Author's note: I hope this helps to explain what's going on and clues you in on my plans (; I'm not giving anything away saying this, but Jasper is keeping a veggie diet – sorry if you're disappointed, but if I had to feel how my lunch felt as I ate it…I'd go insane.


Peter

Jasper was watchin' me carefully.

After Bella had uttered that fateful word, she had passed out cold. We were currently standin' in the bedroom, at the end of the bed, havin' a starin' competition as thoughts raced through my mind.

"It's dangerous," Jasper suddenly murmured.

"What is?"

I was still panickin' slightly after my mate had been struck down screamin' by an invisible force – it kind of gets you in a fuckin' whirl.

"Your venom," he explained.

I stared at him – my 'gift' was quiet and I had to rely on Jasper for now. I hated my sporadic 'knowin' shit' – when your mate has been fucked up, that's when you want to know shit…not what kind of sandwich she'll eventually have when she feels better…

…Turkey.

I had a normal nigglin' feelin', that this was all goddamn Fate again – why else keep shit from me?

Jasper looked down at Bella, "I've never known of a human have so much venom in them, without them changing. I don't even know why she hasn't changed yet."

"I only gave her a little to heal her wounds," I breathed.

He shook his head, "It was also enough to give her your gift."

It struck me then – like a bolt out of the blue – "That's what she meant by 'information'…"

Jasper nodded, "I think so. Peter…I think this shit's going to keep happening. I mean…she's a human, and her body is containing damaging venom and a gift that should be impossible for her to handle and channel like she has." He gave me a saddened look, "She's not a vampire – she doesn't have our vast capabilities. Her brain isn't made to handle all the shit that the gift is throwing at her.

"Knowledge is power," Jasper quoted. "And she's just not made to be able to handle that kind of power. Her brain can't sift through all the information it's getting."

"She called me her mate," I muttered, goin' around to the side of the bed so I was able to stroke back her hair from her face.

"Finding your mate is instinctual, Peter," Jasper whispered. "You must have known from the very first moment you saw her that she is yours."

I nodded, not sayin' a word.

"It's also instinctual for her." He pressed a comfortin' hand to my shoulder, "She's human – she shouldn't be able to feel the pull, yet…she does. I think it's because of all the venom in her system. It's giving her abilities that she shouldn't have, and she can't contain. She's…"

After he trailed off, I looked up at him, "What?"

"She's…almost a hybrid," he murmured. "I don't know why the venom hasn't changed her, but I think it's something to do with you…because it's your venom."

"Fuckin' Fate," I hissed under my breath.

"Peter," Jasper said, pullin' me out of my dark cloud of thoughts, "You've never turned anyone, have you?"

I shook my head – never had, never would. It was not on my 'to do' list…apart from Bella, of course. I would change her in less than one of her heartbeats.

"What if your venom's always like this?" He asked.

I looked at him with barely concealed surprise, "What? My venom doesn't change people?"

Jasper frowned and looked back down at Bella, "I…don't know. We should test it out…"

"I'm not goin' to change anyone," I growled.

Jasper gave me a stern look – one I remembered and was almost glad to see – "Firstly, isn't Bella far more important than any blissed-out junkie?" He knew the answer so he moved on, "Of course she is, so we're going to do whatever we can to help her. Secondly, you don't need to change anyone.

"Infect someone with about the same amount of venom you gave to Bella, and see if it begins to work," he shrugged.

It was the only idea we had.

I sighed, runnin' my hand through my hair, "At least I know why you're here now. Fate is a cruel and harsh mistress with a size one-hundred ass that she will sit on you and suffocate you with."

He just gave me a look that said he was worryin' for my mental health.

I explained, "You'll need to help her control what she's feelin'."

"Bella won't let me though," Jasper muttered.

"She will," I sighed, lookin' down at her pale and shadowed face. "It's going to kill her, isn't it?"

"I don't think any human can live through many more seizures like that."

That meant lettin' Bella die, or turnin' her – the first wasn't even an option. But she had only just learned that I was her mate – how the Hell was I supposed to expect her to accept her turnin', if she thought she had nothin' to go into eternity for?

It hurt. Badly.

"Jasper, she won't accept bein' turned – she's been screwed over too many times by our kind…and she doesn't have any reason to make the leap for me. She's only really just met me," I groaned, rubbin' my neck anxiously.

Jasper sent me a little calm, "We have time. She feels the pull. She won't leave you to wander through eternity alone, Peter."

I just nodded, hopin' what he said was true.


Bella

When I woke up, it was with an unimaginable headache.

I moaned, clutching my head and rolling onto my side, "Ow."

Suddenly, warm hands were on my face, "Bella?"

I opened my eyes in shock, to see Peter over me and looking worried – everything came rushing back to me. The seizure, the screaming, the word

"You're my mate," I said bluntly.

His face turned pained, but I could see some kind of…glint of happiness in his eye.

Peter nodded.

"That means you…want me…"

My voice trailed off – from what I understood of mating, we were both meant to be attracted to each other…and that was a problem for me. Because although I liked him, how could he –the beautiful God-like man in front of me – like me?

"Of course," he said simply.

My silence told him that wasn't enough.

Peter's hands cupped my face and their warmth reassured me – I didn't know how it was possible to feel what I was feeling for him… I was feeling a little tug at my heart every three seconds exactly.

"You're beautiful, and feisty," he breathed. "You can take a joke, tease me back, handle my shit and Garrett's… You're so fuckin' perfect, Bella."

"I'm not," I said coldly. "I'm really not. And I can't be your…mate…"

His face twisted in pain, "Don't say that, Bella. Please."

I shook my head, "It's true – I can't. There's nothing left of me for that."

Peter pressed his palm to my heart, which was tugged fiercely at the contact, "Can't you feel that?"

I didn't want to nod, but I wasn't going to lie – by omission or not – "Yes."

He smiled such a perfect smile that I felt my eyes prick with tears at the sight of it – I could make him smile like that.

"I'm not askin' anythin' from you that you're not prepared to give, Bella," Peter said softly. "My priority is you being happy – everythin' else is second to that…even my own happiness."

The admission made my heart jump.

"But-"

"No 'but's, Bella," Peter said sternly, his crimson eyes looking deadly serious. "Nothin' is more important to me than your happiness and safety. Do you understand that?"

I couldn't help but nod.

We stared at each other for a few moments – I was looking for a reason not to trust him and he was looking for an indication of the conclusion I came to.

I trusted him.

Peter smiled, "I won't let you down, Bella, and nothin' happens which you don't want to… You may never be able to want and/or love me, but I'm not afraid – I believe in you."

They were the most perfect words I'd ever heard – I felt the truth of them somewhere inside of me and their power settle in my heart.

I gave Peter a slow smile and nodded – there was no way of not trusting the now-smugly-smiling bastard.

"Don't give up on yourself, me, or us," he grinned, standing up to leave the room. "You never know what you might want in the future…"

Peter disappeared and I almost immediately missed him – I shook my head and berated myself. It was just something within me talking, not me – I refused to believe that I…wanted him, in any way other than as a friend.

I needed a distraction.

Two seconds later, I found one.

"How are you, Bella?" Jasper asked from the bedroom doorway.

I glared up at him, and said tightly, "I'm fine, thank you."

He nodded and floated forwards slightly, "I'm here, Bella – if you…need anything."

I was confused, considering I hadn't brilliantly explicit in my hate for him, that he would offer me anything – let alone his time and help. But I didn't need help from him…did I?

I knew Jasper well enough to know he didn't offer anything unless he thought it was necessary.

I rolled out of bed, grabbed some clean clothes, and stalked into the bathroom – before I reached the door, I muttered, "Thank you, Jasper."


Peter

I listened to Bella say 'thank you' to Jasper, and I was surprised at how quickly she had let him in – I had thought it would take much longer, but she was already acceptin' him…even if she didn't fully acknowledge it.

I leant against the breakfast bar in the kitchen and watched Garrett make Bella her turkey sandwich.

He was smilin', slicin' the turkey and hummin' a tune along to the sound of the water splashin' off of the tiles in the bathroom.

I smirked, "Enjoyin' yourself, Garrett?"

His smile became fuckin' giant as his eyes met mine, "I love caring for someone. It makes me feel like there's…something holding me to this earth."

I just cleared my throat awkwardly and nodded – Garrett plated the sandwich and then looked at me with interest.

"What's wrong, Peter?" He asked, and then held up a hand, "I know it's to do with Bella, but what about her?"

"I lied to her."

I watched Garrett's face pinch in anger, but he held off his fists and waited for an explanation.

"I told her I wasn't afraid of her not wantin' me, or lovin' me…but I am – I'm terrified," I admitted.

Garrett's anger instantly vanished and he stated, "It's impossible to resist the pull of your mate."

"You say that, but if anyone can give the impossible a fuckin' good go..."

"It's Bella," he finished for me.

I nodded – I had originally thought it would be simple lovin' Bella, that she would come to me in her own time…but what if she didn't?

My girl just broke all the rules when it came to…well, fuckin' anythin' – I wouldn't be surprised if she found a way around lovin' me.

Would I end up with a shattered heart?

I could imagine life with Bella – I could see how happy we would be, the love we would make, the home we would build, the good times we would have… I didn't want that to disappear – I wanted that future to be more than a possibility.

Garrett knocked me off the breakfast bar and over the back of the head in one smooth move.

I looked up from the floor, "What the fuck?"

"Stop it," he growled. "You need to grow some goddamn balls, Peter! If you want your mate, then you make that damn clear and you make it happen!"

I stared up at Garrett like he was some kind of fuckin' prophet.

"You told me to get balls," I said, incredulous and awed.

"I guess I did," he murmured.

I beamed, jumpin' up, "Thanks, Garrett."

He just nodded and leant against the breakfast bar, still shocked from his outburst – he could be a vicious fucker, but I'd never seen him really get angry outside of battle.

"Bella makes us crazy, doesn't she?" I grinned, "I get nervous, and you get fired up."

Garrett nodded again.

Then I heard the very familiar sound of my maker's footsteps.

He appeared in the kitchen doorway, a smirk plastered on his face, "Bella was…"

"What?" I frowned.

"She felt…good, when she accepted me a little," he smiled.

I nodded, "Told you so – I'm surprised she's already buildin' a bridge with you, but then she never really knew you…"

Jasper nodded, "I was never allowed anywhere near her."

I snorted, "Major motherfuckin' Whitlock 'not allowed'…"

Jasper grimaced slightly, but didn't say another word.

Bella's light footsteps suddenly sounded on the stairs and I smiled as she floated through the kitchen doorway – she brought with her the most amazin' smell of cherries and her natural appealin' scent. As it washed over me, I had to physically hold myself back from takin' her in my arms and crushin' her to my body – the water from her shower had made her smell so good.

Now, since the truth had come out about us bein' mates, all I wanted to do was claim Bella and make sure she never strayed from me…

But I couldn't.

This was goin' to be her choice.

The first thing she did was look at me – which gave me hope – then her eyes flickered to the sandwich and she beamed, "Ooh! Turkey! I knew it was going to be here."

She tucked in like a wild animal, while terror washed over me – she was still usin' our 'gift'. I couldn't expect her not to, considerin' it wasn't possible, but it still scared the shit out of me.

I looked at Jasper and he was frownin' – then he whispered, too low for Bella to hear, "Do we tell her what we know now?"

I stared at her, gettin' crumbs all over my shirt and lickin' mayo off her lips, and I knew I couldn't lie to my beauty.

"Bella," I said quietly, as she ate the last bite.

She turned to me, "Yes, my mate?"

I knew she was teasin' me, but hearin' her say those words sent desire coursin' through me – it was suddenly cut off and replaced with freezin' cold and uncomfortable calm. I scowled at Jasper, but didn't say a word.

Bella sat at the breakfast bar and stared at me expectantly.

I sat next to her and kissed her cheek, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

I sighed, "When I used my venom to heal your wounds, and gave you my 'gift'…well, we're not supposed to be able to do that, Bella. My 'gift' isn't made for you to use…and we think it could kill you."

Blunt.

Bella just sat there for a moment, before noddin', "Mm-hmm, and what do you want to do about this?"

I stared at her, "Me?"

"You," she confirmed. "What do you want to do?"

Was she testin' me? I didn't know, but I knew what I wanted to do…

"I want to turn you," I said simply, and then added, "But I want you to want it too."

Bella's dark chocolate eyes watched me with wisdom beyond her years – my brain and body ached with what I felt for her, and I wanted her to accept me and love me too… But she couldn't – not yet, at least.

"I have nothing to live for eternity for," Bella stated coolly, and in that moment she broke my heart.

I needed air, and I ran – like a fuckin' coward.


Bella

I didn't even see Peter go, he was so fast – all I saw was his broken expression and then an empty, knocked-over stool.

I stared at it, Peter's words rolling around in my mind – "…and we think it could kill you…"

I was going to die.

And if it would be anything like the attack I had earlier…it was going to really fucking hurt.

But it was Peter's expression that shocked and stung me – how did I hurt him?

As if they read my mind, the two remaining vampires in the room both said, "You're not giving him a chance."

I looked up at them, "What?"

"You're his mate, Bella," Garrett said softly, righting the stool and sitting on it. "And he is yours. It pains him to know you're not even going to give him a chance to prove himself to you."

"What?" I said again, sounding like a broken record.

Jasper stepped closer – but not too close – "You may have accepted that you're mates…but you haven't tried."

I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came – I supposed…I hadn't tried, like I thought I would. In my head, I was still alone and unwanted – but that wasn't true anymore…was it?

I slammed my head against the breakfast bar, "Goddamn it! I'm such a dick!"

Garrett grasped my head and pulled it back, "Please, Bella, refrain from breaking your cranium – it's fragile and precious, and we don't know how it will affect what's going on with you now."

I sighed, "I'm as bad as Malice."

"Malice?" Jasper questioned, a smirk on his face.

I rolled my eyes, "You know who I'm talking about."

Jasper shook his head, "You're not as bad as her, Bella – she uses people, where you care for them."

I didn't want to listen to him, let alone hold a conversation with him…but I couldn't help it – he was kind of…goddamn right.

"Get him back," I pleaded, feeling so fucking guilty about putting that horrific expression on his beautiful face.

Garrett looked worried, and Jasper looked out of the door and winced before muttering, "He needs to work through this, Bella – we can't help him right now."

"Fuck that!" I screeched, "That's my motherfucking mate!"

I ran out of the back door and towards the general direction I thought Peter went in – my head began to pound but I ignored it, knowing how much I needed Peter to be back home…in our home.

My feet were bare but the forest floor was mossy, and I felt as if I were flying through the trees as my eyes flickered wildly around me. I knew he was close – I could feelhim tugging at my heart…

"Peter!" I screamed. "PETER!"

I ran faster, harder, until my foot caught on a tree root that had burst from the earth – I barely had time to protect my face before I collided with the ground…but I never did.

Warmth wrapped around me, and strong hands held me up and to something hard – I would know that warmth anywhere…

"Peter," I sobbed. "I'm sorry."

"Shh," he breathed against my ear. "Baby, shhh… I'm here…"

I hadn't realised how hard my heart was hammering, or how much I was fucking crying, but I was.

I gasped, between breaths and sobs, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

I spun around in his grasp to see that defeated and pained expression still residing on his face – before he crushed me to him.

"Bella, baby… Calm down," he soothed me softly, stroking my hair.

I sobbed into his shoulder, so confused with how upset I felt over him…leaving me – he parted from me for less than ten minutes, and I lost it.

"Shhh," Peter breathed. "Shhh…"

My knees gave way and Peter slowly lowered both of our bodies to our knees on the ground – I clung to him fiercely, not understanding how I could need him so much but not know it. It seemed like when he was hurt, or when he was taken from me…only then I knew what he was – he was mine.

"Is this…what…being…a mate…is like?" I choked.

Peter let out a chuckle with little amusement in it, "No. This is just us, in our special fucked situation."

I looked up into his blackened, but still red, eyes, "I'm s-sorry."

Then he did something which made the whole world stop and spin at the same time.

He kissed me.

His lips were warm and smooth, and they seemed like the perfect fit for mine – I felt a growl rumble in his chest as his mouth encouraged mine to kiss him back…and I just couldn't stop.

I couldn't stop my lips returning his fervour…

I couldn't stop my hands from crawling up his chest and fisting themselves in his shirt…

I couldn't stop the gasp that escaped me when Peter clasped me to him…

I couldn't stop my nails trying to score his skin as passion mounted between us…

And I couldn't stop all my fears disappearing in the blink of an eye.

Peter's hand cradled the back of my head as he turned the kiss soft and slow, and when his mouth finally parted from mine…I was breathless.

"That's what being a mate is like," Peter murmured, sounding just as breathless as me.

I didn't know if I wanted it – the kisses, the love, the relationship… I didn't feel worthy or ready – I doubted I ever would – but…Peter wasn't asking for that.

Not yet, at least.

He was just asking for me to trust him, and to try – I knew this, but it just hadn't sunken through my thick fucking skull.

I hadn't understood until I hurt him, and I felt so damn guilty about that.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again.

Peter's hands held my face up to his, "I don't want you to apologise, Bella. I'm fine. We're fine. So…shut up."

His smile was so damn cheeky, that I couldn't help but smile back and nod, "Shutting up."

"Good," he breathed, his eyes on my mouth. "Bella? Can I…uh… Can I kiss you again?"

My body filled with panic – this time I knew the kiss was coming, and a range of ridiculous thoughts flashed through my mind.

Was it okay before? Do I want him to kiss me again? Did I brush my teeth properly? Am I-

Blank… Blank… Blank…

No thoughts.

Because Peter's mouth was on mine again and his fingers were curled in my hair – my entire body melted against his, and I realised that I had never, ever even dreamed of a kiss like this. A kiss that left me gasping, reeling, wanting – it was a kiss that bypassed my worried thoughts and shot straight to the core of what I wanted.

In that core, sitting and smiling smugly, was Peter.

His mouth broke from mine to allow me to breathe, "Goddamn, woman – don't think about it. Let me love you."

I looked up at him and marvelled at how beautiful he looked right then, with his hair mussed and a lazy grin on his face – but love, even with this man, was a bit too much of a stretch for me…

Peter shook his head and kissed my breath away again – this time he forced my back to the forest floor, and eagerly pressed me into the dirt with his hard body. I gasped against his mouth as his hands roved, setting my skin on fire and making my heart pound wildly.

He succeeded in stopping my pessimistic thoughts again.

His lips lifted a fraction, "Every time I 'know' you're thinkin' some bullshit about not bein' worthy, or not bein' able –anythin' like that – you'll find my lips attached to yours, Sugar. I think it's about the only way to get your pesky brain to shut up."

My brain had definitely shut up – oh, yes… In fact, I was so comfortably and perfectly numb, that I was sure I had a huge, dopey grin on my face – if I did, Peter didn't mention it.

He had his own one to worry about.

He grinned against my mouth as he brushed his lips against mine one last time, "Now, you stop worryin', Bit, and we'll see how this goes between you and me. You get that, now – right?"

I nodded, finding the word I needed and the reassurance he did, "Right."


Author's note:

Bah! Apologies, apologies! I haven't been able to update this fic recently – no more excuses, I'll just stop there (: Thank you for all the great reviews, and I hope this chapter explains a little bit more to you and what happened in the last one. So…eek! Kiss! (: I've been waiting to get this in here! (: When I read the Saga, I just thought, 'Goddamn it! Edward, kiss her and make her shut that worrying brain up! You did it before, so do it again!' Oh, yeah (; My Peter thinks just like me – thanks, man.