DENIAL
Thank you for the support following the last chapter, I really appreciated all of your reviews.
In this chapter, Cloud attempts to clear his mind of Sephiroth, but the man certainly isn't making it easy for him. If that wasn't enough for the blonde to handle, there is further drama endured with Zack that almost overpowers the Sephiroth situation entirely. Why must I torture Cloud so much, you ask?
PLEASE READ: This chapter is a little less eventful than previous ones. The next chapter is going to be FULL OF ADVENTURE
Chapter Eleven: Forgetting
The sight of Cloud's ceiling was becoming more familiar to him than the ability to breathe.
It had been over a week since the blonde's conversation with Sephiroth, and throughout the duration of that he had neglected to shower and forgotten the taste of food. The employees had been given a two week break to return and see their families, which had given Cloud the opportunity to avoid all responsibility and begin a new life within his bed sheets.
The blonde's mother had expected him to visit, but had been disappointed to learn that her son was too busy deciding how to survive solely by sleeping and occasionally masturbating. In a state of rage, she had called him and demanded an explanation; Cloud had practically heard her ovaries explode as a result of her parental instincts. Before all the drama with Sephiroth, the blonde had intended to visit her and had actually been looking forward to it.
Cloud had tried to explain Sephiroth's declaration of feelings to his mother and the effect it had on him both physically and mentally. Unfortunately, the only advice she had given him was to allow her to march down there and savagely beat him out of the closet with her bare hands. The blonde had tactically avoided telling her Sephiroth's identity and the obvious fact that the man could kill her just by sneezing in her direction.
The freedom he had been given throughout the two weeks should have been an opportunity for him to return to his Hometown and have a much deserved break. Instead it had given him far too much time to revisit the moment with Sephiroth and allow it to drive him insane. It would have been simpler it the General had denied him, or beaten him senseless for even daring to touch him. Now that the blonde knew his true feelings, and couldn't do anything to act on them, it made getting over him all the more difficult.
Cloud had pictured many things whilst lying in his bed; the thought of Sephiroth being led towards him down the aisle in a tight black suit and taking his hand in marriage. The image of the two of them within his apartment, wandering around in nothing but their boxers and enjoying weeks of uninterrupted sex. Sephiroth's inexperienced hands trailing down his stomach and exploring the blonde as the two of them discovered losing their virginities. The thoughts varied dependant on whether Cloud was mercilessly masturbating, or crying uncontrollably once the horniness wore off and his aching skin cried out for mercy.
Originally, his roommate had ignored the sight of him and allowed his friend to lie in bed for hours upon end. After returning from Zack's apartment that fateful day, the blonde had flung himself at Leon and admitted everything to him. Although Cloud respected Sephiroth's decision to admit his feelings to him and respected him enough not to blurt them out, he had already told Leon enough, and trusted him to keep quiet.
Unfortunately, despite wanting to help his friend, Leon had become painfully awkward hearing of their conversation and all of the sordid things they had done to each other. Cloud had attempted to describe how Sephiroth had buried himself between his legs, but a fatal punch to the stomach from his roommate had quickly silenced him. Although Leon wasn't homophobic, he still couldn't listen to the romantic and sexual lives of two men and allow himself to be comfortable with it. So, after being told of what happened, he had left Cloud to himself.
It would appear now however, the man had finally grown tired of the blonde's self pity.
"Are you still lying in that fucking bed?" he snapped at him.
Cloud didn't even bother appearing from beneath the sheets. "I'm unable to remove myself from this mattress - send reinforcements."
Of course, the blonde knew all too well that subtlety and delicacy were not Leon's strong points, and without warning he felt himself be exposed as the man tore off the bedsheets. Unluckily for him however, Cloud had remained naked throughout the duration of the week, and the sight of his abused and shrivelled member was displayed to him in all it's glory.
"Are you shitting me," Leon screamed at him, quickly covering his eyes as the blonde scrambled around for his boxers.
Cloud was far too miserable to be embarrassed. "You asked for it."
"It looks like a sad fucking cucumber."
The blonde groaned out in disapproval, before throwing the covers back across himself. Although he knew Leon wouldn't so easily leave the situation, he buried his head into the pillow regardless and prayed his roommate would be sympathetic.
Of course, that was an unrealistic expectation.
"Get the hell out of bed and come with me to the training room," he ordered, confirming to the blonde that whether he wanted to or not, he would likely have no choice in the matter.
Cloud's body physically trembled at the idea of human interaction. "No."
"I'll give you two options," Leon told him. "We can either settle this in good terms, and you come with me and be a man for a change. Or I grab that little organ of your between your legs and tear it off."
The blonde at last appeared from under the covers, and threw his roommate a suggestive wink.
"Careful now, you'll make me hard."
The regret flowing through Cloud as he helplessly followed Leon into the training room made him positively sick. As expected, the sight of hundreds of men fighting one another urged him to retreat to a corner of the room and cry violently. The blonde had expected the world to have stopped turning somewhat in his absence, or for someone to have noticed him and questioned where he had been hiding. But, much to his annoyance, not a single person looked in his direction other than to throw him a expression void of any emotion or concern.
As the pair of them walked through the doors, Leon became overwhelmed with greetings and conversation, whilst Cloud gathered dust beside him and wondered why he even bothered existing. Although his roommate had likely visited the training room the day before, he regardless received a reception that would have hinted he had been absent for months.
"Leon!"
Cloud glared enviously at his roommate as yet another acquaintance sauntered over to the pair of them and smashed his fist into Leon's as some form of greeting. The blonde concluded he could have been dead within the two weeks he was missing, and people years later would hear the news of his passing and simply say, "Who was he again? Someone of no importance? Please stop wasting my time talking about this person."
The gentleman before them was surprisingly more terrifying that Leon. It was difficult to imagine a human being having larger muscles and an overall more terrifying demeanor. However, this man made Leon appear like a delicate little butterfly. Cloud began to wonder why he had even been allowed to join Shinra with competition like this.
The blonde quickly began to panic that Leon would be overwhelmed with embarrassment and shame at being seen associating with him. Attempting to appear casual, but failing miserably and coming off as desperate, Cloud cleared his throat louder than expected and fidgeted beside his roommate. Wanting to look interested in something else, he turned to two men fighting beside him and nodded his head a few times; trying to look somewhat involved.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Leon asked him, completely destroying the blonde's effort.
The man before them turned the blonde, and looked at him as if he carried a deadly disease.
"Oh, this is my roommate, Nancy," Leon explained, patting Cloud patronisingly on the shoulder. "Be careful with her, she's a little delicate."
The blonde ignored his roommates obvious insult and threw out his hand to the gentleman as an invitation to shake it and potentially snap his arm off. However, the man merely looked down at his extended arm in disbelief and chose to completely neglect him. Cloud continued to hold his hand before him regardless, as if pleading to be acknowledged and appreciated.
"Fancy a fight?" the man asked Leon, leading the blonde's roommate away and leaving Cloud sheepishly frozen with his arm extended out waiting to shake nothingness.
The blonde spoke without intention. "I thought you were going to fight with me?"
Leon snorted at the blonde's suggestion. "Fight you?" he said, almost appearing offended at the thought of it. "I invited you here so you could get out of your room. I have no intention of breaking your little body with my bare fists."
The two men happily sauntered away and left Cloud lurking in the middle of the room.
It angered the blonde that Leon had dragged him from the comfort of his bed and given him the alternative of lacking even greater purpose, except in a different location. Cloud felt completely out of place, as he would at a strip club, surrounded by sexually frustrated men with women dancing on their hips. The blonde could practically picture himself squirming as a female dressed in lace thrusted her unappealing crotch in his face to the point where he could smell the scent of her shame, whilst he attempted to look somewhat turned on.
Perhaps a more appropriate comparison would be the feeling of attending a new school and wandering aimlessly down the corridors as you awaited the inevitability of being beaten up for your lunch money. Without further thought on the matter, the blonde concluded that he would return to the depths of his bedroom and continue a life of solitude beneath his bedsheets.
The blonde turned longingly towards the door in which only seconds previous he had entered through and wasted no further time in swiftly leaving out of it.
Apparently however, he was not permitted to make any decisions of his own that day.
Cloud shivered internally as he felt a forceful hand rest on his shoulder and halt him in his actions. The blonde gritted his teeth and calmed himself down, as he prepared to punch whoever stood beside him. Unfortunately for him, the individual at hand was the personal trainer within the company, and was capable of killing a man by simply tensing.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked the blonde.
Cloud responded without thinking, sarcastically. "Elsewhere."
The trainer turned the blonde to face him, and threw a comforting smile down at him, which appeared significantly more patronising than he must have intended. It was as if he looked down at Cloud and saw the body of a three year old child. The blonde was determined to someday prove all of these people wrong and craft himself into a murdering machine. However today he would solve his problems with generous amounts of self pity.
"I watched you arrive only moments ago," the man pointed out. "We haven't seen you in here for quite a while, is something the matter?"
Cloud would have felt relieved that someone had at least recognised his absence, but soon recognised that when the man referred to 'we' he actually just meant himself. The trainer was employed to monitor each individuals personal performance, and report back to the president. It was a depressing thought that the only person missing him was paid to do so.
"I haven't got anyone to fight with," the blonde admitted, though praying that the man would take the hint and not proceed to solve the problem by finding him a partner.
But of course, the blonde knew life enjoyed ramming a metal boot up his delicate hole.
The trainer immediately departed from Cloud, although not to leave him be as wished. Instead, the blonde watched as the man waved across at someone and ushered them to join.
"Zack!" he called, causing the blonde's stomach to turn.
Oh, it was going to get worse.
Cloud wrapped an imaginary rope around his neck and pretended to hang from the ceiling as he watched his friend emerge from the other side of the room and make his way towards the pair of them. Although they had left things on positive terms, it regardless didn't change the fact that Cloud had mentally destroyed him. The two of them had not spoken for weeks.
As Zack approached, the trainer addressed him. "Would you do Strife the uh…" he struggled, trying to mask the difficulty in releasing the sentence. "... Honour, I suppose you could call it, by duelling with him?"
The blonde would have felt all the more enraged at the obvious insult, if it were not for Zack's beautiful eyes staring into him with an intensity that threatened to break him.
"Of course," he responded, whilst continuing to stare across at his friend.
Cloud felt the lump form in his throat as the trainer swiftly departed and left the two of them posed in an awkward situation. The blonde scratched at his head and smiled awkwardly at Zack, who did not return the polite gesture and instead rose his blade towards him. Initially, the blonde assumed his friend to be preparing to slice him in half; however he could see that he was in fact simply gesturing for the two of them to begin fighting.
As the blonde raised his own sword to meet Zack's, he unintentionally found himself becoming lost in the man's eyes. However, there was no comfort within them; Cloud felt his entire stomach squeeze itself as he practically saw the reflection within his friend's eyes. The blonde could see the sight of Sephiroth buried between his legs as Cloud moaned down at him.
There was nothing else on Zack's mind.
"Are you ready?" he asked the blonde, although forceful due to being preoccupied with his thoughts.
Cloud nodded across at him, sheepishly clenching the handle of the sword.
"Please don't expect me to hold back with this," the man warned him.
"... I wont be easy on you."
The blonde felt his jaw slam to the ground as Zack released his final sentence.
"I wont be easy on you."
Although entirely innocent, the not-so-innocent meaning behind it rang through his perverted mind and temporarily distracted him. As his cheeks reddened as a result of his own filthy thought process, the blonde became unexpectedly frozen in fear as Zack lurched himself towards him. Cloud had not been prepared for such an attack, and felt himself helplessly plummet to the ground behind him along with his friend. The two of them slammed in the floor, neither one having expected such a dramatic turn of events.
The blonde panted breathlessly beneath his friend, as a result of both being taken aback and the sheer weight of the man. Zack's previously stern expression quickly faded, as he recognised the position that the two of them were now positioned in. The man genuinely blushed, lifting himself up off of Cloud enough to allow him to breathe, but not entirely releasing himself from his body.
The two of them remained locked together, and it appeared as if the world temporarily stopped turning around them. It was a different case entirely however; the men around them continued to duel and not a single person had batted an eyelid at them.
Cloud stared up at his friend and felt himself redden; his eyes practically glimmering as he returned Zack's tense expression. The two of them continued to be lost in one another's eyes, and the blonde couldn't help but wonder why the man had yet to remove himself. There was only one thing to assume - now Zack knew the blonde's sexuality, and had seen it himself, it made simple situations such as this difficult. And that's why Cloud had hesitated to tell him.
But… he was just so damn attractive.
The blonde failed to prevent his heartbeat from slamming rapidly against his chest and threatening to tear at the skin. There was a slight twinge between his trousers, as the feel of Zack's muscular figure pressed against his stomach sent him into a frenzy. The two of them were close enough that Cloud could feel his friend's warm breath against his cheek.
Why on earth did Zack look so… lost?
The blonde felt his friend at last attempt to scramble off him, and proceeded to aid him in doing so. However, as Zack awkwardly moved his hands in order to pull himself up, the blonde felt the material between the man's trouser brush against his thigh. It was close enough to his length to startle him; although Zack certainly wasn't excited himself, the blonde could regardless still feel a slight outline of something he shouldn't have.
Cloud moaned at the sensation.
… He moaned at the…
The blonde's eyes flew out of their sockets as he recognised what he had just done. Zack hovered awkwardly above him, taken aback by the noise that had left Cloud's mouth.
HAD HE REALLY JUST MOANED FOR HIM.
"I do hope I'm not interrupting anything."
Cloud screamed in surprise as a figure appeared beside them and intensified their already excruciating moment.
The blonde and Zack appeared to be moving in synch as they clumsily brushed themselves down and allowed their eyes to dance across the training room. Cloud was too busy focusing on avoiding his friend's gaze that he neglected to acknowledge the figure stood before them. It was Zack that highlighted the man's identity as he shakily addressed him.
"Sephiroth."
… Sephiroth.
Cloud found that despite hearing the man's name, he could not tear his attention towards him. Instead he allowed the bile to rise to his throat as he focused on a fight in the corner of his eye and desperately attempted to slow down his heartbeat. Becoming unnaturally flustered, he closed his eyes shut and begged himself to take control of the situation.
And as his eyes opened, it surprised him to witness that Sephiroth was already looking at him.
"No you're not interrupting," Zack told him, although the vulnerability in his tone suggested otherwise. "I just lunged a little too violently at Cloud, which I should have."
The man turned his attention towards the blonde. "Sorry."
Cloud was at last forced to face the scenario before him, and returned his friends apology. As his eyes locked with Zack's, he watched as Sephiroth analysed his every move. It was concerning, almost as if the General were looking something deeper in his movements.
"Never apologise for dominating a fight," Sephiroth said, disregarding the blonde's feelings. "If your opponent is weak and submissive, it's no fault of yours."
Cloud almost spluttered at him.
"I'LL DOMINATE YOUR INSIDES."
… The blonde might of said, if he weren't such a painfully obvious wimp.
There was nothing he could do but neglect Sephiroth's comment. It was unbearably tense; the three of them stood together, and unbeknowingly to the General possessed the same secret.
Sephiroth, unaware of his friend's discomfort, glared across at him in confusion. It was oddly uncomfortable, standing between the two of them; the General had no idea that Zack knew of his sexuality. The man continued to act as he had done before that night, and naturally assumed that it was only the blonde that he shared any unusual tension with.
But the look in Zack's eyes said it all…
It was clearly difficult for him being in the same breathing space as two people he had only weeks previous witnessed being intimate. Cloud and Sephiroth stood together and shared not a single sentence, yet had been able to share their most intimate areas. The blonde could not help but stare across at Sephiroth and return to the sight of him sliding down his length.
How could everything be so… casual?
"Well, I came to tell you about the mission," Sephiroth suddenly interrupted, relieving the blonde and his friend. "There has been a change of date; we leave in two days."
There was a hint of panic in Zack's eyes, which the blonde could not comprehend.
"Why has the date changed?" he asked Sephiroth, although reluctantly.
The General shrugged across at him. "I haven't the slightest idea."
Cloud stared clumsily at the floor as Sephiroth abruptly said his goodbyes to Zack and left the two of them standing in the middle of the room. As the General passed him, and the feel of his shoulder slightly skimming against his cheek caused shivers, the blonde could not prevent the sadness which overwhelmed him. After everything Sephiroth had said to him; all of the kind words and gentle kisses, he could barely acknowledge his existence.
The blonde felt on the verge of tears, but knew he could not allow them to spill.
"There's something I need to tell you," Zack announced.
Cloud immediately jolted from his thoughts and stared up at his friend. "What is it?"
The man bowed his head in apparent shame, and the motion of it terrified the blonde. What was he about to admit to him? Had something awful happened between him and Sephiroth?
"I wasn't going to mention it," he admitted, fiddling nervously with his fingers. "But as Sephiroth so tactically blurted it out in front of you, I feel as your friend, I should…"
Cloud tilted his head in confusion. "Tell me what?"
The man threw him a sympathetic smile. "That mission you're due to attend next week," he explained, although giving the blonde no further insight into the issue. "The one that Sephiroth has just told me has been moved. Well, you're no longer going…"
There was a temporary moment of silence as the blonde considered how to react. Although he felt disheartened at the thought of no longer being involved, it confused him as to why Zack appeared so delicate with the subject. And what on earth did Sephiroth have to do with it?
"Why not?" he asked, responding calmly despite the initial panic.
Zack appeared uncomfortable sharing the information with him. "It was Sephiroth's request."
"... What."
The blonde felt himself becoming physically empty; there was no anger boiling inside of him or tearing threatening to fall. Cloud simply felt… numb. It was as if his heart were breaking.
"What do you mean it was Sephiroth's request?"
"It was shortly after y'know…" Zack started, becoming flustered as he described it. "Well, it was shortly after that night where you two…"
The blonde raised his hand as if to silence him. "I know what night, continue."
"Sephiroth announced to me that you wouldn't be attending," he said. "The reason was because he thought you weren't yet prepared for such a mission. Perhaps I might have believed it if I hadn't seen you two doing… anyway, the mission is the first mission for all new employees in the company. Whether ready or not, it's an obligation to go."
"... I knew then that there was another reason behind it."
Cloud felt utterly betrayed. "So I can't go on this mission with him?"
Zack went to respond, but halted in his actions. The man took a moment to comprehend how to respond, as if there were something else he wanted to say, but felt hesitant doing so.
"Well…" he practically whispered. "It's not just this mission."
The blonde could now feel the blood boiling. "What?"
Zack placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Sephiroth has requested that you no longer be present in any meetings, missions or classes that he's involved with."
"In fact, it would appear he wants to avoid any involvement with you at work."
"..."
The blonde could not even bring himself to respond. There was nothing that could prevent the wave of crippling sadness that overwhelmed his body and paralyzed him.
How could he do that to him?
Cloud appreciated that the General faced a difficult situation where his feelings were concerned; it wasn't simple for him to be open about his sexuality. The blonde knew Sephiroth was to distance from him slightly, as he had announced he would that morning in Zack's apartment. Sephiroth had told the blonde he wanted him; he wanted what he couldn't have, and that it was the end of their love affair. But refusing to be in the same room as him? Forcing him to not attend missions that he was involved it? That was cruel, nothing else.
But if that was the case, why on earth had he just appeared in the training room and freely approached him and Zack?
Had he said all of those things to hurt him, to use him, to fool him? Cloud had thought Sephiroth was bitter and malicious; but he'd believe him… he really had.
… Could it have all been a lie?
"I need to go," the blonde announced, stunning Zack who had been staring in concern at him and awaiting a response. That however, was not what he had been anticipating.
The man attempted to follow him. "Cloud, wait!" he cried, startling the group of men around them. "Whatever you do, don't confront him!"
The blonde had already made up his mind.
To those who passed the darkened office, it would appear to be entirely vacant.
The room was almost entirely covered in shadow bar the computer monitor blaring at the man positioned before it. There was a silence amidst the room that gave the impression of complete and utter abandonment; it was difficult to imagine that a man dwelled in that office.
However, for the man in question, there was no energy within his body to liven up the room around him. In his current state of mind, the darkness was fitting, and it allowed him to sit motionlessly in his chair and stare vacantly at the screen before him.
Before him, the cameras located around the Shinra building were presented and unknowingly enabled him to destroy all sense of privacy for the individuals displayed on them. It was against company policy to view these cameras without strict reason, but the man had simply been bored and wanted a way to pass the time.
It had never been intended to see something of interest on them…
The training room was only located a few doors down from his office. It had initially caught his attention due to his friend duelling in there; Zack's strength was impressive, and his fighting tactic reminded him very much of himself.
But then something else had caught his eye.
It had completely caught him off guard; the man who had appeared to him on the camera had not been seen throughout the building for weeks. Well, certainly not by him, although he had desperately tried not to look with intention. It took only seconds for him to catch the glimpse of blonde hair and feel his body immediately tense at the sight of him.
He had watched Cloud Strife awkwardly positioned next to an individual greatly larger than himself. After a brief few seconds, the blonde had been left alone, and had held an expression full of sadness.
It had tore at the heart strings of the man watching him, much to his disapproval.
However, that sadness had been short lived, as a trainer had summoned Zack from his fight and clearly suggested that he duel the blonde. It had seemed innocent at first, well, until the blonde had plummeted to the floor after being leaped on. The blonde's clumsiness had made the individual watching him snicker, before he quickly silenced himself.
Cloud's face had disappeared beneath Zack temporarily, who had fallen on top of him and seemingly frozen in position. It was something that ordinarily, two people would handle without question and following that would continue their previous mission. However, neither man had attempted to move, and as Zack moved himself slightly, the blonde's face could be seen through his arms.
The cameras filming them where horrendously expensive and state of the art; it allowed all movements and conversations to be monitored and observed if needed. Shinra took privacy very seriously and watched to ensure all employees could be traced within the building.
It allowed the man at the computer to see the look of tension on the blonde face. Cloud had almost appeared flustered and lost in the moment. But regardless, the two men had remained glued together and Zack, despite being a heterosexual, remained on top of him suggestively.
At long last, the bigger man of the two had attempted to move himself upward, but became unintentionally frozen as something happened. Something that even with the greatest camera in the world could not be monitored. Whatever it was though, it had caused the blonde's face to scrunch up in something similiar to pleasure. The man had seen Cloud's features soften and his mouth open to release a noise that he could not comprehend.
Perhaps if he had stayed long enough to analyse the situation before him, he might have been given an inclination as to what had happened. But without prior intention, the man behind the screen had left his computer and there was no longer anyone watching that camera.
The man eventually appeared in the filming himself.
Sephiroth had not known why he had interrupted Zack and Cloud. Or was that denial? The sight of the two of them lay on top of each other had caused him to become animalistic.
He couldn't watch it.
Why couldn't he watch it?
The blonde was no longer his concern; he had made the effort to ensure the two of them didn't come into contact at work. Sephiroth had said all he needed to and wished the blonde would respect his desire to leave the situation be. He couldn't get involved with Cloud; he had to forget about him and move on.
"Am I interrupting something?"
But he hadn't been able to stop himself from going to that training room.
Ah, Sephiroth you sly dog, watching the two of them the whole time.
Apologies, as previously mentioned, this chapter is a little clumsy and a lot less eventful than the rest!
The next chapter is going to be INTENSE though, so I didn't want to overwhelm anyone.
PLEASE REVIEW xx
