Chapter 11 I'll save you if you save me
Zuko held Katara in his arms, bringing her as close as physically possible. His fingers played in her hair, sweaty from the nightmare and thrashing she had just finished.
"I'm here Katara, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere," he whispered only loud enough for her to hear over her sobbing, as he kissed her hair and forehead over and over again, trying his best to sooth her. He stayed still letting her cry as much as she needed. When he had left earlier, he knew that something heavy was weighing on her shoulders, something that she wouldn't, or perhaps couldn't, voice even to him. Yet she had blown it off as though it was nothing. He had left, but stayed close just in case she decided she was going to tell him.
When it had seemed that Katara had fallen asleep and was at peace, the Fire Lord had began his short walk down the hall to his own room and upon entering the bedchambers had disposed of his robes and boots before all but collapsing onto the large bed, shirtless. He quickly fell asleep only to have that sleep invaded with images of Azula standing over him as he held a bleeding and dying Katara in his arms. The images dispersed only to be replaced by images of Ozi lying over the water bender, scarring her gorgeous, supple skin, as he harshly rid her of her clothes.
He had only just awoken from a nightmare in which his father had sickeningly raped Katara, when he heard her screams from down the hall. Without hesitation he had thrown himself from the bed and raced down to her bedchambers, throwing open the door. The sight he had seen was horrific. The beautiful water bender was thrashing around in pain, tears streaming down her face as she screamed for him to wake up, to come back to her. Then she stilled for a moment and Zuko thought that perhaps the nightmare was over. His heart beat madly but all but stopped as he heard her whisper the words "I love you." then the screaming resumed along side the thrashing
He couldn't take it anymore. He climbed up in the bed and pulled the sleeping woman towards him and began to gently shake her, begging her to wake up, telling her that everything was fine. She had opened her eyes only a moment before squeezing them shut, hitting him demanding why he could do it?"
"He was your brother!"
The words stung him for a moment before he finally placed his hands on the side of her head and told her to look at him. When she had reopened her eyes and saw that it was him, she had thrown herself at him, hanging on to his neck for dear life, sobbing, repeating the words "you're okay" over and over again.
Moments passed before her crying finally dwindled and she laid still in his arms. "Katara?" She pulled away and leaned back against the pillows, her knees pulled to her chest, her entire body shaking as she rocked back and forth. "Katara, are you okay?" it was a stupid question, one he already knew the answer to but thought to ask anyway because he needed her to say it. She shook her head not trusting her voice. Zuko switched positions, sitting beside her like they had been only hours ago, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Minutes passed before Katara relaxed enough to allow herself to lean into Zuko's warm body.
He was shirtless she saw, the only piece of clothing on his body dark colored pants. As she looked at him through the light haze the lamp on the bedside table cast about the room, she could almost see the man he had been when he had been training Aang. Almost. Now his hair was longer and less shaggy around the edges, and in the place of smooth scarless skin on his chest, he had a large scar rippling out beginning in the center of his sternam and leading to his heart.
She laid down on the bed, entangling her legs with his as she rested her head on his chest just below his chin. her fingers began to trace the scar sending slight shivers through Zuko's skin.
"Some dream hu?"
Zuko found himself whispering as he played with her hair. Katara quit tracing the scar and her hands lay dormant as she burried her face into his neck and breathed in his burnt firewood scent, and listened to his steady heartbeat. Yes, some dream.
"you never told me you had nightmares."
She was silent for a moment and then... "they aren't important Zuko. They're just nightmares."
Her voice was cracked and her body began to shake again. Zuko held her closer.
"Want to talk about them?"
The water bender lifted her head and met his golden gaze once more, a puzzled expression on her face.
"you're not the only one who has nightmares about that night with Azula, Katara."
His reply only shocked her more. that night with Azula... she wondered how he had known that she was dreaming about that night. Then it hit her. Sokka had woken her from many nightmares back in the south pole over the past few years, and every time she had asked how he had known, all he had said was he could hear her screaming, begging La to save Zuko. The fire-bender's room was only down the hall from hers... he would have defiantly heard her if she had been screaming for him. Suddenly she remembered telling him she loved him in her dream and the thought that perhaps the Zuko here with her now, the alive and well Zuko, had heard her, frightened her.
She closed her eyes again and nuzzled back into Zuko's warm chest.
"Every single night," she whispered, amazed that she was actually going to talk about the nightmares with him when she had absolutely refused to talk to anyone else about them. "Every single night I'm afraid to go to sleep because they are always, always waiting without fail. Ever since that night. They only got worse and to the point I was sleep talking when we left ember Island." Zuko was silent waiting for her to be finished before he asked any questions.
"they switch from night to night. Some nights, like tonight, it's Azula killing you, then burning me alive. Other night I watch as Ozi kills Aang and everyone we've ever cared about, before..." she stopped suddenly and the fire lord felt a shiver of fear run through her. "Katara?" He could feel his bare chest wet with her tears. "And then he takes me away and he..." she couldn't say the words and she didn't need to. Zuko knew what she was talking about, He himself had just woken up from one of those dreams. But it must have been different, he guessed, for her to have to see, feel, when his father marred her beautiful skin, raping her harshly.
She took a different turn speaking of a different nightmare. "Sometimes he just kills me out right, burning me alive like Azula... sometimes he even keeps you alive, so you can do it for him."
Zuko moved to sit up at her words, frightened, horrified that her dreams involved him in that way. It made him cringe with disgust at the mere thought. He had never and would never think about hurting her that way, even if they had lost the war and his father had tried to force him to do something like that, he would've burned himself alive first.
"Does it make you afraid of me?"
her answer surprised him. "Of course not Zuko. Even in my dreams, even when you..." she trailed off a shudder rippling through her skin as she pulled herself even closer to him. "even then, you are only protecting me from him, from worse things." Yes even in her worse nightmares Zuko was protecting her from the greater evil. Silence embraced the benders as they laid there holding each other close. An hour passed before Katara even said another word.
"What are yours like Zuko?" Her words were still whispered, still worried and cracked around the edges, almost as though she was afraid of the answer she would receive. He was silent for a moment pondering whether or not to tell her. He didn't want to worry her anymore than she already was. But the look portrayed in her vibrant blue eyes held him in place and promised to never let him go unless he told her the truth.
"Much like yours, except I never had time to even save you before she hit you with that lightening bolt. In most of them I'm holding you and you're just... fading. Then afterwards I end up burning Azula alive. My own sister..." he paused letting his words sink in. Katara's face turned from worried to plain scared in a matter of seconds and he knew that it wasn't that she had died, but that he had to deal with the pain of not only losing her but also murdering his own sister. He didn't dare tell her that he had the same ones she did when it came to his father, he didn't need her even more afraid to go to sleep than she already was. So he let the matter drop.
katara raised her head, leaning on her arms as she looked into Zuko's golden eyes. "You know I wouldn't be here right now if you hadn't done what you had right? You saved my life." He smiled up at her and moved a few strands of her hair out of her face, tucking them behind her ears. "I would do it all over again if needed. I wouldn't have changed a single thing if it meant keeping you alive in the end."
His words scared her even more, the fact that he would nearly die for her over and over again weighed on her mind as she said the following words, "You wouldn't be able to because if that ever happened again, I wouldn't let you." Then she returned his smile as best she could, hoping it would prove that she was better, when in fact she clearly wasn't by much. then before she even knew what she was doing she leaned down and kissed his scar right where it reached for his heart.
The two lasped into silence again each one thinking about the night that Zuko had almost died for Katara. Curled into his side, his heat and scent lulling her to sleep, she felt the whisper of the dreams returning and frightened, she sat back up bringing her knees back into her chest. "you need to sleep Tara." She shook her head violently until Zuko kneeled back in front of her and tilted her chin up.
"Would it help if I stayed here with you? At least until you fell asleep and dawn came?" He prayed she would say yes so he could hold her safe and sound for the rest of the night. Katara thought for a moment, her expression still worried. He pulled her close again and whispered in her ear. "I'll keep you safe if you keep me safe." Too exhausted she didn't much think about what would happen if anyone was to check on the fire lord and find him missing from his chambers, let alone what anyone would think if they came to check on her and found him sleeping in her bed. Nuzzling even closer to him she allowed herself a small smile before drifting off into an easy slumber, lulled once more by burnt firewood and honey.
Neither bender realized that when Zuko had thrown open Katara's door and hurried to calm her down, that he had left it cracked. Neither of them knew that though they had stayed quite, Katara's screams had woken another. Someone who had came rushing to her rooms, used to laying by her side, soothing her fears and waiting till she fell back to sleep.
Yet Sokka couldn't help but smile as he watched his little sister lay down wrapped up in the fire lords arms, and drifted off to sleep, Zuko following closely behind her. By now he knew that they must have admitted their feelings to themselves if not to each other. As he moved away from the door and stole back down the halls to his own room Sokka didn't notice the stranger hiding in the shadows of the halls. yet she was there and as soon as Sokka was out of sight Mai 's mother left her hiding pace and quickly made her way back down to her and her husbands shared chambers that she would only have one night left to use before returning to her home in the city. Her face was not a happy one.
