A/N: Just wanted to say THANK YOU for the amazing feedback so far. And take a moment to personally thank Kasienda and chaoticwisdom for some great insight into this story. Your thoughts, in both the reviews and PM's, have shed some light for me on my story. In rereading the transition from CH 10 to CH 11, I completely agreed there was a missing link. As a result of your comments I decided to shift gears and add a new chapter 11 (focusing on Usagi's struggles). Originally I planned CH 13 to show Usagi's struggle but decided that it might be best to see the struggles early on instead of alluding to them.

Due to the change, Chapter 12 is now the old chapter 11 with a few additions. I think this partial rewrite will lead to a more convincing breakdown from Usagi. It just goes to show that I do take all of your comments to heart, and when possible I incorporate them into future chapters.

Hopefully, this little road bump will not deter you from the story but allow you to embrace it further.

Let me know your thoughts :)


Usagi sat in her beloved Crown Arcade with a partially melted milkshake waiting to be sipped. She played with the straw and twirled its delicious contents back and forth, deep in thought replaying the dream, from the night before, over and over again. Even though it was close to 3 pm she couldn't shake the unease that followed after the dream.

Under normal circumstances Usagi would not have been concerned about the dream but this one was different in tone and action. The Princess had spoken directly to her confirming all of her doubts. While Usagi was elated at the news she was more than worried about the physical pain she was still experiencing. The gash across her chest seemed to radiated pain every time she breathed. It was as though she had been stabbed for real.

She remembered waking up to the very real sensation of being stabbed when she woke searing pain from the incision burned with every breath she inhaled and panic coursed through her body. It wasn't normal for someone to be experiencing such vivid dreams and feeling physical ramifications. She lay still as she tried to move her muscles and force herself out of bed to no avail. Every movement had sent a sharp pain throughout her body.

Closing her eyes she had willed herself to block the link with Mamoru. At the end of their evening and after much discussion, they realized they shared a link through their emotions. While it was a great feeling for their lust for one another, the last thing she wanted was for him to see her in such a state. She had expended so much energy blocking her feelings of worry in an attempt to pull herself together. They'd only been dating less than 24 hours and she didn't want him to think she couldn't handle a little dream.

As a result, it had taken her over half an hour to even move from her position. Seconds had turned into minutes as she slowly inched her body into a sitting position and then carefully climbed out of the bed. She had found that once she was on her two feet the pain seemed to dull slightly. She had taken a few deep breaths, held her head high and then stepped out calmly into the hallway of the temple to find the nearest washroom.

Once there she had locked the door behind her and slowly undressed wincing in pain as she removed her shirt. She viewed herself in the mirror and noticed a faint red marking in the middle of her chest below her breast. Touching it she had let out a yelp as the skin was hot and burned. She had stared at herself for minutes contemplating how she could have a physical marking as a result of a dream. After moments of contemplation, she landed on no rational explanation other than the Princess was trying to break free from her.

'How could this be happening?' she thought to herself as she interrupted her own recollection of the dream and continued to twirl her straw in the milkshake.

She placed her small hand over the offending mark under her light pink sweater and exhaled sharply. It still hurt. How could she explain that? How was it that hours after waking up it still hurt?

Placing her hand down on the table she played with the napkin and absently bit her bottom lip. What happened if from now on, until she remembered, she would wake up injured? Would she constantly be fighting herself?

A chill went down her spine at the realization that it might be very true. Was she strong enough to fight an attack like this? Could she stop the dreams? What was the purpose of all of this happening? The real question she realized was actually whether she could ignore them to get through her daily life? For hours, she had been preoccupied with the ramifications of one dream. Would this thought process continue with every dream that passed by? She knew that she wouldn't be able to handle it, and resolved that at least for tonight she would avoid sleeping.

"Penny for your thoughts?" a soft voice whispered into her ear as she felt lips lovingly pressed against her temple. She turned her head to see Mamoru standing before her with the faintest smile as he settled in across from her. How had he found her, she wondered.

Even though he was uninvited Usagi couldn't help but smile at the sight of him. His dark ebony hair seemed to shine in contrast to the rainy day beyond the window beside him. He seemed relaxed, which was something new for him, and he seemed happy. Genuinely happy to see her, and to be there. A smile played on his lips as his dark cobalt eyes sparkled. She had never noticed how his eyes could look so lively. Her heart thrummed at the sight of him and she wanted nothing more than to have his arms wrapped around her but she didn't move. She didn't want to burden him just yet. If, prompted yes but until she was, she wouldn't say a word.

While Usagi was admiring all the perfections of Mamoru's happy demeanor, he was observing his rabbit's mood. He had noticed her pensively sitting in the window of the arcade and couldn't help but come and pay her a visit. She had been deep in thought for minutes as he walked up to her. He had even tried speaking to her but was met with no response. She seemed lost to a different world, deep in thought.

Even her physical appearance was off. Her skin seemed paler than normal missing the normal blush to her cheeks. Small bags were present under her blue eyes and her full lips were missing their usually teasing smile. Instead, melancholy was plastered across her face which was not a sight he was used to. Anger yes but not this… not sadness.

"Are you ok Usa?" he asked with a concerned hitch to his voice. The more he observed her, the more he realized she was off. She was even nervously playing with a napkin in-between her hands. He could feel the subtle change in the energy around him signaling that something was wrong. There was a stark contrast with the girl he left behind last night and this girl.

Her eyes met his. "I'm fine Mamoru," she said softly with a small smile that never reached her eyes. "I just had a dream last night that was a little too realistic for comfort," she admitted.

Mamoru cocked an eyebrow at her admission and asked her gently to explain the dream. Without hesitation, the troubled girl explained everything in detail as Mamoru processed the information. At the end of her explanation, he watched Usagi carefully to see where her anxiety was stemming from. Everything she explained to him was good news. She was the Princess. She was told to trust in her loved ones and everything would be revealed in due time. What could be sending the poor girl into an emotional tailspin?

"We should be thrilled that everything is coming to light," he stated cautiously. "This dream all but serves as confirmation that all of our theories are right. She told you, you were the Princess," he continued but his smile faltered as he realized that she seemed to be fighting tears. What was he missing? he thought to himself as he got up from his side of the booth and scooted beside her.

He wrapped an arm around her small frame and cupped her face with the other. "Usa," he whispered inches from her face as he watched several emotions flicker across her watery eyes. "What are you not telling me about the dream? I can tell that whatever happened shook you to the core," he admit as he thumbed a stray tear from rolling down her cheek. It killed him to see her like this. What had been so horrible about the dream? Yes, she explained that she was stabbed, but it didn't warrant this type of reaction. It was just a dream.

"It's just that…" she started hesitantly. Would he think she was crazy if she told him there was a physical ramification from the dream? That she had a feeling of dread from it? That she hadn't felt like herself since this morning? Her doubts weighed heavily on her but when she looked into his concerned eyes, all fear slipped away. She realized she needed to be honest with him and tell him exactly what occurred and how she was feeling. There was no point in hiding anything from him. He was hers and she was his. If they couldn't share things together than what was the point of being together.

"I woke up feeling like I had been stabbed," she whispered softly. "Not just your typical, 'I woke up in a panic and I was still half asleep' type of way. It's worse than that… I woke up with a red mark under my breast. It's the size of a sword blade and it hurts so much," she admitted lowering her eyes from him; ashamed at the confession that she was so weak.

Mamoru's playful jovial demeanor came crashing down at the heartfelt admission. "Usagi are you ok?" he asked with deep concern as he loosened his arm from around her shoulder and looked at her chest. His hand instinctively went to the wounded area and he pressed gently to see if he could feel the wound.

Usagi flinched at his touch and backed away from him hitting the window. His touch had reawakened the dull pain and it was now searing against her clothes. "Please don't do that… how is it that I can feel such pain from a dream and I've been awake for hours?" she questioned. "That's why I'm freaked out. I shouldn't feel like I was assaulted. It was just a dream," she rambled.

Mamoru stared at the frightened girl before him and shook his head. It wasn't normal for her to be experiencing physical pain from something like this, and it angered him that she was being abused. Who was making this so difficult for them? They had been so happy last night. Why was there such a shift? The girl before him was terrified of something immaterial when she should be focusing on happier thoughts, like their new found romance. It angered him that the gods seemed to mock their happiness.

"We'll figure this out Usa," he said with certainty. "We have to. Maybe it was only an anomaly and it won't happen again. Are you sure you didn't hit yourself during the night?" he asked cautiously.

Usagi shook her head. "I know I'm a klutz, but I swear to god I didn't do anything Mamoru. I woke up in such pain. It took me half an hour to move this morning because I couldn't catch my breath or ease the pain enough to even sit up," she admitted.

Mamoru listened and nodded. There was only one thing that he could do to help. "Usagi, I think I can help," he said shifting out of the booth and stretching out his hand towards her. "We're not going to stand by idly as these dreams take you over. I can heal you and then we can figure out the rest," he said motioning for her to take a hold of his hand.

Usagi looked up into his eyes and saw the determination burning. 'Trust in those around you and trust in your Prince, Princess. It's the only way…' she thought to herself as she took his hand. There was some truth to the mantra and at this point there was no use in moping around by herself. Perhaps the dream was only a fluke and maybe she wouldn't have any others. She let herself be taken into his arms and enjoyed the feeling of having his body pressed against hers.

That afternoon she allowed him to bring her back to his apartment to heal the wound inflicted from the dream. Mamoru had been successful in dimming the pain with the golden crystal leaving her feeling rather refreshed. For the rest of the day they spent time talking, lounging around and just enjoying each other's company. She had been grateful for his help even though by the end of the day the pain had returned. She didn't have the heart to tell him that it was only a temporary fix. What more could he do to help her? He was already doing so much and with that she vowed not to tell him the extent of the damage inflicted on her.


In the following days, Usagi had become a walking zombie. She could no longer bring herself to fall asleep due to tumultuous dreams plaguing her mind. The dreams always ended with her own violent death. On occasion, it was Beryl placing a sword through her back, then herself or worse her Prince. Nothing made sense and, as a result, she vowed not to willingly fall asleep. For hours on end, she would stay seated in her bedroom waiting for the sun to rise. Even though she tried to avoid sleep, the fatigue always overwhelmed her allowing the dreams to haunt her.

If that wasn't disturbing enough she had started to have blackouts and visions during her waking hours. While she was panicked about the attack on her mind, Ami reinforced that it was a good sign meaning that her memories were slowly being unlocked. The only drawback was that she couldn't control when they would occur. Often she would lose entire moments of her life as the past memories replayed themselves.

The only saving grace about the visions was their pleasant qualities. Often times she was witnessing Serenity and Endymion meeting each other for the first time or attending a secret rendezvous or even spending time with her Senshi. It was just their frequency and timing that were disturbing. Often times she would end up standing in a store not remembering how she got there or she would faint on the sidewalk. The most disturbing thing about them was their unpredictable nature.

The latest fainting spell had been a prime example that it was taking a toll on her. She had been crossing a busy intersection when everything warped in front of her and she found herself standing in the prayer room in the Silver Millennium. Queen Serenity stood before her urging her to get a control over her memories and dreams. She advised her that having the uncontrolled visions, memories, and dreams was letting them win. She remembered asking who they were, but the vision was violently shaken from her, as she felt someone tapping her face.

"Miss, Miss," an elderly man asked in concern as he kneeled beside her. She slowly lifted her head and saw that a small crowd had gathered in the middle of the street as she lay there inches from a car. She propped herself up on her elbows and put a hand to her forehead. The man helped her into a sitting position.

"I-I'm sorry," she stated apologetically.

His kind eyes washed over her. "No need to be sorry Miss. Is there someone we can call to help you? Are you alright?"

Usagi shook away the cobwebs from her mind and tried to focus on the scene before her. She needed to get out of here. Putting on her bravest face, she smiled reassuringly at the man and stood up on shaky legs.

"I'm fine… I just need to get home," she admitted as she tried to push down the mounting panic coursing through her veins. All her brain kept on repeating was that she had fainted in the middle of an intersection and she could have been killed. It now seemed that it wasn't even safe for her to walk around by herself anymore. She had just wanted some time to reflect upon everything without having concerned eyes trailing her every move. Instead, here she was in a crowd of strangers being pitied. It was the last thing she needed.

Without saying another word or thanking her kind savior, she ran through the crowd as her mind swam. She needed to get away from everyone. She needed to be alone and think through everything that was happening to her. What had Queen Serenity meant by letting them win? Had that been a vision OR a warning about her dreams and visions?

Looking at the crossroads, she realized that she was close to her apartment and ran as fast as her weakened legs would carry her. Her vision blurred in and out, as she fought the mounting fatigue and lack of energy, but she fought through it. The prize was making it to her apartment and then she would allow herself to fall apart.

Within minutes, she was slamming the door behind her and was relieved to be back within her own personal space. While it was great to be staying at the temple, she truly missed her personal space especially given the circumstances. She walked over to her couch and plopped down on it exhausted. After a few moments she curled into a ball on her side.

Taking a few deep breaths, she blocked off her connection with Mamoru before letting her emotional breakdown happen. She didn't want Mamoru worrying right now or come to her rescue. She needed him to stay away and let her live through the heartache that she was feeling.

She already felt unworthy of Mamoru's love and affection, so to subject him to another breakdown, felt unnecessary. Usagi had done everything in her power to trust in him and her friends, but she felt that she couldn't trust herself. Everyone was gaining hope while she was crumbling. Everyone saw the positive side of the dreams and memories, while Usagi could only focus on the negative. If someone would have asked her, she would have told them she hated everything about her situation. To have her own body and mind attacking her was hell on earth.

She closed her eyes momentarily, as tears slipped, and she tried to gather herself. Her brain kept on telling her that she was the problem, she needed to remember, she needed to be a better fighter, she needed to be less emotional, and that she was doing this to herself. There was only one person harming her and it was her. There was no other explanation. The dreams were clear in telling her that she needed to remember. That if she did, things would be better. Instead, she was a powerless mouse stuck in the lion's den who couldn't accept her fate.

She shifted on the couch to readjust herself and winced as an all too familiar pain shot through her chest. Even though days had passed since the first healing from her dreams. She didn't have the heart to tell Mamoru that the healing only provided a small respite from the true pain that was building. The wounds that littered her abdomen and chest now burned with every breath that she took. She couldn't complain, though. There was no point. Nothing worked. The healing would only give her a small break from her physical and emotional trauma.

What everyone didn't realize, was that being constantly reminded she was missing memories, hurt her more than the physical pain she was enduring. Everyone was so interested in unleashing the hidden Princess that no one paid attention to Usagi anymore. The terrified girl that stood before her friends, her lover, and his guardians, was completely unseen.

To Usagi, it seemed that she was no longer enough for her friends and it was something that played heavily on her psyche. Every time she met with her friends they never greeted her. Instead, they questioned whether she had unlocked some memory from the past or whether her dreams had spoken to her once more.

The constant questioning of whether her memories were unlocked was taking its toll on her. She had become weary of meeting with her friends due to the constant barrage of questions. Yes, she was happy they cared enough to wonder what was happening to her but Usagi felt like she was losing herself. Who was Usagi at this point? Did any of them care anymore? Was the Princess the only one they wanted? Is that who Mamoru wanted?

No one asked how she was feeling in this mess. If someone would have taken the opportunity she would have told them she was terrified. The whole experience was changing her and she was holding on by a string to her sanity. To think that only days ago being Usagi was enough for her friends… now it just didn't seem that way. It was always:

Have you had a dream about the Princess?

What did she say?

Are you physically hurt again?

Does Mamoru need to heal the wound?

Any news on anything?

What was the Princess like?

Are you getting closer to unlocking your memories?

Has she given you any new information?

Have you had any visions?

Is your appearance changing?

Do you feel different?

All the questions were too much for her to handle. The despair and isolation that she felt were finally coming to a helm as she sat in her empty apartment. She had been able to evade her Senshi's watchful eyes for a few moments and escape them. Now if she could only find a way to escape herself. Instead, she just lay on her couch curled into a ball softly crying into a pillow thinking about everything that was happening to her.

Her biggest fear that played over and over again was: when would she disappear. It seemed that everything that was happening to her pointed to the fact that when her memories would return, Usagi would cease to exist. It almost seemed like everyone anticipated or wanted it to happen. She felt like she was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode at the seams. One small move and her entire life would be lost to her.

Questions upon questions plagued her as she wondered whether she would remember Usagi when the Princess unveiled herself. Would she even be her? If she was honest with herself, she didn't even know who she was anymore. She knew that she wasn't supposed to be this scared little girl, fearing her dreams, avoiding her friends and seeing no joy in life. This was simply not Usagi Tsukino. What she was these days was just a shell of her former self. She had let the dreams overtake her, but she didn't know how to stop them.

Her appetite was lost, she only ate for social pretenses. Food was something that Usagi normally treasured as one of her favourite activities. Now everything including eating seemed futile in light of all the recent tortures that were put on her mind and body. Even when she tried to eat she felt nauseous, like her body was rejecting the much-needed nourishment.

In a week, she had noticed her body weight decrease but prayed that no one else did. There were no hunger pangs, no will to eat, no will to do anything but hide from the dreams and the Princess. All she wished for was for everything to go back to normal. She needed it to go back to normal or else she would end up dying. It was as though an external force was driving her to the radical actions.

'Was that the plan?' she thought bitterly as she rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling through watery lashes. 'Maybe that's exactly the purpose of all of this. To have me destroy myself.'

It would make sense for the enemy to toy with her emotions. After all, she was known to be an emotional mess on a good day, so to play with her self-worth would be pure genius. She held back another sob at the thought that she was disappearing.

Who would she be after everything was said and done? Would she be more Serenity than Usagi or vice versa? And worse, what happened if even when she awakened fully as Serenity, that her friends and Mamoru, were disappointed? That she wasn't the woman they wanted her to be.

She already knew that Usagi was definitely not the girl they wanted. They were waiting for the Princess to come forward for them to protect and serve. They didn't need this silly, clumsy, lifeless girl that was preventing the Princess from appearing. Did Mamoru even need her like this? Was he just with Usagi waiting for Serenity to appear? No, she told herself. He loved her for her… right?

He was the one ray of sunshine in all of this. He kept her morale up and made her believe that everything would be ok. His advances and caring touches drove her to stay afloat and hope for better days. A bittersweet smile spread across her tear stained face as she thought of her unlikely savior. Mamoru was keeping her sane, who would have thought.

While she knew he loved her, for her, there was still a doubt that he wanted the Princess more. What would happen if the Princess didn't awaken? What would happen if she didn't live up to his expectations? Would he just discard her? Could she live without Mamoru by her side?

At the thought of a life without Mamoru, another sob escaped her lips. In six days, they had become so close and she feared life without him. He was her rock and the other half of her heart. Without him, she would be nothing. Maybe, losing herself to Serenity wouldn't be so bad, if it meant keeping him, she thought sullenly.

The fatigue and lack of energy she was feeling only seemed to increase her insecurities ten folds. Her thoughts were no longer rationale as she lay on the couch thinking of everything that could go wrong instead of everything that could go right. With those thoughts in mind, she spent the rest of the afternoon crying and evaluating her self-worth until she ran out of tears.

It was only at the sound of her communicator ringing that she moved from her pity couch. She picked up her bag and took out the communicator. Another low-grade youma attack was happening and she was needed. This was the 7th attack in 6 days and she was tired. Every time she fought these days she seemed to be worse. Her aim was off, her physical strength was down and her speed was significantly reduced. It seemed that she was more of a sitting duck than any help.

Reluctantly, she removed herself from the couch and transformed into her alter ego: Sailor Moon. The power that she once felt coursing through her veins at the transformation was gone. She simply felt disconnected from all motions. She took several deep breaths and closed her eyes. 'You can do this Usagi,' she told herself. 'You're Sailor Moon. You're still just as powerful… just push down everything you've been feeling and take it out on the youma's.' With that in mind, she opened her balcony door and made haste to the battle.