Time is a strange thing. It can pass in the blink of an eye or drag so slowly it feels as if eons have passed. It can give you the chance to correct past mistakes. They even say it can heal wounds. Yes time is a strange thing indeed.
But it can also make you suffer, like nothing has ever done before.
It can make time repeat itself; make you watch failings happen again and again. It can make wounds fester. Time can make the world go on whilst freezing you to the spot, make you watch those you love succumb to time as you go on.
That's exactly what time had done to Inuyasha. So wrapped up in his grief, so consumed with pain he'd become frozen, unable to move though time like those around him. Pain and loneliness were his constant companion. Time had no meaning to him for all he knew was this never ending pain. That was until he was forcibly taken from his hell hole and thrust into the present.
It was the fear within his companions violet orbs that made his heart stop dead within his chest. The ashen white of his skin and the dark bags under his usually cheerful eyes told him more than words ever could that something was terribly wrong. Lurching his broken body towards Miroku, the hanyou grasped his shoulders tightly.
"What's happened?" he croaked, voice brittle from disuse.
"There you are! You have to come quickly, I don't- I mean he's-we can't-"Miroku stuttered, pulling the hanyou's sleeves as he tried backing away, towards where he has come crashing through the trees. It had taken him far longer than expected to find their hanyou friend, far more time than they had. Inuyasha's heart pounded painfully within his chest. Something had to be terribly wrong for his usually calm and collected friend to be such a wreck. Trying to process what the Houshi was saying, Inuyasha's mind whirled as Miroku continued to speak in rushed, clipped sentences.
Growling Inuyasha shook him, he couldn't understand a word he was saying! "Miroku!"
"It's Shippo" he whined, pain lacing his tone "Onegai Inuyasha, we have to get back!"
His heart plummeted to his stomach. Within a flash, he threw Miroku over his shoulder and launched himself forward. Inuyasha didn't realise he has travelled so far from the village. How careless he had become. Anger coursed through his veins, he was not going to lose anyone else! He was meant to protect them, keep them safe! Now kami knew what had happened to their littlest member of their rag tag group. Pushing himself to his very limit, it wasn't long before the two skidded to a halt before Kaede's small hut. Clabbering off, Miroku made a dash towards the hut, throwing the matting aside as he went inside. It was then that it hit Inuyasha. The smell emanating from the tiny hut was too much for his sensitive nose to bare, let alone his already fragile mind to handle. The overwhelming sent of sickness and sadness knocked him to his knees. His breath caught in his throat and his chest heaved as he gaged on the smells. Raking his claws through the dirt beneath him, Inuyasha took a shuddering breath before entering the hut. What he was met with made his gut knot painfully and his ears sink further into his scalp. A small fire was built in the tiny pit in the centre of the hut, a small huddled figure on a futon laid beside it. At the head of the bundle sat Sango, her face deadpan and her eyes far away as she smoothed a damp cloth across the tiny kits sweaty face. Beside her Miroku had sat, his gaze flickering between the child and his fiancé, his face lined with worry, his left hand rubbing this right palm furiously. At the base of the futon, Kaede was grinding various herbs to make a balm, the stench making his eyes water and his nose twitch. But it was the girl beside the elder woman that made his insides freeze. Just a quick glance had filled his body with hope and happiness so strong he almost choked. That was until he looked properly.
I'm such a fool he thought painfully. How had he confused his Kagome with the woman that had now taken her place? Anger and pain replaced his earlier swell of emotion, his aura flickering dangerously. Kikyo's sudden gasp of fear snapped him back to reality and his orbs clashed against her darker gaze only for her to look away just as quickly. Grunting to himself he walked towards the ill stricken child.
"What happened?" he growled softly, voice gravelly from lack of use. Total isolation from others will do that to a voice that was so use to the company of others. Not anymore. He could barely stand to look at them. The guilt was too all consuming.
"It happened so fast" began Miroku "He took loosing Ka-"
A low growl rumbled through the hut, stunning the Houshi into silence. How careless he was. Even now his Hanyou friend could not bear to hear her name and here he was throwing it in his face.
"Gomen" he mumbled before clearing his throat and starting again. "Shippo took it badly. After you disappeared he wouldn't speak to anyone. He wouldn't eat and he barely slept. The moments he did were plagued with nightmares." He finished, looking down into the child's face that was still contorted into a look of pain. Even in this state of unconsciousness he still has nightmares turning his gaze to Inuyasha he knew that his friend was suffering with them also. His haggard features and deep bags under his washed out golden orbs confirmed it. From the state of his robes and hair, it looked as though the hanyou hadn't been caring for himself either. "Before we could do anything he fell ill with a high fever and has progressively gotten worse." he continued, a pained note in his voice "We hoped you'd know of a way to treat it, ningen medicine has failed to work to far."
Inuyasha's clawed hand twitched, desperate to maim and destroy something, anything just to make the guilt disappear. It was all his fault. It all stemmed from his greatest failing. If he had saved her Shippo wouldn't be in this situation. He wracked his jumbled brain for the remedy his mother had taught him, flipped through his childhood memories with a desperate abandon. Kuso… Why can't I remember it? He growled internally. He had made it before but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't for the life of his remember.
If you remember what you made then you remember who you made it for. A voice said within his head and suddenly it all made sense. It had been what - three? Almost four? – Months since the demise of Naraku and within that time he had desperately shut down his mind in an attempt to keep the swarms of memories, the images of her away. He'd had too. He'd have died from the pain otherwise. Slumping in defeat Inuyasha whined low.
"I don't remember anything." He confessed, crushing his companions, the guilt threatening to swallow him whole. He was a coward. If he was strong enough he would remember, but the pain. He couldn't do it.
Sango froze mid wipe, her eyes wide. She was going to lose someone else dear to her. Tears welled and fell silently down her ashen cheeks. Her hand trembled as she began to smooth the damp cloth across Shippo's little red face again, taking great care. Her head bowed, hair hiding her face she silently cried. Seeing his fiancé break once more, Miroku gripped her shoulder in comfort only to have it shrugged off. He couldn't remember the last time she had allowed him to touch her, in any way. She barely spoke and when she did it was forced, angry and snapped. That evening they spent together after Kagome's death seemed so far away. He was certain after hearing Kagome's message his dear Sango would begin healing. And she did, at first. They had just finished building their new home, with the whole village's help it had taken mere days, when things changed drastically.
Holding on the each other's hand, the couple looked lovingly at the newly built hut. Their hut. A warm feeling spread through Miroku's chest and he smiled happily. Scooping his future bride into his arms, grinning brightly at her tiny squeal of surprise, Miroku stepped into their home.
"Your abode my love!" he said cheerfully, spinning her around.
"It's perfect, I love it" she replied, her smile so big his breath caught at her beauty.
It was slightly bigger than Kaede's, of course, hero's such as themselves deserved the best according to the villagers. There was a small entrance, the packed earth flooring that lead to a raised wooden platform that the rest of the room was laid out on. A fire pit in the middle, various sized pots lined the walls some filled with herbs others with rice and other foods. Some of Kagome's pots and pans sat beside the fire pit that they had transferred from Kaede's hut. There was a room to the back where a large futon was laid out, wooden chests against the walls filled with clothing, trinkets and other things. Sango's Hiraikotsu and Miroku's Shakujō leant in the corner. But it was the small box on the futon that caught Sango's eye. Looking to Miroku, confusion marring her features, she silently asked what it was.
"Open it" he said, smiling gently.
Pulling the box onto her lap she slowly lifted the lid. Her heart beat loudly in her chest. Something about this box had her trembling. What on earth could it be? Moving the lid to the floor Sango looked at the contents and gave a gasp. Her shaking hands rose to her mouth, her eyes brimmed with tears. Suddenly thinking he had done wrong Miroku dropped beside her and began to apologise profoundly only for Sango to wrap her arms around his neck in a tight embrace.
"Thank you" she whispered, trying to put as much love and gratitude in those two words as she could.
Turning back to the box, Sango touched her fingertips to the smiling face the box held. Inside was one of Kagome's 'photographs'. She remembered when her futuristic best friend had brought her 'camera' back with her and had all of them take pictures with it. This particular picture was of herself and Kagome. Both smiling as much as they possibly could, back to back, arms looped around the others. Picking the picture up, Sango brought it to her chest and held it there gently.
"Where did you find it?" she whispered gently, not wanting the break the calm that had suddenly come over her.
"It was with her other possessions at Kaede's. I had hoped it would help." Came Miroku's quiet reply.
"It has. Thank you."
"The others?" she asked hopefully, the more pictures of Kagome the better.
Miroku patted his robes softly. "There was only one other, of her and Inuyasha. I shall give it to him when he next appears" He said, a sad smile gracing his lips.
He never did get the chance to give it to Inuyasha. They very rarely saw him and when they did it was his back as he was running back to the forest. Things had gone so well with Sango after that, although they both had their off days, they were becoming less frequent. Miroku had had high hopes that with the progress she was making that she would be able to heal completely. But his hopes had come crashing down.
Screaming was all he could hear. His feet pounded the earth as he ran with all his strength back to his home. Sango! Oh Kami the screams! They made his blood turn cold and his heart freeze solid. As he burst through the matting into his home he skidded to an alarming halt. Sango was on the floor sobbing uncontrollably whilst using her bare hands to put out the flames within the fire pit. Kikyo was backed against the wall, tears streaming down her cheeks begging for forgiveness. Lurching towards his fiancé, Miroku snatched Sango's hands from the flames and attempted to drag her out of the hut and to the nearby stream. But her screams grew.
"Iie! Iie! Kagome, No!" she cried, reaching back towards to fire.
"Sango, what's wrong? What's happened?" he cried in return, still attempting to pull her away.
"She's burning! Save her!"
"Sango, calm down!"
"Hayaku! She's burning, hurry and save her!" Sango all but screeched.
Dropping Sango to the floor, Miroku used his foot, extinguishing the flames with each stamp of his sandal. He watched as his beloved crawled towards the fire pit and began searching the still hot ashes. It all made sense as she pulled a barely recognisable and highly burnt picture from the ashes. Kikyo continued to apologise in between sobs of her own before dashing out the hut.
"Kagome, Kagome, Kagome" Sango chanted, smearing soot and ash from the picture as best as she could. But it was too late. Half of the picture was gone, the edges so badly burnt. Kagome's beautiful face was half crisped along with most of her body as well as Sango's. Her last memento of Kagome was gone. And so too had his fiancé.
Miroku shuddered at the memory. It had taken him hours to get Sango to get her hands checked by Kaede and even then the old Miko had had to come to their hut, for Sango had refused to go to "the murderer's home". His Taijiya's hatred of Kikyo had grown tenfold, it was a wonder they had managed to combine in Kaede's hut now, even if it was for Shippo's sake. Days passed before he found out what had happened that horrific day. Purely an accident, Kikyo had startled Sango as she had admired the picture, causing it to be dropped before it floated towards the fire pit. Neither were fast enough to catch it before it was destroyed.
His gaze wandered down to Sango's hands as they went through the motions of cooling the child down. They were scarred horribly but other than that where fine. But it was a constant reminder of when their relationship had all but ended. Yes they lived together and slept in the same futon but that was where it stopped. Shuffling broke his thoughts and he watched as Kaede moved to smear this latest concoction over Shippo's forehead.
"Let us pray it works." She stated as she moved towards the door "Inuyasha, come with me"
Huffing in response the Hanyou followed, knowing exactly what the old Miko would say.
"Here" he grunted, thrusting the greying orb into the elderly woman's withered hands, his empty ones fingering the subjugation beads that still hung round his neck, a nervous habit he had recently picked up.
"Why ye still have this abomination is beyond this old woman, Inuyasha" she muttered, disappointment lacing her tone "Ye are leaving it longer and longer before purifying it. Tis is not giving ye trouble with its taint?" she asked, genuinely concerned.
"Keh, its fine. Just hurry before the others see." He growled, not wishing to hear them go on at him for keeping the jewel. He just didn't have it in him to use it.
"Ye still not told them?"
"Told us what?"
Snatching the jewel from Kaede's hands, Inuyasha snapped at Sango. "Nothin'. How's the kid?"
Eyes narrowed at his evasive question, Sango was in no mood for the Hanyou's lies. He had caused enough damage. Ignoring his question she fired one straight back.
"What are you hiding?" she snapped.
"Ain't hiding anythin'"
"Inuyasha"
"I said it's nothin' so drop it, Taijiya!"
"Inuyasha, ye must tell them, it is only fair" Kaede said, giving the Hanyou a sharp look at his almost death glare.
"Uresse! It's mine, she gave it to me and not one of you is gonna take it from me! She trusted me to protect it!" he yelled, shaking his head and sending his wild locks of dirty white everywhere whilst backing away from the two women.
"Kami you still have it don't you? You have the jewel!" Sango cried, a sudden hope filling her voice as she fisted her hands in the front of his dirty robes "Oh Kami, Inuyasha, don't you know what this means? We can heal Shippo! We can fix everything!"
"Get offa me! I won't use it, ya hear? She gave it to me to protect!" he yelled, pushing the girl away.
Guilt flooded through him again as she fell to the floor, her quiet cry of pain as her hands hit the ground. The harsh way Kaede said his name and glared at him with her one working eye made him feel the lowest of the low. Miroku came out at the sound of the commotion, picking Sango up immediately before launching into a full blown fit at the Hanyou.
"What on earth is going on? How dare you treat Sango this way!" he snarled, holding on to his now sobbing fiancé.
"Don't you see? We can save her, Inuyasha! We can save them all..." Sango cried, leaning limply against Miroku.
"What. Is. Going. On?" Miroku ground out, struggling not to throttle Inuyasha for harming Sango.
"I can't! She trusted me to protect it!"
The world began to close in around him. Sango's desperate cries gave life to the seeds of hope he'd planted long ago. Miroku's angry words attacked him, left vicious wounds across his already scarred heart. Wasn't he his friend? But it was Kikyo's pity filled gaze that broke him. In that moment she couldn't have looked more like his Kagome than ever and it was all too much. Taking retreating steps he then turned and ran, back to the forest, back to his solitude.
Night had fallen, the sky filled with thousands of tiny diamonds stretching far beyond what was visible to the naked eye. The small hut sat shrouded in darkness. A small, welcoming fire giving light to those within its walls. Miroku had long ago taken Sango home, the poor girl near hysterical after Inuyasha left. Kaede placed another cool cloth across Shippo's head. He was getting worse. She was at a loss at what to do, never having dealt with Yokai children before. Or a case such as this. For it was not just illness that caused this, it was a broken heart. The old Miko was more than certain that if a certain little Miko was here, Shippo would recover quite quickly. Alas that was not the case.
Oh child, ye no not how much ye are needed Kaede thought sadly and not for the first time. Poking the fire, the old woman raised her hands to warm them. A sigh left her lips as she watched her elder/younger sister chew her bottom lip and pick at her already shortened nails. She wishes to go to him, to comfort him. Anyone with eyes can tell how much she craves him. Oh sister, it will only end in tears…
"Why don't ye see if he is to be found, hm?" she said, giving Kikyo a knowing look at her shocked gaze, knowing that the now younger Miko would only sneak out once she had retired for the night "This old woman is quite capable of caring for the child"
Nodding her head, Kikyo walked into the night. There were a few places she would look but ultimately if he did not want to be found, he wouldn't, especially by her. Her feet carried her to the bone eaters well, not that she expected him to be there. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him, slumped against the well, tears falling as he glared at the tiny Jewel within his clawed hand.
"Inuyasha!" she cried, rushing to his side and pulling him into an embrace. "Please don't cry, it is alright, everything will be alright." She hushed, smoothing her hand over his matted hair.
Inuyasha could only turn his face away. How was anything alright? Nothing was alright. Pushing against her suddenly he stood and tried walking away only for Kikyo to pull on his sleeve.
"Onegai, Inuyasha, talk to me. Please. Let me be here for you."
"No. Just leave me alone."
"I can help, if you'd only let me. I know I'm not Kago-"
"Don't say her name! You don't get to say her name!" he roared, spinning and stabbing her with a vicious glare.
"Yes I do, Inuyasha! Kagome wouldn't want to see you like this! Can't you see I'm just trying to help?"
"I don't want you help, you're not her!"
Stunned, Kikyo stepped away, her hands clasping the space above her heart. Oh how it hurt. Was this how you felt? Was it like this when our roles were reversed? She thought. Taking a breath, Kikyo sadly smiled.
"Of that I am perfectly aware, Inuyasha. No matter how much I wish it, I will never be Kagome."
Guilt flooded him.
"I can't give you what you want Inuyasha but I can at least attempt to help you get by this." She said quietly, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
"I don't want anyone's help, I just want to be left alone." He said, defeat clear in his voice.
"And what will that solve, hmm? Other than destroying what Kagome gave her life for to save? Is that what you want?" the Miko snapped, becoming quite cross with the sullen Hanyou.
It was like a switch had been flicked. There was an almost audible snap and in that instant Kikyo regretted her worse fiercely. Her back ached from where it was shoved against the harsh bark of the tree Inuyasha slammed her into, his clawed hand wrapped around her dainty neck. Fear crawled up her spine. He had never treated her this way before and in that moment she truly feared for her life. His eyes flashed as he bared his fangs whilst snarling so loud her ears rang. Eyes widening she tried choking out an apology but failed, all that came out was a scratchy squeak.
"You know nothing" he snarled
From the corner of her eye she could see a small blackish light that swirled around his hand. Fear for her life changed quickly for his. The jewel is so tainted! Inuyasha stop! Can't you see the Jewel? Oh Kami it will consume him! Her body began struggling and her hands scratched uselessly against the hand around her throat. A broken whisper escaping her lips.
"Inu-ya-sha!"
"You think you know what I want but you don't! You have no idea how much I regret what happened, how much I want to trade places with her, how much I wish Kagome never died!"" He all but roared.
Kikyo's struggles grew. The black light was growing stronger. The hand holding the Jewel burned. The Jewel was so hot. Looking at the Jewel the Hanyou's eyes went wide. Dropping Kikyo he stepped backwards, shock and fear contorting his features. Wind blew wildly around him and he had to shield his face from the force. The Jewel burst from his hand and began spiralling around him, its black light growing until it tainted everything around him in a dark hue before freezing before the horrified Hanyou. In a flash of power the Jewel expelled a sparkling blue light.
Inuyasha no!
