Right then! So about that update on the thirteenth... I changed my mind. Everyone should know that if there is a fan who knows a character's birthday by heart, that she's going to post fanfiction on that day! I've also got a fanart up on if anyone's curious. Also, this update, there is a special, guest cameo appearance by a "character" of sorts from a certain roleplay I participate in. -grins- Just take a wild guess. Reviewer thanks go out to weixuan18-san, zenfry-kun, sanji-luver-chan and White Butterfly-san. May the Schwartz be with you all! Happy Armistice Day and Happy Birthday Zoro!

I do not own One Piece; I have given up on that fantasy and resigned to the life of a fiction-ka.


Illicit Memories

Assassin's Arc: Dread

"I see land ahead!" Gormal shouted down from the crow's nest. He looked around the ship in order to spot Nami. Sure enough, he found the ginger-haired woman spread out on a beach chair basking in the sun. "There's land ahead!"

"I heard you!" Nami shouted back, not even moving from her spot. "I happen to know that the island has appeared right on schedule!"

"An island?" Luffy piped up, rather excited. The crew had not seen an island in what felt like ages. Zoro's "illness" made everything go by in a slower, gloomier state and time had been no exception. The last week and a half had seemed more like a month's time.

"Yeah," Nami sighed, sitting up and removing the sunglasses that she had been wearing. "Rakuen is sort of like a pirate paradise. There are a more than just few of them dotting the Grand Line and frankly, we need to get to this island before moving on to the next so that the Log Post can reconfigure."

"Right," Luffy, said, not taking in a word after "pirate paradise". Nami grumbled and began to look for Chopper so that she could have him turn the rudder.

"Do you think that this 'Rakuen' place is going to be fun Gormal!?" Luffy called out towards the crow's nest."

"Sure thing!" Gormal replied, grinning widely. "I know that place well!"

"You've been to Rakuen before?"

"You bet on it!" Gormal grinned to himself as Luffy skipped off to find something to do before landing on shore, preferably an activity of the meat-eating kind. The tall man leaned back on the crow's nest and looked calmly out at the quickly approaching island.

Now maybe I can get Yume-san off this ship, he thought to himself as a scowl came across his face. Nothing could have been worse for her than backing out on the plan to kill Roronoa. Lately, she's been acting so strange...

"Come on Gormal!" called out Nami's voice. Gormal looked down to the deck to see that the Mugiwara Kaizokudan were gathering in preparation for going to Rakuen. "Get down here so that we can draw straws over who gets to watch Luffy!"

"Alright Nami!" the deck hand shouted as he descended the ropes and landed on the deck. He went over to where Nami was standing with eight straws clenched in her fist.

"I don't pick because I watched him last time," Nami shuddered, recalling what it was like taking Luffy into a women's clothing store.

"Right then," everyone else seemed to mutter together. The remaining eight pirates each grasped onto a straw and waited patiently.

"Okay," Nami said. "One, two, DRAW!" She let go of the straws and everyone's hand yanked back. The one with the short straw ended up being...

"Thanks for volunteering Gormal, good man!" Maon said smugly, patting his nakama on the back. Gormal stared at his straw in disbelief, but quickly accepted what was to be his short-strawed fate.

"Hey Nami," Zoro piped up. "My straw's red at the bottom."

"You get to stay behind and watch the ship," the ginger-haired woman said with a flip of her hair.

"...but I need to get things in town!"

"What kind of things?"

"Things to clean my swords!" Zoro snapped.

"Send Yume. She knows swords."

"I am not sending her. She'll shop like a woman."

"...and what is that supposed to mean?" Yume scolded. "I happen to be a swordswoman whether that brain of yours registers it or not. Now just tell me what exactly you need."

"Everything. I ran out of everything, okay?!"

"So then polish, cloth..."

"I should just get it myself..."

"What you two should be getting is a room," Sanji muttered.

"Care to say that a little louder next time, crap-cook?" Zoro growled, unsheathing the Wado and pointing it at the back of the blond's head. Sanji turned around and did not even flinch when he saw the blade slice the air while dangerously close to his face and maybe worse, his cigarette.

"You two fight like an old couple," Sanji spat. "It is an absolute disgrace."

"Well, at least I'm man enough to defend myself when a woman challenges me," Zoro hissed. "All you do is bow down to their every whim like a spineless coward..."

"That's it! You're staying on the ship for sure shit-swordsman!" Sanji rebutted quite loudly. "Come on Yume-chan! We're going to go into town and leave this jerk behind!" He pulled on Yume's arm and the young woman allowed herself to be carted off towards the other side of the deck.

"Fine then!" Zoro snarled. "I'll stay here. See if I care!" With that, he stomped off to brood in the crow's nest.

"Sanji? I think you can let go of my wrist now..." Yume said as soon as she saw Zoro retreat to the crow's nest.

"That idiot marimo..." Sanji grumbled, still in his angered monologue. "I swear! He has no idea about how to treat women!"

"Sanji...?"

"Yes Yume-chan?"

"Your hand is hurting my wrist."

Sanji blanched and looked down where he was grasping onto Yume's arm and quickly let go, revealing a slightly pink spot where his hand had been. His face, if possible, grew even paler.

"Oh, Yume-chan! I am so sorry!" Sanji gasped. He was hurting a woman! How horrific! How to repent? Would throwing himself into the sea do...?

"That's alright," Yume said, rubbing her wrist and smiling sweetly at Sanji. The blond cook immediately forgot all the horrific things from before and became servile again upon hearing the fateful cry of...

"Sanji! Get the boat ready to dock! Now!"

"Hai Nami-swan!" Sanji swooned as he went to go and mess with the rigging.

Yume smiled as she watched the chef follow orders that were being barked from the ginger-haired woman. They were a humorous pair to watch, that was for sure. Then her gaze was slowly drawn to the crow's nest. The man she saved. The one she fights with like an old couple. How odd.

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"See you later minna!" Yume shouted merrily as she scuttled off towards the marketplace. She left the side of her nakama quickly and disappeared into the crowd. The entire time into port, the deck hand had been giving her odd looks of disapproval and she was not about to find out what they were about any time soon. Gormal sighed heavily as he watched the rest of the Mugiwara Kaizokudan branch off in their own separate directions. Nami and Robin quickly followed Yume's example and disappeared into the bustling crowd. Usopp and Maon set out themselves, determined to find themselves some spiffy trinkets and supplies for the "Usopp Factory". Just out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sanji dragging off Chopper to carry groceries. That left only him and... the captain.

"Come on Gormal! Let's get something to eat!" Luffy cheered.

"We just ate lunch!" Gormal retorted, still irritated at his luck. His eyes began to wander around the wharf that they were standing in, glancing at some of the other ship names that were docked, trying to ignore Luffy.

Let's see... "Luna Entourage"... "Vanderbilt's Rage"... "Kiiroi Yuki"...?! The hell...?! What kind of bilge rat of a pirate captain in their right mind would name their ship "yellow snow"?! That's not right...!

"...but we need Second Lunch!" Luffy smiled as he spotted a tavern that seemed to be bursting with excitement. Gormal's eyes went wide as he looked at the name of the establishment that was emblazoned in bold letters across the front.

"Moireach Manor...?" he gulped, recognizing the name as that of another tavern he thought to be long in his past and in a different part of the world. The bronze-skinned man went a few shades paler as Luffy took him by the wrist and began to drag him in. The two men had just barely stepped onto the oaken flooring when a haggard voice cut through the air, sending chills up the backs of them both.

"Gormal!" the voice shrieked. Gormal ground his teeth together and shut his eyes tightly, attempting to wish the person away. He had no such luck in doing so, for he heard another call of his name and reluctantly accepted what was simply put as a fact.

"Hello Auntie Mordag," he groaned, gloomily glancing towards the sound of the voice. There stood his great-aunt, squat and roly-poly with the same dark skin and light hair color as her great-nephew, though hers showed the apparent usage of hair dye. She looked very stern as she tapped her foot and stared down her great-nephew with fiery eyes.

"Where have you been?!" Mordag snapped, making Gormal glad that there was too much noise in the tavern for most of the patrons to listen in. The stout woman marched up to Gormal and grabbed him by the ear and began to drag him off towards the back of the tavern.

"Hey Old Lady! What are you doing?" Luffy asked, refusing to let go of Gormal's wrist. "We've got some food to eat!" The old woman seemed to ignore the boy's protests as they quickly approached the bar.

"You're in for it now, you stupid jessie," laughed a young woman who was standing behind the bar as she saw Gormal being pulled along by his Auntie Mordag. She herself looked to be like a young, female version of Gormal, being a sight Sanji would not just consider lovely... but heavenly.

"Oh, why don't you can it Meadhbh," Gormal snapped. He made a face at the girl and she made a face back as she began to fill up some mugs with beer.

"Ooooh! Grog!" Luffy cheered, forgetting all about Gormal and chose to instead sit at the bar in hopes of being passed one of the filled mugs. The woman gave him a warm smile and filled up a mug with grog just for him.

"So, what brings you here, dragging my cousin in from who-knows-where?" she asked slyly. Luffy looked up from his grog and blushed, realizing that the barmaid before him was quite beautiful.

"Your cousin?" he gulped.

"Yeah, that poofter Gormal," she sighed, resting her elbows on the bar counter. "You must be the replacement for the one he ran off with, huh?"

"Umm... what are you talking about?" Luffy asked. "Gormal's my nakama."

"Then where's that anserine redhead that he disappeared with a few years back? Is he still around?"

"Oh! You mean Maon! He's out searching for parts with Usopp!" the boy-captain replied, completely oblivious to the possibilities of what the woman could be implying. Then, very suddenly, both Luffy and the barmaid could hear Gormal's great-aunt screaming at the top of her lungs.

"YOU WORTHLESS GIT!" she screamed. Not even a second passed before the deck hand flew out from the wall and went over the bar and into Luffy, who in turn crashed into an empty table. The old woman leapt out from the large gap in the wall, wielding a rather imposing war hammer in her grasp.

"Auntie Mordag!" Gormal whined as he tried to stand up in order to get off Luffy. Before he could go any further, his great-aunt halted his efforts with another blow from the hammer.

"FOOLISH CHILD! JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER AND UNCLE, TAKING OFF WITHOUT BATTING AN EYE!" she screamed. "YOU SHOULD BE MORE LIKE YOUR COUSIN MEADHBH! SHE NEVER ABANDONED ME FOR AN APOTHECARY! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO OUR FAMILY NAME!"

"I never abandoned you for him!" Gormal shouted back, rolling off the rubber boy in pain. "I left because I wanted freedom from you! I just happened to leave town with a friend! You listen to gossip too much!"

"No, you are just a worthless nipper!" Mordag went to swing the war hammer again when Gormal cut her off.

"What are you doing here in this part of the Grand Line?" he sneered. "I thought this place was owned by a man named Shannon..."

"It's my place now! So either you agree to stay here permanently or get out for good you poltroon pansy of a pirate!"

"Is there meat here!?" Luffy asked, popping up from underneath the mass of broken table that had accumulated on him. The old woman looked at Luffy with a sinisterly sweet smile.

"O' course dearie," she cooed. "All the meat you could eat in your entire life."

"Yaaay!" Luffy cheered. "Let's stay here Gormal! I'm captain and I say we stay!"

"N-No...oo...o..." Gormal moaned as he curled up on the ground. "I ran away from the bloody witch! I don't want to stay here!" He looked up to see Luffy already at the bar counter, inhaling rather copious amounts of meat and grog served by his smiling cousin.

"You are going to make up for five long years of lost labor," the old woman smiled devilishly as she stood over the figure of her grand-nephew. She threw a broom at his head and cackled as she exited the room. "Clean this mess up. Now."

"Yes ma'am," Gormal said out of habit. He stood up and began sweeping up the splintered wood that had once been part of the wall and a table. Silently, he cursed many things as the floor became tidy. His violent great-aunt, his smug cousin, the bribable Luffy and most importantly... the damned straws.

"I need a fag," he sighed heavily. He looked up to see his cousin smirking at him.

"A fag?"

"A cigarette."

"Sure you do."

"I'm not a bloody poofter, no matter what you witches say."

"Sure you aren't."

"For once in your life, can't you believe a word your elder cousin says?"

"No," Meadhbh smiled lightheartedly. She was going to have fun catching up on the years she went without her cousin to annoy.

"I never knew that you had family Gormal," Luffy smiled.

"Just because most of the crew has little to no family, does not mean that I started out alone as well," Gormal groaned as he lethargically swept the floor.

"So then," Meadhbh said as she put some more grog in front of Luffy. "Where is the rest of your crew? I do suppose that you have more, right?"

"They're around here somewhere," Luffy said. "I have two swordsfighters, a musician, a cook, a sniper, a navigator, a doctor, an arcie...arca..."

"Archaeologist," Gormal sighed.

"Yeah, one of those and Gormal's my deck hand!"

"Sounds like you have quite the crew. How long have you been around?"

"I dunno," Luffy wondered. "Hey Gormal, do you know?"

"I've been in your crew for only two months, don't ask me."

"Maybe Nami would know. NAAAMIIII!!!" Luffy then scuttled out of the tavern in search of the ginger-haired navigator.

"He's a cute kid," Meadhbh smirked as Luffy bounded out the door. She laughed as Gormal glared at her.

"Shut up."

"Never."

"I hate you all."

"...and I love you to, pansy."


Author's Notes

Mordag: (MORE- dag) Her name means "sea warrior", which is fitting for such a fun character to write. I had this idea of Miss Merry Christmas crossed with Gimli from LOTR, toss in Gormal's looks and you get his great aunt. Lovely little visual really. I might make a drawing of it.

Meadhbh: (MEAV) -chuckles- "she who intoxicates" suits a barmaid well, don't you think? She's just non-dwarven and hot... something Sanji would drool over and then kick himself in the balls for because he got her wet with his spit. She comes around later. Trust me.

Gormal's Poofter-ness: Something Gormal's great-auntie came up with. He really isn't gay. It's just fun to poke at the fact that "fag" can mean a cigarette or a homosexual male depending on the usage, as well as a bundle of sticks. I have nothing against gays, for the record. Without them, there would be no shounen-ai and no silly Zoro/Sanji OOC shounen-ai comedy makes the Nehszriah a bored fangirl.


Edits: I think I changed something. Maybe. I forgot again.