I think in this point in Brother's verse Hojo is dead but *shrugs* this thing would be COMPLETELY different if he was. I never had a stable timeline in this thing anyway. Oh and I don't think he tortured his sons in this verse.
Also Sora had a terrible taste in music.
Warnings: jokes about torture
Pairings: Sora/Riku/Kairi
Prompt: Carols
"Hey Riku? Does Sephiroth not do the shopping or something?" Kairi asked as she, Sora and Riku walked through the local mall.
"I don't know, why?"
"I'm just trying to imagine him being able to being in a place like this for long enough to complete something like grocery shopping without going homicidal because of the constant carols."
"Come on Kairi they're not that bad!" Sora said earning him a look from both his lovers.
"Sora, the current one sounds like someone is murdering a trumpet violently. The previous one was a pop version of 'Good King Wenceslas ยด," Kairi pointed out.
"I think Good King Wenceslas needed a reimagining to better match the modern world!" The sentence would better belong in a school report than idle conversation but Sora said it nonetheless.
"It really didn't," Riku replied and Sora pouted.
"So who does the shopping in your family Riku? Because now that I think about it you're the only member who wouldn't resort to murder after being exposed to these songs and I know for a fact you don't do it," Kairi said, bringing the conversation back onto its original topic and as far away as possible from the merits of a modern retelling of Good King Wenceslas.
"I don't really know," Riku said with a shrug. "Food just sort of shows up when more is needed."
"You're dad probably has some staff member in charge of it," Sora suggested.
"Probably," Riku replied. It did make sense. His father and brothers were not people he could exactly imagine doing domestic tasks such as shopping. Added onto that fact Hojo and Sephiroth's busy schedules and Hojo's unwillingness to do anything 'below his station' meant a lot of tasks were completed by hired staff.
"Now that I think about it I don't think I've ever seen or heard of Genesis going grocery shopping either," Kairi said, trying to thinking of a time her cousin had made any mention of purchases other than those obtained at expensive boutiques. The few times she had been in one they always had much better music then the generic mass-produced pop that Shopping Centres were known for.
"Do any of their group actually go shopping or do they all just have staff for it?" Riku asked and Kairi seemed to seriously contemplate the question.
"Angeal," Sora pointed out, "and Zack and my brother." Really, anyone except Genesis and Sephiroth.
"Fair point," Kairi replied before stilling for a second. "Really? Someone's trying to mash up Away in a Manger and Feliz Navidad? Why?"
"I think it works," Sora said and his two friends shook their head.
"No Sora, it really doesn't."
"Come on, it at least has some elements working for it!"
"Sora. I'm starting to contemplate killing someone if it would make this awful music stop," Kairi said.
"Kairi!" Sora pouted as if that would someone convince his lovers that the music wasn't terrible.
"No Sora, I'm being completely serious here: I'm starting to think the reason my brothers are so scary is because they were forced to listen to this stuff on repeat. In fact I'm starting to think if I am here any longer I'll end up like them," Riku said and Kairi burst out laughing.
"Imagine that โ what Hojo did to make his sons oh so scary and mean was force them to listen to bad Christmas music!"
"No Kairi, I'm being completely serious here. What if it was the reason? It might also be the reason my father is so against celebrating Christmas: he knows that if they get exposed to the holiday they'll turn homicidal and he fears they'll kill him!" Riku said, grabbing onto Kairi as if he had figured out some grand conspiracy theory.
"And that's why he doesn't like them leaving the house other than for their jobs. He's afraid they'll see something Christmas related and snap and then he'll have to explain why his sons react so violently," Kairi replied, howling in laughter. "Man Riku you should be glad you're such a shame of a son to him or else you'd be exposed to the torture as well."
"Yeah, instead I get exposed to it in small doses every time I go shopping," Riku replied, holding Kairi up as she nearly fell over from her laughter.
Even Sora couldn't help but grin. As much as he liked the Christmas music he had to admit the mental image of Hojo using it to torture the grand and imposing Sephiroth was amusing.
Kairi caught sight of Sora's and instantly went to join him into the game. "Sora, what do we do if the horrible Christmas carols drive everyone insane and they all turn homicidal and start killing each other?" She moved to lean on him like some damsel out of an old Western film.
"I guess I'll have to use my enjoyment of the music to protect you and save everyone from whatever evil is using such wonderful music to control you all." He wasn't about to admit the music was bad just yet.
"But Sora, because of my genetic proclivity to annoyance at this music I'll probably be the first to lose my mind. Can you really fight me, you're best friend or will you find yourself unable to as the world crumbles around you?" Riku said, more than happy to include Sora into the game.
"I will do what I have to do to protect humanity," Sora said in mock seriousness before the three of them burst into laughter.
"Image that โ Sora as the hero of humanity?" Kairi asked after the three of the finally got their laughter under control.
"I don't know Kairi โ I think I can see it," Riku said, gently nudging Sora as the three of them starting walking through the shops again. "He's pretty tough when he needs to be."
"See Kairi, Riku thinks I'm capable of being a hero."
"Yeah but Riku's your boyfriend, he's supposed to take your side in things like that."
"He's also your boyfriend, so he has just as much reason to take your side," Sora pointed out and Kairi nodded in serious contemplation before letting the conversation go and instead they returned their attention to the objects in the windows of the shops and their plans for the rest of the holidays.
