Dear Taylor,

I'm not sure how to begin. You'd know, but then your mom was a professor with this stuff. Me, I've never been very good at it. Mr Baird is always getting on my case for how I do on his essays...

I guess the best place to start is this. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Even if you were going to stab me, it was probably my fault you were driven so far.

There. I said it. Wrote it. Same thing.

You wouldn't believe what a relief it is to tell someone the truth. It feels like my whole life has become a lie, a lie so big that I don't even know if I could stop it any more. Not that I'm going to...that looks worse on paper than it sounded in my head. Let me start from the beginning, okay Taylor?

Sophia saved my life. More than that actually, she saved me from something worse than dying. An it made me realise how weak I was. What a stupid little girl I was being, and then you came up the road and it was like I was staring at everything I hated about myself and I hated you for it.

Ever since then I've been trying to grow up. To be strong. I know that this would just make you hate me more, I understand that, but I have to tell you so you get why I, I've gotten all tangled up. Let me start over.

I thought hurting you made me strong. It made me feel stronger.

Then you did...what you did to me and...please don't think that I blame you for it, I don't. Just...it was really horrible Taylor. It was like those stories you here hear about bad trips. I was shrinking and I didn't know what was happening and that made me scared and it was like as soon as I got scared the fear just exploded and it was horrible. My heart was pounding so fast I thought it would explode and I couldn't calm down and they'd tied me down so I couldn't hurt myself and it just went on and on and on.

Turns out that I was only a little dog for about an hour and a half. It felt like forever.

After that I know...I'm not strong, not strong at all. They told me that you did the same to one of their agents and she freaked out too, but I bet they didn't have to tie her down. I bet she didn't have nightmares about it. So I know that I'm weak...and that means it was all for nothing.

There was no point in hurting you Taylor. I'm no better off now then I was when we were still friends. I shouldn't have done it.

I've been thinking about what to do. Thinking a lot. I tried calling your dad, I don't even know what I was going to say to him, but as soon as he heard my voice he told me I was a liar and hung up. You remember how he used to give us both piggybacks round your garden? He'd finish by running inside and throwing us onto the couch and we'd both be giggling so hard that, fuck. I'm crying now. It's ruining the paper, my make-up too. I'm gonna grab a tissue real quick.

I'm back. Stupid thing is that I knew I couldn't tell him the truth anyway. That's the thing Taylor. I know that you need me to tell the truth, I get that. If I did then you'd still be in trouble but maybe you could work it off like Sophia is...but you see, if I tell the truth then everyone who lied is going to get in trouble. A hell of a lot of trouble.

It's not me I'm doing this for. I know you don't have any reason to, but please please believe me. It's not any of those dumbasses I hang out with at school either.

Sophia's the one I have to protect.

I swear I can almost hear you yelling at me for it. I know you won't understand but Taylor, you don't know Sophia like I do. Maybe to you she's just the bitch who made me hurt you, but that's not the Sophia I know. The Sophia I know is a hero.

She saved me, she even tried to help me with my fucked up head afterwards. Then she became my friend. My best friend.

You know that she always forgets to eat in the morning? That she can go on for hours about this dumb kiddy cartoon that she pretends she doesn't like? That she likes to call me up after a shitty day with the other Wards and bitch about how they treat her until she feels better? That she needs me to read over her homework 'cause she's always forgetting words and losing track of where she was in a sentence and...

She's my friend Taylor. I already stabbed one friend in the back, and I don't think that I'm going to become a better person by doing it again.

So anyway, that's why I'm lying to everyone. It's not as hard as it could have been, I mean you really made it look bad at school. I think you tore apart most of the third floor. The heroes, Assault is a total hottie by the way, assumed from the start that you were some psycho. All I had to do was make sure no one said otherwise and that was that. Well I blamed a few things on the Empire kids as well. That's probably a good deed though, those fucks deserve whatever they get.

The rumour mill took it from there. Like I said before, I don't think I could change the story even if I wanted to. It's not like anyone was willing to speak up for you before you tore through the school, now I think Sophia's the only one who isn't terrified of you.

Am I scared of you? I don't know. It sounds stupid but I really don't. I get that you might attack me, that's why I had Velocity hanging around my house for a week, and why I still have this little camera thingy up on my roof. I'm just not sure if the idea of you attacking scares me. It might make me feel better if you hit me some more.

That was a nice punch though. You gave me a hell of a bruise.

I don't think there's much left to say. I guess I hope that you're doing well. I know it's cold outside right now, but you have fur right? You should be warm enough. You're smart enough to find food.

Maybe you've left town. Run off to Boston, or somewhere much further away. Wherever you are Taylor, I want you to know that I'm going to try and be a better person.

Sophia is where I'm going to start. She's enjoying being a Ward a lot more now that the others can see how awesome she is. When school starts back up I'm going to try and use that, make her act like a hero at school as well. No more picking on anyone.

And I've been looking online for charity stuff. Volunteering, you know, soup kitchens, shelters, dog pounds, that kind of thing. I even found a charity calendar that I'm gonna try and pose for. If I can't help you then I can at least help other people.

I promise that I'm going to help other people Taylor.

So...I guess that's all I wanted to say. I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for choosing Sophia over you. I'm sorry I couldn't be the friend you deserved.

I know that you're strong enough to get through this anyway. You'll find a way to survive. You'll do something great, I just know it.

Sincerely,

Emma


Straightening in her desk chair, Emma Barnes shook out her writing hand and bit back a sigh.

Letters made you feel better, even if you didn't send them. That's what the PRT's trauma councillor had said. 'Write a letter to Taylor, telling her how you feel about her attacking you.'

It had sounded dumb, but now that she'd written out her thoughts Emma could see the idea behind it.

Everything was on the page now. Put in its place. Trapped in ink and paper. She could think past it a little easier now. Think of her next step.

Even if it didn't do anything about the guilty pit in her stomach, it had helped her be sure that she was doing the right thing. Or maybe just the least bad thing. Either way there was one more thing left to do.

Her letter was just a few sheets of large handwriting. When she picked it up it felt like lead.

In her bedside table there was a lighter from when she'd briefly toyed with smoking. The only thing she kept when she threw out the cigarettes and the weed. Now she brought it and the letter with her as she left her room.

There was no one else home. Her sister had come home for a few awkward days, but she was back to college now. Her mom and dad were both out for the day. Whatever the PRT were using to keep watch on her house, it didn't involve anything inside the house. Her dad had been very clear about that. So she was alone.

No one to ask why she was going to the bathroom with paper and a lighter. No one to see her rip up her letter and pile it carefully in the sink. No one to see her close the door and pop the battery out of the smoke alarm.

She lit the paper and stood alone, watching it burn. It made her think of a funeral pyre. The last rites of her old friendship. The last bridge being burned.

'I could still put it out. Take it to the heroes. Throw Sophia under the bus. Maybe, I could save Taylor...'

...

Once the letter was ash, she turned on the water and washed it down the drain.