Though here at journey's end I lie
in darkness buried deep,
beyond all towers strong and high,
beyond all mountains steep,
above all shadows rides the Sun
and Stars for ever dwell:
I will not say the Day is done,
nor bid the Stars farewell.
— J.R.R. Tolkien, The Tower of Cirith Ungol, The Return of the King
Chapter Ten
Willow stepped into Xander's bedroom, placing and lighting a single candle on one of his bedside tables, and two on the other. She then sat down on his bed and faced the chair in which Buffy sat. The Slayer was as unresponsive as she had been since they lost Dawn, staring at nothingness. There had been some brief hope for the Scoobies earlier when Buffy had let out a scream, but she quickly relapsed into blank silence.
Taking a deep breath, Willow stared deeply into Buffy's unseeing eyes, mentally spoke the incantation, and then instantly she was standing within Buffy's mind.
Willow looked around in confusion. She was standing in a dining room, with brightly colored flowers on the center table and shelves against the wall which were full of photos and pieces of obscure art. Leaving that room, she walked through to a living room with blue walls.
Everywhere she looked there were photos, and each one was filled with people she recognized. But this was not Willow's mind, it was Buffy's, and as such the pictures were all filled with members of the Slayer's family. Willow saw Joyce and Hank, together and with a young Buffy. There were more; Joyce holding a baby, another of her pregnant. Willow smiled at the one of Buffy with Santa Claus. In others, she could see pictures of Buffy's aunts Lolly and Arlene, and even pictures of Buffy and her cousin Celia.
As Willow circled around the sofa, she heard from behind her, "Hi, Willow."
The witch turned, and saw before her a little girl of about six. She was blond, with her hair in pigtails and wearing a dress with sunflowers on it. She had a doll in her arms. Willow recognized her immediately and smiled.
"Hello, Buffy."
"What are you doing here?" the young Buffy asked, cradling her doll.
"Actually, I'm looking for you," Willow said to her.
"Do you like dolls?"
"Buffy," Willow asked, hoping her friend was listening from inside her younger self. "What are you doing here?"
"I like it here," the little Buffy said.
"But," Willow began, kneeling down to her level. "You know we need you. You have to come out."
"Why?" Buffy asked, looking at Willow with complete innocence and trust.
"To be with your friends," Willow said.
"It's a big day for me," Buffy said, looking over to the door. And, as if she willed it, the door opened.
"Hello!"
"Mommy, Daddy!" Buffy called, handing Willow her doll and running towards the door. "You're back! You're back!"
Willow turned to see Mrs. Summers, and Buffy's father, whom Willow had only met once. Mrs. Summers was holding a baby, wrapped in a yellow blanket.
"Hello, Buffy," her mother said.
"How's my girl?" her father added.
Buffy beamed up at him.
"Are you ready to meet your new baby sister?" Mrs. Summers asked.
Buffy suddenly pouted, crossing her arms and backing away from her parents.
"Oh, come on now, Buffy," her dad said. "She's nothing to be afraid of."
"Who's afraid?" Little Buffy said petulantly.
"Don't you want to be the big sister?" her mom asked.
"No, I want to be the baby," Buffy declared.
"Buffy."
"You're gonna pay more attention to her and forget all about me!"
Her mother knelt down beside Buffy, showing her the precious burden she carried. Little Buffy turned to Willow and made a face. "Doesn't she look funny? Like a wrinkly old grandpa."
Buffy then turned back to her mother who handed her the baby. "Like this," Joyce said. "Okay, support the head, there you go! We're calling her Dawn."
"Dawn," Willow repeated, suddenly understanding.
Buffy was smiling, looking down at the baby and then up at her mother. "I could be the one to look after her sometimes, if you need a helper. Mom? Can I take care of her?"
"Yes, Buffy," her mother said, stroking her hair. "You can take care of her."
The sound of shoes clacking on the floor drew Willow's attention from the domestic scene, and suddenly she was in the Magic Box, watching a grown up Buffy place a book on the shelf. When she was done, she turned and walked back to the table.
When Buffy walked past her, Willow blinked and then suddenly she was in front of a fire in the middle of the desert at night.
"Okay," Willow said, tilting her head in confusion.
Looking to her right, Willow saw Buffy sitting on a rock and looking across the fire. Following Buffy's gaze, Willow gasped. "Hey, I know you. You're, you're the first original Slayer who tried killing us all in our dreams." Willow paused, then realized this couldn't get any weirder. So, she shrugged. "How've you been?"
"Death is your gift," the First Slayer said.
"Death is my gift?" Buffy repeated, confused.
"Wait, death is her what?" Willow asked.
"Death is your gift," the First Slayer repeated.
Willow suddenly found herself back in the Magic Box, watching Buffy file that book again. This time, Buffy paused when she put the book back, as if lost in thought.
The scene changed again, and now Willow was in the upstairs of the Summers home following Buffy again down the hallway towards her mother's bedroom.
"Where are you going?" Willow asked. "I can't keep following you around like this, Buffy. We have to go!"
Buffy opened the door and walked inside. Following her, Willow said, "You have to talk to...me."
Her voice trailed off. Willow gazed at the floor where, with the oddness of dreams, Mrs. Summer's tombstone was there, a mound of dirt in front of it, surrounded by grass, just like it would have been in the graveyard.
Walking over to stand by Buffy, Willow said softly, "I'm sorry."
Buffy shook her head. "Don't be. Death is my gift."
"Yeah," Willow said. "I keep hearing that, but I'm not exactly sure what it means."
Buffy turned and left the room, calling over her shoulder, "It's really not that complicated."
The two women walked through a door, revealing Dawn's bedroom. Buffy's sister was lying on the bed, struggling to breathe as she cried.
"Not for you maybe," Willow said.
Buffy sat down on the bed and then looked up at Willow. "It's what I do. I mean, come on," Buffy said. "You've known me ... for how long? Didn't you ever see the truth about me? It's what I'm here for. It's all I am." Buffy then picked up a pillow and pressed over Dawn's face, smothering her. The younger girl began to struggle.
"Buffy, stop! No!" Willow protested in shock. "God, no!"
Buffy looked at Willow blankly, as if she couldn't understand why the witch was upset. "What? I keep telling you, Will. I figured it out. Death is my gift. It's what I am born for, over and over." Buffy looked down at the pillow she was holding over Dawn's face with a smile. "She thinks it's her, but she's wrong. It's me; it was always me. The Destroyer of Worlds."
Dawn suddenly stopped struggling. Her arms and legs fell limply onto the bed.
Willow watched in horror.
They were in the hallway of the house again. Willow hurried around Buffy and put her hand on the Slayer's arm. "You have to stop doing this."
"Doing what?" Buffy asked blankly.
"Killing Dawn," Willow said.
"Why?"
"Because this never happened," the witch said. "You never killed your sister."
"Will, I did this."
"In your imagination! None of this is real! You're stuck in some kind of loop!" Willow cried.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Buffy said. "'Scuse me."
"No, Buffy, leave Dawn alone. What is this?" Willow asked, chasing after the Slayer.
"My gift," Buffy said, opening a door and leading them back into the magic shop.
"I'm not talking about this," Willow said, "I'm talking about…this." They were once again watching the scene of Buffy putting a book on the shelf. "Right here, it happened. I know it's something small, but... it's something. What?"
"Don't go there, Will," Buffy said, looking pained.
"I'm not!" Willow cried. "You're the one who keeps dragging me back here! And you wouldn't be doing that if you weren't trying to show me something. Buffy, come on. It's your brain. Just tell me."
Buffy and Willow looked over and saw the other Buffy once again putting a book on the shelf.
"What happened here?" Willow asked.
"This was when I quit, Will," Buffy said quietly.
"You did?"
"Just for a second," Buffy affirmed. "I remember. I was in the magic shop. I put a book back for Giles. Nothing special about it. And then it hit me."
"What hit you?" Willow asked.
"I can't beat Glory," Buffy said. "Glory's going to win."
"You can't know that," the witch said.
"I didn't just know it," Buffy responded. "I felt it. Glory will beat me. And in that second of knowing it, Will...I wanted it to happen."
"Why?" Willow asked, not understanding.
"I wanted it to be over," Buffy said, on the verge of tears. "This is, all of this, it's too much for me. Being here, doing this, preparing for death again…expecting the dance, waiting for the throes. I just wanted it over." Buffy paused, then looked at the redhead. "If Glory wins, then Dawn dies. And I would grieve. People would feel sorry for me, but it would be over. And I imagined what a relief it would be, because there would be no one left holding me here. I could rest then, and maybe, if I was forgiven, I could go home."
The Buffy at the bookshelf once again put away the book. And then the Buffy next to her turned to Willow and said, "I killed Dawn."
Willow frowned. "Is that what you think?"
"My thinking it made it happen," Buffy confirmed. "Some part of me wanted it. I was tired, so tired of all the death and the destruction and the dying. I was tired of losing the people that I love by them leaving, or being torn from me, or them dying. This is why I am to blame. In the moment Glory took Dawn, I know I could have done something better, but I didn't. I was off by some fraction of a second. And this is why...I killed my sister."
Willow frowned again. "I think Spike was right back at the gas station. Snap out of it!"
Buffy looked at Willow in surprise. "What?"
"All this, it has a name," Willow said. "It's called guilt. It's a feeling, and it's important. But it's not more than that, Buffy. You've carried the weight of the world on your shoulders since high school. And I know you didn't ask for this, but you do it every day. And so, you wanted out for one second. So what?"
"I got Dawn killed, I got everyone killed," Buffy said softly. "It's what I do. Death is my gift."
"Hello! Your sister? Not dead yet! And neither are the rest of us. But Dawn will be if you stay locked inside here and never come back to us."
"But what if I can't?" Buffy asked, tremulously.
"Then I guess you're right," Willow said, turning and walking towards the entrance of the Magic Box. "And you did kill your sister."
"Wait!" Buffy called desperately. "Where are you going?"
"Where you're needed. Are you coming?"
Instantly, the two women were suddenly back in Xander's bedroom and out of the dreamscape. Buffy twitched in surprise, trying vainly to adjust to the reality of being back in her own dimension and in her own body. Looking around, she saw Willow looking at her with a sympathetic expression, and suddenly the remembrance of all that had passed came back to her.
The pain of losing Dawn, and all the memories belonging to another that she now carried, along with the weight of the world, which settled back on her shoulders, all coalesced in her mind and she began to sob.
Willow fell to her knees in front of Buffy and, with the sympathy of a true friend, gave her a shoulder to cry on.
When Buffy emerged from the room with Willow, Anya looked up and smiled. "Good! You're not crazy in your mind anymore."
"Yeah, crazy-free, that's me," Buffy responded.
"We should go," Willow said, looking at the clock and then back at the Slayer.
"Big Day," Tara said. "Big, big day."
"Come on baby," Willow said to Tara.
"I'm glad you're back," Anya said, "Xander thought you had brain damage, and then Spike smacked you across the face which probably didn't help."
Buffy forced a smile. "Thanks, Anya."
"Sure," she said as they left the apartment. "With the world about to end and all, I am just glad you are here to give us a little hope."
"Yeah, hope," Buffy said softly. "That's what I'm here for."
With each step they took towards the Magic Box, towards Glory, towards the coming battle, Buffy felt, for all the world, as if she was climbing up the Meneltarma with the water swirling around her ankles.
When she entered the magic shop, Buffy heard Giles call. "Buffy? She's back."
The Slayer walked down the steps, followed by Willow, Anya, and Tara to see Spike and Xander sitting at the table, with Giles standing by the tea caddy.
"You're okay?" Xander asked, looking concerned.
"Yeah. I'm okay. Hear you found the ritual text."
"Uh, something like that, yes," Giles said.
"Did you know that…Ben is Glory?" Xander asked, looking proud of himself.
"So I'm told," Buffy said briskly, all business. "What do we know?"
Willow, Anya, and Tara sat down and they all turned to Giles. "Um," he began, "well, according to these scrolls, it's possible for Glory to be stopped. I'm afraid it's, um ... well, Buffy, I've read these things very carefully and there's not much margin for error. You understand what I'm saying?"
Buffy looked at him like he was an idiot. "Might help if you actually said it."
Giles smiled, nodding, putting down his tea and removing his glasses. "Glory plans to open a dimensional portal by way of a ritual bloodletting."
"Dawn's blood," Buffy said, understanding.
"Yes," Giles agreed. "Once the blood is shed at a certain time and place the fabric which separates all realities will be ripped apart. Dimensions will pour into one another, uh, with no barriers to stop them. Reality as we know it will be destroyed, and chaos will reign on earth."
"So how do we stop it?" Buffy asked.
Giles swallowed. "The portal will only close once the blood is stopped, and the only way for that to happen is…" He paused not looking at the slayer, but he could feel her eyes on him. Finally he met her gaze and said, "Buffy, the only way is to kill Dawn."
The vampire who had interrupted the group discussion was now dust in the wind. In truth, Buffy had almost been relieved when her extra-sensitive hearing had picked up the sounds of a chase. Anything to get her out of the Magic Box and away from Giles and his pronouncement.
Buffy, the only way is to kill Dawn.
But this vamp had been something of a surprise. She would of thought he was a newbie but for the fact that he was so strong. He had obviously lived for years as a bloodsucker and honed his strength. And yet, he didn't know her. Buffy had been so used to all the vampires either fearing her, or actively trying to kill her. "Wow," she said softly. "Been a long while since I met one who didn't know me."
Turning, she looked at the kid the vampire had decided to make his midnight snack. "You should get home." She then headed for the backdoor of the shop.
"H-how'd you do that?" the boy asked, sounding shaken.
"It's what I do," Buffy said, not stopping.
Death is your gift.
"But you're ... you're just a girl," the kid said.
Buffy paused in the doorway. "That's what I keep saying."
Buffy walked back into the Magic Box where everyone was still assembled around the table, waiting for her.
"Something goin' on out back?" Xander asked.
"Vampire," was all she said. Turning to Giles, she asked, "Anything?"
"Nothing you want to hear," he said, rubbing his lips with his thumb. "The ritual is, uh…"
"Explain it again," Buffy said suddenly.
"There's nothing new to—"
"Go through it again," she bit out.
Giles slowly removed his glasses. "The Key was living energy," he said on a sigh. "It needed to be channeled, poured into a specific place at a specific time. The energy would flow into that spot; the walls between the dimensions break down. It stops; the energy's used up; the walls come back up. Glory uses that time to get back into her own dimension, not caring that all manner of hell will be unleashed on earth in the meantime."
"Um, but only for a little while, right?" Anya asked nervously. "The walls come back up, uh, no, no more hell?"
"That's only if the energy is stopped," Willow commented. "And now the Key is human…is Dawn…"
Giles put on his glasses as he looked down and read, "'The blood flows, the gates will open. The gates will close when it flows no more.' When Dawn is dead."
"I have places to be!" Tara yelled out, startling the room.
"Why blood?" Xander asked, trying to pull the attention away from the fact that one of their friends had been driven crazy by Glory. "Why Dawn's blood? I mean, why couldn't it be like a, a lymph ritual?"
"'Cause it's always got to be blood," Spike said, drawing Buffy's gaze.
"We're not actually discussing dinner right now," Xander said sarcastically.
"Blood is life, lack-brain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. Course it's her blood," the vampire finished, taking a drag off of his cigarette.
"Pretty simple math here," Buffy jumped in. "We stop Glory before she can start the ritual. We still have a couple of hours, right?"
"If my calculations are right," Giles said. "But Buffy—"
"I don't wanna hear it," the Slayer said, turning away.
"I understand that—"
"No!" Buffy snapped. "No, you don't understand. We are not talking about this."
Giles jumped up from the table and yelled, "Yes, we bloody well are!" All eyes were drawn to him, causing the Watcher to lower his voice. "If Glory begins the ritual…if we can't stop her…"
"Come on. Say it," Buffy taunted. "We're bloody well talking about this. Tell me to kill my sister."
"She's not your sister," Giles whispered.
Buffy felt as though she had just been punched. "No. She's not," she allowed. Buffy tried think of a way that Dawn felt like her twin and sister and daughter, all rolled into one. The monks had been clever. They had known that someone who felt like Mírwen…Buffy shook her head; she couldn't think about that now. To Giles, she said, "She's more than that. She's me. The monks made her out of me. I hold her and I feel closer to her than…It's not just the memories they built. It's physical. Dawn is a part of me. The only part that I—"
"We'll solve this," Willow said. "We will. Don't have another coma, okay?"
"If the ritual starts," Giles cut in, "then every living creature in this and every other dimension imaginable will suffer unbearable torment and death—including Dawn."
"Then the last thing she'll see is me protecting her," Buffy said firmly.
Giles sighed. "You'll fail. You'll die. We all will."
"I'm sorry," Buffy said. "I love you all, but I'm sorry."
A loose plan had formed. It mostly revolved around distracting Glory until the time the ritual could be preformed was past, the dagonsphere, and a troll hammer, but Buffy was trying not to feel overwhelmed. It was easier to simply channel her energy, as she was doing now, imagining the punching back in the training room was Glory.
Violence was simple, something she could control. It wouldn't overwhelm her, like her emotions.
"You sure you're not going to tire yourself out?" Giles asked, his voice coming from the doorway.
"I'm sure."
"We're still working on ideas. Time's short, but, uh, best leave it to the last moment. If we go in too early and she takes us out, no chance of getting her to miss her window."
"Then we wait," the Slayer said succinctly.
"I imagine you hate me right now," Giles commented idly, as if he was talking about the weather.
Buffy didn't answer him, mostly because there was nothing she could really say. She was too numb to feel hate, too tired to feel anger.
"I love Dawn," he said.
"I know," she responded softly, turning to look at him.
"But I've sworn to protect this sorry world," he said, "and sometimes that means saying and doing, what other people can't. What they shouldn't have to."
"You try and hurt her, and you know I'll stop you," the Slayer warned.
"I know."
Buffy walked over to the sofa on the far wall, and sat. Giles joined her. "This is how many apocalypses for us now?" she asked.
"Oh, uh, well, six, at least. Feels like a hundred."
"I've always stopped them," she said. "Always won."
"Yes."
"I sacrificed Angel to save the world," Buffy said. "I loved him so much. He reminded me so much of…but I knew, what was right. I don't have that any more. I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world if these are the choices." Buffy took a deep breath. Not even noticing, she was unconsciously distancing herself from the dimension she had spent the last twenty years in. "If everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. I just wish that…I just wish my mom was here."
Buffy stood, walking towards the door. She paused then, turning back to her Watcher. Death is your gift. The words she heard in the desert ran through her head once more, and she realized in that moment that there was no deeper meaning. There was no great epiphany that was going to come, and she wasn't going to learn some lesson. The Guide hadn't been taking in riddles, she had just been wishing for him to be.
Turning back to Giles, she said, "The Spirit Guide told me that death is my gift. Guess that means a Slayer really is just a killer after all."
"I think you're wrong about that," her Watcher replied, shaking his head.
"It doesn't matter," she said. "If Dawn dies, I'm done with it. I'm quitting."
She walked out, leaving Giles sitting alone on the sofa.
"Buffy," Giles said, calling her over. "Xander and Anya had an idea."
"Did you find the dagonsphere?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah," Xander said, "but we found something else too. The robot Spike had made."
"You could use her as a diversion, see?" Anya said. "That way if you get crushed into a bloody pulp, there's still a possibility of distracting Glory."
"Ahn—" Xander began.
"No," Buffy interrupted. "No, no, that's good. That could be pivotal. Thank you guys."
"Well," Giles said, "You're gonna need some—"
"Way ahead of you," Buffy said, thinking of the extra clothes she needed. "We have time?"
"Yes, if you hurry," Giles replied.
"Okay. I'll grab some weapons too," Buffy said.
"I'm looking for something in a broadsword," Xander said.
Xander and Spike continued to bicker, but Buffy tuned them out as she examined the dagonsphere. The familiar feeling of magic washed over her, and then she pushed it away. She needed to prepare. "Spike, shut your mouth, come with me."
They were quiet on the walk to her house, the Slayer disinclined to talk to anyone, let alone Spike. He had tried when they got to the house, and Buffy got his promise that he would protect Dawn, but everything after that she forcibly pushed away.
In a way, she felt bad. She couldn't love Spike. It wasn't that she didn't want to try, though she didn't, but it was more like there was no room left in her heart. She had been changing, unknowingly. Some changes are slow, unnoticeable…others are quick and obvious. This was a combination of the two.
What she wanted, the things she needed from a lover…these had changed. No more did she want to be a normal girlfriend with a normal boyfriend, but she also didn't want to return to the drama that was Buffy and Angel. She wanted someone who understood her, who saw her clearly. Sadly for Buffy, the only person who fit that bill was a certain blonde vampire with no soul.
Stepping into her room, Buffy quickly grabbed her grey slacks and a white sweater, stuffing them in her black knapsack. She removed the bracelet she was wearing too, opening up her jewelry box and putting it away. Then, she paused.
There, on the top of the box, in the ring section, was a tarnished silver ring that she hadn't worn in years. It had been a gift.
A gift from her mother.
Once, when Buffy was in high school in LA, before the Slayer, her mother had gone down to Laguna in Orange County to one of their summer arts festivals to look for new talent. Buffy, being only fourteen, had been dragged along, while Dawn had remained at home with their dad. After going through Art-A-Fair and Pageant of the Masters, Joyce had taken Buffy to the Sawdust Festival, which wasn't like the previous two places at all. It was funkier, with a mix of homemade things and art.
One of the stands had been jewelry, and Buffy's eye had caught on a simple silver ring. It had Celtic markings on it, and Buffy had been transfixed by it, so much so that her mother had bought it surreptitiously and given it to her for Christmas.
Seeing it now, knowing what she now knew, she could tell what her younger self had been struck by.
The markings looked Númenórean.
Flashes from her life suddenly appeared before her life, and she saw things in a totally new way.
How when she had been called a princess, it had felt right, like nothing else before.
You are always thinking of others before yourself, Ampata said, You remind me of someone from very long ago: the Inca Princess.
Cool! A princess, Buffy replied.
Buffy had always been afraid of water, instinctively somehow. She had always feared it, and hadn't wanted to take swimming lessons when her mother insisted. It only amplified when she had drowned by the Master's hand.
I hate it when they drown me.
And she had always felt wrong, older and heavier than her friends. All this time, she had thought that was the slayer talking. She thought it was the horrible, lurking truth that she was different than others and therefore more mature than them. It had felt like a punishment.
Just how old is your soul?
So much suddenly made sense to her. All her life, the way she had always felt different, apart. And the dreams, they hadn't been dreams at all…they were memories. She hadn't been given a window into a girl's life in another dimension, she had been that girl. She wasn't just relating to Míriel's pain, she had experienced it. That's where she was from; that's where she was truly born.
She had been reincarnated.
Before Buffy, she had been Míriel. She had been a daughter of a King, and then a Queen who was overthrown. She had loved only one man, Elendil, and it was him that she had been subconsciously comparing all her boyfriends to. Buffy understood so much now, about who she was and what happened.
She was sent here for punishment. The Slayer didn't know how she instinctively knew that, but she did. She was supposed to learn something. The irony, Buffy thought, was that she had made a mess of this life, just like her previous one. Sure, she hadn't doomed the entire island by making a bad decision, but…she couldn't let Dawn die. Every feeling inside her revolted at the thought.
Yeah, she hadn't doomed an entire race of people but…give her time.
Tonight would decide many things, and Buffy knew that she wouldn't live to see the end of it.
She was going to die, and the world with her.
But as long as Dawn survived, the rest didn't matter.
Guess she hadn't learned from her punishment after all.
"We on schedule?" Buffy asked, as she and Spike reentered the Magic Box carrying weapons.
"Yes, it's time," Giles said.
Turning to Willow, Buffy said, "Will?"
The red-headed witch nodded, walking over to Tara who was staring off at nothing. "Tara, baby? Is there somewhere you should be?"
"They held me down," Tara said.
"No one's holding you," Willow said soothingly. "It's the big day, right? Do you wanna go?"
Tara nodded, walking out of the shop. When she passed by Giles, she pointed at him and said,
"You're a killer! This is all set down." She then looked over at Buffy and said, "Home isn't waiting for you…it sunk beneath the waves." She then walked out.
Blinking back tears, Buffy shook it off and said to Willow, "Stay close, but don't crowd her. We'll follow in a minute. Everybody knows their jobs. Remember, the ritual starts, we all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn."
The Slayer then turned and went to exchange clothes with the robot.
Home wasn't waiting for her…because of her. All the people she belonged with were dead, and it was time for her to join them.
The battle was in full progress. Buffy had stayed hidden for as long as she could, covertly taking out some of Glory's minions, but careful not to draw the god's attention in her direction. The fight ensued, until Buffy saw that the robot was about to be taken out, and then she moved into position.
"I'm feeling a little better." Buffy heard Glory say as the Slayer moved into position. "And now? I'm a little bored."
"Oh, I'm sorry," the robot said. "Cause you're about—"
Glory kicked the robot in the face, causing her head to go flying off and exposing the wires of her neck which sparked and crackled. "Hey, wow, the Slayer's a robot." Glory looked around in confusion. "Did everybody else know the Slayer was a robot?"
"Glory?" Buffy called with some derision. The god turned, and Buffy undercut her with the troll Olaf's enchanted hammer. "You're not the brightest god in the heavens, are you?"
Buffy then heard Dawn screaming her name, and she ran for the tower. Leaping over a pile of bricks, and up onto the stairs, the Slayer threw one of Glory's minions from her path and raced up the stairwell.
Once she neared the top, Glory suddenly jumped in front of her and smacked her. Buffy returned fire with the hammer, and was pushed into the scaffolding by Glory. After exchanging blows, the enchanted hammer went flying from Buffy's hands and tangled in one of the chains hanging from the upper level. When Buffy tried to reach for it, Glory grabbed another piece of chain and used it to swing around the side, knocking Buffy aside. Buffy fell, but quickly regrouped.
She and the god went back and forth, neither of the gaining ground, both trying to take their opponent out. When Dawn called for her again, Buffy raced to try to climb up the outer scaffolding once more, but Glory hindered her, making her slide back down.
Buffy used a momentary distraction to kick Glory in the face before running and retrieving the hammer. She smacked the god in the face with it twice, before Glory hit her back. The Slayer suddenly lost her balance and began to fall from the tower, losing the hammer once more, but in the last second she grabbed the god and pulled her down with her.
The Slayer and the god hit the pavement below, the fall and impact not really hurting either of them Buffy stood, watching Glory do the same. The god had landed a few feet from her, next to a wall. Buffy hid the smile that was teasing at her lips.
"You lost your hammer, sweet cheeks," Glory said, looking victorious. "What are you gonna hit me with now?"
Buffy looked at the wall, causing Glory to turn her head. Suddenly, a huge wrecking ball came through it, knocking the god through a second wall and into another room. "Whatever's handy," the Slayer snarked.
Buffy then ran, grabbed the hammer, and was back before Glory even got up. Once she did, Buffy quickly hit the god in the face again with Olaf's enchanted weapon, giving her no time to regroup. The blows kept coming and soon, blood was dripping from Glory's face and she looked weaker and weaker.
Her face twisted in anguish as she looked at the Slayer. "You're just a mortal. You couldn't understand my pain."
"Then I'll just have to settle for causing it," Buffy said, smacking Glory with the hammer once more.
"You can't kill me," Glory said in disbelief.
"No, but my arm's not even tired yet," Buffy replied, taking another successful swing.
Glory fell to her knees. "Stop it."
"You're a god," Buffy snarled, hitting her with the hammer again and sending Glory flying deeper into the room. "Make it stop."
Buffy walked over to Glory and began to hit her over and over again. The sound of bones breaking and cartilage crunching filled the air, until Glory couldn't hold her form any more. She morphed back into Ben, causing Buffy to stop hitting.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"Tell her it's over," the Slayer said. "She missed her shot. She goes. She ever, ever comes near me and mine again…"
"We won't," he gasped. "I swear."
Buffy dropped the hammer and left the room.
She had to get to Dawn.
Buffy ran as fast as she could, pushing past the crazy people at the base of the tower and climbing up one of the sides. It felt like forever until she was at the top, but it was only seconds. Seconds that would change the course of her destiny.
When she reached the final level, she gasped when she saw her sister wasn't alone. There was a man with her, and the Slayer sensed easily that he was a demon. "Dawn."
Her sister saw her then and cried out, "Buffy!"
The demon whirled around and smirked at the Slayer. "This should be interesting."
Buffy gave him no thought, simply pushing him off the side of the scaffold. She then rushed to her sister's side, releasing her from her bindings. Dawn was crying, and Buffy could see that her sides had been cut. A feeling of dread grew within her, but she pushed it away. "Here," she said.
"Buffy, it hurts," Dawn said.
"I got it. Come here. You're gonna be okay," Buffy said, and helped her sister off the edge of the platform back towards the tower ladders.
Dawn suddenly stopped and turned to Buffy. The Slayer looked at her in confusion and ordered, "Go!"
"Buffy," the younger girl said tentatively. "It started."
The Slayer turned. She could see that the air under where Dawn had been standing was no lit up, and a portal was beginning to open. Lightening was crackling from it, striking down in the direction of the town.
"I'm sorry," Dawn said.
"It's doesn't matter," Buffy replied, and that was the truth. She had prepared for this moment. They were all going to die. She had known it. Dawn suddenly tried to run past her, but Buffy stopped her. "What are you doing?" she demanded.
"I have to jump," Dawn said. "The energy."
"It'll kill you," Buffy said softly.
"I know," her sister replied. "Buffy, I know about the ritual. I have to stop it."
"No," Buffy said, shaking her head. She couldn't lose Dawn, she just couldn't!
The tower began to shift beneath them and Dawn cried, "I have to. Look at what's happening." More lightening crackled, and both sisters looked up to see a dragon flying by them. "Buffy, you have to let me go. Blood starts it, and until the blood stops flowing, it'll never stop. You know you have to let me. It has to have the blood."
And then she knew.
'Cause it's always got to be blood.
It's Summers blood. It's just like mine.
She's me. The monks made her out of me.
Death is your gift.
Death...
...is your gift.
Everything had become clear. Giles had been right. She had misunderstood. Death wasn't who she was; she was more than just a killer. Her whole life it seemed she had been walking towards this moment, once again facing death from on high.
Then, she turned. And, just like the beautiful setting sun that Buffy had seen before Númenor sank, this time she saw it rising instead.
The Spirit Guide had told her she had to forgive and embrace the pain, and she was right. Buffy had to forgive herself for what happened on Númenor. For the things she had done, and failed to do. All of it. She had to let it go. It would never be over if she didn't.
So Buffy did the one thing she hadn't thought possible. She forgave herself.
The sky was growing lighter, and the portal was widening. But none of that mattered. Buffy watched the sun begin to ascend and she felt peace. Yet, it wasn't the fragile peace that she had attained on the Meneltarma, this was a lasting peace. Because, though she was the same person, something was different this time.
This time she was choosing her end.
Death was her gift. It was her gift to Dawn, to the world, but also to herself.
The Númenor Kings and Queens of old had ruled until their heirs were prepared, then they had passed the Sceptre on and laid down, passing into death. The island had lost that eventually, the kings learning to fear that which was natural and a part of life. But even she, as Míriel, in her last moment before the wave had taken her, had feared what was to come.
Buffy had no fear left within her.
Everything was ready. Her friends had been taught all they could learn about how to defend themselves. Willow would step forward and lead the group; she was strong. Strong enough to take over the mantle of leadership. Xander and Anya would be okay, they'd have each other. Giles would finally be able to return to England and carve out a life for himself as someone other than her Watcher. And Dawn…
Dawn would live.
It was her gift.
And this was Buffy's.
She was ready.
Turning back to her sister, the look on her face must have given her away. Dawn gasped. "Buffy, no!"
"Dawnie," Buffy said gently. "I have to."
"No!"
"Listen to me," Buffy implored. "Please, there's not a lot of time, listen. I love you. I will always love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles…tell Giles I figured it out. And, I'm okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world…is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me."
Buffy then kissed her sister's cheek and took one final look at her face. Dawn was sobbing, but Buffy knew that she would be all right. One day she would understand. One day she would know that Buffy had done this so she might live, and on that day she would forgive her sister for leaving.
Buffy then turned and ran, diving into the portal.
When the energy connected with her body, she felt pain more intense than anything she could have imagined. It ripped through every molecule, burning as it went and leaving pain in its wake. And yet, Buffy had no fear. She accepted it. This was her gift, and for that it was beautiful. She hadn't been abandoned here in this world, she had been sent here. Sent here for this moment, to understand, to learn, and the Slayer knew, without the shadow of a doubt, that it was time let go.
Well done, Tar-Míriel, a melodic voice whispered in her mind, and then it was gone.
The energy then concentrated, destroying the skin and meat and bones that held the Slayer together, and then evaporated, taking the remains of Buffy with it.
There was no body left to bury.
Buffy Summers was completely consumed by the portal, leaving the world of vampires and demons behind. Though her family and friends would mourn and try in vain to bring her back, she was gone. Her time as Slayer on Earth had ended, and now it was time for others to take up her cause.
But this is not the end of her story.
A soul as great and a spirit as beautiful as Buffy's did not die there that night.
It went home.
