It had been almost over three months since Angel left. Almost three months since she killed him and sent him to hell. She had stayed with her father in LA over that time, trying to get her thoughts and feelings in order for the next school year. For when she had to face everyone again and the thought of having to do that terrified her. She couldn't help but think that they hated her for what she done.
And then when she returned, she found out that Buffy had left without a trace. Leaving them slayer-less once again. So that's how Alandra picked up the slack, going out on patrols, trying to tap into the energy and power she had gotten during her fight with Angelus, but never able to get it back.
She would often think about that night. How she felt her heart break into a million pieces at the sight of Angel's shocked and pain-filled face fall into the red void, sent to hell forever. She condemned him to an eternity of suffering, as if he hadn't been through enough as it was.
She also thinks about the relieved look on her cousin's face at the sight of her, and never asking her where her new scars or tattoo came from. The scars that riddled her body, making her once clear skin a canvas that told the story of nightmares. She wore it all with pride, the marks Angelus gave her, but she still wakes up some nights screaming, feeling the hot slice of the knife into her skin, his cool hands slapping her till her face was numb. The evil that wore Angel's face that wanted to break her, to drive her insane as retribution for being locked away by the soul.
She would also get other types of dreams. Dreams where her body felt like it was on fire, and all she could feel was fear and pain and regret. She knew they weren't from her time with Angelus. They were completely different. As if it wasn't from her own body but somebody else's that was going through torment.
All of these thoughts led her back to the mansion one night. It was just before school was supposed to start again and Buffy was still nowhere to be found. Dust had begun to settle on everything, the moonlight casting an ethereal glow on everything. It felt so empty now, simply a shell of what it had used to be. Alandra was thankful to see the Acathala statue gone, wondering where Giles had relocated it to, but her mind was quickly being drawn back to her dreams of fire and torment. Her skin felt hot, making her break out into a sweat, her heart beginning to race for no known reason. She didn't understand why she had been drawn back to the mansion, or why her body was going through what it was going through, and quickly ran out and back home, not hearing the soft yell of pain and fear as she left.
~0~0~
"Hello Alandra," Giles said to her warmly as she stepped into the library. It was the first day of school and unlike what everyone had been hoping for, Buffy still hadn't arrived.
"Hey Giles. How are you," she asked. But she knew the real answer. She can still see the pain in his eyes, the ghost of Jenny Calendar forever haunting him.
"I'm very well Alandra. I hope your summer was pleasant. How is your father doing," Giles asked. He was putting books and various knick knacks away in their proper places, but she knew he was paying attention to her every word.
"He's doing well. Was a little bit on the overprotective side, you know, after everything that happened a few months ago, but other than that he was being his usual self and making horrible jokes," Alandra replied. She smiled at the shocked look on Giles face at the mention of her imprisonment.
"What did he saw about everything that happened," he asked, stopping everything that he had been doing and stepped towards her. Alandra hadn't told her father what exactly happened to her. All he knew was that she had been missing and she had been through a lot. He didn't push her though. She knew he was waiting for the day she would finally be well enough to tell him, but she didn't think she ever would. She loved her father, but he was not a part of this life, and she wanted to keep it that way.
"At first he was angry, understandably. Not at you or anyone else, he doesn't blame anyone. He was just angry that I had to go through it alone. And then he would check in on me at the most random moments, to make sure I was still there. And then he would try to convince me over and over again to move back to LA with him," Alandra told him. Giles pulled his glasses off to wipe the lenses before replacing them, giving her a thoughtful look.
"And why won't you move back to LA with him. Unlike some of the rest of us, you have a choice to get out of this place and move on with your life," Giles said. Alandra smiled brightly at him. It was a smile that had taken her months to get back, and it still hadn't completely reached her eyes, and it still wasn't quite as bright as it used to be, but it was closer than she had been and that was all that mattered to him.
"What type of person would I be if I just up and left," she said, both knowing that was a crack at Buffy.
"I didn't ask to know about all of this supernatural stuff Giles. I didn't ask to meet you guys, or Buffy, or Angel. But I know, deep in my gut that I was meant to be here. I was meant to help fight whatever evil comes this way. And knowing that, I could never just quit. I'm not a quitter, never have been, never will be," she said. She was surprised to see Giles's eyes water, but just enough to make his eyes appear glassy. Her smile was softer but much more genuine when she gave him a hug. Giles returned it, not awkwardly like he normally would. When she pulled away he cleared his throat before removing his glasses once again to clean them before replacing them.
It was comfortably silent in the library after words, Alandra helping Giles replace books and various things to their proper places. She had a couple of free periods before lunch, so she decided to use that time to help the Scoobies. The library was almost completely cleaned, Xander, Cordelia, Willow, and Oz all came blowing in.
"Hey Giles, Alandra," Xander said before sitting with Cordelia at one of the long tables. Willow smiled brightly at them while Oz just nodded before sitting down as well.
"Have you heard any leads about Buffy yet Giles," Willow asked, her voice and face full of hope. Giles looked guilty as he shook his head in the negative.
"Not yet, but I do have people all over looking. We'll find her soon," Giles told them in a reassuring tone. Alandra looked at all of their faces and saw that Xander and Willow looked the most hopeful. Buffy was their best friend, and they had a belief in her that only they could. Cordelia look skeptical, and Oz was blank. But it was different than Angel's blank expression. With Angel you could tell that he was trying to hide his true feelings, but with Oz it seemed as if he understood that sometimes showing anything was just unnecessary.
Alandra wanted to have hope that Buffy would return, and soon. But as more and more timed moved on she became less and less hopeful. They needed the slayer there, and if Buffy didn't return soon she had no clue what they were going to do.
~0~0~
Alandra was on a patrol with the Scoobies. While the two couples worked together, Alandra was walking the cemeteries, taking out fresh vamps as soon as possible. She had just decided to finish her rounds and had made her way back to the Bronze where the rest of the gang had ended up, enjoying the night air outside. Her hair, longer now, blew in the slight breeze, like a gentle caress. She closed her eyes for a moment, imagining Angel was before her, his small amused smile on his face, telling her that she was being stupid and should stop going on patrols. But he would never mean it. He would know that she felt that she had to do it, and continue doing it no matter what. The image soothed her and yet saddened her at the same time. Because whenever she thought about him standing before her, she would begin to wonder how long it would take before seeing him would be a little bit harder to remember. How long before she forgot the sound of his voice, his laugh, his smile, his eyes, the way he walked. How long before she forgot him completely and he was merely a whisper of a memory on her mind.
"Hey," a female voice called in warning, "Look out!" Alandra's eyes flew open to see a vampire approaching her. She could tell by his suit and dirt that clung to him that he had just risen from the ground. She was mildly surprised by the sight of Buffy running towards her, but she was too far away to get to her before the vampire did.
"You smell delicious," the vampire hissed, a cruel smirk on his face. Alandra groaned in annoyance before whipping her fist right into the bottom of his chin.
"Why do you all start out that way," she asked before punching his right then left cheek. He growled and raised his arms to attack back but she was too fast for him, bringing her foot high into the air and slamming it right on top of his head. He fell a couple of steps back, disoriented, allowing Alandra to kick him in the chest into a fence and pulling out her stake, shoving it right into his heart. A shocked look came over the vampire's face before crumbling to dust to be blown away by the wind. Soon Willow and Xander came crashing out of an alley way, trying to contain another vampire.
"Do you guys want some help," Alandra asked, crossing her arms and smirking in amusement. Oz and Cordelia came running out next, holding stakes to stab the vampire but none of them were able to get him still enough to drive the stake home.
"Nah," Xander grunted out as he took a punch to the gut, "We've got it." Alandra chuckled, watching as Xander and Oz began to wrestle the vampire for Willow and Cordelia to stake. Buffy slowly walked up to her, awe and what looked like a little bit of hurt on her face.
"Guess I wasn't as needed as I thought," Buffy said under her breath. Alandra looked at the other girl but remained silent as they watched the group finally get vampire still enough for Willow to stake.
"Buffy," Willow cried, quickly running to her long lost friend and giving her a hard hug. Buffy smiled and returned it before releasing Willow just to be engulfed in another hug by Xander.
"We missed you so much," Xander said, a bright smile also on his face, pulling away just enough to look down at her face.
"Well they did," Cordelia snarked from the side, "I was actually thinking how much nicer it was here in Sunnydale without you."
"I missed you too Cordelia," Buffy replied, amusement clear on her face. Cordelia smirked at her before trying to get the vampire dust off.
"It's good to see you Buffy," Alandra said, smiling softly at the other girl. The air was tense between them, something Alandra never thought about whenever she had wished for the slayer to return.
"New skills Alandra," Buffy said, gesturing to the pile of dust from the vampire Alandra had slain earlier.
"My dad thought it would be best if I got some training before I returned to Sunnydale. But nobody could replace you," Alandra replied. Buffy looked deep into her eyes, both understanding what Alandra was trying to convey. Buffy was the chosen one, she would always be needed and wanted.
"I'm going to start heading home guys," Alandra said, smiling softly at the group before heading out of the alley way and went in the direction of home. Everyone waved goodbye and smiled, but she could see the worried glances in their gaze as she turned to leave.
"She's seems more," Buffy began, trying to find the right word to say.
"Subdued," Oz supplied, making Buffy nod in agreement.
"Yea, subdued," Buffy said.
"Makes sense," Cordelia replied, "She was tortured for a month by the person that was supposed to be her best friend. I think she deserves to be more than 'subdued'." Everyone looked at Cordelia, shocked by her crassness.
"Cordy," Xander hissed, trying to get her stop talking but she refused.
"You all act as if she was about to break. I have actually taken the time to just talk to her and I know that she doesn't want that. She wants be treated like she's still Alandra," Cordelia told them. She noticed the confused look on Xander and sighed, waiting for him to ask whatever he was about to ask.
"So she wants to be treated like nothing happened? I thought that was what we were doing," Xander said. Cordelia proceeded to give him a swift slap on the back of his head.
"No dummy," Cordelia told him and opened her mouth to finish her statement but Buffy cut her off.
"She doesn't want to be treated like a victim," Buffy said, "She just wants to be treated like a regular human being but she also doesn't want to erase what's happened to her because it's apart of who she is now."
"Exactly," Cordelia said, her voice full of exasperation.
"So we just need to stop walking around on egg shells around her and treat her like Alandra," Willow said, her voice cheerful, "That shouldn't be too hard. She's helped us a lot since she came back."
"She was able to take out a vampire alone. It was pretty amazing to watch," Buffy admitted. She was distant, her thoughts revolving around the girl that loved her boyfriend. The girl that sent Angel to hell.
"She asked to take some martial arts lessons," Willow told Buffy as they made their way out of the alley finally and to their respective homes.
"She works mostly by herself though. Lets us do what we what we want to do unless we need help," Xander said, wrapping an arm around Cordelia's shoulders.
"Apparently her dad wanted her to move to LA with him, but she refuses. I'm surprised that he just doesn't come here and get her. It feels like she's on her own a lot, having to make decisions for herself and stuff," Willow continued on, becoming thoughtful. Buffy began to wonder about Alandra's past and why she hadn't just left. She has the chance to live a normal life, away from all this, something Buffy had always wanted, and she won't take it. That thought made Buffy angry and frustrated for some reason. Like Alandra was wasting something. Buffy also couldn't help but blame her for everything that had happened. Everything had begun to go downhill since Alandra came into her to life, and she felt like no one else was to blame for anything but her.
~0~0~
Alandra woke up later that night hot and sweaty. The sheets clutching to her body, trapping her beneath them as she tried to rip them off to open the window for a any sort of breeze to cool her off. Her breathing was heavy and her heart was racing as her mind began to remember her dream. As the days passed and the longer she stayed in Sunnydale, the less her dreams were about her times at the mansion and more of fire and burning and torment. All she felt in these dreams are pain and guilt and the burning of her skin. She can see the flames, but she knew they weren't through her own eyes.
Those dreams weren't hers, the memories weren't hers, but she didn't know who's they were.
