"Hey, Alex."
"What do you want, Ben?" Alex asked as he waited for the elevator to take him back to his floor.
"Look, uh, Kitty's been acting really weird lately."
"And you think I'd know why that is?" Alex asked.
"Well, I know you're kind of close-"
"We're neighbours, Ben." Alex said. "I'm with Eliza and Jo-she's pregnant. I'm going to have a baby. With Eliza. Not Kitty."
"Holy crap, Eliza's pregnant?"
"Almost six months now." Alex said. "I'm surprised you haven't noticed-she is showing, you know."
The lift pinged and the doors opened. Alex followed Ben inside and pressed the close doors button.
"I think Kitty could be pregnant too." Ben said. "I know she works as a prostitute, but-"
"Kitty's not a prostitute." Alex said. "She's a barista at Starbucks. I've seen her there. Like recently."
Ben hummed disapprovingly. "She's a prostitute, Alex."
"Well, you'd know that, 21 Jump Street." Alex said. "But she's not. She works at Starbucks."
"Why does everyone call me that?" Ben asked.
"What?"
"21 Jump Street."
"If you haven't figured it out already, you'll never know." Alex said. The doors opened and Alex wheeled himself out. "G'bye, Ben."
Alex hummed as he went to his apartment. He stopped in front of his door and took his key from the pouch under his seat-it was where he kept his important things like his wallet and his keys, but his phone stayed in his jeans pocket. He opened the door to find Eliza standing halfway in the room, with her hand over her belly.
"Are you okay?" Alex asked in concern. "Is there something wrong with the baby?" If there was, he didn't know how he would take it. He had already lost John and was doing his very best not to think about that. But that baby was his. His flesh and blood growing inside the woman he loved. They were making a human together. A human he desperately wanted to be okay.
"I'm fine." Eliza said.
"The baby." Alex pressed. "Is it okay?"
"Alex..." Eliza inhaled deeply. "I've had my latest scan."
"I know." Alex said. "What did the obstetrician say?"
"That we're having a son." Eliza said.
"Is he... healthy?" Alex asked, not knowing what else to say.
"He is." Eliza nodded. "He's healthy."
"Maybe we should start thinking of names." Alex said.
"Maybe." Eliza agreed. "Maybe."
Alex had been out in the city and got home the following evening, just as Eliza was setting up for the Super Bowl.
"Alex, where have you been?" Eliza asked. "I've had to set everything up myself, so I've been rushing around all day so I'm all sweaty and everything. I've been on my feet decorating most of the afternoon and my feet and legs are killing me-my ankles are swollen. And you get to sit in a wheelchair all day-"
"Eliza, I can't walk. I have to use a wheelchair-and you think it's fun? It's actually really not fun. My arms and shoulders ache at the end of the day." Alex said.
"Yeah, well at least you're sitting down."
"I didn't ask you to do any of this."
"It's the Super Bowl!"
"So?" Alex shrugged. "It's not Christmas. You're pregnant. You should be resting-I think. Maybe that's more into like eight moths or something."
"You should know this, Alex!" Eliza snapped.
"I don't! Of my brothers, I'm the youngest!" Alex snapped. "You're the second oldest of your siblings!"
"Who are all adopted!"
"Except PJ, who was born when you were like six or something."
"Yeah, I was six or something!" Eliza grabbed the nearest bowl of Doritos. "Fuck this shit." She said as she began to shovel the chips into her mouth.
"Eliza, are you okay?" Alex asked calmly.
"I'm hungry!" Eliza growled.
"Yes, I see that."
"I'm so hungry." Eliza said as she began sobbing, seemingly out of nowhere. "And I miss John. And Peggy. Especially Peggy. Why didn't you go get her?"
"Because John died." Alex said. He flinched. He didn't want to think about John's death. In fact, he was unhealthily ignoring it because he had other things to focus on-schoolwork, Kitty, Eliza and the baby.
"I bet you haven't even seen Lafayette." Eliza said.
Alex's heart skipped a beat. He'd been caught out. He hadn't been to see Lafayette. In fact, he hadn't seen Lafayette in a few weeks. Since the Marvel marathon at least, back in December.
"Whatever." Eliza mumbled, reaching for the dip. "It's not like you care anyway."
"I do care!"
"You haven't even asked me about the-the-the fucking haemorrhoid cream in the bathroom!" Eliza shouted.
"You've got haemorrhoids?" Alex asked.
"I'm fucking pregnant, Alex, of course I've got haemorrhoids!"
"Well la-di-fucking-da, I get haemorrhoids too. You know, I do get to just sit around all day, right?"
"You're not pregnant!" Eliza shouted. She suddenly stopped and put her hand over her belly. "The baby's kicking." She said.
"Really?" Alex asked. He wheeled himself closer to Eliza.
Eliza took his hand and placed it on her belly. "Right here. You feel it?"
"No. I can't-" Yes, he did. "I can. Oh my god. I'm going to be a terrible father."
"No, Alex, no you're not." Eliza said.
"I am." Alex insisted. "I won't be able to run after him or teach him how to play cricket-"
"Alex. We planned this baby. We want him." Eliza said. "And you will be a good father. I know it. It's going to be okay." She paused. "Wait. This is about something else, isn't it? Alex?"
"No." Alex shook his head. "No. Of course it isn't." Of course it was. He had largely grown up without a father. Well, he hadn't. But his father had taken off when he was ten years old to and live elsewhere in the Caribbean. And Alex had resigned himself to the fact that if James Hamilton Sr hadn't died after that or in Hurricane Sandy, then he had probably died in Hurricane Irma or Hurricane Maria. He did, however, have father figures in Thomas Stevens and Hugh Mulligan.
"Alex?" Eliza asked.
"Still here." Alex said. "I'm still here."
"Look, Alex," Eliza began. She and Alex were lying in bed together, "I know your dog Philip was killed, but I want to name the baby after my father."
"You want to name him Philip." Alex said. "No way."
"Alex, he cares about you a lot. Way more than he probably should." Eliza said. "What with you being an undocumented immigrant from the Caribbean-"
"Hey! I'm documented!" Alex said.
"You know what I'm saying, Alex." Eliza sighed. "What would you name him?"
"John." Alex said. "Or Jack. Or anything except Philip or James or Thomas or Jefferson."
"Philip Schuyler is my father. He is the only father I've ever known. And I want to honour him."
"If the baby were a girl, would you name her Catherine?"
"I don't know. Yeah. Probably."
"I don't want to name the baby Philip." Alex said. "I don't think it's right."
"Fine. We'll name him after your father then."
"I already said I didn't want to call him James." Alex said. "Or Thomas."
"Thomas?"
"My foster father."
"I thought that was Hugh?"
"I'm not calling my son Hugh either."
"Okay. How about Nathan?"
"Too close to Nathaniel. And Nathaniel would probably think I named my son after him."
"Stephen? David?"
"Everyone knows a Steve and a Dave and I will not let my kid be that Steve or Dave."
"Oliver?"
"No way."
"Okay. How about Alexander Jr?"
"I refuse to name my son after myself." Alex said. "Who am I? Donald Trump?"
Eliza sat up in bed. "What?"
"Didn't he name his son Donald Trump Jr?" Alex asked.
"Oh yeah. He did." Eliza said. "His sons are uh... Donald Jr, Eric, Barron and his daughters are Ivanka and Tiffany."
"How do you know that?" Alex asked.
"They're, sadly, all over the news." Eliza said. "Eric and his saying that the government shutdown is a good thing, Donald Jr thinking liberals are all communists, Donald Sr saying that he would have sex with Ivanka if she weren't his daughter-"
"Eew."
"Tiffany is a model or something and people just can't seem to leave Barron alone. He's like twelve or something. Kids should be off limits."
"I can't see where Eric's name came from, but Donald Jr was named after Donald himself, Ivanka was named after Ivana, Trump's then-wife, Tiffany came from the brand and Barron, well, Baron is a royal title." Alex said. "What it all means, is that Donald thinks very highly of himself."
"We knew that anyway." Eliza said.
"And we aren't naming our son Donald."
"Hell no." Eliza said. "I'd sooner name him George W Bush Hamilton."
"Are you sure you want him to have the last name Hamilton?" Alex asked. "Are you sure you don't want it to be Schuyler?"
"Alex, someday, you and I will be married and I'll have your name."
"Are you sure you don't want to stay Elizabeth Schuyler?" Alex asked. "Rather than being Elizabeth Hamilton?"
"Maybe I'll be Elizabeth Schuyler-Hamilton." Eliza shrugged. "I don't know. Why are we discussing this? We aren't getting married."
"We're having a son together." Alex said.
"Oh yeah. Maybe Philip Schuyler-Hamilton then." Eliza said.
"That doesn't sound like someone who is half-Latino half-Chinese." Alex said. "Also, I'm not calling my son Philip."
"I'm half white and half Chinese anyway." Eliza muttered as she picked up a book from the bedside table. "Okay. How about Ben?"
"Tallmadge."
"Logan?"
"Wolverine."
"Sebastian?"
"The Caribbean crab in The Little Mermaid. You're just begging for him to be picked on there-I'm from the Caribbean."
"Well what about Lincoln?"
"Abraham. Also the first three letters are L-I-N. I'm not nicknaming my son Lin as in Lin-Manuel Miranda, the guy I look like."
"Oh yeah." Eliza nodded. "Liam?"
Alex sighed. "Let's discuss this another time. I've got shit to do."
"Yeah. So have I. I've got two lectures later today." Eliza said. "But we have to decide on a name before he comes."
"I'm sure we will." Alex said.
A bit later, after Eliza had gone to her first lecture, Alex left the apartment. As he did, he noticed Kitty's door slightly ajar. He pushed the door open slightly and peeked in. Kitty wasn't there.
"Hey Alex."
Alex jumped slightly. "Holy shit, Ben, don't do that." He complained. "I nearly jumped out of my wheelchair."
"That would be surprising. You know, seeing how you can't move your legs and all." Ben said.
"Who said I can't move my legs?" Alex asked, almost aggressively.
"Well, you're in a wheelchair." Ben shrugged. "I just figured-"
"I can't actually move my legs. But don't assume, Ben. I can feel them. Kind of."
"So what are you doing here, creeping in on Kitty's door?" Ben asked.
"I just saw her door was open. Maybe I should see if she's okay." Alex shrugged.
"She's not here." Ben said.
"Yeah."
"Well, I figured, since she hasn't come to the door."
"She... where is she?" Alex asked.
"Best case scenario is that she's been raped." Ben said casually.
"Ben!" Alex shouted. "That's not-not something you say!"
"Well, it's best case scenario to being murdered, right? Rape or murder? At least with rape she's still alive." Ben said.
"Unless she's been raped and murdered-no, why are we still discussing this? I don't want her to be raped or murdered." Alex said. "Ben, she's got an STI."
"Oh." Ben nodded. "Chlamydia again, right?"
"I refuse to discuss this any further." Alex pulled Kitty's front door shut. "She's probably just at work and didn't close her door properly."
"Yeah, as a prostitute."
"Ben, why the fuck would she be working as a prostitute at eleven in the morning?" Alex asked in exasperation.
"You tell me what prostitutes do." Ben said.
"Alas, I can't tell you that because I've never hired a prostitute. I might have cheated on my then-boyfriend. And my girlfriend with her sister. But I'm just prone to cheating." Alex said. "Not calling out prostitutes to fuck them."
"You paid Maria for sex."
"I-ah-um-I... yes. That is true."
"Prostitution."
"Not prostitution." Alex said. "See, it was her ex-boyfriend-"
"He was her pimp then."
"I'm not getting into it, Ben. I've never called out a prostitute, nor am I a prostitute and Kitty especially is not a prostitute."
Ben shrugged and walked away.
Alex sighed and went in the opposite direction, to the elevator.
The door opened and inside was Kitty. She gasped on seeing Alex. "Alex."
"Kitty. What are you... doing?" Alex asked. He had noticed that Kitty was wearing next to nothing and she was taller than usual. Was that the next to nothing-nope. The trench coat? She was wearing high heels. Platform heels.
"Nothing." Kitty pushed past Alex, who followed her.
"Kitty, what's going on?" Alex demanded. "Are you a prostitute?"
"What?" Kitty asked sharply.
"Ben reckons you're a prostitute." Alex said.
"That little creep." Kitty sneered. "I'll kill him. No-I'll Bobbitt him."
"Bobbitt?" Alex asked.
Kitty sighed and shook her head. "Forget it. You're foreign. You wouldn't get it."
"You mean John and Lorena Bobbitt, right?" Alex asked.
"I'm not a prostitute, Alex." Kitty said.
"Oh. Well, okay then." Alex reached down into his pouch to take something out. "I mean, I never thought you were except briefly, but I mean, I have something for you, it's-"
"I'm an exotic dancer." Kitty said.
"Oh... kay." Alex nodded slowly. "Okay."
A/N: Sorry about how late this one is. I've had the flu. It covers about three days last weekend, so that should be okay for last weekend. My team lost the Super Bowl. I genuinely could not care less. We won last year and I'm fine with that.
Eliza is entering her sixth month of pregnancy. That is the month of irritable pregnancy hormones, aching legs, swollen ankles, constant hunger, random crying, haemorrhoids (pregnancy isn't pretty) and back pain. It's all becoming real for the two of them. And they're having a boy! Obviously.
And there's Eliza's pregnancy symptoms.
Paraplegics are more prone to haemorrhoids too. Aren't Alex and Eliza's lives just so wonderful right now?
I wrote that scene, where Alex feels his son kicking for the first time, to mirror That Would Be Enough.
All the names Eliza lists are in the top 50 names, at least for the UK. I don't know about the US. Yes, Stephen, Nathan, David, Oliver, Alexander, Benjamin, Logan, Sebastian, Lincoln and Liam are all super popular names for boys here in the UK. Name your kid Lincoln and he's probably going to be Lincoln P with his classmates, Lincoln S, Sebastian T, Sebastian M, Sebastian B, Nathan S, Nathan W, Alexander R, Alexander L and Alexander D.
Eliza being half white and half Chinese is because Phillipa Soo is half white and half Chinese.
I do wonder what they'll end up calling the baby though...
Technically, at least by my country's laws anyway, what historical Hamilton did was pay for a prostitute. And James Reynolds pimped her out. Makes that affair a little more... either gross or bearable, depending on your view on prostitutes.
If you don't know, Lorena Bobbitt sliced off her husband, John Wayne Bobbitt's, penis off with a knife and threw it into a field. John had his penis reattached and became a porn star. Lorena got off by means of insanity.
And there's Kitty telling Alex about her job as a stripper. Strippers have it pretty rough right now and are fighting for their basic rights using the #NYCStripperStrike hashtag.
