Cat's Cradle
Chapter Ten
wounds
"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds."
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral's Kiss
~Taylor POV~
I am emotionless. There are dried tears all along my face and neck, and I'm too tired to wipe them away. I haven't left my bed in three days, and I've been staring at my ceiling ever since. I don't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. I want to be alone with my thoughts, let them consume me.
Today was supposed to be just another normal day; I would get up at six, get ready for school, eat breakfast with mom, Jade would take me to school,then I'd come home and go to dance. Just another day, but it's not.
I don't know who I am anymore. There's been this part of me all along that is just so despicable. And all this time I was dying to know about it. Who is Taylor Valentine? Is there something wrong with me? My father was messed up, am I too?
It is Wednesday, so that means I've missed a lot of school assignments, and that means I was supposed to meet up with Ethan yesterday to work on our project.
Suddenly there was a knock on my door, and I rolled my eyes.
"How are you babe?" My mom asked quietly, standing in the doorway. "You haven't eaten or spoken."
I hesitated for a moment, "I-I can't."
She sat down softly next to me, rubbing my arm.
"Why do bad things happen to g-good people mom?" I croak out, my voice breaking at the intensity of my emotions. "Why do people continue to look down on others and decide to steal every last piece of that person that they have left?"
Of-course she wouldn't know. I'm sure she spent her whole life wondering the same thing. Why would I even ask her that?
"The truth is Taylor, is that there are really sick people in this cruel world. We gotta stay strong, and learn from our battles what it takes to survive so that no one will ever look down on us again." My mom replies to me, wiping my cheek, smiling softly. "You're going to survive this Tay, and you're going to be an even stronger and more beautiful person than ever."
I looked up at her, tears in my eyes. She made me feel so much better, it's just so much hearing that, especially from her. Right now, I can't really imagine me getting over this any time soon but maybe someday I'll be able to move on, like she did.
All though my mom still has her episodes and breaks down, I still can't think of anyone stronger than her. I mean who could ever raise the child their rapist gave them? I don't know how she did, and I don't even know how she's able to look at me, and tell me she loves me.
I want to say thankyou, but I cry instead. So I just wrap my arms around her tight, not wanting to ever let go.
~0~
My mom's convinced me to get up. I've washed my face and brushed my teeth. I decided on a messy bun, and a plain lavender dress and some converse. I have twenty seven missed calls. Ten of them from Ethan, 7 from Jade, and the rest of them are from my friend Allison.
We were joined at the hip when we younger, and when she moved away last year, until now, nothing hurt more.
I look in the mirror and see myself. I look the same, but it's like I've aged. My eyes are puffy, and my face is red. My skin isn't like my moms, I don't have a really noticeable blush, and the fact that I'm red is saying alot.
I wonder where he's from, my father. My mom tells me that I'm of Italian descent, but also half Sicilian, and half Abruzzese. That's just from my mom's side, I can't help but wonder what else I am.
I can't help but want to know who this other "family" I have is.
My mom is sitting at the table when I get to the kitchen, drinking coffee. It's kind of strange how normal she's acting after that night. I sit down in front of her.
"You want to ask me something." She says suddenly, putting her cup down and looking up at me. "Just say it."
I look down shyly, playing with my hands. I'm nervous. "W-what's his name?" I say finally.
"Lane." She replies, almost painfully. "Lane Alexander."
"What race is he?" I ask again, not even thinking about how these questions would affect her.
"He's half Jamaican and half Irish." She sniffled, wiping her face and closing her eyes.
"Mom I'm sorry! I-I shouldn't have asked yo-"
"No. No. It's okay. It's okay to ask me, I just, I've spent so long avoiding any memory of him because it hurts so much." She says quickly, trying to reassure me.
I can't but feel as if I'm a burden. I'm a big memory of Lane, I am a part of him. Does she ever cry when she see's me? Does she ever cry because she has to take care of me?
"Why did you have me then?" I whisper to her, unable to say it out loud. "Why did you do that yourself?"
She looked at me, but something's changed. She didn't look sad, she actually looked pissed the hell off.
"I had you because you're just as much mine and you are his. You're my baby! He didn't deserve to get to take away my baby too!" She said to me, her eyes swollen with tears. "The only thing I did to myself was give me a reason to live! Taylor I was in a bad place when I found out I was pregnant with you. You gave me the will to keep trying, and to go on. You saved me."
I can't say anything , I don't remember how. All I can do is look at her, and let the million tears pour down my face. I try to smile to show her how much that meant to me, and how much she means to me, but I can't.
But I don't have to because suddenly her arms are around me and I'm sobbing against her chest, and she tells me its okay. That's when I know that she knows how much I love her.
~Robbie POV~
I went back with Sabrina to get everything she wanted from Target, I almost left with nothing that day, Sabrina had to tell about ten times until I finally listened. I know what I did was wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone then. I just wanted Sabrina and I to have that moment alone with her, and say goodbye together, just us. I didn't believe she was really gone until it was over, if I had told them they could've came and they would've cried, and then it would've been real.
I wasn't ready for it to be real,and yeah I know death doesn't work that way.
I still remember what her hair smelled like, and how her hand feels when she interlocked it with mine. She hated too much pepper barbecue sauce on her chicken, nd she couldn't stand it when I put too much mayo in her tuna.
I miss her so much, it literally takes everything out of me not to just drop down and cry. And now I have Sabrina, who looks just like her mom, and she acts like her too. It's almost as if Samantha has been reincarnated, not just in blood, but in spirit as well.
I'm lying on a blanket at Dandelion Beach, and I can't help but remember how many times I came here in high-school. Whenever I was sad, and I couldn't be around people I just came here and stayed for hours. No one ever came her, so it was my secret place. Not even Cat knew about it.
Sabrina's running around in her one piece and she looks so beautiful. So relaxed, and her hair is blowing directly in her face, and how she pushes it back every time warms my heart. She does it just like her mother.
"Daddy! Come in the water with me!" She calls out, smiling and waving. " Try and catch me!"
And then I run. When I watch her she giggles, and I twirl her around in the air, the water around us splashing frantically.
I will never forget this moment, or how much this little girl, my daughter, means to me.
~Cat POV~
Taylor and I are in the car driving down the street, the windows rolled all the way down. We needed this fresh air, this breeze. I told her I'd take her some place special, and that place is Dandelion Beach. I remember the first time I followed Robbie here.
He was sitting on a black blanket all by himself, not even with Rex, and he was just staring at the water, lost in thought. When he brought his hand up to wipe his face, I realized that he was crying. It didn't make sense to me why he was crying, but turns out that's when Erin had left to recover. He didn't know why she had left, no one did, but she did and it hurt.
I could see he needed comfort, and any other day, any other situation, I would have walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him and held him till he stopped crying, like I always did. But this time it was different. I didn't know why, but I had this feeling that he just needed to be alone. So I left that day, and didn't look back when I did.
When I get to the beach I notice a car in the spot I usually park in, so I park in the one next to it. Taylor and I get out, and she takes my hand instantly and we start to walk. We take our shoes off when we feel the sand, and that's when I see someone. He's wearing a white shirt, and he's with a child. He's smiling, and spinning her in the air, and she just looks so happy.
I feel Taylor's hand tense and squeeze mine a little too hard. What's her problem?
And that's when I really see him.
It's Robbie.
Before I can get out with Taylor as fast as I can, he turns around, and that's when I know I really am screwed.
He's staring at me, and I'm staring at him. And he's only a little far away, and not thousands of miles away like he was a month ago. I've dreamed of this moment for so long, and now that it's right here in front of me, I don't know what to think.
All the memories, all the times we've laughed and hugged, when I told to him to go, they all come back, and it's overwhelming and I'm crying now. I can't stop.
"How can you not hate me? I really hurt you." I said, looking away.
"I love you. I could never hate you." He said, turning my face to him. "I think I always will love you."
"Robbie I love you too, but I'm going to always hurt you. I'm traumatized." I said, looking into his eyes. "You deserve someone who's going to show you they love you every single second of every single day."
He looked down sadly.
"That person can't be me. I'm scared to ever love again. I love you, but I was still so mean to you. I will never forgive myself for that." I cried. "Now imagine stuff like that every-time I get scared, and I get scared alot."
"I don't care." He said, his eyes watering. "I love you."
I pressed my lips against his softly.
"I love you so much that I'm letting you go." I said, tearing. "Go. Please go be happy with someone else."
He got up slowly. "I will always love you Caterina Valentine. Always. Don't forget it. No matter what happens."
It was like pouring salt on all my open wounds.
I actually really like this chapter. I'm really proud of it. Sorry this took so long, school is so annoying. I had no time. So yeah, I'll most likely always update on Saturday/Sunday.
No beta! Please excuse mistakes!
Thanks for all of your heart warming reviews, you guys literally keep me going. Follow me on twitter to know whats up!( at sweettface)
Also, does anyone know someone who'd be willing to make a trailer for this story? Please let me know!
Review please my loves!
