A/N: I've seen no less than four, count 'em, four different ways of transliterating Re-gan. I'm officially throwing up my hands in despair and using the one that sounds the most like what I hear characters say in the anime. As for other character names, I don't yet read Japanese, so I'm pretty much going to go with the subtitle spellings used on Crunchyroll. Or the lack of ear-to-eye consistency will drive my bunnies on a mad killer rampage. Rabid plotbunnies are bad.


Running water. Shiroe splashed the last bit of soapy water off his face, then swept up one more cool, clean handful just for the pure bliss of water tugging on every-magic-not-water. Anything left behind was just him, for better or for worse; and it was good to be back where they could trust the water again.

Add that to the list of things to bring up to the Round Table: investigate Akihabara's water and sanitation systems, Shiroe thought, patting his face dry with a clean towel. So far everything here seems to be working fine. We want it to stay that way. I don't know if Adventurers can get sick, but plague debuffs exist. We have to assume something else out there might be able to make us sick. Besides, even if we can't get sick, People of the Land can, and they're our neighbors...

"Oh, what a beautiful morn-arglegargleargle-ing!"

Shiroe sighed ruefully, as the pitcher of hot water Naotsugu had just brought in started steaming up the rightmost mirror. Why did I think sharing bathrooms would be fun, again?

Well, not exactly fun. More a matter of practicality. Eventually they'd have a working bathroom on every floor of the guildhouse. But as Michitaka had said, they were still working out how to price things and there were a lot of people who suddenly wanted their own place outside the Guildhall. As it stood, Log Horizon had three: one for the girls, one for the older male players, and one Touya had loudly claimed as younger player territory to cover the fact that - once you got past the bold speeches and the sparkles - Rundelhaus Code was still a bit intimidated by how his life had suddenly changed.

Brave kid. Shiroe dodged an enthusiastic elbow as Naotsugu frothed up some soap and water to a lather. I need to ask him about killing those Dire Wolves. Did he know he could blast them directly by getting that close? Or did he not know he couldn't?

A spell-blast like that wouldn't have worked when Elder Tale had been just a game. First, you couldn't control your avatar that precisely. Second - MP was MP, and if you didn't have enough to cast a standard spell you were pretty much toast.

Maybe I'm not the only one who came up with a new magic. Shiroe smirked at his fogging mirror. That should help his morale when it comes to dealing with the rest of us. Though we're going to have to find a more controlled way to experiment with it-

"Oi!" A shaving brush was brandished in his general direction. "No evil smirking this early in the morning!"

Shiroe blinked. "What?"

"Smirking like that means thinking! Before breakfast!" Naotsugu threw a ward-off sign. "No!"

"I just like our plumbing better than the castle's," Shiroe said honestly.

Lather on his face, Naotsugu rolled his eyes. "Cold water from the well, lukewarm from the roof tank, hot has to come off the stove..."

"It's a lot harder to make a safe water heater than a risky steam engine," Shiroe said frankly. "I'm sure Michitaka or one of our other-"

"Mad scientists," Naotsugu snickered.

"-Inventors, will figure something out by winter," Shiroe finished. "And if they don't, there's always the West Wind Brigade's baths."

"Huh." Razor in hand, Naotsugu started scraping off stubble. "Planning for winter, huh?"

"We'd better start," Shiroe admitted; settling his glasses and swiping fog off the mirror to make sure he was presentable enough for breakfast. Hair, glasses, clothes - check. "We've been here most of the summer already, and I'm still not sure where to start looking to get us back to Earth."

"That Elf sage." Naotsugu went after his cheek a careful swipe at a time. "Re-gan."

"He gave me some information on past World Fraction spells." Shiroe frowned. "So far, there's nothing on how to undo any of them."

"Heh. Figured."

Shiroe started. "You did?"

"Hey, if it was easy to fix something like this, they'd wipe the goblins out- ow!" Dabbing at his chin, Naotsugu gave him a dirty look. "So it doesn't bleed. It still stings."

"No thinking before breakfast?" Shiroe teased.

"Ha! You're just jealous that you can't sport that manly afternoon stubble when you've got cute Assassins sneaking around your desk!"

Shiroe gave him an amused raised brow. "If I'd wanted to look like an unkempt Dwarf every afternoon, I'd-"

I'd have made myself a Human.

Fumbling out the bathroom door, he fled.


At least their roof was quiet and empty. For now.

Standing near the eastern edge, Shiroe took a deep breath. Even with sixteen thousand Adventurers and more People of the Land, everything in Akihabara still smelled so green.

But for how long?

He'd made a mistake. He'd made a whole series of mistakes, and he wasn't sure where to start unraveling the snarl before it led to horrific outcomes. He wasn't even sure he could-

"What'd I say about thinking before breakfast?"

Shiroe glanced back toward the roof door. One persistent Guardian, carrying two trays with steaming bowls. "Naotsugu-"

"I told the shrimp she didn't need to come kill anything to make you feel better. And I told the Chief I'd make sure you ate. You'd better. I caught him asking our Assassin about how she'd slip sleeping poisons into enemy stewpots, and you know he's worried if he'd do that to food." Naotsugu put both trays down on the wooden table, and gestured toward one of the stump-stools. "Come on. Everything looks better after one of the Chief's breakfasts."

Shiroe sighed, and sat down. Miso soup, rice, pickles; a simple breakfast, but it'd been made with all Nyanta's practiced skill. It'd be mouth-watering. Normally. "...How long have you known?"

"Since we went to Susukino," Naotsugu shrugged, starting in on his own bowl. "Six days on the trail, there and back? Some things get obvious. Like a guy who keeps forgetting to shave because he doesn't have to." He waved at Shiroe's bowl. "You're letting it get cold. Stop thinking so hard. Just for a few minutes. I need to do some yelling, and I'm not doing that to a guy who hasn't even had breakfast."

Oh. Okay then. Shiroe heaved a sigh, and worked his way through the soup and rice. Sometimes he forgot, but taking care of people was what good tanks did. Even back on Earth, Naotsugu had often been the one to point out to Kanami that great quest or not, some people had to get up in the morning. Too much fun was almost as bad as no fun at all.

"Heh. Beginning to think I can pick out the guys who were shut-ins by how high up they climb," Naotsugu mused. "You and Crusty on rooftops, and have you seen Shouryuu on flagpoles?" He drained the last drops of soup, elbows hitting the table.

Here it comes.

"You're an Adventurer. We're all weird here." Naotsugu looked more sober than angry, tapping a finger on polished wood. "Why do you think being Half-Alv makes you any different?"

"Because I am," Shiroe blurted out, surprised. "I made a mistake. Re-gan knows what I am. And if he knows... he's advising Duke Cowen, how many of the League already know? And who knows what they think about the Roundtable Conference already given the envoy saw our meeting room-"

Naotsugu was waving his hands; slow down, rewind, explain! "Back up. What does the Roundtable room have to do with anything?"

Shiroe hesitated, adding mental addenda to his train of logic. "Re-gan's scrolls on the World Fractions included illustrations. The statues over the doorways - those are one of Seldesha's traditional depictions of the Six Twisted Princesses."

The last six princesses of the Alvs. The ones who'd created the first World Fraction - and doomed Seldesha to a never-ending war.

"...Oh, hell," Naotsugu managed. "But when you had the Guildhall make that room, you didn't know."

"No! There were eight different designs for a meeting hall, I just picked one that seemed right - but how do they know that?" Shiroe's fists clenched. Deliberately, he pried them open again. "This is a feudal society. Symbols mean something to these people. They have to. Everything that isn't created by magic, they build from scratch. Just as we do if we want something to come out right. They don't create statues by accident. If one of Eastal's lords built that conference hall, the League would tear itself apart!"

"Because honoring the ladies who let loose the demi-human plagues on everybody would kind of put you on the bad guy side," Naotsugu concluded. "Ouch. But Shiroe. You didn't pick that on purpose-"

"How do they know that?" Shiroe swallowed, throat dry. "How do I know that? We don't know what the Alv Empire was like, or why the other three races chose to destroy it. But when I heard Re-gan's tale of how the Alvs were enslaved and... bred... I feel so angry."

"Of course you do." Naotsugu rolled his eyes. "So do I. Even Rundelhaus would get angry, and Rudy doesn't get angry at anybody."

Caught off-guard, Shiroe stared at him.

"It was stupid." Naotsugu emphasized each word with a gentle thump on the table. "Say the Alv Empire was evil. Say all the Alvs were horrible, man-eating, demon-summoning who-knows-whats, and deserved to be locked up at hard labor forever. That was them. Not their kids. You start raping your enemies and using their kids to build up your magic-users? Forget the sliding scale of evil. That's jumping right off the slippery slope." Another thump, and he pointed right at the Enchanter. "If you heard that story and didn't get mad, you wouldn't be Shirogane Kei."

Shiroe's face felt hot. Weeks since he'd heard that name... "How do you know I am?"

"Because I know you," Naotsugu said wryly. "What, you see something strange in the mirror before you bolted out of there?"

"No," Shiroe said, almost too quiet to hear. "I didn't see anything strange." He lifted his gaze to Naotsugu's; half a challenge, half a plea. "I didn't see anything strange. At all."

Naotsugu opened his mouth to toss off a flippant comment. Sighed instead, and shook his head. "Talk to me."

It's Naotsugu. You know him. He'll believe you.

But it was hard to talk. It always had been, when people were right there, with no computer screen to keep a safe distance.

I may never have a computer screen to hide behind again.

That was a chilling thought. One that made him want to flee into his slowly growing library and never come out.

But I can't. The Roundtable Conference has just found its feet. Our alliance with the League is being patched together by Crusty the Blood Knight, Princess Lenessia the Closet Neet, and a gaggle of Lander merchants who don't like each other. Duke Cowen wants to be our ally, but if his fellow League members think the Cowen family is trying to cut a deal with Adventurers on their own-

"Akatsuki's right. You do get that wrinkle between your eyebrows." Naotsugu leaned back against the table, hands linked behind his head. "Stop thinking about the Roundtable. And Akihabara. And the whole world. Right now I'm just worried about you."

"There isn't anything wrong with me..." Shiroe let a breath sigh out. "You've met me. You know what I look like." Normal, dull hair. Forgettable eyes. Almost ten centimeters shorter than Naotsugu. That was the face Shirogane Kei was supposed to have.

"Yeah?"

Shiroe nudged up his glasses, giving his friend a deliberately cranky look. "I looked in the mirror, and I saw..." Wordless, he gestured at himself. Taller. Thinner. Black hair, and eyes a gunmetal black that made even veteran players treat him warily. Not Shirogane Kei.

Naotsugu shrugged. "Yeah? So?"

There was no way even the Panty Warrior was that thick. "I looked in the mirror, and I didn't see anything wrong," Shiroe got out. "I just saw..."

Patient, the Guardian waited.

"Me," Shiroe whispered, trying not to shiver. "All I saw was - my face."

"Yeah." Naotsugu unlinked his fingers, brought his hands back around to fold his arms over his green-edged tunic. "That's been hitting a lot of people lately."

"It - it has?" Shiroe felt as if he'd stumbled over a step. And they hadn't even gone anywhere. "But... you, Akatsuki, Nyanta..."

"I made my avatar a pretty close fit," Naotsugu said casually. "Our little Assassin ended up a guy, remember? She wouldn't care if she were green, as long as she was still a girl. And the Chief had to figure out pretty quick he wasn't human, or he wouldn't have been able to walk. And then who would have been the daring Swashbuckler to rescue Serara?" He gave the Enchanter a searching look. "You ended up a lot like Marielle and her kids. You could ignore it. Most of the time. So it kind of snuck up on you."

Shiroe shook his head. It didn't make sense. It shouldn't make sense. "Snuck up on-?"

"Getting used to things," Naotsugu nodded. "Getting used to you."

Shiroe winced. "But this isn't me. I don't-" Words failed him; he tried again. "Naotsugu. I blackmailed the whole town!"

"Ha!" One fist went up, pumped air. "I knew it wasn't the Half-Alv getting to you."

"Wasn't the- would you make sense?" Shiroe sputtered. "I turned Akihabara upside down and shook it, I helped Michitaka and Crusty threaten Landers whose only problem is they're scared to death of us, I helped plan a small war..."

Naotsugu was grinning at him.

Argh. "I'm an engineer! Not even that - I'm a grad student! Nobody should be trusting me with - with-" He waved a hand out toward Akihabara. "All this!"

"I do." Naotsugu's smile sobered a little; warm, not manic. "Shiroe. You're good at this. You spent eight years learning to be good at this."

"Back when it was a game," Shiroe insisted. "When anybody could just walk away."

"You never ragequit anything in your life." Naotsugu arched a brow at him. "Okay, one? You're not running all of Akihabara. I'd make the chibi sit on you if you tried."

Akatsuki? Sitting on- Shiroe went bright red. "Naotsugu!"

The Guardian grinned. "Two? Anybody who doesn't like Akihabara can leave." He waved out over the city. "I don't see people leaving."

Not since the Silver Swords had walked out of the first Roundtable meeting, no. But-

"And as for that whole Alv mess," Naotsugu held up a finger at a time. "You didn't know about the Alvs. That means it's not in the game lore, and that means there's not a player out there who could have known. Anybody even brings it up, Adventurers are going to go, 'Huh?'" Another finger. "Re-gan told you the story. That means he was pretty sure you didn't know it already. Think about that. This whole mess about the Twisted Princesses of the Alv, and he's sure Shiroe the Archmage didn't know."

"How did I get stuck with that title? I'm not..." Shiroe rubbed his eyebrow, and sighed. "Duke Cowen knows."

"Yeah, probably. But," a third finger went up, "Castle of Eternal Ice. If Cowen thought everything left over from the Alvs was evil, that place wouldn't still be standing."

Shiroe grimaced. "It wouldn't be strategically wise to tear it down."

"So? You think he's a good guy. So does Crusty, and even Michitaka; and he really didn't want to go." Naotsugu gave him a weighing look. "If everybody who met him thinks Cowen's one of the good guys, even if he's being a careful good guy so the League doesn't fly apart - I bet he's done a couple things that weren't strategically wise." Naotsugu's grin went just a little wicked, and he yanked his stump nearer, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Like, oh, running into Choushi to pull off a miracle."

Shiroe tried not to groan. Hunched his shoulders, feeling the summer sun suddenly chill. "Naotsugu. What I did that night changed this world."

"Yeah." Naotsugu dragged his stump a bit closer. "And it was made of awesome."

Oh, he wouldn't dare-

Still grinning, Naotsugu ruffled his hair.

"Ack!" Shiroe tried to bat his hand off. "Worse than Henrietta..."

"You're right," his friend agreed. "Marielle's cooler."

"Erk!"

Fortunately, Naotsugu was a lot more careful than Marielle. His ribs were in no danger. Shiroe grumbled at the hug, and sighed. "Do I want to know why?"

"You worry enough."

Tilting his head away from Naotsugu's shoulder, Shiroe raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't that be, you worry too much?"

"Nah. Somebody's got to." Naotsugu let go, and winked. "But you're a guildmaster now. How's Minori going to learn to be the best if she thinks she can't ever make a mistake? Not ever? Like the bridge-"

Shiroe started. "That wasn't a mistake!"

Naotsugu tried to give him a good hardboiled detective stare. But his eyes were laughing too much. "Yeah? Why not?"

"One Dire Wolf would have been an opponent for an entire party their level." Shiroe nudged his glasses, reviewing everything he'd learned from the younger players about what had led to Rundelhaus' death and revival. "They had two, and hobgoblins. If they'd had another DPS or tank to take some of the pressure off Touya, or enough spare MP to root the second Dire Wolf - then, maybe. As it was, if Rundelhaus hadn't..."

He could see that moment in the rain. As Minori must have seen it, knowing that Touya was seconds from dying and all of them would be hard on his heels. And while four of them were Adventurers, Rudy - and all of Choushi unprotected behind them - were People of the Land.

She must have been so scared.

Naotsugu nodded. "You should tell them that. Teacher."

That still sent shivers down his spine. Sure, he'd used the mentoring system before, but- Teacher? Me? "I don't know if I can do this. It's not like a raid..."

"Nope," Naotsugu agreed. "No walkthroughs. No forums. No save and reset. Like you said; this is our reality." He clapped a hand on Shiroe's shoulder. "Welcome to growing up."

The world seemed oddly faint and distant. He couldn't get a deep enough breath. Oh... boy.

"It's okay to faint now," Naotsugu smirked, giving him a double thumbs-up. "Or - I know! We could talk about more grownup things! Like pan-"

Smash.

Akatsuki reappeared in a blur of pink. "My lord, I kneed this perverted idiot in the face." She brandished a spiral-bound notebook with stickers. "Also, I confiscated these notes." Purple eyes narrowed at Naotsugu. "You do not want to read these notes, my lord."

"Ah... probably not," Shiroe agreed, blushing. "How did you... how long have you-?"

"Oi!" Naotsugu sat up, rubbing his nose. "Give that back, shrimp!"

Akatsuki stood straight with a hmph. "You tried to inflict these perverted writings on my lord."

"He's a grown man! He can be as perverted as he likes!"

There were thunderclouds gathering over their Assassin's head. Roll d6 for morale check, Shiroe thought numbly. One to two, hold position. Three to four, orderly retreat. Five to six - rout. Rolling...

The little die in his mind spun, and stopped.

Three.

"I'm going to go help the Chief with the dishes," Shiroe said hastily, fleeing toward the door.

"Oi, Kei!"

Hand on the doorknob, he froze. Naotsugu? Using his real name? In the game, he'd almost never...

This isn't a game anymore.

"World's tough enough to handle a few mistakes, Shiroe." Naotsugu grinned, holding up his notebook with a dangling Assassin attached. "So are we. But if you end up with another Dish Monster, I want in on the boss fight!"


A/N: It's canon that Naotsugu has a "Panty Notebook."

According to the Elf Sage, Alv heritage is erratic, and usually shows up in the offspring of two seemingly completely human parents. Which means that most of the time Half-Alvs would be raised human. So yes, Shiroe's panic over being Half-Alv should be... more than a little misplaced. He has a lot to freak out about. People tend to focus their anxiety on tiny side issues to avoid facing the really scary ones before they're ready.

...As for the canon detail about Half-Alvs and tongues, I freely admit here and now I am ignoring that completely. The reason being, I am an Honorverse fan. And that image plus the canon mention of slavery brings up the Audubon Ballroom. We do not need the Audubon Ballroom in LH. Nope.

Though turning Shiroe loose on the Mesan Alignment would be so awesomely broken...

Ahem. Like I said. Not going there. *Whistles innocently.* Though, if anyone else wants this plotbunny... free to good home!

(And thanks to Kryal, I now have headcanon that Naotsugu has refined the Panty Warrior into a unique special ability: Summon Akatsuki!

That, or Akatsuki has Panty Reference Radar. The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive...)