Hello, hello, hello! Wow, it's been ages since I last updated this one, huh? WAY too long. But, I've got it all sorted with this one people. It's a long one too! Hopefully that compensates for the lack of updates. ;D Anyways, I had a whole ton of writers block with this chapter. I mean, I've re-written it about 4 times, and then I got the first half of this chapter done over like… 5 weeks? Then I left it for a while because I was totally stuck, and then today I was just like "Stuff it! I'm finishing this damn chapter whether it kills me!" XD So I hope you guys enjoy it. I've been working on it for ages (literally)! XD May the force be with you, always!
-Superherotiger
Three days later…
Jet's POV
A gentle, dry breeze drifted over the land, causing the long, golden grass to sway and ripple in the distance. I took a deep breath of the fresh Lothal air and basked in the heat of its mild sun. Loth cats pranced gleefully in the ocean of yellow, and small birds chirped and sung without a care in the world. Smiling, I sat down on the rich soil and ran my hand through the lush stalks of grass beside me. My eyes slid shut, and for once in a long time I felt at peace.
Home.
This was my home. Not the towering penthouse surrounded by cement walls, and not the filthy backstreets of Capital City. No, nothing could compare to this.
No worries. No responsibilities. Just me and whatever I wanted to do.
It was perfect.
"Mummy! Daddy! Watch me!" a small voice exclaimed.
I jumped at the noise and immediately reached for my whip, only to find that I was clawing at empty space. So instead I shifted to a defence position and reared for an attack, prepared to fight whoever dared enter my sanctuary. But my eyes widened in shock when I noticed the young girl skipping past me. Her pitch black hair flowed gracefully as she ran, and a set of sparkling brown eyes observed her surroundings excitedly. She seemed so innocent as she raced in circles, wildly flapping her arms like wings. "Watch me fly Daddy!" she called. "Are you watching?!"
"Yes child, I'm watching," a warm voice cooed.
But I immediately froze when I identified the speaker. It still sent a shudder up my spine, and I twisted on my heel and stumbled backwards. And there he was. Standing tall as the sun rained down on his dark earthy skin and surged life into his unusually lively eyes. But his expression seemed… different.
It wasn't the stern frown or furious glare that I was familiar with. No, he was actually smiling. And his gaze was so gentle and peaceful, I could almost mistake it for genuine happiness.
But happiness was not an emotion I would normally associate with my father. Things like greed, selfishness, being completely heartless suited him far better.
Suddenly, my attention was snatched by the lady beside him. She had tan skin and sparkling amber eyes, her curly black hair falling down her shoulders. Her expression was one of pure serenity, and even from here I could feel her familiar, warming presence coil around my bones. I felt my eyes go wide and the oxygen get pulled from my lungs. "M-Mum?" I stuttered.
Neither of them seemed to acknowledge my voice as they continued on in a gentle stroll, their arms linked and their presence warming. They were heading straight for me, and I reached my hands out desperately for the loving woman as she passed. I pounced forward, expecting to be enclosed in her secure embrace, but finding only a puff of mist. A cold shudder ran up my spine as I stumbled forward, and I glanced over my shoulder to see the two continue on walking.
They had walked straight through me.
I blinked rapidly, trying to register what had just happened. A dream. This has to be a dream.
Deciding that it was the only logical explanation, I turned around and ran after them. "Jessica, you be careful over there," mother called sweetly.
But the child was too wrapped up in her fruitless attempts of flight to notice the woman's advice. She simply kept jumping off a small rock and flapping her arms, stating "I'm gonna fly! I'm gonna fly!"
Mother simply smiled while Father watched on with an amused expression. Determined, the little girl decided the small platform she had chosen wasn't cutting it anymore, and instead directed her attention to a stone twice her height that stood a few metres away. She raced to it quickly and scaled the rock, giggling as she did. "Jessica! That's too high!" the woman exclaimed nervously.
She was about to run over and stop the child, until her husband raised his arm and instructed "No. She must learn for herself."
"But she's going to get hurt," the woman argued.
"And so she will learn not to do it again," he stated firmly. "You cannot shelter her forever darling."
"But she's only a child," she reasoned.
His gaze hardened, replying "All the more reason for her to understand consequences."
By now the girl had reached the peak of the rock, waving at her parents and calling "Watch me Daddy! Watch me!"
The man didn't reply, but he nodded his head once to show she had his attention. This was her que, and she crouched low on her feet and suddenly leapt into the air. She gracefully spread her arms and released a triumphant 'Whoo!', only to less gracefully plummet back to the solid ground within mere seconds. She tumbled over herself, sending dirt and dust flying in a flurry of motion, until finally ending up face down on the ground. The child groaned, struggling to push herself back up. Her clothes were smeared with grime and her knees and hands were laced with small grazes. "Mum!" she wailed in distress.
But it was not her mother who came to her side. To my surprise, it was her father who bent down next to her, saying softly "Come on Angel. You can do it."
The girl sobbed on the dirt, her limbs shaking unstably as she tried to get to her feet again. "I can't," she cried.
"Yes you can Jessica. The only way you won't is if you give up," he spoke sternly. "Now, back on your feet."
"But Daddy-"
"No buts. One day your mother and I may not be around to help you, so you must learn to do it yourself," he explained solemnly, raising himself from the ground and standing up. He folded his arms heavily over his chest and stared down at the child on the floor, saying "Come on, we don't have all day."
The girl looked pleadingly up at her father for support, but based on his expression, I knew he wouldn't be stepping in any time soon. And after a prolonged moment, the child realised it too. Grinding her teeth, she tried once again to get to her feet. Her weak arms shook under the weight but she just barely managed to push herself up in one large burst of energy. Her face brightened for the slightest moment, until she suddenly went off balance again and fell back into the dirt. She coughed and hung her head in defeat.
"Again," her father ordered. "Do not give up. Again."
Not wanting to displease the man, she mustered the strength and got back onto her feet, making sure she was stable before standing completely. When she realised she'd done it, her expression exploded with pure pride and joy. "Look! I did it!" she exclaimed excitedly.
The icy sharpness faded from the male's face, replaced with a satisfied smile and gentle gaze. "That's my little fighter," he cooed, bending down and ruffling her long black hair. The child laughed at first, before the spark in her eyes dimmed as she asked "So… I can't fly?"
Bending down until he was eye level with his daughter, he placed his hand on her shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze. "Never," he replied. "You will never be able to fly Jessica."
Her eyes widened in complete and utter shock, her mouth a gape as her goals shattered before her very eyes. Until suddenly, his expression loosened, and he finished with a fierce confidence "But you will soar."
The man lifted his daughter up into the air and swung her around in large circles. The girl laughed and the man chuckled, and after one final spin he threw the child up and caught her tightly in his embrace. She continued to giggle as she flung her arms around his neck and closed her eyes. "I love you Daddy," she murmured.
The man released a long sigh and nuzzled his head against his daughter's. "I love you too," he whispered, his voice so faint it was almost inaudible. "My little angel…"
I gasped, my eyes bolting open and my body jerking upright. The sickening sensation of falling dawned on me for the slightest moment as I tumbled onto the cold metal floor, tangled up in thin layers of blankets and my cloak. I could feel the sweat sliding down my neck as my breathing remained a heavy pant, and those emotions that swelled within hit me like a brick wall. The pain. The distrust. The hate. It all returned.
I had to clench my eyes shut to hold back the tears of my childhood, tugging Mum's cloak around my shoulders as if it were her comforting touch. I had almost forgotten about those times. I'd forgotten when the man I once called 'Daddy' actually cared about me. When everything was just play and laughter. When things were the way they were meant to be…
But all of that was just a memory… just a dream. Father wasn't really like that, and Mum… she was gone…
Regaining my dignity, I wiped the tears from my good eye and pushed myself off the floor. It turned out more difficult than expected as my arms shuddered and my palms throbbed from the cuts that lay in them. I grunted and finally managed to pull myself off the ground, placing my hand on the wall for support. Blinking rapidly, I tried to adapt to my new surroundings.
It didn't help that my right eye had practically been written off by the long scar trailing through it, constantly aching and spiking headaches whenever I tried to use it. Hera had explained to me that the whip must have grazed my actual eyeball at some point, because there was a split in my eyelid and the iris had become a lighter shade. Almost like a clear amber compared to the chocolate brown it once was.
Slowly, I picked up the fallen blankets and laid them across the seats neatly, before readjusting the cloak weighing heavily on my shoulders. For some reason, the garment didn't give me the burst of encouragement or sense of security it once did. The one piece of familiarity that I clung to in my world of chaos was losing its touch, and all I could feel was a growing emptiness within. Like I wasn't even control of my own body anymore.
The one thing I did know was that I was still furious at Kanan.
Not once in the last three days had I allowed the Jedi to speak to me. He had tried several times, but I always shunned him away. By the second day he'd gotten the message and decided it easier if he wasn't even near a five foot radius of me at any time. It was by far the smartest idea he'd had in the past few days.
But, I noticed that contact with the other members of the crew had also become minimal. Zeb was suddenly passive and gentle, Chopper didn't dare spark a quarrel for the fun of it, and in fact, it was Sabine who tried coaxing me to talk. It was the simple things like "Hey Jet, what do you think of this painting?" or "How about a game of Sabacc kid?" when I knew she was trying to attract my attention. I had been with the crew for almost a week before everything had changed, and by the first day I'd already memorised each person's personality and traits. Sabine could tolerate me, of course, and occasionally we would have small general conversations, but I had always been the one to start the talking, not her. So when she openly wanted to socialise with me I knew something was off.
Even Hera had changed from a wise, caring leader into a concerned maternal hen. She was always looking out for me, asking how I was feeling or if I needed anything, and she replaced the bandages on my wounds almost daily. The sensation of having someone there to watch over me would definitely take some adjusting to. After all, I had only just gotten used to living life solo when I stumbled across the crew.
And seeing how great that turned out to be, maybe it would have been better if I'd stuck to a life as a street rat. Surely that would have been better then what happened… than what I had become…
Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I glanced around the dim room with a vacant gaze. I could only imagine how lively this ship once was prior to the death of the boy. The energy that used to surge throughout the halls was reduced to a ghostly presence, and those who lived under its roof were nothing but shells of their former life, practically ghosts themselves.
So why was I here anymore?
They didn't really need me. I was just the odd one out. The black sheep. And it's obvious that 'some' members of the crew felt my presence unnecessary. So if I was going to ditch everything I knew for a life of adventure, then I better start searching elsewhere.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Three days ago I told the crew I would stay here for a week at the most. So cutting it short wouldn't do too much harm, right?
My hand brushed over the weapon clipped to my belt, the cold metal sending a shudder up my spine. They don't need you anymore. It's time to move on…
Inhaling sharply, I followed my instinct and picked up my satchel, slinging it over my shoulders and quietly making my way for the med bay. Once inside I picked out a few bandages and bacta cloths to use on the road, placing them in my bag and heading into the hall. I crept through the corridor cautiously so not to wake anyone until finally making it to the ladder. From there I entered the cargo bay, and activating the ramp, the grassy fields of Lothal.
Stepping down the ramp, a cool breeze hit my face and sent a shiver throughout my bones. It was such a strange sensation, but it only made me buzz with newfound energy. I was ready to run. Oh, I was so ready to run that I could probably race the grassy plateaus all night and never look back. I wanted to feel the wind rushing through my hair and the morning sun beating down on my skin. I wanted to tread my fingers over the soft tufts of grass and roll around in the dry dirt. No more cooped up cabins for me, just the open road and destination unknown.
It was frightening thought, but absolutely amazing at the same time.
A warm smile tugged at my lips as I strolled casually out of the Ghost, glancing up at the stars above when I was far enough. They twinkled and glinted on the inky black canvas, and the breeze whipped at the grass to cause a gentle rustle and sway. I took a deep breath of the crisp air and released a sigh of relief.
My real home was out there somewhere, waiting for me. And I certainly wouldn't find it while confined to the Ghost.
Taking a deep breath, I patted the satchel at my waist with one hand and grasped onto the whip with the other. "Here we go again," I thought to myself.
Until suddenly, something made me hesitate. Some kind of invisible force seemed to be urging me towards the Ghost, pulling me back to the broken home. I glanced over my shoulder to stare back at the ship, only to be bombarded with waves of conflicting emotion. The joy I once experience clashed with the anger that bubbled in my heart, and the thrill of being valued made me question why I was given away.
I was quick to shake my head and focus my mind on the grassy hills in front of me. Now was not the time for second thoughts. I was either committed, or I wasn't.
"Sorry guys," I muttered as I began walking forward. "But I've got my own problems to sort out."
My mind swirled with concern as I trekked through the first patch of grass, and my attention wandered enough that I didn't even notice the faint signature shifting beside me. I had barely made it three steps when a dark figure suddenly pounced from the shrubbery and lunged for my arm. Biting back the urge to scream, I forgot entirely about my whip and raised my hands to shield my face.
I expected sharp teeth to latch onto my arm and tear my flesh, but it never came. In fact, nothing had changed besides a gentle tug on my cloak.
Opening my eyes cautiously, I lowered my hands and glanced around. Nothing seemed to be an immediate danger, so I relaxed my shoulders and sighed deeply. Must have just been a Loth rat or-
Something growled behind me as I leapt to my feet in a startle. I twisted on my heel and raised my fists for an attack, until my attention was suddenly snatched by the small Loth-cat pulling on my cloak. He held the cloth tightly in his jaws, trying to drag me in the direction of the Ghost with determined blue eyes. "Karabast little guy, you scared me!" I sighed exasperatedly.
Bending down, I reached my hand out and tried to connect with the aggravated feline. Force bonding may not have been my strongest ability, but I still knew how to do it to a degree. "Now, why don't you let go of my cloak," I cooed sweetly.
The cat growled, baring his teeth and jerking his head to the side. "Whoa! Careful you little brat!" I snapped. "You're going to rip it!"
Electric blue eyes sparked mischievously as the animal tried even harder to pull me away. I grasped onto the cloth and tugged back, sending the Loth cat off balance when he was least expecting it. The animal rolled over himself, but the cloak still remained firmly in his jaws. "Let go you little rodent," I groaned. "This cloak is very important to me."
Frustrated, the animal sat heavily on the dirt and began to yowl. Somehow it still managed to make the screeching noise with the cloth in its mouth, causing me to clamp my hands over my ears and hiss "Shh! You'll wake everyone up!"
He stopped for a moment, blinked once, and then resumed his awfully high pitched cry. I growled, my patience wearing thin, until an idea hit me. "Look! Imperials!" I exclaimed, pointing in the opposite direction. The cat twisted his head around, ears perked and eyes wide and alert.
I swiftly yanked the garment from his teeth while he was off guard, releasing a triumphant "Ah ha!"
The startled feline spun around released a defiant growl, his narrowed eyes glaring up at me furiously. "Hey, I warned you," I pointed out with a smirk. "Now run along. Surely you have something better to do than annoy me."
To my surprise, the cat loosened his muscles and pulled his ears back, all previous hostility disappearing in a heartbeat. Large, adorable eyes stared up at me as he released an innocent 'Meow', his lips pulled into what I assumed was a smile. I rolled my eyes and reached my hand out again, saying "I don't think I understand you. One moment you're mad at me and the next moment you're not."
He nuzzled his head into my touch, his delighted purr tingling up my nerves. I smiled softly and rubbed his head in gentle motions. The dim light of the moon illuminated his unusually coloured features, such as the black, almost blue stripes painted against dull orange fur. His big eyes shone like sapphires, and I noticed two parallel scars running along his left cheek.
"Hm. Never seen a Loth-cat quite like you," I mused. "Maybe you were the runt of the litter."
He growled in protest, before I chuckled lightly and added "Don't worry, I know what it's like to not fit in. Guess we're in the same boat little fella."
His expression softened as he let out a sympathetic purr. Taking a deep breath, I rose to my feet and stated "Well, the good thing about people like us is that we don't need others… we find our own way…"
Shaking my head abruptly, I dusted myself off and smiled at the creature sitting at my feet. "See you round," I waved as I turned to walk away.
Until suddenly, there was a sharp growl and a rush of wind. I stumbled slightly as my belt was jerked to the side and my whip released from its clip. I shook my head rapidly and twisted around to stare face to face with the Loth Cat, the golden weapon resting gently in his jaws. My eyes widened, and the cat gazed at me with cocky blue eyes. "You little-"
He meowed innocently and shifted into a pouncing position, ready to disappear into the foliage if he so pleased. "No, wait!" I pleaded. Taking a deep breath, I coaxed softly "Now, why don't you be a good boy and give that back."
He blinked once, before cackling and bolting back in the direction of the Ghost. "Hey!" I yelled, running after the creature. "Get back here you stupid Tooka!"
The cat pranced around gleefully, dancing his way up the ramp and into the cargo bay. He jumped along the crates and glanced down at me as I skidded to a halt underneath him. "Give it!" I hissed, stretching my arm out and wrapping the force around his small figure.
But, the creature didn't move. My mouth gaped open, and I stared at my hand in shock and tried again. One more attempt, one more failure. "What the?" I stuttered. "W-Why won't it work on you?"
But suddenly, the cat was off again, running circles around me as I frantically tried to grab him. I growled, and he laughed. I pounced, and he dodged. I scowled, and he grinned. Growing frustrated by this humiliating game of chase, I thrusted my hands forward and forced a wave to ripple around me. Crates slammed against the metal walls as boxes and supplies went flying. The cat was hit by one of the objects and got thrown across the room, crumpling on the floor.
I could feel my shoulders slump in exhaustion as the oxygen was knocked from my lungs. Taking deep breaths, I focused on my thumping heartbeat rather than the sharp pain in my hands.
Kanan had warned me not to use the force while I was healing. He said I would become easily tired, that I could cause more harm than good. I wasn't really listening though.
Now I knew what he meant. I barely had the energy to stay standing, let alone retrieve my whip. But I knew that the commotion I had just caused would have the crew on their feet within seconds. So my plan of sneaking out quietly was pretty much busted.
Stumbling over towards where the cat lay, he shook his head distraughtly and pushed himself to his feet. He held the weapon tightly within his jaws as a more serious expression replaced his previous playfulness. When I tried to reach out, the cat bolted. For a moment I thought he was heading for the ramp, but to my surprise he scrambled up the ladder and disappeared into the upper floor. I raced after him, forcing my aching muscles to pursue despite how much they protested.
Once in the cockpit, I noticed he wasn't there and sprinted into the hallway. Now where did that stupid little-
The door to the left sprung open and I suddenly crashed into someone. I fell back and slammed my skull against the metal floor, my head throbbing and my vision wavering. Glancing up, I finally recognised who I'd collided with. "Sabine?" I groaned.
The girl rubbed her head in a daze, her eyes springing open at my voice. "Oh Jet!" she exclaimed. "I'm so glad you're-"
"Shh!" I hushed, jumping to my feet and grasping onto her wrist.
"What are you-?!"
"Shut it for a sec!" I growled, heaving her up and making sure she was stable before letting go. "Are you hurt?"
"Well, not really. Why-"
"Good," I cut her off, nudging her towards her room again. "Go back to bed."
She dug her heels into the floor and snapped "Jet! What're you-"
"I'll explain tomorrow!" I hissed, wincing at my own lie.
"But-"
I could feel the signatures shifting in the nearby cabins, and instinct forced me to shove Sabine back into her room and throw my satchel in along with her. "Sorry!" I whispered with guilt, before hitting the controls and closing the door. As if on cue, Kanan's door flew opened and said Jedi sped out with a distressed expression. He almost slammed into me, but quickly caught himself just before impact. It took him a moment to fully register who I was, and when he did, he asked shakily "Jet?"
I hesitated, my mind racing a million miles an hour. "Uh, yes! That's, t-that's me," I stuttered nervously.
"What are you doing up?" he quizzed.
"Well… What are you doing up?" I shot back.
Kanan blinked once, slightly puzzled by my odd behaviour. "I heard a loud crash in the cargo bay," he explained. "Didn't you hear it?"
"Um, n-nope. Didn't hear anything. You must have been dreaming, yeah," I said hastily.
Kanan's teal orbs narrowed, his lips pulling into a thin line. I could feel the sweat perspiring under my skin as his fierce stare burnt through my very soul. I tried to raise whatever mental shields I maintained, but they were too weak, too unrefined. If Mum could sense my mood the second she entered a room, then Kanan would definitely know something was up.
Suddenly, Hera's door also widened and the Twi'lek stepped into the light. Her eyes were large and alert, but when she saw the two of us, she relaxed slightly and leant against the wall with a sigh. "Thank goodness. It's just you two," she smiled. "For a second there I thought someone was breaking in."
Kanan shifted his suspicious gaze back to me. "Breaking in, or breaking out?" he questioned sharply. I winced, my muscles completely rigid.
Hera noticed the thick tension and straightened. "What happened?"
"Yeah Jet," Kanan pried. "Care to explain?"
"I… uh… I-I accidentally knocked over some crates, yeah," I answered, shifting from foot to foot anxiously.
"And you just so happened to be in the cargo bay why?" Kanan continued harshly.
'Maybe to get away from nosy backstabbing Jedi like yourself…'
I bit the thought back and replied sourly "What? So you confine me to the Ghost and now I can't even go into the cargo bay?"
"When it's during the middle of the night, it does make me suspicious," he said while folding his arms heavily over his chest.
"Look, I was in the cargo bay, the crates fell, and you all woke up. Now will you get off my case?" I growled.
"Speaking of people who are awake," Hera stepped forward before Kanan could continue our quarrel. "How's Sabine?"
I was thankful the hood was covering my face, because otherwise they surely would have known I was lying when I replied "She woke up, but I, uh, I agreed to stay with her until she got back to sleep. Y-You know, cause of the whole 'can't be alone' thing."
Hera's expression brightened to one of delight, and she spoke with pride "I'm so glad to hear that Jet. Thank you."
I nodded my head, but I could tell Kanan wasn't convinced. Just the way he watched me with those lifeless teal eyes, the corner of his lip twitching in a frown and the tense posture he held himself in showed he didn't buy the excuse. Of course, I knew that he knew I'd tried to run away. But to my great surprise, he didn't confront the subject.
"Jet," he started, his voice soft and warm, unlike his expression. "I need to talk to you."
I flinched. Talking never solved anything. It didn't stop a whip from cracking. It didn't stop my hands from bleeding. It didn't stop Mum from dying. Words had failed me time and time again.
So no more talking for me, just action, and justice.
"Sorry," I sneered with an icy tone, opening the door to Sabine's cabin and stepping through. "I can't hear you through the door."
Kanan tilted his head, puzzled. "But the door isn't-"
I hit the panel mid-sentence, cutting him off as the door slid shut in his face. The darkness consumed my vision, and I once again felt the energy drain from my limbs. I leant my forehead against the cold metal door and sighed.
'Okay. I'll just grab my stuff and run for it when they go back to bed,' I schemed. "Yeah. I'll head for the city and lose them there. That'll work."
I turned around slowly, finally feeling like I'd gotten out of the danger zone when my eyes went wide, fixed on the mandalorian sitting on the edge of her bed. She was scanning through my satchel with a shocked expression, her amber eyes flickering up to stare at me as she asked shakily "First aid? Food? Why would you…" Her voice faded as realisation dawned on her.
I could feel my stomach churn and I raised my hands in surrender, saying quietly "Sabine, it's not what it seems."
"You were gonna run away!" she barked, her tone fiery and her gaze cold.
I could feel my expression harden as I stormed forward and snatched my bag from her grasp. "That's really none of your business!" I spat, slinging the satchel over my shoulders. "And what do you care if I leave or not?"
"The deal was that you'd stay a week!" she protested as she rose to her feet.
"I said a week at the most," I defended. "Nothing said I had to stay the full 7 days, so what's the big deal?"
A rumble sounded in her throat, and I could see a mixture of disappointment and anger flaring throughout her expression. "We just, you know, assumed you'd be staying the full length," she hissed.
"Yeah? Well you assumed wrong," I snapped, twisting on my heel and about to head for the door. "Now go back to sleep. And if the others ask, this conversation never happened."
There was a heavy shift of emotion in the force as Sabine's hand suddenly lunged out and grabbed my wrist, causing me to howl in agony. "Sabine!" I yelped as her fingers pressed into the wounds along my arm. It wasn't that she had done it on purpose, I knew that, but I still had to restrain myself from lashing out at the figure who'd caused me such pain.
The girl didn't notice my protest as she stuttered fearfully "Y-You can't leave me here by myself! You have t-to stay!"
I glanced up to catch a good look at the mandalorian, only to be surprised by the vulnerability her usually confident posture held. Her eyes were large and ghostly, her skin pale and her sweaty hands shuddering. The smirk and the scoff she once used so often seemed nothing but a memory, replaced by shallow breathing and a quivering lip. Never had I seen Sabine so raw and emotional. I could hardly even recognise her in this state.
But even I could sense this was more than just a common fear, that it leaned more towards a phobia, which I was definitely familiar with. Toning my voice down to a gentle coo, I soothed "Sabine, Hera and Kanan are right next door. Go to one of them, and they will stay with you through the night, okay?"
"No!" she yelped, her grip tightening around my arm. I winced, biting my lip to contain a sharp scream. "You have to stay with me…" she continued. "Y-You have to be there when I wake up!"
I placed my hand a top of hers, both to sooth the traumatised teenager and to discretely pry her fingernails from my skin. "Sabine. Hera, Kanan," I repeated firmly. "Go to one of them."
She shook her head rapidly from side to side, rambling "No, no, no. I-I won't do it again… I won't go back there again!"
"What are you on about?"
Her distraught amber orbs flickered for a moment, her teeth chattering and her hands trembling. "I-If you go, y-you'll be gone when I w-wake up," she stumbled.
I lifted my shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. "Yeah? So?"
"You don't understand!" she barked, her voice raising. "You'll be gone! I didn't even get to say goodbye!"
"Sabine, calm down," I urged, praying to the force that these walls were soundproof.
"No you calm down!" she snapped.
"Sabine," I warned.
"Don't you get it?! If I go to sleep I'll never get to see you again when I wake up! You'll be gone just like-"
"SABINE!" I roared, grasping onto her shoulders.
The teen froze, the words dissolving off her tongue. She stared at me with startled eyes, and I could tell I'd finally caught her attention. Taking a deep breath to stabilise my voice, I instructed calmly "Sabine, just, breathe."
She remained still, until I soothed again "Breathe."
She inhaled sharply, pausing for a long moment, before releasing it in a strained sigh. I smiled. "There. Now, let's just be nice, and calm," I said softly. Pushing her shoulders back, I guided her towards the edge of her bed, where the girl sat down heavily and finally released my arm. I felt a wave of relief as the pressure was removed and the stinging pain lessened ever so slightly. Glancing down at my wrist, I frowned when I saw blood trickling into the white cloth again, staining its fresh cover with blotches of red. Sabine saw it too, her eyes vacant of all life as the dim glow of the room illuminated the tears swelling within them.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, her voice so faint it could have been blown away in the wind.
My expression softened, and I said "Don't be. It's nothing."
"But your wrist," she spoke as she stared at me with mortified eyes. "They're bleeding."
I shrugged nonchalantly, trying to not cause any more stress by saying "I've been through worse. It's fine."
At first I wasn't sure if she'd bought my white lie, but I noticed that her shoulders relaxed slightly and the guilt lifted from her expression. I sighed deeply. It was obvious Sabine wouldn't let me leave without a fight, and I certainly couldn't leave her in such a traumatic state just for my own freedom. That would be wrong…
Sabine was my friend. She joked around occasionally, she let me look at her art, she even let me borrow clothes while mine were getting washed. I held no grudge against her, and so the least I could do before I left was stay with her through the night.
Lowering myself to the floor, I leant my back against her bed and sat in a cross legged position. My back stung at first, before the pain receded and I rolled my shoulders to unravel the tension. "You can go to sleep now," I yawned.
"So you'll stay?" Sabine asked expectantly.
I glanced up at her and smirked. "Do I really have an option?"
She gave me an uncertain look and crossed her arms. "How will I be sure you won't run off while I sleep?" she quizzed
"Kanan's probably got like 10 restraining bolts on this door by now," I said sarcastically. "Trust me, I'm not going anywhere."
Sabine smiled at that, and seemingly satisfied, she shuffled back and burrowed under the covers. Once she'd poked her head out, I returned my attention back to my bleeding wrist. That's going to need something, and soon.
I could feel Sabine's gaze burning into the back of my skull, but I paid it little mind as I rummaged through my satchel. I was searching for the first aid supplies I'd stashed earlier in the hope to sooth my burning wounds, when my fingers suddenly brushed against a familiar object. My eyes widened, and I immediately pulled the whip from its tomb of shadows. "What the?" I gawked in complete and utter shock.
"What?" Sabine asked curiously.
I stared at the weapon a moment longer, wondering if I was going crazy again. "There was a Loth-cat that took it earlier," I explained blankly. "But… somehow its back in here…"
"You sure it wasn't just there the whole time?" Sabine suggested.
I glanced over my shoulder and replied sharply "No! The cat was definitely here. He was jumping off the crates and through the halls…" My voice faltered slightly as I added "But, I also couldn't use the force on him either so… maybe I was dreaming?"
The Mandalorian shrugged, saying "Hey, we all hallucinate from time to time. I'm not judging."
I inclined my head slightly and smiled, before clipping the whip back to my belt and feeling for the first aid. "Why did you try to run away?" Sabine suddenly asked.
My muscles tensed and my back straightened. I wasn't quite sure how to reply to that one. Of course, I had multiple reasons for wanting to leave. The urge to be free, the fear of my past, the anger of my present. But none of which I was willing to express to the girl. We were friends, but we weren't that close.
Shaking her question away, I pulled out the spare bandages and some soothing lotion, trying to distract my mind from the subject. "Just get some rest," I muttered.
I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder and instinctively flinched away from the contact. My head shot up at Sabine as she watched me with sympathetic amber eyes, murmuring "Was it because of what happened between you and Kanan?"
I could feel the fire flare within as my expression hardened. "What happened that day isn't relevant," I growled.
"It is, Jet… I can tell it is," she said calmly. "I can see you come from a family of great honour, correct?"
I froze. Suddenly I felt very cold again. My family name was my pride. I held it with the weight of my ancestors as if it were a glass vase, the rich bloodline of fierce warriors flowing throughout my DNA. Face could not be lost. Weakness could not be shown. Anything less would bring shame to the family name.
And yet I had rebelled against my father and challenged him to the death. How much shame had I established in the simple gesture of flicking the forbidden whip? How much face had I lost by crying in front of an outsider? What disrespect did I show by standing above my superior?
No matter how you looked at it, I was a disgrace to my family.
I hadn't even realised the tears leaking out of my eye as I quickly shifted my gaze to the floor and scrubbed at my face. Sabine rested her hand on my shoulder again, but the warmth and understanding that radiated from her presence stopped me from pulling away. "Jet," she said in a more familiar tone. "You can't let that stuff hold you down. When I joined this crew… when Hera and Kanan took me in… I learnt that it isn't your past that defines your future. You choose your own path."
I didn't reply in the fear of breaking down completely, simply nodding my head to show I'd absorbed her words. Sabine sighed, squeezing my shoulder and causing a slight throb in my muscles. But I didn't even notice. I just stared at the door with vacant eyes, feeling completely hollow within. Whether that be good or bad, I didn't know. After all, maybe feeling nothing would be better than feeling everything.
The ache in my shoulder coincided with the sting in my arm, snapping me back to reality as I took a deep breath and focused on the present. I unwrapped the bandage winding up my right arm and placed it to the side, the cool air of the cabin hitting my flesh with a shudder. I glanced down at my wounds and frowned.
They were healing well, still partially open but not bleeding never the less. The ones near my wrist were red and stained with small trails of blood, and yet, the cuts weren't nearly as strong as the pain I associated with them. Reaching up, I pressed my hand against the patch on my right eye. Sometimes if I was careful enough, I could trail my fingers along the start of the scar and run them along its length, all the way to my forehead.
It was my punishment, the constant reminder of my treachery.
Hera said it might heal over, yet the moment she said 'might' I knew she was lying. The lines along my arms and back may fade, but that mark would always remain on my eye, and forever in my mind.
"Want help?" Sabine asked with genuine concern.
I blinked rapidly, suddenly snapped from my thoughts as I glanced at the teen from the corner of my eye. She was leaning forward slightly, her brows creased in a guilty frown and her lips pulled into a thin line. Obviously, my first instinct was to decline her offer, but I realised that this may be her way of making it up to me.
My gaze flickering from my arm to the mandalorian, I swallowed my pride and handed her the small vial and roll of cloth. I twisted my position and rested my arm on her bed, giving her complete view of my wounds. My cheeks burnt red with humiliation when Sabine saw the cuts and winced. She must have sensed my shame in some way as she mustered a weak smile and said "They're… better, than before at least."
I scoffed gently. "That's one way to put it," I muttered.
The light in her expression faded at the comment, sending both of us into a tense silence. Sabine pushed herself up and took hold of the ointment, uncorking the lid and squeezing some along my arm and in my palm. I gritted my teeth as it soaked into the grooves with a burning sensation. "Sorry," Sabine flinched, running her fingers along the surface of my skin to shift the liquid into the cuts. "This stuff stings, but it works wonders."
Once she was certain all the ointment had soaked in, she lifted my arm against her knee and started to wrap it again. Starting from my elbow she worked down to my hand, winding the cloth in hypnotising motions. We remained silent as the process continued, my mind drifting and her eyes completely fixed on her task. Until suddenly, when she hit the midway point, she probed softly "Do you… want to talk about it?"
The natural instinct to snap or snark arose in my throat, but I bit it back with great reluctance. I was about to reply with a simple 'no' when a familiar voice spoke "Talk to her. She's just trying to help."
My eyes immediately whipped up and my muscles tensed, causing Sabine to hesitate as she watched me with wide eyes. All remained silent for a minute or so, until the familiar sound cooed again "Talk to her."
The voice was back! My guide for wisdom had finally returned! It had disappeared after leading me to the crew, and I was wondering if the streets had made me hallucinate. But it was back! I wasn't going crazy! Or… maybe I was? At this point I really didn't know.
But my joy faded slightly when memories hit my mind. Sure, the voice helped me survive, but, it also resulted in a painful outcome. Could it really be trusted?
Reluctantly, I turned my attention back to Sabine. She was staring at me with a puzzled expression, confused why I all of a sudden seemed on edge. I frowned slightly behind my hood. It, technically wasn't any of her business, right?
"Come on Jet, don't you trust me?" the voice snickered cockily.
'Give me a good reason why I should,' I sneered in my mind.
The presence faltered for a moment, before twisting its signature around me through the force. Its heat, its care, its life surged throughout my veins, and it was as if I were back in my mother's arms, secured in her tight embrace and love. The tension unravelled, and my mind relaxed. My negative emotions were pushed from my heart temporarily, filled only with the confidence of this strange presence.
I sighed and allowed my eyes to slide shut. 'Okay, okay, you got me,' I thought in a daze. 'I trust you.'
The voice seemed pleased, humming in delight before saying "Good. Now talk to Sabine."
I opened my eyes and glanced up at the girl. She was still staring at me strangely, and despite the urge not to, I started "My… my mother… she was everything to me. I didn't have friends when I was younger. I never really fit in." Taking a deep breath, I sighed "But I didn't need friends, because I had her… She was all I ever needed…"
Sabine's expression softened while she continued to bandage my arm. "She loved me, and she guided me, and she cared about me. She was always there," I murmured. I could feel tears burning in my eyes as I rasped "And then suddenly… she wasn't…"
"She was just gone… and I saw it… I saw it coming," I whispered with a ghostly voice. "Part of me wonders why I didn't do something. Why didn't I warn her? Why didn't I step in while I had the chance? But when I heard his voice again three days ago… I remembered why…"
I hesitated, wincing slightly as Sabine watched me with a sympathetic gaze. "I was afraid," I choked out, the words like poison in my mouth. "For years, I was afraid of disappointing him. Disappointing my family. Then when he changed, I was afraid of what he might do to her if I said something… I didn't care if I got hurt, I just didn't want to lose her…"
I paused for a long moment, images of Mother's bright joyful face flashing across my vision. "I lost something that day… something I will never get back," I scowled. "The life that I knew was gone. I watched it die in front of my very eyes."
"Do you have any idea how hard that is?" I growled. "Do you know what it's like to watch your whole world shatter into pieces?"
Sabine glanced up from the cloth, her face solemn as she replied softly "Yes. Yes I do."
I froze, not expecting that response. Amber orbs shifted back to my arm, and Sabine murmured "I remember when this ship was full of life… now it's just full of ghosts…"
She wrapped my arm in slower motions, not exactly as focused and present as she was a few moment prior. "That cave… it's not what happened inside that killed me… it's what happened after we made it out…"
The Mandalorian glanced up at me, asking "Do you know why I can't be alone for too long? Did you ever wonder why Hera or Kanan stay in my room until I fall asleep, and go back in before I wake?"
I shook my head hesitantly. "Well, when I was in the cave, I got knocked unconscious before Hera came and rescued me," she continued with a harsher tone. "I was bleeding profusely, and Zeb told me I would have died if Hera didn't donate some of her own."
"When I woke up again, I was alone… All alone in that med bay," she mumbled, slowly turning her head away. "I got up and looked for the others. When I stepped outside, that's when I saw them… saw him…" Her voice hitched slightly as sobs jerked her throat. "He was so lifeless… the blood was everywhere… And Kanan… I've never seen him cry like that before…"
Abruptly, she stopped wrapping my wrist. It was as if she was staring off into another dimension as she rasped weakly "I never even got to say goodbye…"
I remained still as the silence dragged on, shooting the girl a sympathetic expression as tears slipped from her eyes. Finally, after what felt like forever, she turned her head back to me and said faintly "That's why I need someone there... I don't want to wake up in that med bay again… I don't want to open my eyes and find out someone I cared about died while I was asleep…
She stared at me intensely for a prolonged moment, before sniffling and rubbing the streaks from her face. "So when you agreed to stay for a week, I thought I'd try my hardest to get you to stay. I thought… maybe I could convince you to change your mind," she grunted. Her ghostly orbs flickered from the floor, then back to me, and she said "You have no idea how much you've changed us Jet."
I retracted at the comment, waiting for Sabine to elaborate. What I wasn't expecting was for her to start laughing hysterically. A sick, tense chuckle with pain seeded throughout each exhale. "You know, Zeb and Chopper haven't had anyone new to bicker with for so long that they were actually starting to read," she bellowed, treading the line between laughing and crying. "Hera, she was just cleaning the Ghost because she was so bored. Kanan, he hardly talked, and he never smiled… and then… a-and then…" Her voice trailed off, and the amusement faded.
I shifted uncomfortably as her expression went blank. "And then… you came," she whispered. "You made Zeb laugh. You gave Chopper a challenge. You made Hera relax... You made Kanan smile… I don't think you realise how incredible that is Jet."
My brows furrowed and I bowed my head. "And you?" I asked curiously.
Sabine smiled. It was faint, but whole-heartedly genuine. "You make me feel like I'm not alone," she answered warmly. "Like I have nothing to fear."
My lips pulled into a guilty smile, and the caring warmth coiled around my heart again. I was surprised when I realised that it wasn't the voice's presence, but Sabine's that surged the life back into my system.
And it was that moment when I realised I had made my first true friend.
Sabine tied off the cloth and pulled away, saying "There. All better now."
I glanced down at my now bandaged arm and moved it around experimentally, before smiling and saying "Thank you Sabine."
"You're welcome Jet," she replied. But suddenly, her expression darkened. "Were you really going to run away?"
I didn't reply at first, deciding whether to lie or tell the truth. Until eventually, I chose my better half. "Yes," I answered bluntly.
Creases formed in her brow as she pried "Are you going to stay with us?"
I instinctively froze, but forced the mental shields that threatened to rise deep down using all my willpower. "For tonight," I said after a tense pause.
The girl seemed disappointed, lowering herself onto her bed and pulling the covers up. "Should have known it was too good to be true," she muttered under her breath.
Maybe she wasn't expecting me to hear the comment, but something ached deep inside when I did. How much had I affected the crew during this short time? How much had the crew affected me during this time? I never really noticed the little things. I guess I was so focused on mixing things up that I didn't even realise how much they had changed. I didn't really fix them like that, did I?
And if I did, was it my responsibility to continue healing them?
My gaze shifted to my injured arm, and I suddenly realised how selfish I was being. This wasn't just about me, it was all of us. And if the crew were willing to help heal my wounds, then I'd be willing to heal theirs.
Sabine curled her back, one arm resting outside of the blanket as she closed her eyes. Slowly, I shuffled along the floor and reached over, placing my hand on her arm. Amber orbs immediately shot up at the contact, and Sabine stared at me with large, surprised eyes. I stared right back at her with an even gaze, saying "I'll be here when you wake up Sabine. I promise."
Her muscles loosened. "What good is one night compared to every other?" she mumbled.
I squeezed her arm gently, resting my head against the edge of the mattress and replying "Don't worry about those nights either… 'Cause I'll be there… I'll be right here…"
Sabine's eyes widened, and she exclaimed "You're staying?!"
I smirked, closing my eyes and murmuring "Yeah. I'm staying."
I could sense something spark through the force. Something energetic. Something confident. Something smart. And as exhaustion began eating away at my senses, I caught one final glimpse of Sabine as she nuzzled into her pillow with a wide smile. "Thank you, Jet," she murmured.
I swelled with pride, stating firmly "You won't ever have to be afraid of being alone again. I'll always be right beside you."
There was a hum of satisfaction. "I know… I know you will," she whispered. "Night Jet."
"Night Sabine."
Super Bomb #2:
Remember Me
The Light in the Dark
Lost Chapters
O' Family of Ours
There is no Death, There is the Force
To Mend the Bond
