Chapter Eleven: Conversations

Trowa leaned against the doorframe of the tasteful little office his new boss was working in, his stance casual as he stood with his jacket hanging off one shoulder. One of his hands was carelessly shove into a pocket while the other held a white paper bag. He watched Mr. Winner working diligently at his desk, his mouth curling into a small smile. "Do you always work through lunch?" His voice, a smooth, mellow baritone, resounded through the room.

Quatre's head shot up, startled as he looked at the newcomer, blinking several times as if to clear disorientation caused by the break in his concentration. "Most of the time. Why do you ask, Mr. Barton?"

"As a loyal employee, it's my duty to make sure you take care of yourself."

"You make it sound more like parenting."

"Far from parenting, Mr. Winner." He held up the paper bag. "Hamburgers and fries alright?"

Taken aback, Quatre arched one fine brow. "You brought me lunch?"

"Yep. I even have pie for dessert."

With a warm smile, Quatre waved from him to come inside. "You've convinced me. Have a seat."

Trowa complied, sinking into the chair across from Quatre's. He pulled out the foil-wrapped food and smirked as he revealed the container holding nearly half an apple pie. Quatre's eyes lit up with pleasure. "Apple," he mumbled appreciatively, "My favorite."

"Is it? I'll have to tell Duo that."

"Hmm," taking a bite of his burger, Quatre chewed thoughtfully before answering, "Why's that?"

"Oh, I snitched this off him. His cooking skills are sublime."

"That's good to know. Heero could burn water if you let him, so at least I know he won't poison himself with Duo looking after him."

Trowa smiled, dipping a handful of fries into the ketchup he spread on the foil wrapper of belonging to his burger. "They're good together, aren't they?"

"Heero and Duo? Yes, they really are." The atmosphere between them light and easy, Quatre thoughtfully eyed Trowa's choice of wardrobe, consisting of a faded denim button-down shirt, black jeans, and scuffed-up boots. After his quick inspection he loosened his own tie and slipped off his suit jacket, languidly leaning back in his chair with a sigh of relief.

Trowa watched him amusedly. "You don't take much time to relax, do you?"

"No, I really don't." As if to emphasize his point Quatre kicked up his feet and began to happily munch on his hamburger. "Well, what about you, Mr. Barton? Do you always bring lunch to your bosses?"

"No, only the cute ones."

Quatre flushed but could not suppress a soft smile as he delved back into his lunch, all too aware of the pair of green eyes that watched him through the whole meal.

xx

Duo turned the key in the lock and let the door swing open to reveal the dark apartment. As soon as he stepped inside he suddenly found himself holding a warm, writhing armful of fur ball. He glanced to the side to find Heero in the same predicament as the other man stared, befuddled at the female Siamese in his arms, called Delilah. Her counterpart, a gray-striped tabby named Samson, affectionately butted his head against his owner's chin and Duo glared at the feline, watching as Heero responded to Delilah's pleading mewls by obligingly scratching under her neck. She purred audibly, affectionately nuzzling against his cheek before gracefully leaping from his arms to the floor with a dismissive flick of her tail.

Duo grinned as he watched the cat saunter away like a model of poise and prestige, the cat queen, "I think she likes you. She's not like that with anyone but Trowa and I. Hilde hates that."

Heero smiled faintly. "I'm surprised. I was never one for animals."

"I'll have to change that. I've an affinity for them."

Samson, meanwhile, was attempting to wrap himself around Duo's neck, and Duo scowled as he removed the furry chokehold, tossing the tomcat onto the couch. "Except this one. Damn crazy cat," he growled as Samson yowled at him indignantly and bounded away down the hall, "I swear there are times when I wish I had left him in the gutter."

Heero's mouth twitched with amusement, but he fought back a smile as he watched Duo close the door and flick on the lights, dumping his keys and wallet on a nearby side table. "You never would have, though. Your heart is too soft to have left him."

"I'm not sure whether to take that as an insult or a compliment."

"A compliment, of course."

"Duly noted," Duo replied, making his way into the kitchen, automatically checking the cats' food dishes, thinking back to when they had first become a strange addition to his life a couple of years after he first came to New York. Delilah had been a gift from Trowa on one of his rare visits during their college days and Samson had been sympathetically acquired one night from an abandoned alleyway as Duo walked home from a movie. Both had been named from Duo's rather obscure knowledge of Bible stories, something inevitable when one grew up in a Catholic orphanage.

He smiled wryly at the memories, shaking his head as if to dispel them. He ducked his head out of the kitchen, finding Heero sitting on the couch and something about the sight before him had Duo's throat tightening with emotion, overwhelming him with both admiration and apprehension.

The blue-eyed man was sitting rather casually, obliviously comfortable, with his arms stretched out across the back of the couch, his head pillowed against the cushion, his eyes closed. His face was relaxed, almost content, softened with a light smile that left him truly beautiful.

Duo himself had dated regularly since his teenage years, knew the ins and outs and the ups and downs of relationships, but nothing could have prepared him for the shock that was Heero Yuy. Duo knew that in his twenty-two years he had never met anyone quite like Heero. Duo had never been with anyone that treated him even half as well as Heero did and he knew especially that he had never felt so strongly for anyone else before. The very thought scared the hell out of him.

Shaken and more than a little pale, Duo swallowed hard, forcing a light-hearted lilt to his voice. "You want some tea, Heero?"

Heero opened one eye to regard him speculatively, "I'd like that. Do you have any-"

"Green tea? Yep. Bought some just for you."

"I feel so honored."

"You should." With that final quip Duo disappeared back into the kitchen, filling the tea kettle and setting it to boil, taking the box of teabags from the cupboard and tossed it on the counter.

Okay. He had been in a number of strange situations before, everything from rough and tumble to strained and awkward and even the truly bizarre. He really shouldn't have felt as unsettled as he did. Though, granted, he'd never had to deal before with the aftermath of a love confession before. The closest he'd ever came was the confessions of adoration he dealt with back in grade school from frivolous, love-struck girls who though him cute. Their affections were immediately thwarted by his quick apologies and blunt admission that he was sorry, but he was quite happily gay.

It was not that he was completely against the idea of Heero loving him; it was more that it brought him close to a panic attack. It confused him, angered him, frightened him, and pained him. The very idea of someone loving him, truly loving him was a foreign, wary concept. Out of everything else he only knew that no matter what happened, he could never allow his own fear and insecurities to hurt Heero, regardless of what he himself felt. Better to nip the bud now than watch himself be the cause of the other man's pain later down the road.

He would give anything to never see another person he cared about be hurt again, especially when he was the cause of it.

"Duo, are you alright in there?"

Heero's voice carried in from the living room, heavily laced with concern, and Duo sighed to himself, rubbing his hands over his face. He took in a deep, shuddering breath in hopes of regaining some form of composure and made his way into the living room, wiping away tears he never realized had entered his eyes.

He took a seat beside the other man and smiled weakly, clutching a couch pillow in his lap. "Hey," he said softly.

Heero returned the smile though the expression came wan and feeble. "Hello," he raised a hand to gently brush his fingers against Duo's cheek, "Are you okay? You look a little pale."

"I'm fine." He leaned back against the couch, struggling between mixed degrees of apprehension and fear. It was tough. His jilted mind could not seem to decide between the two; either one still had his stomach rolling and his heart thundering. "Heero…" he began and then hesitated, unsure how to continue.

"I'm sorry," Heero interjected, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, "I said something that made you uncomfortable, and for that I'm sorry."

"No, it's alright," Duo replied, forcing himself to look at his companion. All right? his mind screamed, He told you he loves you! How is that all right? "Did you mean it?"

Heero looked at Duo, his expression hopeless and hesitant, "Honestly?" At Duo's nod, he sighed dejectedly, his breath escaping in a harsh rush of breath. "I…I don't really know. I've never been in love with someone before, but I do know a few things, Duo. I know that I love your smile and your laugh, how beautiful you are and how kind. I love your sense of humor and even the small things, like your coffee addiction and your ludicrous practical jokes. I know that that I've never felt for anyone before what I feel for you. If that's not love, Duo, I really have no idea what is."

The stunned silence stretched out between them. Duo was struck shell-shocked as he stared straight ahead disbelievingly at the man before him. Heero cautiously reached out to touch his hand but Duo flinched away, turning his face away from the hurt that passed through Heero's eyes. He took a deep breath, still unable to bring himself back on kilter, uncertainty killing him inside.

"Duo? I'm sorry, I said too much." He stood up, combing his fingers through his hair in a habitual gesture of discomfort. "I should probably go."

Duo reacted instantly, jerking Heero back by the arm to land back on the sofa beside him. Heero merely stared at him. "No, don't go. I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"Why? I'm the idiot saying all these things."

"You're not an idiot, Heero. You're…it's just…shit, Heero, we've only been together a few months. I wasn't prepared for this!" Duo felt close to tears from his frustration as he sank back against the couch, unsure what to do, to say, to feel.

Heero could only watch him helplessly; all too aware of the sudden jeopardy he had put their relationship in. But then again, he truly had no idea of Duo's resolve and sense of feeling for him. Duo Maxwell wasn't about to let him go without a fight.

Duo took in another deep breath, leveling an introspective gaze in Heero's direction. "I don't want you to think that I don't care for you, Heero, but let's think about this. We've only known each other for a few months and like you said, you haven't had a real relationship except for your wife. I don't want you to be confusing your feelings for something else, that's all," Duo inwardly blanched, disgusted with himself with the garbage that continued to spew from his mouth, "There's really no need for us to rush anything."

"We have fun together, don't we, Heero?" even he could hear the barely disguised pleading in his voice, "We're there for each other, and we talk so easily. That's enough, isn't it?" Tell me that it's enough; please say it's enough. Lie to me if you have to, just don't say that. Don't say you love me.

His words faded into dead silence and Duo looked anywhere but Heero, desperate to see anything that could give some semblance of reassurance, sick at heart from what he knew he had to say. Anything to keep that small distance between them; he would be there for Heero as the friend he needed, but he couldn't be the lover he wanted, he just couldn't.

Heero reached out and touched his hand and Duo's palm turned over, enveloping Heero's in a tight grip. "I understand," Heero said quietly, leaning closer to the other man, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. You've nothing to apologize for. Just tell me if we're okay."

Heero smiled softly, leaning even closer until Duo could feel his breath hot against his lips and then even the minimal space between them closed as Heero's mouth descended over his. The kiss was soft and undemanding, a gentle press of lips to lips meant to convey everything he could never say, meant to soothe and reassure. But even with that single simple contact, a heat stirred between them, and as Heero moved to pull away a few moments later, Duo cupped his head behind his head, keeping him in place, desperate to feel more of that heat's intensity.

Heero shuddered and suddenly that simple kiss became something more, heat steadily rising into a smoldering inferno, culminating in a strange, aching knot in his abdomen, setting his nerves aflame with incredible feelings he couldn't begin to understand. He was suddenly aware of every sensation, the soft sound of their breathing, the hands gliding up his back, clutching at his shoulders, the hair brushing against his cheek, the hunger slowly awakening inside.

He pulled Duo closer to him and the lithe body pressing into him only sharpened the ache, heightened the hunger and the longing as the kiss deepened, startling them both at the sudden tentative touch, and then they opened to the intimacy, drowning themselves in each other.

Duo was numbly aware of his back meeting the couch, concentrating instead on the powerful body leaning into him, the comfortable weight settling over him and the sudden friction of the hips aligning with his. He moaned softly, surrendering to that same drowning sensation as they came together in another kiss, slender fingers entangling through his hair, loosening the braid.

He ran his hands downward, beckoned by the warmth soaking through the thin fabric of the shirt Heero wore, logic taking a back seat to desire as he slid his hands beneath the shirt, marveling at the contrast between the warm, smooth skin and the hard muscles beneath his fingertips.

Like a lightning strike, Duo's touch sent a shock through Heero's system, tearing a startled sound from his throat, halfway between a yelp and a groan. He drew back, staring down at the man beneath him, his eyes widening.

Duo gazed up at him through hooded eyes, the very essence of temptation with his hair tangled and loose around his slender shoulders, his mouth swollen and red, the intimate press of his body to Heero's evident through every point where he felt their bodies meet.

Heero swallowed hard, desire heavy in his eyes though a vivid flush warmed his face and he found it hard to meet his boyfriend's eyes. "That…that was…" he trailed off, unable to find much clear coherence in his passion-clouded awareness.

"That was…wow," Duo whispered, a small smile curved his kiss-bruised lips and he lifted a hand to ghost his fingers against Heero's cheek, brushing his thumb against the corner of his mouth.

Heero managed a smile of his own, amused with his own mortification and he teasingly kissed the finger against his lips. "I think we're more than okay."

A soft, breathless sound of amusement escaped Duo, and Heero kissed him once more, lingeringly, before pulling back, raising himself into a sitting position, Duo following after. Duo helplessly ran his fingers through his tangled mane of hair, sticking his tongue out in Heero's direction as he caught sight of the other man's amused smirk. "It's your fault!"

Heero only regarded him with the same light, teasing smile, combing his fingers through the long, silky hair. "I've never seen you with your hair down before," he commented softly, "It's different, but still just as beautiful."

Duo flushed, leaning forward to hide his face in the crook of Heero's shoulder. He affectionately nuzzled against him. "Thanks," he mumbled, pressing a light kiss to Heero's neck, felt the strange sensation of the fluttering pulse beneath his lips. Curious, he placed a hand against Heero's chest, startled by the frantic pounding he felt there. "Your heart's racing," he whispered fervently.

Heero placed his hand over Duo's, feeling a fainter vibration of his own heartbeat through the other's hand. "Of course it is," he replied, the tender light in his eyes enough to melt Duo's heart, "It's you."

Duo said nothing more as he pushed forward and kissed him again, and even as they came together once more, rendering Heero senseless and impassioned, turning his world off-kilter, the one thought he could not dismiss continued to resound through his mind. That even as they pressed so close, there was no denying the distance Duo was forcing between them.

Duo did not want Heero to love him. That much was clear. But it was already far too late.