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Laundry Shots
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor am I writing this for profit
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Ichigo knew this was it. What he'd fought so long and hard for. He'd cut through Arrancar after Arrancar, blasted his way all the way to Los Noches' throne room, and now confronted the master of evil himself.Aizen smiled that damnable smile of his, and rose from his throne. Ichigo flared his spiritual energy, ready to do battle and defeat the menace to everyone once and for all. He waited for the bastard to begin some kind of villainous speech.
Aizen opened his mouth... And then blinked. He began looking around in... Confusion?
"... Hwa?" Aizen mumbled, as though he could not quite believe what he was seeing. Ichigo blinked, and tensed for some kind of trick.
"Holy shit, what the hell have I been doing?"
Ichigo blinked. Okay... That was... Weird.
Aizen actually looked like he was trying desperately not to panic.
"Oh... Oh fuck. This is a nightmare! What the hell am I wearing?! ... And where are my glasses?!"
"... W-What?!" Ichigo said in utter disbelief. Aizen slowly looked at Ichigo, staring in shock... Before horrified realization struck.
"Oh... Oh goddamnit... No... This is..." He looked at Ichigo a little more, and blinked in confusion. "Kurosaki? Kurosaki Ichigo?"
"Uh... Yeah?" Ichigo said.
"... Oh. Oh fuck. Fuck... You know, you look a lot like your father... Er... Sorry we met on such bad terms..." Aizen was completely apologetic. Ichigo's jaw dropped further. Aizen was... This had to be a trick.
This could not be real.
"My father?"
"Mm? Oh, yeah, he was captain of the Tenth in my day... But er, that's beside the point... It seems I've, um... Made a bit of an error, really."
"... A bit... Of an error? Really?" Ichigo repeated in absolute disbelief. Aizen was... Was he fretting?!
"Okay... It's a major fuck up and total catastrophe that has plunged three worlds to the brink of all-out war!" Aizen confessed. "There, is that better?!"
"... A little?" Ichigo tried. He had to have been hit a lot harder than he thought...
Aizen groaned, sitting in his throne and putting his face in his hands.
"Oh this is just great. One moment's pride and youthful recklessness and I turn the universe upside-down."
"... Wait, what, really?" Ichigo asked, hanging his head. This could not be happening.
"Well, er... I had just achieved shikai, and I decided to imagine myself as a supremely magnificent bastard villain who pulled the wool over everyone's eyes and monologued a lot... Like classic comic book villains, you know the type?"
"And then you used your shikai... And then..." Ichigo groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You began to believe you were a magnificent bastard..."
"I knew those acting classes were nothing but trouble," Aizen moaned.
"This can't be real..." Ichigo mumbled. "It's too stupid... There's no way..."
"Oh, you're saying that," Aizen complained, sounding quite whiny. "I'm the one who turned myself into a magnificent bastard!"
"And it wore off. Just now," Ichigo stated flatly. Aizen nodded. Ichigo felt the urge to begin hitting his head against the wall.
The would-be god sighed.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry about nearly cutting you in half... Trying to kill Kuchiki Rukia... Kidnapping Inoue..."
"Don't forget trying to destroy Karakura Town," Ichigo pointed out irritably. Dear God this could not be happening!
"That too," Aizen said morosely. Still, Ichigo supposed that if he'd found out he had turned himself into an evil overlord entirely by accident, he'd be pretty morose too.
"... So..." Aizen began awkwardly. Ichigo blinked at him. The former captain shrugged.
"... Care for some tea?"
Ichigo looked around, saw the stunned faces of Tousen and Gin... And shrugged.
"Um... Okay?"
"Good, good," Aizen said. He turned to Gin and Tousen with a shrug.
"Well... Since that all seems to be a bust... Gin! Tousen! You're fired."
"We're WHAT?!" Tousen demanded. Gin thought it over, and then shrugged even as Loly and Menoly came out and served the now-seated Ichigo some tea.
"... Oh."
"But, I am not an ungracious boss," Aizen said. "Gin! You're getting that franchise of Mexican restaurants you always wanted."
"YES!" Gin cheered, turning and running off. "Tequila and Matsumoto's bosom, here I come!"
"And what about me?" Tousen whined. Aizen shrugged, and sipped at his own cup of tea.
"Well... You can, I don't know... Go back to what you were doing before."
"A captain of the Gotei 13?" Tousen asked in disbelief. Aizen shrugged, and opened up a portal to Soul Society, into which Tousen dropped.
"GAHHH! ... Uh... Oh shit... Komamura... Buddy... Hi... Can't we talk this out? Remember the path to justice and peace and-OH MY GOD! ARGGGGHHHHH! NO, THAT'S MY SPINE! MY SPINE, YEEEARRRGGGHHHH!"
Aizen closed the portal boredly, and looked over at Ichigo.
"In all honesty, I never liked him," Aizen confided. Ichigo nodded slowly, and took another drink of tea. It was good stuff... Jasmine, he thought, with just the right amount of sugar.
"I can see why..."
"Well Ichigo, since I'm going to have to make a lot of reparations, it seems logical to begin with you," Aizen stated. "What can I do for you?"
Ichigo thought about it, even as Loly refilled his tea cup. He sipped of it, and then smiled.
"Well..."
Later, deep within Hueco Mundo, Ichigo sat on an obscene couch with Rukia, Orihime, Nel, Halibel, Tatsuki and Matsumoto hanging all over him like a harem should. The orange-haired shinigami smirked.
"I've always wanted to give bein' evil a try..."
Aizen smiled back and bowed.
"As you wish, Kurosaki-sama. I'm off to make more reparations. Have fun!" With that, Aizen vanished. Ichigo grinned.
"Oh, you know I will..."
"What is thy bidding, my master?" Rukia asked, bowing while wearing a wear cute and revealing Playboy bunny costume. Turning her to the darkside and making reparations to her had been a two-fold deal-All the Chappi the Bunny merchandise she could ever want or need. Ichigo reached out and caressed Orihime's cheek, the orange-haired girl giggling.
"Bring me... Yoruichi."
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Just a random explaination for why Aizen went evil.
