AN: Thank you so much for the kind words about this story. For being a story I wasn't sure I wanted to write, it has been a favorite for a lot of you. I'm a big proponent of it was meant to be, so I guess that's why I finally gave in and started it. Also, in case anyone isn't keeping track, we are officially under 5 weeks until the season 5 premiere. Unless you are one of those lucky people that gets to go to the Tribeca event. I would totally accept any gift of airline tickets if someone wanted to thank me for writing by gifting me that. Just throwing that out there... ;)

Enjoy!

Chapter 11

It was 2am when Elizabeth finally extricated herself from Henry and slid out of bed. She wasn't sure what she was going to do, but she'd been in bed for over 3 hours and sleep wasn't coming. Henry finally fell asleep, but listening to his steady breathing and occasional soft snore was putting her on edge more than lulling her to sleep.

She wandered down the hall, surprised to find Patrick and Ann's bedroom door ajar. She caught herself. It was Patrick's room now. That pained her. Elizabeth wandered downstairs and found Patrick in the recliner randomly flipping through TV channels. Elizabeth flopped down on the couch. "Can't sleep?" she asked.

"Been married a little over 27 years. Only spent a handful of nights apart in those 27 years, and I didn't sleep those nights either."

"Really? Wow. My dad traveled for work, so he and my mom were apart quite a lot. What was going on that separated you?" Patrick never talked to her much, so she was surprised that he was being this open to conversation.

"When Erin was born, Ann was in the hospital two nights, and I had to stay home with the other kids. They were only 2, 4, and 8 at the time."

"You didn't have to stay home when the other kids were born?" Elizabeth asked.

"Nah, both my mom and Ann's mom were alive then, so one of them stayed. My mom was still living when Erin was born, but she wasn't physically able to care for our three little ones overnight, but she did come for a few hours in the day and watched Henry and Shane if I remember right." He stopped to think about that. He sighed. "And then there was Beth. She had a lot of problems when she was born. I couldn't even tell you how many times they told us that she wouldn't make it. For a couple weeks, we took turns staying overnight with her until the worst past. Definitely didn't sleep then either. Don't think I'll be able to sleep in that bed again."

Elizabeth had no idea what to say to that, so she opted to leave it, knowing that her words would be empty anyway. "Ann told me that there are some boxes under the bed that she wanted me to take care of."

He chuckled. "Somehow she didn't think I was the best person to do that job. She was correct. You can go get them. When you walk in, they are on the left side of the bed."

Elizabeth excused herself and headed upstairs. Kneeling by the side of the bed, she pulled out 5 shoeboxes. They were labeled Maureen, Henry, Shane, Erin and Beth. Pushing the boxes away from the edge of the bed, she turned and rested her back against the bed, crossing her feet in front of her and she pulled Maureen's box into her lap. She flipped through the pile. It looked like Ann had put them in order according to how she thought things might happen. "When I die" was the top envelope followed by letters such as "When you get out," and "When Beth walks away." Elizabeth swallowed hard, and hoped she never had to deliver that letter. Erin's box held letters for 16th birthday and graduation and first love. "When you meet the right woman" and "The first time you hold your baby" were in Shane's. She looked at both Henry's box and Beth's, and then picked up Henry's. He had several where two envelopes were clipped together. When she took them apart, she found that the second one was for her. On your wedding day and On Beth's adoption day were the two that got her the most. She wasn't at a point when she had considered either of those things, yet Ann seemed to think it was in their future.

Closing her eyes, she rested her head on the side of the bed. "She started those over 18 months ago." Elizabeth turned to find Patrick leaning in the doorway. "It was the day that we got the news that the first round of treatment wasn't successful." Patrick moved to sit on the end of the bed near Elizabeth. "She made me stop at the store on the way home and I couldn't figure out what the hell she would have to have right then. I was a mess, but she was always thinking ahead. She came out with a big box of stationery. I asked what she was planning on doing with that and she told me that the cancer might get her but she'd be damned if she left this world without telling her kids the things they needed to hear, and she started that night."

"I don't know if they will know how lucky they are to have these," Elizabeth commented. "I would've given anything to have something like this from my parents."

"Lesser known benefits of knowing you're going to die I suppose," Patrick said.

Elizabeth looked at him wide eyed, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"It's okay. I know what you meant. Death is hard no matter the cause or how long you've known it was coming. They're just different is all."

Elizabeth set Henry's box back on the floor and pulled Beth's into her lap. She flipped through them: Confirmation, When Henry gets married, Your first dance. Toward the bottom of the pile she found one that made her heart stop. In neat letters penned on the front, it said, "When someone refers to Elizabeth as your mom and you no longer bother to correct them because you feel the same."

The mistake had already been made a couple of times that she had witnessed. The most notable was at parent/teacher conferences, Henry had class that night, so Elizabeth went instead. Beth's classroom teacher was fully aware of Beth's unique living situation, so she didn't bat an eye when Elizabeth walked in with Beth in tow. They discussed her progress and a couple things she needed to work on and the two were on their way out the door to grab a celebratory ice cream cone when they were stopped by the librarian. "Beth," she'd said, "Why don't you introduce me to your mother?"

Beth was caught off guard and gave her an odd look. There was an uncomfortable moment of silence, because even Elizabeth wasn't expecting the question. "My mom is in prison. You probably don't want to meet her."

The poor woman's face turned beat red and her eyes shifted between Elizabeth and Beth. Elizabeth was about to speak when Beth said, "Oh, you mean Elizabeth. She's not my mom." Beth turned to Elizabeth. "This is Mrs. Rogers. She is the librarian."

"I'm Elizabeth Adams. It's nice to meet you," Elizabeth said, shaking the woman's hand. "I'm a family friend. Her uncle had another engagement this evening, so I brought Beth."

Mrs. Rogers was still obviously flustered and said, "Well, I just wanted to pass along what a joy Beth is. She's always reading and I do love readers!"

"She is. We try to keep plenty of good books around the house, don't we Beth?" Given the look on the lady's face, she realized that she dug the hole deeper by alluding to their living arrangements. "Well, Mrs. Rogers, it was lovely to meet you. Have a nice evening." They left and it wasn't spoken of again. Elizabeth had overheard it a few other times, and each time, Beth replied that Elizabeth was her friend, not her mom. Elizabeth wondered if there would be a time when she did, and then she wondered how she felt about that. She knew that she was essentially filling that role in Beth's day to day life, but standing in and actually being thought of that way were two different things.

Coming back to the letters in front of her, she placed all of Beth's back in the box except the one that was labeled "on the day of my funeral." She reached up and grabbed the pen from the nightstand and put a small "B" in the corner and then pulled the letters labeled the same from the other boxes, initialing each so everyone got the right letter. She slid the boxes back under the bed and stood, holding the letters. Patrick looked exhausted. "How about you just lay on top of the bed? Then it's not sleeping without her. It's just taking a nap."

Patrick gave her a small smile. "I'll try that. Thanks." She walked over to the chair that was placed in the corner of the room and pulled the afghan off the back. She tossed it over him as he stretched out across the bed. Then she left, pulling the door closed behind her.

Beth fidgeted in her chair. The Visitation service was in its third hour and Beth was done. Elizabeth sat quietly next to her and felt equally out of place. "Hey, why don't we step out for a bit?" She slipped Beth's wool coat over her shoulders and they slipped out into the side hallway where there weren't so many people. The hall wrapped around to the front entrance and they excused themselves. Elizabeth was shocked to see that even though the receiving line had been constant since the doors opened 3 hours ago, there was still a long line of people waiting to get in. "Is there anyone in Pittsburgh that Grandma Ann didn't know?" Elizabeth thought for sure that the entire city had been there.

"Mary Beth," someone called out.

Elizabeth didn't flinch, but Beth turned to the voice, "Smokey!" she yelled and tore away from Elizabeth running down the line to a large man in a suit. He crouched down and Beth nearly bowled him over with her hug. "Where's your apron, Smokey? I don't think I've ever seen you without it."

"I get my suit out for special occasions. And honoring your grandmother definitely qualifies as a special occasion." Beth smiled. "I've missed you and your weekly visits," the man said.

Elizabeth walked up behind Beth and put her hands on Beth's shoulders. Beth looked up grinning. "This is Mr. Smokey. He owns Smokey's Meat Market. Grandma and I would go there every week when I was a little girl and get special meat from him, and Grandma cooked it so good." Beth shot Elizabeth a look and she shrugged.

"Yes, dear child, I am aware that I can't cook to save my life," Elizabeth said, exasperated.

"Now surely it can't be that bad," Smokey said and then he chuckled when Beth and Elizabeth both gave him the look.

"Mr. Smokey. You're going to have to bring meat to Grandpa because he won't remember he needs to call you and he'll get mad when there's no meat to cook."

"Your grandma was thinking just like you. She already set up once a week deliveries because she knows your grandpa too!" Beth giggled and Elizabeth smiled, wondering just exactly how many things Ann organized ahead of time. They bid Mr. Smokey goodbye and wandered around the back of the building getting some fresh air before declaring they were officially cold and headed back inside.

Returning to the house that evening, Elizabeth was shocked to find that the neighbor ladies had set up a complete dinner for all of them, and there was a steady stream of visitors there too. It was challenging to get Beth to bed, but she was finally asleep by 9 and the bulk of the crowd had dispersed. Elizabeth had hardly been able to get any time alone with Henry and looking around now, she was unable to find him. After checking the bedrooms and the entire downstairs, she grabbed her coat and headed outside. "There you are," she said, sitting next to him on the porch swing. "It's cold out here."

"Yeah." Henry was wearing his sweatshirt, but it was January in Pittsburgh,so Elizabeth stepped inside and grabbed his coat and brought it to him. "Thanks, I hadn't really noticed the temperature yet," he said, but he went ahead and slipped it on.

"How are you holding up?" Henry looked at her blankly.

"I'm tired of people asking me that," he said. "And I'm tired of people telling me they're sorry. That's the most pointless thing to say to someone ever."

"People just want to share their sorrow," Elizabeth started.

"But I don't really give a shit about their sorrow. Ninety percent of those people went home and Mom will only cross their minds briefly if ever again. And here we are, in a pit and we just keep falling with no end in sight. It's dark, so very dark."

"I know. It gets better. It just takes time." Elizabeth tried to wrap her arms around him and he pushed her away.

"I don't want to hear that crap. Just leave me alone." Henry pushed off the porch swing and headed down the front steps leaving a devastated Elizabeth behind.

She watched him walk up the street and waited for a bit to see if he would cool off and come back, when he didn't, she went inside. The house was nearly empty now. Elizabeth passed through and picked up several plates and bottles on the way to the kitchen. She dropped them into the trash. "Where's Henry?" Erin asked.

"I don't know. He got mad and took off walking." Elizabeth worked to keep her voice even. She turned her back to everyone and focused on cleaning the counter, willing herself not to act as hurt as she really was.

She was wiping the counter off when she felt a hand on her back. Patrick asked, "Which way did he go?' She pointed in the direction he went. "I'll bring him back." Elizabeth bit her lip and in that moment wondered what it would look like when he came back.

Patrick shrugged his coat on and took off up the sidewalk, having a good idea where Henry might be.

Henry flopped down on the park bench in front of the fountain. They didn't run it in the winter to keep the pipes from freezing. The fountain looked barren and he felt the same. Scrubbing his hands over his face, the despair overtook him. He'd lost his mom, he'd pushed Elizabeth away, Beth was counting on him and even she had a much better handle on the situation than he did.

"It's been a long time since you felt the need to come here," Henry looked up to see Patrick standing in front of him.

"Yeah. I needed to get away. Too much. Too many people."

"You could talk about it you know."

"I'm fine," Henry said.

"Elizabeth might not agree," Patrick said, sitting down next to him

Henry thought about their exchange. "How is she?"

"She didn't say anything, but she looked like she got sucker punched. I hope that didn't really happen."

"No, but I was pretty short with her." Henry ran his hands through his hair. "She just doesn't understand."

"What exactly is it that she doesn't understand?" Patrick asked.

"How lost I am and much I miss Mom and how overwhelmed I am."

"Yeah, I get that. Maybe if she had lost a parent she would understand a little better. Hell, probably losing both parents would help."

Henry looked at his dad. "Don't be an asshole."

"Exactly. Don't be an asshole. If there is anyone in this scenario who knows exactly where you are, it's Elizabeth. So don't crap on her because you feel like crap. That's not how your treat your woman."

"She's not my woman. She doesn't belong to me."

"That's a great start, son. Now spend some time listening and you'll be better for it. It only took 27 years for your mom to whip me into shape."

"I question the progress she made," Henry quipped.

"You should've seen what she started with," Patrick said. Henry laughed. "Let's go back. You apologize and talk to her. It will help. Tomorrow is a long day."

They stood and started walking back toward the house. " The Steelers suck this year," Henry said.

"It's a management problem. They have the talent," Patrick replied, and football talk continued all the way home.

They walked in the door and Erin and Shane looked up. "Hey stranger. Long time, no see," Shane kidded.

"Elizabeth?" Henry asked. They both pointed upstairs. "Thanks. Goodnight guys." Henry deposited his coat on the back of the dining room chair and headed up the stairs.

He walked into his room and found her already in bed. "Elizabeth, babe. I need to talk to you. I need to apologize."

"I'm sleeping," she said.

"That's convincing, but really, please, open your eyes and talk to me."

"I already tried that and you were a jerk," Elizabeth said, still refusing to open her eyes.

"I was and I'm sorry. I was just lashing out and I shouldn't have. I need you. I want you. Please."

She opened her eyes and looked at him. "I know losing your mom is hard. Don't shut me out." Elizabeth ran her hand through Henry's hair.

"I'll try really hard not to. I don't know that I'll always see it though. I need you to tell me," Henry said.

"I will and you'll be open to listening?" He nodded.

"Absolutely. Are we good?" Henry asked.

"Yeah, we're good," she said. Henry pressed his forehead to hers. "So are you coming to bed or what?"

He grinned. "In just a minute. I need to get changed and brush my teeth."

"Don't keep me waiting," she said.