AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi all it's been a while, been busy with a lot of school stuff so yeah, like I said updates are gonna be few and far between :( But anyways I hope you enjoy the latest chapter, writing Tina was a lot of fun but also tough and I hope I got her essence right. Let me know what you think of the chapter with a review, I'd appreciate it. Thanks!

Sir Hammerlock watched intently as the large bug before him morphed into a cocoon.

"Fascinating. These Varkids appear to morph in the presence of danger."

He looked back at the vault hunters behind him; the ground around them was scattered with dead varkids, and the vault hunters held their guns aimed at the rapidly growing cocoon.

Satisfied with the notes and video he'd taken, Sir Hammerlock stepped out of the way and let the vault hunters kill the last varkid before it could burst out of the cocoon.

"Thanks for the assistance vault hunters." Sir Hammerlock tipped his hat at the group. "These Varkids will make a wonderful addition to my almanac."

"Are you sure you don't want to come along?" asked Roland, and pointed at the two Buzzard helicopters approaching to pick them up.

"Sorry chaps, but I make a poor soldier. I'm afraid I'd only slow you down." Sir Hammerlock wished them luck and headed back towards the Fast Travel station.

The Crimson Raider helicopters landed and the vault hunters got on. Gaige, sitting on the edge of the vehicle, watched as the ground shrank away beneath her dangling feet.

"Enjoying the ride huh?" Roland smiled as he too looked down at the grey, mountainous terrain.

Gaige swung her legs happily in the wind. "Yeah, can I fly it?"

"Kid, it's easier than driving," The pilot shouted back at her.

"You can try once we get to the base." Roland pointed at the mountaintop that just came into view. A tower and several helipads had flattened the peak, and as the helicopter got closer, the vault hunters could make out several anti-air turrets aimed in their direction.

"Verify yourself, spell insouciant" came the order over the helicopter's radio.

"The bandits can't spell," explained Roland.

The pilot cleared his throat and started spelling unsurely. "Uh, I-n-s-o... damnit Mordecai that's too hard, gimme another one!"

"I-n-s-o-u-c-i-a-n-t," finished Gaige proudly.

"Damn, can't believe you got that one," said Mordecai over the radio. "Was that one of the new vault hunters? Roland told me about you guys, welcome to Tundra Express amigos."

The buzzards landed and the vault hunters were greeted on the helipad by a skinny man with a hawk on his shoulder.

The man waved at them. "Yo, I'm Mordecai." Mordecai then pointed at the bird on his left shoulder. "And this is Bloodwing." The bird screeched a greeting.

"Mordecai is our top sniper," said Roland as he walked over to the man. "He's also got the intel on the train we're going to blow up."

Bloodwing flew over and perched itself on Lillith's right arm as she approached from the other buzzard.

"Woah, hey Lillith. Heh, is this a reunion?" asked Mordecai, amused. He led the way towards the tower. "If I'd known I would've bought a cake or some rakk-ale at least."

"You can't possibly be out of rakk-ale." Lillith petted Bloodwing affectionately as they walked. "You've never been sober more than four days."

"Oi that ain't true Lillith," said Mordecai, acting hurt. "I've never been sober more than three days, you know that."

As the vault hunters were about to step into the tower, a soldier shouted from behind them, "Heads up, Moonshot incoming!"

"Oh this is gonna be pretty, check it out guys." Mordecai pointed at the largest turret by the helipads.

The turret was tracking the distant fireball coming towards them from the Hyperion moonbase. After a short period of charging, the turret fired off a large pulse of energy. The fireball heading their way exploded as the energy ball collided with it, the resulting fireworks display outshined the sun for a second.

"An anti-bombardment turret," said Axton, impressed. "Where'd you guys get all this fancy equipment?"

"When the Crimson Lance abandoned Pandora, they left a more than adequate armory behind," answered Roland.

"Yeah, makes me wonder how long we'd have lasted if General Knoxx had been serious," added Mordecai grimly. "Hate to say it, but man I'm glad the dude was depressed." He flipped off the Hyperion moonbase.

"Anyways, let's go over the plan Mordecai." Roland walked into the tower followed by the rest of the group.

Inside the tower, Mordecai pulled up a detailed hologram of the area. He walked over to a train track a good distance away from the digital tower and pointed out the bridge the trains used to cross a wide valley.

"This is where we stop the train, I'll add the location to your minimap. We just need some explosives to blow the bridge. I'm sure Tina'll give you what you need for that."

"Tina?" said Axton. He and the other new vault hunters looked around, half expecting a woman to jump out of the shadows.

Roland walked over to the elevator on the other side of the room. "She's probably down in her workshop, let's go introduce you guys. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to meet some new friends."

The vault hunters walked over to the elevator, but before Krieg could get on Roland extended his hand to keep the psycho back.

"I'm sorry Krieg, but it'd be best if you didn't come."

"Why can't he come?" asked Maya.

"I'll explain in the elevator, I'm sorry Krieg."

Mordecai took a bottle of rakk-ale out of the fridge by the door. "Hey you can stay up here and chill with me man."

Krieg grunted and ran out of the tower, ignoring the proffered bottle of rakk-ale.

The silence Krieg left behind lingered. Mordecai shrugged and opened the bottle of rakk-ale with his knife. "Is he okay? He's acting a little loco, definitely looks like a loco."

"Yeah, he's been acting strange since we got here hasn't he?" Gaige turned to Maya for support.

"I suppose." Maya pursed her lips in thought. "He hasn't shouted anything crazy since we left Sanctuary right?"

"No he hasn't." Axton wiped the smile off his face before Maya noticed. "Hey let's go meet Tina, I'm sure Krieg'll be fine."

"Sorry amigos," said Salvador, who took up half of the space in the elevator as the other vault hunters squeezed into it around him.

"Uh, Sal, you stink," said Gaige, with nose pinched firmly shut while squeezed between Lillith and the truxican.

Salvador grinned. "It's the smell of manliness."

The last one not in the elevator, Zero waved at the other vault hunters as the doors began to close. "Sorry, no more room."

Gaige struggled frantically as the doors shut. "Wait, trade me Zero! Zero!"

After the elevator left, Zero turned his attention to Mordecai, who was leaning against the wall, finishing up the bottle of rakk-ale.

"You're their best sniper." Zero reached for the sniper rifle on his back and brought it into his arms.

"That I am, and I'm even better when I'm drunk." Mordecai burped and took another bottle from the fridge. "Uh, can I get you something to drink amigo?"

"No."

As the elevator descended, Roland explained, "I couldn't let Krieg come with us. I hope you understand, it's for Tina's sake."

"You're afraid Krieg would scare her?" asked Maya.

Roland nodded. "Tina's been through a lot. She escaped from Hyperion several years ago. A bandit gang had sold her and her family to Hyperion to be used in Eridium experiments. She made it out, her parents didn't."

The vault hunters descended the rest of the way in silence. The elevator reached the bottom floor and through the door the vault hunters heard an explosion. The door slid open and the vault hunters saw smoke coming out of a garage inside of the cave-like basement.

A coughing girl stumbled out of the garage and wiped the soot off of her haphazard dress. Noticing the group, she ran towards them with a crazy smile on her face.

"Roland!" she shouted. "and Lillith and Bloodwing? Best day eva!"

The girl leapt into a hug with Roland. She laughed as Roland spun her around a bit before setting her back down. Bloodwing flew off of Lillith's shoulder and landed in the girl's arms; the bird didn't mind being squeezed tightly at all and returned the girl's affection with light pecks on the face.

Roland turned to the baffled vault hunters and smiled. "Vault hunters, I'd like you to meet Tina."

Axton cleared his throat and gave Roland a questioning look. "Your demolitions expert, is a twelve year old girl."

"I'm thirteen biatch!" Tina let go of bloodwing and returned to hugging Roland's hip. She blew a raspberry at Axton and assumed a sophisticated voice. "And I am the demolitions expert? I'll have you know, I have twelve degrees in the art of boom boom. Dumb-butt."

Losing his temper, Axton retorted, "Twelve degrees? Wow, you must be sooooo smart. "

Devastated, Tina looked down at the ground and began sniffling.

Lillith sighed. "Way to go killer, you just made a little girl cry. You must be sooooo proud."

"Wha- But she started it! Come on!" whined Axton, beginning to feel pretty embarrassed. Why was he always the bad guy? Axton looked for support from the others but Maya, Salvador, and Gaige avoided eye contact, and he didn't like the stony look on Roland's face.

"Okay, I got carried away, sorry," admitted Axton with his head down, recognizing defeat. Then he noticed the wicked grin on Tina's face; the little brat had faked it. "Why you-"

"It's nice to meet you Tina, I'm Maya," interrupted Maya, before Axton could dig a deeper hole for himself.

"Sup shawty!" said Tina and then switched back to her classy persona. "I am ever so pleased to meet you."

Salvador, Gaige, and even Axton introduced themselves to Tina before she dragged them back to her workshop.

Inside, they found sitting in chairs two large stuffed animal rabbits.

"This here's Mushy Snugglebites," Tina petted the rabbit on the left and then introduced the one on the right. "And this is Felicia Sexopants. These fiiiine-ass womens could stop that train for yas, but I'ma need some badonkadonks first."

"Badonkadonks?" Maya asked Roland.

Roland looked around the garage filled with explosives. "Are you sure none of these can do the job, Tina?"

"Pffbbtt, no way." Tina pulled a blueprint out of a nearby desk and showed it off. On it was a small stuffed animal rabbit impaled through its back with a huge missile. "Imma need this kinda Badonkadonk!"

Roland cupped his mouth with his hand as he thought. "We don't have anything that big upstairs either."

"You might find some in that bandit camp wayyy yonder," hinted Tina innocently, then excitedly added. "Oh and while you're there you can pick up Fleshstick!"

A sad look came over Roland's face and he knelt by Tina and put his hands on her shoulders. "Tina… is this about your tea party?"

Tina avoided his gaze and instead stared at the ground. "I want my tea party," she muttered bitterly.

Axton looked around, wondering if anybody else understood what was going on. The other vault hunters were just as confused, but Lillith had a sad look on her face as well.

"Okay Tina." Roland hugged the girl and patted her on the back. "You can have your tea party."

Tina jumped with joy. "Really! Ohmygod omigod omigod, I'll start preparing then!" She ran to the edge of the garage and began looting through a pile of clothing. "Ohhhh Sir Reginald Von Bartlesby? Where are you Sir Reginald Von Bartlesby!"

"This isn't serious, is it?" Axton asked as Roland returned to them.

"I'm sorry soldier, but I'll explain on the way out."

"You're starting to sound like Angel, Roland," said Lillith with a smirk.

The Angel interrupted them on the ECHO communicator. "I don't- I don't really sound like that do I?"

"Well you do say that a lot. The whole I'll explain later talk is getting a little cliché," said Axton as the group got back into the elevator.

"Sorry guys," said Angel, embarrassed. "I can't reveal much more than I already have. Just know that you are on the right path."

"It's okay Angel," said Roland. "We trust you."

"Yeah… thanks." Angel smiled weakly and disconnected.

When they exited the tower, Bloodwing flew off and landed on the top of the building, where Mordecai and Zero were standing with sniper rifles in hand.

Roland called out to the two, "Mordecai, Zero, you guys coming?"

"Sorry Roland, hic, we're in the middle of a competition," Mordecai shouted back.

Roland shook his head and returned to the vault hunters waiting at the helipads. He checked the time with his ECHO and then said, "Okay vault hunters, I've a job for you." He marked a location on their minimaps. "A Hyperion train should be dropping off payment here for the bandits who've been mining Eridium for Jack. I want you to go there and steal the cash."

"Hey what about Fleshstick?" asked Gaige.

"Me and Lillith will take care of that. It's in the opposite direction so we'll need to split up for now."

"But who is he? And what's the deal with the tea party?"

"Fleshstick was the bandit chief who sold her family to Hyperion."

"Oh," said Gaige, not knowing what else to say.

Roland reassured her with a determined look. "It's okay, she's strong. Go rob the train and when you get back, we can have ourselves a tea party to celebrate."

"Yeah," said Gaige and nodded. She then followed Axton, Salvador and Maya into the waiting Buzzard.


A slowly spinning wind turbine was the only interesting thing the guard could see. He wondered when the other bandits would come back from the raid; they'd discovered recently where Hyperion drops off payment for the mining gangs, and sent all of their buzzards there to steal the cash for themselves. The scrap metal castle behind him still held a good amount of people, but it seemed none of them were interested in coming out to alleviate his boredom.

He was just about to give up and fall asleep in his chair when he noticed a buff figure trudging up the path to the base. As the figure got closer, he could finally tell it was a Psycho.

"Man, another Psycho? Great, just what we needed." The guard stood up and blocked the tall psycho's path.

"Look buddy you're gonna have to go somewhere else. We've got enough lunatic mouths to feed here." The psychos were good for distraction and cannon fodder, but too many could ruin a gang.

The guard pointed in the direction of the wind turbine. "There's another gang that way that might take you in, now scram." He tried to keep the nervousness out of his voice.

The psycho looked in that direction and screamed in anguish, "PINWHEELS, I REMEMBER ONLY THE WHEELS."

The guard raised his gun too latel; the psycho had already buried his axe in his chest. "WHERE IS SHE WHERE IS SHE? IS SHE HERE? I'LL TEAR OUT YOUR SOULS AND MAKE YOU TALK."

"What are you talking about…" coughed the guard and fell to the ground dead.

The commotion drew the attention of the other bandits inside the castle, and the lone psycho charged at them.

"I can't see her anymore," The psycho shouted as he chopped in half the first bandit within reach. "She was so clear and bright."

The psycho grabbed the second bandit and headbutted him to the ground. Blood from the bandit's smashed face trickled down the psycho's mask as he jumped towards the horde coming at him. "But the blood is in my eyes, and now I can only watch the ocean of blood."

The screams of dying men almost drowned out the psycho's voice as he madly chopped and headbutted his way through the increasingly bloody sea of people. "Its waves crash against my forehead again and again, AND I JUST NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SURF!"


"Why does it feel like we're the bad guys?" Gaige ducked behind the concrete slab again as bullets peppered her position.

"Don't let the bandits steal the cash," ordered the scavenger in charge of the bandits, as they peeked out again from their position behind the other side of the train to shoot at the vault hunters.

"They're even calling us bandits," complained Gaige as she summoned Deathtrap.

"Think of it this way Gaige." Axton tossed out his turret beside her. "Jack's just going to kill them once he's done using them and take back most of his cash."

"Eh, guess you're right."

"Aw just take the money you damn bandits!" The scavenger and his gang ran away.

"Well, that was easy." Axton stood up and headed towards the train.

"I don't think it was us they were running from." Maya pointed back at the swarm of Buzzard Helicopters heading their way.

The Crimson Lance pilot came over the ECHO. "There's too many of them! I'm sorry guys but we can't afford to lose another Buzzard, I- I gotta go!"

"What? Come back here you coward." Gaige waved her arms at the escaping Buzzard.

"Get in my shield people!" Axton dived inside of the protective bubble his turret provided as countless rockets were fired towards them.

"Come and get some pendejos!" Salvador leveled his two machine guns at the incoming rockets and fired, blasting most out of the air before they hit the turret's shield.

But enough got through to break the shield, leaving the vault hunters exposed as the swarm fired another barrage.

"Deathtrap protect!" commanded Gaige, and the robot shot a beam towards them that restored the turret's shield.

"An upgrade huh? That'll come in handy," said Axton as they kept firing at the agile buzzards.

The next salvo brought down Deathtrap to Gaige's dismay. Recognizing a lost cause, Axton shouted, "As much as I hate it, we have to run."

But just then two of the buzzards spiraled out of control and crashed into the ground near the train and the vault hunters heard Mordecai's voice over the ECHO comm.

"You guys okay? Hic, just leave this to me and Hero."

"It's Zero."

Two more buzzards fell out of the sky as their pilots were sniped. Gaige waved back at the far away tower. "Are you guys having a snipe off? Five hundred credits says Zero wins!"

"You're on chica." Salvador took five hundred credits out of his pocket. "Don't lose, mi hermano"

"Gracias Salvador," said Mordecai. "That'll buy us enough rakk-ale for a week or two eh?"

Under the protective shield of the turret, Salvador and Gaige laughed and cheered as the Buzzards fell out of the sky in pairs. Seconds later, each sniper had killed five buzzards and only one remained. As it turned to retreat, the pilot took two bullets to the head and the last buzzard crashed as well.

To their disappointment, the train had been a trap and contained only a bomb. But the Crimson Lance Buzzard picked them up, and on the way back the vault hunters were at least able to listen to the two snipers, Gaige, and Salvador argue over who got the last kill.


Axton, Gaige, Maya, and Salvador stepped out of the helicopter and walked over to the long table set up in the field free of vegetation or varkids. On the table and in front of each of the seats was placed a small card with names written fancily.

Gaige, Maya, and Salvador all found their respective positions and sat down.

"Hey Tina, where do I sit?" asked Axton, failing to find his card.

"Here, duh?" Tina pointed at the chair opposite Salvador. Axton scowled as he made his way to the seat reserved for one "Monsieur Doo Doo Head".

Tina skipped her way back to her seat on the other side of Gaige and Maya. "May I introduce Sir Reginald Von Bartlesby, a local aristocrat and purveyor of the fine arts."

Tina put the bottle containing a small varkid in the seat next to her. She adjusted the mustache and monocle attached to the bottle as Gaige and Maya politely introduced themselves to the aristocratic bug.

"Hm, Sir Reginald is it? I'd be very interested in getting to know him better."

Gaige and Maya turned to find Sir Hammerlock standing behind them.

"Hammerlock!" said the two, pleasantly surprised.

Hammerlock smiled and displayed the bulky tea set and snack tin he carried in his hands. "You didn't think you'd be having a tea party without me, did you? Bloody unlikely I say."

"Oh, my, god! Are those crumpets?" Tina bounced excitedly in her seat as Sir Hammerlock put the box full of crumpets on the table. "I'm gonna eat so many goddamn crumpets it's gonna be a crumpocalypse. Boo you da best."

"Er, you know it, dawg," replied Sir Hammerlock, in an attempt to speak her language.

"You can have the seat next to Princess Fluffybutt," said Tina happily, and pointed at the toy rabbit in the seat next to Sir Reginald.

A second Buzzard set down next to the first one, and everyone greeted Roland and Lillith as they approached carrying a tied up psycho.

"Now now, behave Fleshstick," grunted Lillith as she shoved the tattooed bandit into the electric chair at the head of the table next to Tina.

"I'm gonna eat your babies!" screamed Fleshstick as Roland tied him to the chair.

Roland and Lillith sat down in their seats next to Gaige and Maya. Tina welcomed everyone to her tea party as Sir Hammerlock's teapot was passed around and all of the teacups were filled. But as they were about to make a toast, the group was interrupted by Krieg running up, covered in bruises and shallow cuts.

"HAPPY UNBIRTHDAY!" he shouted to the silent Tina, and before Roland could stop him, Krieg ran up to the girl and handed her a small pinwheel made of scrap metal.

Tina stood up on her chair and took the toy from Krieg's trembling hands. It only looked like a pinwheel; it couldn't really spin since it was just pieces of scrap metal forced into the shape of a pinwheel.

"A pinwheel? Why?" Tina said with a wavering voice. "D- do you know me?"

"I KNOW IT'S YOUR UNBIRTHDAY."

Tina wiped her eyes with both hands while sniffling. Then she hugged Krieg, who slowly put his arms around her.

Fleshstick stopped struggling and stared for a moment at Tina and Krieg. "I remember you, you should be DEAD!"

Krieg let go of Tina and punched the bandit in the face, stunning him.

"Thank you Garcon," said Tina, returning to her cheerful demeanor, though there was a hint of cruelty in it. "Would you kindly smack Mister Flesh-stick again in his bitch face?"

Krieg obliged and smacked Fleshstick out of unconsciousness.

"Now hit Mister Sparks and start the partay!"

Krieg kicked the switch on the generator behind Fleshstick and electricity charged the tesla coils welded to the chair. Once fully charged, they started zapping Fleshstick and caused him to shake violently.

"AAAAAAAAAGH! LET ME LOOSE, YOU CRAZY IDIOTS!" screamed Fleshstick as the chair slowly fried him while the vault hunters sipped their tea.

"Watch out boss, there's some bandits incoming." The Buzzards lifted off and began firing at the approaching gang.

Roland and Axton both tossed out their turrets, and Gaige summoned Deathtrap. With that taken care of, the vault hunters returned to nonchalantly sipping their tea amidst the sound of gunfire, explosions, and screams. Zero and Mordecai joined in on the fun and started their competition anew using the bandits.

"So, you're a siren too huh?" Lillith asked Maya.

"Yes I am," replied Maya. "How long have you been on Pandora?"

"Long enough, that's for sure. Have you tried using Eridium yet?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know if it'll work for you, but Eridium has been making my power awesomer."

"What does it do for you? How do you take it?"

"Well…"

While Lillith and Maya chatted, Roland and Axton were busy in a discussion about their mutual love of turrets. Sir Hammerlock and Salvador argued heatedly over the merits of single action vs. automatic guns and Gaige played along with Tina and her pet varkid and toy bunny.

Tina sipped her tea and turned to Sir Reginald. "I read the most EXTRAORDINARY thing the other day, Sir Reginald. Something about slag experimentation - I forget the details."

"I'm sorry I sold out your family! I'm SORRYYYYY."

"Fleshstick! How DARE you interrupt Sir Reginald." Tina turned the dial on the remote next to her cup and the lightning intensified.

"NAAAAOO! NO MORE! NO MORE!"

Inspired, Gaige thought of another upgrade for Deathtrap. "Hey Tina, you mind if I take this chair after we're done? I've got a great idea for DT."

"Are you going to make him sparkle? You def need to make him sparkle girl." Tina finished her cup and held it out for Gaige to fill.

"Heck yeah I'm gonna make him sparkle! Oh man this is the best tea party ever."

Tina grinned widely at the complement. "You gotta say it like this shawty, say it with me. Best. Tea party. Eva!"