Your Halo Has A Screw Loose, Angel

Summary: Nate goes backwards while Serena tries to move forward…

Author's Note: Just a heads up, this chapter deals mainly with the underdeveloped Dan/Serena/Nate aspect of the Gossip Girl world.

Ch. 11: S Avoids Her Past. Again.

Serena sat on the edge of the bed in her spacious bedroom (thank God they had finally gotten out of the stuffy Palace), absent-mindedly biting her nails. She had just received a call from a very distraught Blair, who had informed her Chuck was not yet out of the clear. Her friend sounded like she might have been crying, but was putting up a strong front, as usual. What the hell did you do this time, Chuck? She was confused and even angry, almost as if the injury had been directed at her. Everything seemed to be going so well when they had all been at the Palace Suite, but now it was back to square one. Don't tell me they're going to be one of those couples, she prayed wearily. Serena hadn't had the heart to tell Blair she didn't want to be involved in any further torturing of her newly acquired step-brother, so she had just let Blair rant and agreed to do whatever was necessary. Nevertheless, it would be better for Serena to be involved 100 percent in all payback action from now on. She didn't want a repeat of Blair's last 'triumph.'

She heard a soft knock on the door and, figuring it was Blair finally come to tell her what really happened, quickly went over to open it. Instead, she found herself inches away from Nate Archibald, with whom she hadn't had a real interaction since he didn't show up for Blair's birthday. Oh, shit, was the only thought that ran through her mind over and over again, because she could see from the look in his eyes that he was thinking the same thing. Except his thoughts were for a different reason. After standing completely motionless and shell-shocked for a couple of seconds, Serena recovered and opened the door wider, inviting him to come inside. He closed the door behind him and she desperately wanted to open it back up, but she didn't wish to seem rude.

"Hey, Serena," he almost whispered in that smooth yet masculine voice of his, "It's been awhile." Seeing her here before him after so long, all flesh and bone instead of part of some sick fantasy of his, brought back all the memories he had suppressed while with Blair. The Shepherd wedding was the most painfully bright one, but he couldn't get all those Thanksgivings and Christmases out of his mind, either. Or that week they had spent on his couch, playing his new Xbox while Blair was in Paris for her mom's fashion debut. He had to physically stop himself from touching her delicate skin or playing with her golden hair. The French maid outfit she wore for Halloween of 2005, which earned her a great deal of molestation from Chuck and some silent adoration from Nate himself. The chicken noodle soup she made for him when he got pneumonia in 7th grade. It tasted like cardboard and smelled a little too much like piss, but he had eaten it and enjoyed it because it had been a token of her affection. He remembered all the jealousy that coursed through his veins whenever Serena had a new man in her life. Her 'relationships' never lasted more than a week, but he didn't know what to do with himself every time he'd see her with some other guy. So he'd just turn back to Blair and kiss her a little harder than before.

"What are you doing here, Nate?" Her voice broke through his thoughts and brought him back down to earth. Serena shifted uncomfortably in the chair she had moved to in order to be as far away from the bed as possible. Just her luck, he came and sat down in the chair next to hers, looking down at his hands and obviously wanting to reach out and touch hers.

"I just thought…we could talk or something. Be friends again." He stressed the word friends slightly, just so she would know he wasn't here for any lascivious reason—even if that was kind of a lie. First things first, of course. He had to win Serena's trust back before he could ever again try something.

She sighed, her heart going out to Nate but her mind firmly set in stone. "You know that if Blair ever found out we were talking, she'd be furious. She's my best friend, and you really hurt her."

He clenched his fist, unable to take it anymore. "She has Chuck now! Why can't she just let things lie?" But he knew that was a dumb question. Was Blair Waldorf ever one to 'let things lie'?

Serena laughed not unkindly, obviously agreeing with his unspoken words wholeheartedly. "First off, from the looks of our last phone conversation, I'd say she doesn't have Chuck right now. Secondly, like Blair could ever do that."

The news about Chuck threw Nate off for a second, and his posture slumped slightly in telepathic commiseration with his friend. Chuck might be able to get Nate through any crisis, but he sure didn't know how to fend for himself out there in the world of Blair. He got back on track, though, and tried another tactic with Serena. "Look, I know you're with Dan right now…but I just can't stop thinking about you—"

Before he could get any further in his sweeping romantic confession, she clamped her hand over his mouth and said, in a sweet yet agitated voice, "Love isn't some kind of merry-go-round, Nate. You can't keep going around from me to Blair and back again and then expect us both to be waiting when you get off."

He took her creamy-white hand in his own and caressed it softly, "I know I don't have the greatest track record here, but I'm ready to admit it's always been you." Serena looked worriedly over to the bathroom and tried to pull her hand away, but Nate held onto it as if for dear life. "You can say I was just another 'mistake' in your messed up life if you want, but I know you felt something that night, too. That you've felt something as long as I have."

"Nate, I…" she was at a loss for words. She couldn't deny she had held a torch for him throughout her youth, but there were always other things, other people to think about. There had been Blair, and now there was Dan.

Nate shook his head, letting her know words weren't going to cut it anymore. He brushed her cheek lightly with the back of his hand and leaned in to kiss her. Before she had time to even think about pulling away or not, the bathroom door flew open and out walked her boyfriend, Dan Humphrey.

Serena jumped away from Nate like she was playing leapfrog, and Nate tried to maintain his cool, but failed miserably. Why am I such a tool? He thought to himself, almost smiling at his unbelievably bad timing. Dan just stared at them both, not in shock but with a little bit of rage. "Hey, guys. So I couldn't help overhearing…" he deadpanned, giving Serena his goofy, awkward smile so she would know any anger in his eyes was meant entirely for the other male in the room.

"Look, man. I'm sorry about this—" Nate started to mumble, but Dan just rolled his eyes.

"Save it, 'man,' and get the hell out of here," he ordered, and Nate was happy to obey. With one final look at Serena, he disappeared out of sight and walked straight into the chilly, sludge-filled New York sidewalk.

Serena watched Nate's retreating back and then threw her arms around Dan once he was gone from the room. She had been relieved Dan was in the bathroom when Nate entered, because she knew that meant she wouldn't have to deal with him for long. But now she wondered what would have happened if the two of them had been alone. She kind of wished that Dan could have been elsewhere, just so she could know for sure that when she said no, she meant it.