iCarly lost last episode: i Take a break from Alligator Wrestlin' and see my ol' pal Sam part 10
So anyways I took Lyle around to see the farm. The first place I showed him was the giant wooden tower that seemed no other purpose than to store Gary's secret secret stash of Rubber Chickens and plant seeds. Except I found out last year that it was actually J.C's, the produce overseer. Unless Gary was lying about that.
Anyways I explained on how, to get to it you lolike had to climb the windmill and walk over to it on a tightrope. Luckily Sam had neglected to claim her farmhand ribbon which allowed us to get by the security gate to the windmill. So that meant both me and Lyle could enter. Well anyways we like climbed that windmill lol and to my utter nonchalant shock, there was a basket, similar to the one we found in Gary's loft, filled with decorated eggs.
"This must be..." I said, "...Gary's secret secret stash of decorated voodoo eggs." I pulled them out.
And there was a lot, there was one with fancy swirls. There was one that looked very similar to Slim, down to the un-fab mustache. There was one looked like Winola, the lady that greeted us when we first got here (It had flower patterns like the one's on her sash). There was one that reminded me of Gary. And finally one that looked like Farmer Green, the owner of the farm Gary worked at.
"lollollollol" I lollollollol'd, stuffing them into my basket.
Well anyways Lyle declined walking the tightrope and we eventually decided to like, hit the town. And then we found the town's facebook page and decided to like hit the like button HAHAHAHAAA THAT IS FUNNY STUFF RIGHT THERE LOLOLOL!
But soon I figured out that Lyle was not all he appeared to be because soon after we did that we found ourselves approaching the town capitol park again. You know the place with the skyscrapers. "What are we doing here?" I asked.
"I'm going to ask Winola if she's heard anything of the experts lately, she talks to a lot of people you know."
"Oh ok fine." I said. I walked off on my own around the corner, only to run into a bunch of street urchins in an alleyway behind the tall skyscraper of the mayor and his subsidiaries (looking into the park from the street it was on the right hand side)
"Please." someone said. I turned around to find Mrs. Rowley, the old pet store owner. She was offering me a leash, "Would you like to buy an imaginary dog?" She looked rather raggedy now. I think she might have even been missing some teeth.
"What kind of con artistry is this? Paying for an imaginary pet, yeah right." I said.
"Oh." she studied me, "Well I wouldn't sell it to you anyways, you're not from here are you?" she said.
"What are ye discriminating me?" I said in my best tough guy accent. "I'll have ye know I went be standing for this y'hea-VAMANOS" I covered my mouth.
"No, but it'd end up costing me more. Complicated legal stuff it is. Can't sell it to you unless you'd be a citizen. Got to stay in business." Mrs. Rowley blathered on.
Suddenly a large truck pulled up at the other side of the alley. A guy stepped out, "Free money! And candy!" A few of the street urchins walked into it excitedly.
"Just so you know." Mrs. Rowley said, "Don't be going near those things, they just want guinea pigs for illegal experiments. People like these guys at the bottom of the food chain are easy to prey on. Sadly the law in this town has loosened with all the chaos going over west."
"Then why don't you sell me an imaginary dog?"
"...Your right. Ok that'll be $150"
"OH." I said, 'Yeah I don't have that much on m-" suddenly a large guy with sunglasses pushed me out of the way.
"Selling to out of town persons without a permit." He said to Mrs. Rowley in a terminator like accent. "You vill be getting 25 years for this."
Luckily I happened to notice he was wearing sunglasses, which meant, "*gasp*. You're a CIA agent!" I yelled.
Immediately I turned a few heads of some of the hobos and hobo'ellas in the alley. Just because I'm gorgeous I guess.
"Hey look at this." someone yelled, he peeled away the giant paper on the side of the truck that said "FREE MONEY AND CANDY INSIDE" to reveal another sign that said, "CIA official lab rat transportation station" with a nice cartoon of a guy with a swollen head and a needle in his eye with his tounge stuck out.
"Shoot George, let's get out of here." the sunglasses guy said to his radio.
"THOSE DARN CIA GUYS ARE BACK!" one of the hobo's yelled, "GET 'IM!" Immediately the alley way camp became a mob. They chased the CIA agents and their truck away down a street.
"lolololololololololol" I said for no really good reason. Suddenly an explosion came from down the road that the mob went.
A guy appeared from around the corner yelling, "AAHH ITS THAT DARN FIRE FIGHTING ROBOT THAT WENT BERSERK 5 MONTHS AGO!"
I kept watching and sure enough, soon a toaster with a tattered arm came rolling down the street. It looked like something Sid would make on Toy Story. I guess 5 months can really wear something down like that, I'm sure it used to be more hysterical. Well anyways I was out of popcorn so I decided I might as well do something else. Like go see my prophet friend who I couldn't remember the name of.
So I headed back to the park and headed toward the weeping willow. But then who should I run into but Slim, walking in the oppiote direction from where I was going. I glared at him. Anyways I continued walking and soon found her.
"Hey prophet lady." I said.
"Oh. Hey." she said.
"We're you just talking to Slim?"
"Maybe possibly, yes."
"Oh. I hear he's really getting around with the ladies, Gary said he saw him talking to that Dinela trickster ha ha ha."
"I AM Dinela."
"...Oh." I said.
My mind crashed.
Fortunately when I was little my Counselor taught me to always have a backup system in case something like that were too happen. My 12 year old self spent the majority of my sessions with him that year creating up this backup mind-operating-system and now was the time to use it."
I blinked, "Oh what a lovely park this is-Reminds me of the great forests of the Amazon where I used to wrestle alligators." My eyes widened in wild recollections of those times.
"You..wrestled alligators?" Dinela said.
"Yes. Well. No. she didn't. But as far as anyone's concerned, I did."
"You did?"
"Yes, my name's Claude. Terror of the Amazon. Wild game hunter. 1623rd person to climb Mt. Everest. And Sushi Chef."
"Wow, I didn't know you did all that." Dinela said.
"You'd better believe it." I said.
"Wow. So I don't suppose a experienced uhh lady? such as yourself, would have any problem crossing town and getting me 10 shamrock eggs from the old LWEB lagoon?"
"Miss, consider it done. I'll be back in faster than you can say, "Anaconda""
So I slung my...uh picnic basket over my shoulder and whisked away. On my way out of the pleasant park I ran into a cheeky young lad who I understood to be called "Lyle"
"Hey Carly, Winola doesn't have any leads."
"Lyle, mah boy." I gave him a hearty slap on the back. "Cracking day wot."
Lyle gave me a weird face, "What are you doing?"
"I'm off on a mission."
"What mission is that?"
"Well it's nothing to worry about, I'll be back before the lady says "Anaconda""
"Carly will you quit doing this?"
"Boy." I said, "Just so you know. I'm not Carly. But when I am again, make sure to keep her safe. I'm counting on you." I gave him a noogie.
He struggled away from me "All right that's it. I give up on you." He threw his beanie on the ground and stormed away.
I watched him storm away and then shrugged, I had a mission ahead of me.
'Now. This LWEB place. Where is it?' I wondered to myself. Luckily I'm an expert at tracking. Places or animals. I talked shrewdly with a few locals and traded my chicken wings in for a magic tailsman that would lead me to it's entrance.
"Well this is it." I had seen my share of lagoons during my travels and this wasn't one of them. I looked around at the abandoned place, empty pits with garbage littered everywhere.
"I'm craving sushi." I said.
I entered in the grand entrance to find a gang of vagabonds sitting around a campfire behind an old tattered booth.
I walked up to them, "Cheerio"
"Oh hey iCarly." The man with the tattered top hat said.
"Oh my names Claude."
"Claud...ia?" he said.
"No Claude. Like Cloud. Anyways I'm just passing through. Looking for a haystack."
"Well it hasn't moved since you were last here." he said.
"Oh your right. Let me see if I'm able to retrieve that memory."
"Are you iCarly's twin or something?" The man asked.
"Oh no, nothing like that. I'm just covering for her until she-oh gosh, I think she's coming...no false alarm."
The man just stared at me with another look.
"Ok why does everybody give me that face?" I said. Luckily I was able to recover the memory of where the haystack was and I was able to leave their company.
While I traversed the treacherous terrain to get to the haystack however, I ran into none other than Sam. Who apparently had similar goals.
"Lovely morning, eh Sam?"
She gave me a sour face, "Oh, hey iCarly."
"Oh. Not iCarly. It's Claude."
Her face brightened, "Oh hey Claude. Long time no see."
"My sentiments exactly." I started searching through the haystack. I noticed a sign but didn't read it. Anyone who knows me will know that I have no concern for signs.
"To be honest though I don't really want to talk to you either. I mean you still sort of iCarly so I still sort of have to feud you."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Well then, i'll be off soon."
"Ok. It was still nice talking to you. How's your foot?"
"Oh it's gotten better. I tracked the brute down eventually. Put his head in my kitchen."
"Nice."
Well we both got the eggs we needed and split our paths. In less time then it would take you to say..."Anaconda" I was back at the weeping willow.
"Anaconda Anaconda Anaconda Anaconda Anaconda Anaconda" Dinela said.
"Here you go madame."
"Sweet. Between you and me, I think I'm going to have no problem winning this competition?"
"Oh? Why's that?"
"Well it's absolutely definitely not because I'm stealing eggs from Gary so don't think that. hee hee." she said.
I stroked my non-existant mustache "Crikey...no not crikey, that sounds dumb..Ballooga! You know I CAN recognize reverse psychology. If you're really doing anything like that I have half a mind to take you down- AAAH." I grabbed my head.
Hey guys so I'm back. Anyways where was I. Oh yeah, "YOU'RE DINELA?!" I yelled.
"Yes I already told you that. Why are you yelling?"
How could that have slipped by me? I immediately fashioned together a mud ball shield out of a nearby twig.
"I swear if you get this shirt dirty I will sue your pant's off."
"Oh well. I wasn't planning on doing that. I could though."
"Don't you dare."
"How about I just give you these jokeflower seeds." she held up a packet of seeds.
"Yeah right, the're probably booby trapped. I mean the're called JOKE flowers."
"For free."
"Oh in that case sure." I took the bag and stuffed it inside my picnic basket. The bag showed a picture of a large flower squirting water out of it.
"So we're good then? For now at least hee hee."
"Maybe." I eyed her suspiciously. I wondered if she was related at all to [REDACTED FOR PREDICTABILITY]
Oh well. I said good bye and went on my way. For some reason Lyle wasn't anywhere to be seen. He probably had run off with that Winola lady and they were buying sunflower seeds together. Oh wait Winola was still at her booth and Albertsons was still burnt down. Gee whiz I need to stop making so many wild assumptions, I'm starting to act like *GASP*..DORA!"
"You're not turning into Dora." Anytass had said. But, pah what did she know.
I decided I had better find Lyle.
