Chapter 11

Kate found Sara, Lindsey, Sonia, Erin, Jeremy, Ted, Tegan's dad Stephen and stepdad Bruce all looking sick with worry in the family room they were obviously forced into. They pretty much all jumped up when they saw Kate except Sara who looked almost catatonic and staring blankly out in front of her, Mike had his hand on her back, rubbing in circular motions. Kate felt worried immediately, she remembered seeing Sara looking on horrified as they were resuscitating Tegan. Sara seemed to be in shock. She held up her hand and said "She's Okay! She's okay! Just a minute guys, I'll be back in a minute" and walked back out. She found Dr Arizona Robbins, a clinical psychiatrist at the hospital almost immediately "Robbins, do you have a sec?" She updated Arizona on what happened during the last few hours and how she was worried about not only Sara but the rest of the people sitting helplessly in the family room. Arizona entered the room with Kate and subtly started looking at the group of family and friends. They all seemed pretty traumatized and in shock, red eyes, dark rings but one girl was just staring out in front of her, looking pale. She's pretty thought Arizona, she looks so lost… She watched her closely as Kate started talking "Guys, lets sit down for a minute" she said. "What's happening Kate, is she OK?" asked Bruce, fear evident in his voice. "Tegan's had a very rough couple of hours, she became very unstable very quickly, her temp spiked again and we had a lot of trouble controlling that and her heart rhythm. Guys…. Tegan coded and..." "what exactly does that mean?" interrupted Ted. "It means that her heart stopped….." said Sara staring emotionless in front of her before Kate could answer. Sonia had her hands in front of her mouth again and everybody gasped. "No no no" said Lindsey over and over again. "We managed to resuscitate her… hear heart is beating strong again but I'm afraid both her lungs collapsed" Lindsey looked as if she was going to throw up any second now, she put her head in her hands and started rocking herself. "We've got her on a ventilator because she can't breathe on her own – the vent will assist us greatly in managing Tegan's pulmonary recovery. She's also in a medically induced coma. She doesn't seem to be responding to the antibiotics as we hoped" She continued telling them about the new round of antibiotics, Tegan's temp management and more. "Tegan is stable right now but her condition has deteriorated and is now critical" she said looking a bit dejected. Tegan's dad started crying and had his hand in front of his mouth as if to hide it. "I want to move Tegan to critical care" she said. "Why… what's that" asked Bruce. "It's pretty much like ICU but the ratio of staff and patient is less and we've got more equipment there. It's basically just a secluded section of the ICU, it's a bit more quiet and private. The main thing is that we manage the CCU like an operating room. Any kind of bacteria of virus can be fatal to a patient in Tegan's condition. Anybody entering the CCU gets scanned by a monitor to detect any kind of temperature fluctuations indicating a possible infection, we also do finger prick blood tests every 12 hours on visitors and staff, we wear masks and gowns." explained Kate. I need to see her, please let me see her" begged Lindsey. "Lindsey, we're still busy stabilising her but as soon as we do and we get her settled in the CCU you can see her for a few minutes okay."

About 90 minutes later Kate led Lindsey and Sara into Tegan's ICU room. Visitors were allowed in pairs and for very short periods of time. Sara and Lindsey were both wearing masks and gowns. Sara was like a zombie... she walked to Tegan's bed and stared at her sister. The room was dimly lit. Sara's eyes followed the tube that went into Tegan's mouth, breathing for her, it was taped to her face. Another tube went down her nose. Tegan's lips were pale and cracked. The bruise on her face was getting darker. This isn't real thought Sara, this can't be real, this is a dream... wake the fuck up Sara.... Lindsey was holding's Tegan's hand that now had even more tubes in than before. "Lindsey..." said Sara "is this a dream?" Lindsey looked up at Sara confused...

Everybody was allowed to see Tegan for a few minutes only before the team started treating her again. Hours later, the medical team was still actively treating Tegan so no visitors were allowed. Lindsey excused herself from the room and walked aimlessly until she found the dark, closed cafeteria and sat at one of the tables. Her mind was racing so fast... Why, how, why my Tegan... Her mind wandered to three weeks ago when she was sitting in this same cafeteria, at this same table... Tegan was sitting opposite her holding her hand in both of hers, smiling, joking... "Hey, I know you don't want to get your hopes up again sweetie but... I dunno, I have a good feeling this time..." said Tegan sweetly. Tegan really wanted a baby, with everything in her! "Jeremy's going to start charging us for hard labour for all this sperm" she joked... "You know what Tegan" said Lindsey, "I'm glad we're using your eggs this time, I've had a feeling all along that was how we have to do it, perhaps mother nature is just agreeing with me with all these failed attempts. I can't wait to have a mini Tegan running around" she smiled.

Tegan and Lindsey had been trying to get pregnant for a few months. They tried artificial insemination the normal way twice, and Lindsey's eggs were harvested, fertilised and planted back twice. None of the attempts worked and it was really starting to get to them. After extensive tests on both Jeremy's sperm and Lindsey's eggs the fault was found to be with Lindsey's eggs. It was an emotional rollercoaster, to top it all off they had to deal with it during short tour breaks. This time they didn't tell anybody, not even Sara or Jeremy. They didn't want to share disappointing news with them... again. Dr Adison Montgomery was a specialist in the field and suggested that they consider using Tegan's eggs instead of wasting more time trying with Lindsey's eggs which could be viable after a few months of treatment or, could possibly not be. Lindsey was adamant that she wanted to carry their first child. She was older than Tegan and wanted the experience before it was too late. After careful consideration Tegan decided that it was a good solution. It would be kind of special to have Tegan's biological child carried by Lindsey... it would create a special bond. They had harvested Tegan's eggs a few days before and fertilized it. Adison seemed very optimistic and told Tegan and Lindsey that two embryos were growing and could be implanted. This was decision time.. Did they want to keep both or take a chance with the bigger embryo. "I just ... Linds I don't think it should even be up for discussion" said Tegan "I hear you Tegan, but let's just consider this carefully please. I'm not saying no, I'm just considering the options" said Lindsey. "If we keep only one and it doesn't work, I would go crazy wondering if the other one was the right one" said Tegan passionately. "We can freeze the other embryo" "No Lindsey, I don't ... it... it doesn't feel right freezing our baby!" said Tegan looking down. "You're not freezing our baby Tegan!" Said Lindsey sounding amused. "Chances are that neither will implant if we look at my history" said Lindsey while wiping a tear from her cheek. "Don't say that Lindsey, don't..." Lindsey hated fighting with Tegan. It didn't happen often but she couldn't do it... The discussion went on for about 15 minutes... "Honey, if we're meant to have twins we're meant to have twins... I'm one and I didn't turn out to bad, my mom's still sane... it will be cool, besides, the doc said that the chances of both implanting is actually very small so... come on babe" pleaded Tegan. "Ok, let's do both..." said Lindsey, Tegan smiled from ear to ear "Yes!... It's gonna work this time baby..." Lindsey sat with her hand on her stomach imagining Tegan's gummy smile... she hadn't thought about the possible pregnancy since Tegan's been admitted. She lost all track of time and wasn't sure what day it was. She looked at her phone screen to check the date. She saw a red 54 next to her text messages. She had stopped reading them a while ago – she didn't have the strength to face replying to them. She checked her calendar and saw the next appointment with Dr Montgomery was at 11 in the morning. She shook her head and started crying... she was looking forward to doing this with Tegan this time, getting the home pregnancy test... going to the doctor, the scan... all of it... Now there's so much sadness. She didn't feel pregnant... Not that she knew what pregnant feels like... Sure she was nauseous sometimes but she assumed that was because she was so upset. She was exhausted but she hasn't slept in ages. And here she was – at 2 in the morning... crying in a cafeteria. She put her head on her arms and sobbed herself to sleep. About an hour later Sonia walked into the dark Cafeteria and saw Lindsey sleeping with her head on her arms "Lindsey, wake up Linds... Come on let's get you to bed. We were worried about you why didn't you answer your phone!" asked Sonia slightly annoyed. "I... I don't know I didn't realize it was on silent, I must have dozed off... I'm sorry Sonia I'm sorry" said Lindsey apologetically. "It's OK Lindsey, come let's get you to bed – you're exhausted. Let them give you something to sleep" said Sonia leading her back to the CCU. The family room had an adjacent room with beds in where family members of patients in CCU could sleep. A nurse walked in with a syringe. For the first time Lindsey really wanted that sleeping aid, she just wanted to block the world out. Sonia was sitting next to her, Sara was sleeping after she also received a shot. "They're not letting anybody in with her till morning Linds so get some rest." Lindsey looked at the needle and an alarm bell suddenly sounded in her head... I may be pregnant... Is this safe... she pulled her arm away quickly... "I'm OK thanks I really don' t need this" Sonia and the nurse tried to reason with her "NO, I don't want it – please. I"ll go to bed now but please I don't need a shot ok" Lindsey sounded quite frantic. "OK all right, Lindsey calm down" said Sonia looking perplexed. Lindsey seemed to calm down "Sorry... I just ... I want to be alert if Tegan needs me" Sonia didn't answer and simply walked her over to the room with the beds and lay her down. She sat next to her stroking her hair. She was out almost immediately.

Ahhh a twist in the story! Is Lindsey pregnant? Review please.