy's. Not wanting to let the other man go, Coop rested his head on Jimmy's shoulder and hugged him tightly as they remained motionless in the quiet backyard. The silence was only pierced when Coop began to cry.
"You okay, Coop?" Jimmy asked in alarm as Coop's tears began soaking through his shirt.
Fuck! Even when his best platoon mate had been shot dead mere feet from him, Coop had remained stoic."How could you say that stuff about the Vietcong, Jimmy?" Coop gasped as he dug his fingernails into Jimmy's back. "I fucking hate what I did over there! But I didn't have a choice! You got no idea what it's like to have to kill someone before they kill you. Hell, I hope you never do!" Coop took a deep breath, trying to suppress the sobs that insisted on lurching out his throat.
"I'm sorry, Coop," Jimmy whispered as he held Coop's quaking body. "I didn't mean it. I was mad and let my fucking mouth run ahead of my brain. I know Vietnam wasn't fun for you."
"Let's just forget it," Coop said in one last shuddering sob, his cheeks blazing with embarrassment for having lost control of his emotions. Though he was calming down, Coop dug his nails deeper into Jimmy's back. Coop was afraid that if he let go of Jimmy that he would topple over.
"Shhh, it's okay Coop," Jimmy whispered. "It's gonna be okay." Jimmy held Coop tight and he was relieved as Coop's ragged breathing became more regular and his body quit trembling. When the pain from Coop's shaking fingers became worse than the throbbing from his eye, Jimmy reluctantly asked Coop to let go of him. As they parted and stood several feet apart, Jimmy saw Coop's face still glistening with tears. Reaching into his pocket, Jimmy took his handkerchief and wiped Coop's face dry without a word.
When Jimmy finished, a pale-faced Coop looked at Jimmy with bloodshot, wide eyes. "Fuck, Jimmy. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I swear to God I'm not a homo. I'm not a queer, I…" Coop said in a rush of panic as he lost his breath.
Jimmy straightened his tousled hair and untucked shirt as he looked at Coop calmly. The numbing effects of the alcohol were at last beginning to work their magic. "You ain't supposed to be afraid of anything, Coop. I'm the chicken, remember?" Jimmy reminded Coop, putting a hand on his shoulder.
Coop let out a slight, sardonic chuckle. "Yeah, I know. Funny how much of a farce everything is," Coop mused aloud. Coop ducked his head.
Though he didn't understand some of the obscure words Coop was given to using when he was emotional, Jimmy never let on. His eyes brimming with curiosity, Jimmy asked Coop, "How long have you known?"
"Known what?" Coop asked cautiously, taking a half step away from Jimmy.
"How long've...you known you're, uh…" Jimmy stammered.
"How long've I known I'm a queer?" supplied Coop bitterly. "Since I was thirteen or fourteen, I guess. I've not really kept track. It ain't exactly something I'm proud of, ya know."
"I know, Coop," Jimmy whispered. "Hell, I've known since I was sixteen I was…well...liked other guys, but I guess figured I could just hide it. That if I just avoided it long enough and got married, it would disappear. Hasn't exactly worked out that way."
Coop looked down as Jimmy's words echoed his sentiments exactly. "You're right, Jimmy," Coop muttered. "It doesn't go away."
Jimmy began to shiver and he slipped his hand into Coop's. Grateful, Coop returned the squeeze.
"Anyways, it's freezing out here. Let's get inside; don't worry about the chairs and table, I'll get them in the morning. We better just get the beer cans so Eileen doesn't yell at me tomorrow."
"Alright, Jimmy," said Coop, nodding in agreement. Looking at Jimmy's wavering stance, Coop began throwing the crushed beer cans back in their case and picked up the dumped whiskey bottle.
Once Coop had gathered everything up, Jimmy grabbed the lantern and Jimmy walked behind Coop into the house.
Entering the white-washed kitchen with yellow floral curtains, Jimmy took the bottle and beer case from Coop and took them out to the garage with the lantern. Watching Jimmy leaning against the walls for balance gave Coop a laugh. Once Jimmy was outside, Coop stole to the bathroom and used the opportunity to relieve his screaming bladder and splash cold water on his sweaty face.
When he finished, Coop returned to the kitchen and sleepiness hit him so hard he could barely stand. Coop took a seat at the light-brown wooden table in the far corner of the room, folding his arms and resting his head between them.
His errand to the garage completed, Jimmy headed back into the house. Jimmy decided to stop at the bathroom to check out his eye. Jimmy groaned when he realized he was going to have a huge black eye and he wondered just how he would explain it to Eileen and the guys at work. Deciding to worry about it in the morning, Jimmy headed out of the bathroom and into the kitchen.
Jimmy sighed as he spotted Coop half asleep at the table. Christ, he's in no shape to get home on his own. But the stubborn bastard will never ask if he can stay over. "Coop..." Jimmy began as he walked up to the table.
"Yeah, Jimmy?" Coop asked, raising his head and struggling to keep his eyes open.
"Was thinking that you've had a ton to drink. You best stay here tonight," said Jimmy.
"I'm fine, Jimmy," said Coop, forcing himself upright and leaning against the table for balance.
"Well, I ain't lettin' you drive home drunk," Jimmy declared. "You're staying here."
"Fuck, Jimmy! Ya know I don't drive drunk!" Coop mumbled irritably as he continued to fight off sleep. "Hell, I can walk home. It's only a mile," Coop told Jimmy, though Coop figured he'd collapse before making it to the end of Jimmy's block.
"Coop, quit being stupid," said Jimmy, rolling his eyes.
Coop groaned and began rubbing his eyes. "Jimmy, you don't got anywhere I can sleep anyway, so just forget it." Jimmy's guest room was in the process of being turned into a nursery for the new baby.
Jimmy took a deep breath. "Coop, I already got it figured it out. I'll grab you a pillow and a blanket and you can crash in the living room. We got a couch, ya know."
"Fine, Jimmy." Coop sighed, too tired to argue any further. Leaving the kitchen, Coop seated himself on the couch in the living room across the hall from the kitchen.
"Wait there," Jimmy called to Coop as he headed upstairs, his gait still tipsy.
Sinking into the floral upholstery, Coop rested his head against the diamond-patterned wallpaper, closing his eyes for just a minute while he awaited Jimmy's return.
Jimmy crept upstairs slowly, trying his best not to awake Eileen or the kids. Straining in the dark, Jimmy at last located a pillow and blanket in the linen closet.
When Jimmy returned to the living room, he found Coop sound asleep and snoring, a small smile on his face.
Poor guy must of been dead on his feet today. Jimmy sighed, placing the blanket and pillow on the floor as he lifted Coop's feet and removed his brown loafers. Placing the pillow on the armrest, Jimmy slowly moved Coop's limp body downward, carefully resting Coop's head on the pillow before moving his legs onto the couch.
At least you'll get a good night's sleep tonight, Coop, Jimmy had thought as he had covered Coop with the blanket. As Coop continued to snore, Jimmy had brushed back the lock of hair that had dropped over Coop's forehead. Kissing Coop's forehead gently before putting out the light, Jimmy had whispered, "Night partner, I'll see you in the morning."
A bright streetlight caused Jimmy's fond recollection to dissolve into a haze. "We near Penn General yet, Joe?" Jimmy asked as he remembered where he really was.
"Yeah, 'bout ten more minutes I reckon," Joe said, keeping his eyes on the road.
"Okay, I'm gonna rest my eyes for a bit. Tell me when we're there," Jimmy murmured, fatigue winning. Within thirty seconds, Jimmy was sound asleep and his hand relaxed, causing the blood stained towel to drop to his lap. Jimmy twitched in his sleep as his guilt continued to torture him.
