Trouble is a Friend
Encourage X Kurapika X Interview
NOTE: as you read this chapter, please listen to "Haru wa Ougon no Yume no Naka" by Kalafina, after the first line break. I think it would suit the mood. And put it on repeat if you want.
Gon was caught by another contestant.
I should've known. I knew that there was someone following Gon for all this time, but I didn't do anything about it. And when Hisoka came along, throwing the number plates on the ground in front of Gon, and when Gon tried to give the plates back to Hisoka, but got punched away. I only watched everything silently from aside. Hisoka's punch was so strong that Gon could not get up for the longest time, and his cheek even swelled into an apple-sized bump. It seemed really painful, but I didn't go and help.
It's not that I was scared of Hisoka. I even told myself that Gon was definitely going to get beaten by Hisoka. But I couldn't bring myself to interfere.
It was a chance for Gon to grow.
I watched Gon from a distance for the rest of the week. It was horrible for him. He hid in a tree. Vomiting, eating the bark of the tree, crying, and being overall helpless. It was hard for me to watch. For a kid like Gon, who's grown up in the loving arms of Mito, no matter how brave and tough he is, this would be very tough for him. But I only watched; if I turned up next to him right now, he wouldn't be able to grow. And besides, I bet he wouldn't want to be seen like this.
On the last day of this exam, Gon finally moved on. Helping Leorio get his number plate, he also accepted the fact that Hisoka had given him his number plate. To make it seem like I wasn't following him at all for the whole week, I took off ahead to the starting point. When Gon came out of the forest, I greeted him as if I haven't seen a thing, and he greeted me as if nothing happened. And immediately, he and Killua started to chatter off about the fourth exam. And as a signal of the end and a new start, we boarded the airship once again.
As everyone went off somewhere to rest, I found Gon alone in the hallway and looking out the window. It seems that he hasn't completely forgotten about the incident with Hisoka. I approached him quietly, and he turned toward me hearing my footsteps.
"Ginger-nee…"
"What's wrong?" I asked. "It's rare to see you not energetic."
Gon looked down. "The truth is that…I didn't obtain my number plate by myself…"
I motioned for him to continue. And then he told me everything that happened during the fourth exam. While I wasn't around, he practiced swinging the fishing rod all by himself. He also tried to hide his presence like Killua does, and I must say he did a very good job. And he told me what Hisoka said to him as he threw the number plates at him.
"'I'll accept it when you could do the same to me,'" Gon said with a shaky voice. "I got really upset…because I couldn't hit him back…"
I looked at Gon carefully and was taken back to see that he was crying. Never in all this time I've been with Gon have I seen him shed tear like this.
Gon sniffed and wiped his tears away quickly. Putting up a smile he continued, "And after that, I felt really shabby and alone…so I went to find Leorio and Kurapkia, because I wanted to be of use to somebody."
"Gon…" I put a hand on his head and caressed his hair softly. He looked up at me. "I understand that there are times when you feel so weak that you don't want to go on… but when you give up, that's the weakest act of all. I'm a hypocrite for saying this, because I've given up a long time ago… but Gon, you're a strong boy and I know it because I've been watching you grow."
"Ginger-nee…"
"Gon, I'm really thankful to be able to watch over you," I smiled at Gon who gave me a confused look. "When I watch you fight tirelessly, I think that…maybe I can still make up for what I've lost. Maybe I can become stronger, and then I don't have to be afraid anymore. So… thanks, Gon."
After a moment of silence, Gon smiled back at me. "I don't really get it, but I'm the one to thank you, Ginger-nee!"
The orange light of the setting sun shone on us softly. Gon's smiling face glowed with hopefulness. I gave him a nod and he ran off to find Killua.
Really, it's time for me to stop being shameful…
"Ginger."
I looked back toward the voice that had just called my name. It was Kurapika; I haven't seen him for the whole week. He wore a kind smile on his face, and my heart dropped a bit, remembering what Hisoka had said in the third exam.
"But it would be really entertaining, if one day he found out that a comrade of his is actually one of those who destroyed his clan~"
I probably didn't smile back at him. "What do you want?"
He chuckled with a slight frown. "Even now, Ginger, you won't open up to anyone except for Gon, huh?"
He walked beside me and stood there. I looked away and out the window; from the corner of my eyes I saw him do the same.
"To be honest, I couldn't trust you at all when I first met you," he said out of the blue. "I wondered why a kid like Gon would be around someone like you. You were always hiding your true strength and your background. But just now, after hearing what you said to Gon, I think…you're a good person, Ginger."
I looked at him quizzically.
"I also wanted to ask Gon what happened during the fourth exam, because when he came to Leorio and me, he didn't look normal. I was worried, but after your talk, he looks fine now," he said, and then looked at me with the kindest expression. "Even though you look like this, you're actually a kind person."
Ah. This is not good.
I'm not kind at all. If you knew what I did to your people, what kind of expression would you look at me with right now?
But be that as it may… I felt happy. Kurapika…this boy with golden hair and blue eyes…was like an angel. It felt good…to have someone's trust.
"Even if you say that, I won't be happy, you know?"
He chuckled. "It's the last round…"
"Mm…we're really close to the end," I said, relieved that the subject has been changed. "What are you going to do once you become a hunter?"
"I'm going to get a job."
"Job?"
"Something that's going to allow me to investigate deep into the Ryodan," he said with determination in his eyes.
My heart dropped again.
"What are you going to do after becoming a hunter, Ginger?"
"Hmm…" I searched my brain inside and out for an answer. "I…don't really know."
Kurapika smiled. "You don't have a dream or anything to accomplish?"
I looked at him.
A dream…eh?
According the contestant number 55, it should be something important to me. So important that I might not see the value of my life in front of me. But the thing is that…I don't put that much value in my life anymore, after being killed once. After all, I'm not even supposed to be alive.
"I'm…not sure," I replied. "I don't even know…what I'm supposed to do…where I'm supposed to go, once this exam ends."
Kurapika looked at me in the eyes, and saw my own confused heart. "There should be a place, a person, a thing, or a feeling that makes you happy like no other times in your life. Should you remember it, and constantly want to return to it…"
Happy?
That answer is too easy.
Some place, some person, something—a pitch black silhouette is all I see. No matter what kind of life I live right now. No matter how much I want a peaceful life right now. Every night all I can dream about is that pitch black silhouette. That man who reached his hand out to me, and I was no longer alone. The place that he brought me to, the place where I belonged, the place with those people I love. And that feeling that I cannot get anywhere else, except when I'm beside him.
And so…my dream should be…
"I guess…I want to go back to the place…where I don't exist anymore…"
Kurapika chuckled. "How come…that sounds a little sad?"
I smiled softly. "No…it's not sad at all."
"Does it have something to do with what you said about what you've given up?"
I didn't answer him.
Letting out a sigh, he continued. "In a way, we're the same. There was also a place that I loved, a place I call heaven. But it's no longer there anymore. And so, I must have my revenge."
The silent anger in his eyes disheartened me. At that moment I was truly sorry for what I've done. But it was for the Ryodan. Anything for the Ryodan I would do, same with how Kurapika would even think to kill for the Kurata Clan. I understand. Where is an angel supposed to go when there is no heaven? I understand…the feeling of wanting to go back to where your loved ones are. I understand, but…
"Kurapika, you and I are different. You were born from a place with light. And there are those of us who's always lived in the dark, and the blinding light from the outside didn't welcome us. So we roam forever in the dark, and sometimes we are okay with it," I looked at Kurapika with earnest honesty for the first time, "Kurapika, you don't belong in the dark. So please, don't let revenge chain you down and drag you into the dark."
I can't believe myself for saying this much. But being with these people all this time. Gon, Kurapika, Killua, and Leorio… I started to remember the days I spent with the Ryodan. I began to remember the feeling of having people I want to protect. I began to act a little like how I used to act around the Ryodan…but…
I don't belong in the light.
Suddenly, I felt Kurapika's hand on the top of my head. I looked up to see his gentle smile once again.
"Thank you, Ginger."
With that, he walked away toward the stairs.
That was the kindest rejection I've ever heard. I put my hand on the cold glass in front of me, and looked at my reflection. How pathetic. How idiotic. It's always like this. I gave the boy that piece of bread, and he died because he accepted it. I gave Kurapika a piece of advice, and he rejected it. And when it comes to the end, I would be standing on the Ryodan's side, and maybe…I'll have to watch him die by one of the Spiders' hands.
I always go out of my way to do something unnecessary, something that I think would be the best. And no matter who accepts it or rejects it…it'll never be the right ending. It's always a useless effort.
I just don't want to lose what I care about, is that so hard to do?
I want to stop Kurapika's revenge.
He may get angry. He may hate me. But that's my own selfishness.
"Contestant number 406, please come to the conference room."
"Oh? What's wrong, number 406? You don't look to be too happy," said president Netero as I entered the conference room.
"You're right," I said nonchalantly as I sat down in front of him.
"You've come all the way to the last round. Don't you feel a little accomplished?"
Accomplished? Hmph. Maybe I can pass this Hunters Exam, but I can't accomplish the things I want to do the most.
Seeing that I wasn't going to reply to him, Netero continued, "Well then, mind if I ask you a few questions?"
I don't know if I nodded or shook my head, but he asked me anyway.
"First of all, why do you want to become a hunter?"
Ha. Why does everyone want to know the answer to this question?
"I'm not particularly interested in the title of a 'hunter,'" I replied, expecting a weird look from him, but he was indifferent. "I'm only here because of a personal debt to number 405's family, so it doesn't matter to me if I pass or not."
"I see," he said, "then, amongst the contestants left, who holds most of your interest?"
"Hmm…probably number 99," I answered honestly, "I think he's very gifted for his age and has a lot of potential. I'm interested in how he was trained."
"Then amongst the contestants left, who do you wish to fight the least?"
"Number 44," I said without hesitation.
President Netero raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I think it would be an interesting fight between the two of you. Don't you think that the two of you are around the same level?"
"No, it's just that I've had enough of him," I laughed. "Besides, if you make me fight him, he might get bored and just finish me off in a second."
TBC.
